Ring Ceremony

[Gwynhyfar]

Hi Everybuggy,

I'm Gwen and I'm engaged to be married this year (Nauvoo Temple), he's a convert and I'm second generation LDS. None of his family are members, my parents and siblings are but circumstances prevent most of them from being able to attend the temple. We've decided to make it just the two of us and take a mini honeymoon and then come back to celebrate.

I need some advice. We'd like to do a ring ceremony for everyone to witness, the only problem is I can't find any real info on one. Searches come up with lots of anti-Mormon stuff and how it hurts families not to see the marriage ect ect. Maybe I should mention his family (and my family!) is really upset they won't see us get married.

I know we shouldn't distract from the temple and the importance of the sealing ceremony. But we don't want to alienate our families!

Yes we've prayed about it...and the temple is definitely where we need to be married. The feeling that's coming is a ring ceremony will help. And I think we can do a program to hand out, a picture of the temple and "Love, Now & Forever" on the cover (that's the theme of our reception), with maybe some stuff from lds.org on the importance of the temple (nothing too deep) and maybe our testimony of the temple and some scriptures and poems ect. But I'm stuck on vows, (we'd like to write them ourselves) I know they're not supposed to be like "traditional" vows and we aren't supposed to repeat what's said in the temple...

Maybe something like "This ring is a reminder of my promise to love you for always..."?

(Also any advice on invite/announcement wording, and whether to walk down the aisle would be appreciated!)

[Stacey_Jay]

Is there any chance you could get married civilly and then be sealed later? That way, everyone wins. Your families can attend, and then when you do get sealed you can focus on that just the two of you without worrying about the family that arent allowed to attend?

Thinking of my own wedding in the UK-We do this but are allowed to get sealed on the same day, I really dont know why its different for America, it seems desperately unfair. I would have been extremely upset if I didnt have a wedding. It breaks my heart to think people miss out on this. I cant give any advice on a ring ceremony, as Ive never been involved with one. Id say have a proper wedding, and get sealed after. Once you've got married, you realise how fast a year goes and it would be something to look forwardf to. Just my thoughts :)

[Palerider]

You can be married in the Temple and have a ring ceremony.....alot of times they are in a room other than the Chapel and you have those very ones you mentioned attend. I never ran into any problems or issues when someone wanted to have one.

[Jenamarie]

The reason it's different in the UK is because the UK government doesn't recognize Mormon clergy. If that were to ever change I wouldn't be surprised if it the church changed the policy in the UK to match the policy in the US. And a temple marriage *is* a "proper wedding".

I think the ideas you have for your ring ceremony so far sound wonderful. :) I had a friend who did a ring ceremony, and she and the groom each carried a handkerchief into the Temple that they'd had embroidered with the date, and then presented those to their parents afterwards (both bride and groom were converts) so something that was with them during the ceremony was given to the parents. Also, when my SIL married my brother (she's another convert) the Sealer came out of the Temple afterwards to speak to her mother, and shared with her his observations of her daughter and new husband, how they'd looked at eachother during the ceremony, and little intimate details like that. I thought it was a very sweet gesture, and you might talk to your Sealer about doing something like that as well if your families intend to be at the Temple during the ceremony.

[PapilioMemnon]

It's tough when this happens!

To me, this is just a situation as with many other things in the gospel, we must have faith and do as God wants us to, according to the faith, knowledge, and understanding we have; marriage in the temple is the way to go despite any immediate consequence.

I would explain the beliefs, pray and fast for the Lord to soften their hearts and for them to understand. They should also respect and understand the importance of these things to you and him even if they don't believe/share it.

I'm not sure about a "ring exchange cerimony" as I have read a talk (Sorry, can't find the talk now) where a GA say that we shouldn't emulate the cerimony of the Temple for any reason, but people could choose to hold a reception afterwards to celebrate with those who couldn't attend the temple cerimony; I believe the handouts could be given to them at the reception as well.

Congratulations! May the Lord bless you in making the right decisions about this situation! I wish you and your future husband the best!

[SundaeSarah]

We are attending a ring ceremony on Aug 8. My husband's niece is marrying in the Salt Lake Temple and not everyone is invited to that, so they are having the ring giving later. I'll be happy to report how that goes.

[Hemidakota]

Hi Everybuggy,

I'm Gwen and I'm engaged to be married this year (Nauvoo Temple), he's a convert and I'm second generation LDS. None of his family are members, my parents and siblings are but circumstances prevent most of them from being able to attend the temple. We've decided to make it just the two of us and take a mini honeymoon and then come back to celebrate.

I need some advice. We'd like to do a ring ceremony for everyone to witness, the only problem is I can't find any real info on one. Searches come up with lots of anti-Mormon stuff and how it hurts families not to see the marriage ect ect. Maybe I should mention his family (and my family!) is really upset they won't see us get married.

I know we shouldn't distract from the temple and the importance of the sealing ceremony. But we don't want to alienate our families!

Yes we've prayed about it...and the temple is definitely where we need to be married. The feeling that's coming is a ring ceremony will help. And I think we can do a program to hand out, a picture of the temple and "Love, Now & Forever" on the cover (that's the theme of our reception), with maybe some stuff from lds.org on the importance of the temple (nothing too deep) and maybe our testimony of the temple and some scriptures and poems ect. But I'm stuck on vows, (we'd like to write them ourselves) I know they're not supposed to be like "traditional" vows and we aren't supposed to repeat what's said in the temple...

Maybe something like "This ring is a reminder of my promise to love you for always..."?

(Also any advice on invite/announcement wording, and whether to walk down the aisle would be appreciated!)

In the February Ensign's "Questions and Answers, someone had the same quesiton:

Question

Several of my family members are not LDS, and they feel hurt because they cannot attend my temple wedding. What can I do to help them understand and to ease hurt feelings?

[Answers]

A temple wedding can easily arouse parents’ fears of losing their child to a marriage and a church they don’t understand. Once I realized this, I decided to spend extra time with my family and to express how much I loved and appreciated them. I found that as I increased my efforts in this direction, the conflicts disappeared.

Lisa Elieson, Coppell First Ward, Lewisville Texas Stake

You might consider writing your feelings about temple marriage in a letter to your family members. A letter will give them a chance to think about what you have said without feeling a need to respond immediately.

Remember you are doing the right thing. The pain and heartache you may feel are momentary. It may not seem so now, but this too shall pass.

Amy Milligan, Jamestown Ward, Newport News Virginia Stake

My husband and I found that our family members had fewer hurt feelings about our temple wedding because we did not wait until we were engaged to explain that they would not be able to attend. Both of us had taken the time to explain the situation to loved ones on our own. Some learned about temple marriage from us even before we started dating.

Summer Thorp, London Fourth Ward, London Ontario Stake

As a former temple president, I have the following suggestions:

1. Help your parents understand that they will be given much recognition, respect, and appreciation at the wedding reception.

2. Help your parents feel complimented for teaching you to live an honorable life.

3. Share your concerns during the temple interviews with your bishop and stake president. These leaders can be helpful in relieving concerns and arriving at appropriate solutions.

4. Discuss your concerns with the sealer. In the Las Vegas Nevada Temple it is quite convenient for the sealer to come to the foyer and meet the parents. This gives the sealer the opportunity to compliment the parents and express his feelings about their son or daughter.

Samuel M. Davis, Morning Sun Ward, Las Vegas Nevada Sunrise Stake

I made a promise to myself that I would involve my family members as much as I could in my wedding plans. My stepmother helped me pick out my jewelry and helped with the flowers, and she and my father drove me to the temple and helped with photographs. I wrote letters to them frequently throughout my engagement and after the wedding, thanking them for their help and support. While the flowers, jewelry, and photographs were not of eternal significance in themselves, they helped my family feel involved.

Lisa Ashby, Cherry Hill Ward, Flagstaff Arizona Stake

My fiancé and soon-to-be in-laws helped me come up with a possible solution to involve my parents and sister. We all met together for dinner one evening so that our families could get to know each other. After dinner we took my parents to the visitors’ center near the temple. Inside were pictures of different temples and temple rooms. We talked about what it meant to be sealed. We also talked about the other purposes of the temple and why we attend. After that, we went into the foyer of the temple and showed them where they could wait while our marriage took place.

Not only did this night help my family understand the significance of our choice to be married in the temple, but it helped them to be comfortable in surroundings that were foreign to them. As the day of our wedding grew closer, I could see that the hearts of my family members were softening.

Heidi Beth Ryan, Ironwood Ward, Queen Creek Arizona Stake

To the extent possible, provide some ideas about the sealing ceremony. Someone expecting a ceremony in a large cathedral or hall may be quite surprised to learn that only a few people are typically present for a sealing ceremony. You might show your family a picture of a sealing room from the booklet Temples of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (1999; item no. 31138000, U.S. $2.00).

If your relatives will not be physically present to greet you afterward, be sure to speak with them shortly before the ceremony. With the excitement of the ceremony and picture taking, you may not remember to give your family a telephone call. I recall a tender phone conversation with my mother just before I left for the temple, which I believe helped soothe her hurt feelings.

Brad MacDonald, Lynnfield Ward, Cambridge Massachusetts Stake

In some countries a couple is required by law to be married civilly in addition to being married in the temple. That is not the case in the United States, but my fiancée and I considered having a civil ceremony after the temple sealing so that all of our family members could participate. We discarded that idea, however, because we felt we would not have been showing sufficient reverence for the sacred temple ceremony.

With the guidance of our bishop, we planned a simple family gathering that took place after the temple wedding, at the start of the reception. It was in no way a second wedding ceremony and did not contain any semblance of vows. We only expressed our feelings of love for each other and how our rings represented the eternal nature of marriage. We also arranged for our parents to speak and welcome the new spouses into each family. Afterward the bishop spoke on our beliefs about temple marriage and eternal families. This gave our family members a sense of being part of the wedding.

Donald Bigelow, Greenfield Park Ward, Mesa Arizona Kimball East Stake

My fiancé and I found out the approximate time when we would be leaving the temple after the sealing and asked our family to arrive at the temple shortly before. We arranged for a good friend who was a Church member to greet our family outside the temple and wait with them in the waiting room. They seemed to feel that they were more a part of our wedding by being at the temple. Having them arrive in time to greet my husband and me kept the focus on what they could do instead of on what they were missing.

Cheryl Anne Merrick, Mapleton Seventh Ward, Mapleton Utah North Stake

I took strength from the scripture found in Mark 10:29–30: “There is no man that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my sake, and the gospel’s, But he shall receive an hundredfold now in this time, houses, and brethren, and sisters, and mothers, and children, and lands, with persecutions; and in the world to come eternal life.”

The day of our marriage was bittersweet. The temple experience was magnificent. Although the simple ring ceremony did little to appease my parents, my husband and I decided to focus on the temple experience and hope that time would heal the wounds.

I’m happy to say that the passage of time and our having children helped soften my parents’ hearts. They have come to see that I have a wonderful husband and family, and I continue to hope that one day they will recognize the positive influence of the temple in our lives.

Adrienne Vanderkooi, Oshawa First Ward, Oshawa Ontario Stake

When my husband and I were planning our temple wedding, we did not feel right about inviting a large number of people to attend the sealing when both of our immediate families would be waiting outside. When our wedding day came, my husband and I went to the temple to be sealed with only a few others in attendance. We felt blessed that it was simple and sweet and that our families did not feel so excluded.

Mary Ann Olsen, Fox Pointe Ward, Kaysville Utah Haight Creek Stake

There were many things that were helpful as I planned my wedding. First, the principles of prayer and fasting were reaffirmed in my heart. I asked my fiancé’s family to participate in fasts for my family so that they might come to understand why a temple marriage was important to us. I also did my own personal fasts. Second, every time I attended the temple, I put the names of my family members on the prayer roll. Third, I read my patriarchal blessing often. Most of all, I relied on my faith and testimony of the Savior Jesus Christ. It is through Him that I was able to have the strength to do what was right.

I knew I needed to follow Heavenly Father’s commandments, and He provided the way. In the end, my parents’ hearts were softened. Through the years, they have come to better understand why the eternal marriage covenant is so important to me.

Renee Senger-Layton, Oquirrh Seventh Ward, West Jordan Utah Oquirrh Stake

[john doe]

Id say have a proper wedding, and get sealed after.

So you think a temple wedding is not 'proper'?

I say do the 'proper' wedding in the temple and have a ring ceremony after. Ring exchanges are not part of the temple ceremony, usually they ask you do to it away from the altar if you wish to exchange rings in the temple.

[Hemidakota]

I didn't see Stacey post but do note she may not be a member of the church...Stacy for us, LDS members, temple marriages out-weighs a civic marriage. Yes! For those who do not know, we can still perform a non-sealing marriage in any given temple between two already previously sealed partners. But the end goal here is looking from a eternal perspective vice temporal for this mortality.

John, two months ago when my [number two] daughter was married in the San Diego Temple, they were allowed to exchange rings at the alter. This is something that is left to each Temple Presidency and as long it doesn't distract from the temple marriage ceremonies, I didn't see a problem.

[john doe]

John, two months ago when my [number two] daughter was married in the San Diego Temple, they were allowed to exchange rings at the alter. This is something that is left to each Temple Presidency and as long it doesn't distract from the temple marriage ceremonies, I didn't see a problem.

I didn't know that. When I was married in the SL temple, they told us that if we chose to exchange rings we would have to do it in an area of the sealing room away from the altar after the actual ceremony.

[rena_goldmoon]

I went to a reception for two friends from college and they had a ring cerimony. His parents are not members. They gave short testimonies on what the cealing ment to them and that because the cealing was forever, not just til death do us part, the ring was a symbol of that and theyre love for eachother. It was beautiful.

[rena_goldmoon]

I mean Sealing...sorry.

[rena_goldmoon]

I think they also said something about they loved eachother so much they wanted it to be forever.

[MorningStar]

Is there any chance you could get married civilly and then be sealed later? That way, everyone wins. Your families can attend, and then when you do get sealed you can focus on that just the two of you without worrying about the family that arent allowed to attend?

Thinking of my own wedding in the UK-We do this but are allowed to get sealed on the same day, I really dont know why its different for America, it seems desperately unfair. I would have been extremely upset if I didnt have a wedding. It breaks my heart to think people miss out on this. I cant give any advice on a ring ceremony, as Ive never been involved with one. Id say have a proper wedding, and get sealed after. Once you've got married, you realise how fast a year goes and it would be something to look forwardf to. Just my thoughts :)

My best friend is Irish and she says it's because the government doesn't recognize temple weddings, so they have a civil marriage first, which she wasn't happy about, but that's the way she had to do it.

Given the choice, I would never do a civil ceremony if I didn't have to. I think it's depressing to make the vow "until death do you part".

[MorningStar]

After our sealing, we had our own little ring ceremony at home for my dad. He didn't realize we hadn't exchanged rings yet. :) It just involved my sister and my sister-in-law marching in all silly with the rings (works for my family - we're all silly) and then we put the rings on each other.

[Gwen]

you might find some of this helpful http://www.lds.net/forums/general-discussion/4738-ring-ceremony.html

[RachelleDrew]

My husband and I are already civilly married. We had to do it in such a rush that it was just the two of us at a courthouse. We are planning on getting sealed a little over a year from now, and since my parents never got to see the first marriage, nor will they get to see they sealing, we wanted to make arrangements that were fair to everyone.

The issue is my husbands parents are members of the church, and my parents are really upset that HIS parents can see the sealing, and they can't. Alex and I discussed it, and decided that a sealing ceremony was too personal to us to share with anybody else anyway. It's just going to be us in the temple, nobody else.

Afterwards we are going to have a ring exchanging ceremony/reception. We aren't the only ones in our ward who have done this, and I was told by our bishop that so long as we don't recreate the vows we take in the temple, that it's perfectly okay.

It seems like a good compromise to those of us who cannot have family inside the temple.

[Palerider]

After our sealing, we had our own little ring ceremony at home for my dad. He didn't realize we hadn't exchanged rings yet. :) It just involved my sister and my sister-in-law marching in all silly with the rings (works for my family - we're all silly) and then we put the rings on each other.

that was going to be my next suggestion......have the ceremony at home....

[bmy-]

Can anyone clarify as to why there is a [1 year] 'penalty' to having a civil marriage first? It seems a bit silly imo.

Why can you do it a year later.. but you cannot delay it two weeks?

[miztrniceguy]

Last friday we attended the marriage of my wife's cousin in Nauvoo, where we were married 6 years ago. At they end, the couple stepped away from the alter and simply exchanged rings. same thing my wife and i did. there was a reception the next day.

[Hemidakota]

Can anyone clarify as to why there is a [1 year] 'penalty' to having a civil marriage first? It seems a bit silly imo.

Why can you do it a year later.. but you cannot delay it two weeks?

First question you need ask yourself, why did they even bother being married under the guise of civil marriage when there is an opporunity to be sealed in the temple for all-time eternalty?

Only the First Presidency can grant exception to this policy...

[RachelleDrew]

Why bother? ^ Because in our case, the opportunity to be sealed wasn't an option, as I was not a member. On top of that, I could not become a member until my husband and I were married as our son was born out of wedlock.

You can call civil marriages a "guise" and insinuate that they are meaningless all you want, but I would not be a member of the church today had I not been married by the government in a "guise" of a civil marriage.

[bmy-]

First question you need ask yourself, why did they even bother being married under the guise of civil marriage when there is an opporunity to be sealed in the temple for all-time eternalty?

Only the First Presidency can grant exception to this policy...

I fully intend to be married in the temple. I also fully intend to give my mother this one last gift.. to see her child married. I'm the only mormon in my entire family.. it's the right thing to do. I'm taking a page out of the LDS handbook and putting my family first.

So again.. why the 'penalty'?

[Hemidakota]

Why bother? ^ Because in our case, the opportunity to be sealed wasn't an option, as I was not a member. On top of that, I could not become a member until my husband and I were married as our son was born out of wedlock.

You can call civil marriages a "guise" and insinuate that they are meaningless all you want, but I would not be a member of the church today had I not been married by the government in a "guise" of a civil marriage.

When a person have an opporunity to be married for 'time & eternalty' why would you settle for less? That is the message here Rachel.

However, your case is not the same as being presented.....

[Hemidakota]

I fully intend to be married in the temple. I also fully intend to give my mother this one last gift.. to see her child married. I'm the only mormon in my entire family.. it's the right thing to do. I'm taking a page out of the LDS handbook and putting my family first.

So again.. why the 'penalty'?

Request an exception from the First Presidency....:)