Gender-specific sin?

[spade]

I've made up my mind to speak with my bishop. It's been a looonnngg time coming but I've finally gotten to the point where there is no more left to give to sin and I need to be free of it. I've never had the occasion to confess to a bishop before. Something that has stopped me is that I am female and it seems that there is this "profile" of those who do any sort of sexual sin. Male.

No really! I can't count the number of times when a bishop has mentioned sexual sin he has directed his advice to the males present. My sins were not committed with another; they deal with what I chose to read and view and I almost feel like it's worse because these choices are totally on my head. I guess I worried, still worry that when I come in to him he is going to be more dissappointed in me because I'm female and should have been better?...It sounds ridiculous, I know, but it's just a gut feeling.

Brothers and sisters whom I will never see, please reassure me. Tell me that this is going to be worth the humilition of confessing to a man I greatly respect and whose good regaurd I can't help but feel I'll lose in small measure. Can anyone tell me the general formula for what happens when you go in to a bishop? I know he will treat my case as he feels is best but what can I expect in general? I think that having an idea will help me do this with conviction.

I'm eternally greatful that this is even possible. That I have a savior who loved me to pay for all of this.

[rameumptom]

Good luck to you.

I agree that we tend to focus a lot on men's sexual sins. The reality is, it tends to be the men who have the tendency towards sinning when it comes to relationships.

[checkerboy]

Good luck to you.

The reality is, it tends to be the men who have the tendency towards sinning when it comes to relationships.

How is this possible? If you are refering to male/female relationships wouldn't that make the number exactly the same? How does a man sin in the relationship yet the woman doesn't.

Now to the original post. The bishop will not judge you as a person but as a bishop. I don't think his respect for you will diminish, in fact I think it will increase as he sees your humility in coming to him with something that a good majority of people hide. I have had plenty of opportunities to meet with a good number of bishops in my life. Each one was different yet the one thing I felt from each was a desire to see me become better. Some were rougher in their "punishment." Others were more friendly to talk to. It just depends on what kind of person he is. But he won't think less of you that is for sure.

[Connie]

I don't believe there is such a thing as gender-specific sin. Sin is sin no matter what gender you are. Women sin just as much as men, in any situation.

I'm glad you've decided to take this step. Whether he comes to think less of you is not the point. The point is what God thinks of you, and I think he will be happy you have decided to repent. Isn't that what he asks us to do? "Come unto me," "though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow" (hope i got that quote right). Don't be afraid of the "arm of flesh" and what they think of you. Only be worried about what God thinks of you. That's my advise, for what it's worth. :)

[NeuroTypical]

Something that has stopped me is that I am female and it seems that there is this "profile" of those who do any sort of sexual sin. Male.

I guess I worried, still worry that when I come in to him he is going to be more dissappointed in me because I'm female and should have been better?

Brothers and sisters whom I will never see, please reassure me.

I can reassure you in the following way: Odds are, your Bishop will have already sat down with other women in the ward, and heard their confessions of sexual sin. Not only that, but you can be pretty confident that people whom you think are more righteous than you, both men and women, have sat down with the Bishop and confessed sexual sin.

Cultural belief notwithstanding, you are not alone.

You can expect the Bishop to be understanding, helpful, caring, and best of all, not shocked or surprised. You can expect him to be grateful for the opportunity to help you rid yourself of this sin. It really is one of the good parts of the job of being Bishop - he gets to help people apply the atonement and become clean.

My bishop doesn't like meetings. He is frustrated by opinionated people who tell him how to do his job. He's not a huge fan of Stake directives. But he really does love being able to help people, and he gets to do this when someone comes to him and says "please help".

Go forward with faith sister - it will be a good thing.

LM

[WANDERER]

There are no gender-specific sins...appearances are not always what they seem.

[purplefly4]

I don't know. I really wish u luck w that. Let me know how it goes... if u felt he'e really supportive and stuff. Mayb u could support me in trying to... get along w my leadership. My situation is alittle diff... I do really wish u luck. Wish I could b more helpful than that.

[bytor2112]

I've made up my mind to speak with my bishop. It's been a looonnngg time coming but I've finally gotten to the point where there is no more left to give to sin and I need to be free of it. I've never had the occasion to confess to a bishop before. Something that has stopped me is that I am female and it seems that there is this "profile" of those who do any sort of sexual sin. Male.

No really! I can't count the number of times when a bishop has mentioned sexual sin he has directed his advice to the males present. My sins were not committed with another; they deal with what I chose to read and view and I almost feel like it's worse because these choices are totally on my head. I guess I worried, still worry that when I come in to him he is going to be more dissappointed in me because I'm female and should have been better?...It sounds ridiculous, I know, but it's just a gut feeling.

Brothers and sisters whom I will never see, please reassure me. Tell me that this is going to be worth the humilition of confessing to a man I greatly respect and whose good regaurd I can't help but feel I'll lose in small measure. Can anyone tell me the general formula for what happens when you go in to a bishop? I know he will treat my case as he feels is best but what can I expect in general? I think that having an idea will help me do this with conviction.

I'm eternally greatful that this is even possible. That I have a savior who loved me to pay for all of this.

Hello Spade,

I have some experience with confessing to my Bishop and my Stake President. First of all, I am not sure reading something bad or viewing something inappropriate necessarily calls for seeing your Bishop...unless it is an addiction or something. But, I have learned that you can see your Bishop no matter how serious or how trivial if you think it will help. I often talk to my Bishop about whatever I am thinking about or feeling....always very cool.

I confessed a lifetime of sins to a man I really respected....21 years of serious transgressions...I was inactive for that period. I just went in and said I had some things on my mind and out it came. We first knelt in prayer and then I opened up. My Bishop wept with me and the Spirit was so powerful. He was so not judgmental and was very easy to talk to. My current Bishop told me that it is his responsibility to help the members feel the love of the Savior. My Bishop never treated me differently and in fact we are good friends to this day.

[rameumptom]

There are no gender-specific sins. But there are some sins where one gender is more disposed to offending.

Most violent criminals in prison today are male. By a very large margin. Most child abusers are male. By a very large margin. Most sexual assaults are caused by men. Once again, by a very large margin.

Men tend toward a series of physical relationships, while most women tend toward intimate relationships. Locker room talk shows that men discuss their "conquests." And date rape is a very common thing today.

More men tend toward masturbation than women. More men are involved in pornography. It isn't a new thing, either. Just read Jacob in the BoM to see how the men were destroying the trust of their wives and children.

As it is, all those involved in sexual sin, men and women, need to repent. Bishops are not seeking to punish anyone. They are seeking to heal the person, and have the person come back into communion with the Lord and His Church.

[ruthiechan]

Ram, I have known many women in college who are into pornography and masturbation and all that.

There are no gender-specific sins...appearances are not always what they seem.

Amen.

I'm sure everything will work out. You are doing the right thing!

Edited August 8, 2008 by ruthiechan

[BenRaines]

I agree with what bytor2112 said. I have sat in that seat, the one listening. I have wept with the confessor. There is great admiration on the part of your Bishop that you have come to the point that you wish to be right with the Lord and clear all things up.

Good luck and please report back and let us know how it goes. Not the particulars but how your relationship with your Bishop is.

Ben Raines

[rameumptom]

Ram, I have known many women in college who are into pornography and masturbation and all that.

Yes, and statistics show that it is growing each year. There's also more women in prison now than at any time in US history, as a percentage.

But the fact is, men still hold a "huge lead" in this area.

Here are some current stats.

And some more stats.

And one more

[Misshalfway]

Good for you! What an incredibly courageous and humble decision.

I think you need to remember a few things about going to your bishop. First, you aren't there for him. You are there for you! So forget about what he will think of you. If he thinks bad of you, count on the fact that the Spirit will reprimand him!! He holds the key for you....so to speak...to unlock a door or help to remove a stumbling block. So, go and get the help.

Second, He is a servant of God and performs service for you under the direction of the Father. Remember that he is there to serve you...NOT to condemn. Condemning isn't part of the Atonement.

Third, Your conversations with the bishop are private. He is under obligation NOT to tell anyone. So.....no one has to know about your "repentance status". And anyway....we all have our own "repentance status" so you fit right in. :)

When you feel the fear or doubt or self loathing, remember who is the source of those emotions. Remember who doesn't want you to enjoy the blessings of the Atonement and tell him to get thee hence!!!

Keep your eye on the prize; that feeling of being clean and burden-free! The peace of being right with God and being true to yourself. Going to your bishop is one of the most loving things you can do for yourself and I hope you feel the love and tender mercies of the Lord thru this experience because they ARE there waiting for you.

Edited August 8, 2008 by Misshalfway

[ruthiechan]

Yes, and statistics show that it is growing each year. There's also more women in prison now than at any time in US history, as a percentage.

But the fact is, men still hold a "huge lead" in this area.

Here are some current stats.

And some more stats.

And one more

Agreed, and interesting statistics. I was aware of the first two, but the last one and the increase in child porn was disturbing. I didn't realize how much that's grown.

I only mentioned the gals I knew in college involved in porn and masturbation to help Spade know that such things are not gender specific.

[rameumptom]

I agree with what bytor2112 said. I have sat in that seat, the one listening. I have wept with the confessor. There is great admiration on the part of your Bishop that you have come to the point that you wish to be right with the Lord and clear all things up.

Good luck and please report back and let us know how it goes. Not the particulars but how your relationship with your Bishop is.

Ben Raines

I've also sat in on several councils, both on the ward and stake level, and know them to be councils of love. From what it sounds like, this won't need to go to that level. But it is wonderful to know the efforts Church leaders go through to help us get back on the correct path.

[spade]

I want to thank everyone for your kind support. You all don't know how much strength you've lended me. I'm going to be getting in contact with the good brother who schedules meetings with our bishop and getting an appointment. This isn't going to be easy but I'm going to make this right in any way I can. I can't help but feeling like my Father in Heaven meant for me to be more than this.

[Fiannan]

Most violent criminals in prison today are male. By a very large margin.

True enough...but some of that is due to sentencing bias. However, muscular men are more likely to commit violence than petite women.

Most child abusers are male. By a very large margin. Most sexual assaults are caused by men. Once again, by a very large margin.

Most sexual attacks on children are from men. Most cases of verbal and physical abuse of children are perpetrated by women. But yes, most rapists are men.

Men tend toward a series of physical relationships, while most women tend toward intimate relationships. Locker room talk shows that men discuss their "conquests." And date rape is a very common thing today.

Not sure the differences are all that great anymore in regards to sexual partners.

Have not spent any time in a women's locker room -- not sure what the talk about.

If date rape also involves pressuring the other person to give in and have sex I can say that sexual equality has probably been reached on that one.

More men tend toward masturbation than women. More men are involved in pornography. It isn't a new thing, either. Just read Jacob in the BoM to see how the men were destroying the trust of their wives and children.

Sorry to burst any bubbles but it's not men buying all those "relaxers" advertised in women's magazines. Females are just as likely as guys to go it alone nowadays.

Males spend more time viewing porn while almost as many females view porn, but don't do it obsessively. About one-third of the "readers" of magazines like Penthouse and Playboy are female from my understanding and about one third of women use porn on the internet on a regular basis -- the statistics go up depending on what generation the woman belongs to (baby boomers use porn less than generation Xers and generation xers use it less than generation yers).

Edited August 8, 2008 by Fiannan

[Misshalfway]

I want to thank everyone for your kind support. You all don't know how much strength you've lended me. I'm going to be getting in contact with the good brother who schedules meetings with our bishop and getting an appointment. This isn't going to be easy but I'm going to make this right in any way I can. I can't help but feeling like my Father in Heaven meant for me to be more than this.

Hope you will come back and give us an update.

[MarginOfError]

Rarely discussed fact: women are just as horny, if not hornier, then men.

[Misshalfway]

Rarely discussed fact: women are just as horny, if not hornier, then men.

I know. It makes it really hard to wear hats.

[RainofGold]

Spade, when my husband and I went to see the bishop "to confess" we were both very nervous and felt uncomfortable because the bishop was much younger than us. One thing that he told us before we started talking is that he has heard it all and even things that we hadn't thought of he has heard. He also told us that sometimes we are very hard on ourselves because we think everyone else in the ward is "better" than us and that is not the case.

Don't feel that you are going to disappoint the bishop, he loves you and he is not going to think any less of you.

Rainofgold

[BenRaines]

My Bishop is a very good friend of mine for the last 16 years, only 4 as Bishop. He said that when people come in and begin to confess stuff he asks them to slow down that he is taking notes because he has never heard some of this stuff before. An old Bishops joke. LOL

Ben Raines

[Moksha]

Gender specific, eh? Is that like when the men cruise the streets singing, Good Night Ladies and the women buzz about doing Peck-a-Little, Pick-a-lot... ?

[funkymonkey]

i Know. It Makes It Really Hard To Wear Hats.

Haha!

[Palerider]

Good luck to you visiting with your Bishop....I am sure he will listen and help you......you will be glad you went to him.:)