In need of some clean humor!


Angelkajm
 Share

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 1.7k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

A young lad was visiting a church for the first time, checking all the announcements and posters along the walls.

When he came to a group of pictures of men in uniform, he asked a nearby usher, "Who are all those men in the pictures?"

The usher replied, "Why, those are our boys who died in the service".

Dumbfounded, the youngster asked, "Was that the morning service or the evening service?"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

El Nino storms are affecting trade with Asian countries. A freighter bound for Long Beach Calif. with a cargo of yo-yos got caught in a particularly violent storm. It sank 65 times.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire

British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply

Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.

She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Ed has been missing since Friday.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.

'Little Johnny asked, 'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. She began to interview young lawyers.

"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Harper, are you an 'honest' lawyer?"

"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."

"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"

The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A blonde walks into a casino where she sees a coke vending machine.

She puts in some money and a coke falls out.

She smiles and keeps putting in more and more money, and getting heaps of cokes.

She does this for about an hour or so until a guy comes up to her and says "Havent you had enough?"

She answers, "No! Cant you see I'm winning!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A man walks into his neighborhood bar, orders a cold beer, looks at the glass pensively, then takes a long sip. "What's with you tonight?" asks the man on the next stool.

"Just got off the phone with the insane asylum," the first man says. "I wanted to check to see if anyone escaped recently."

"Oh? Why were you wondering about that?"

"Well," the man says, "I just found out somebody married my ex-wife last week."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Ceeboos_Boss

My husband was picking up our 7 year son from church and his class let out late and my husband asked him why he was so late getting out and my son said we were praying. so my husband said well honey that was nice,did you pray for us? and my said NO because nothing bad happened in our family!!! lol....

it was so funny. so we told him that he should pray for us even when nothing bad happens! 2 funny!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

After enlisting in the 82nd Airborne Division, I eagerly asked my Recruiter what I could expect from jump school.

"Well," he said, "its three weeks long."

"What else," I asked.

"The first week they separate the men from the boys," he said. "The second week, they separate the men from the fools."

"And the third week?" I asked.

"The third week, the fools jump."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Godless

After enlisting in the 82nd Airborne Division, I eagerly asked my Recruiter what I could expect from jump school.

"Well," he said, "its three weeks long."

"What else," I asked.

"The first week they separate the men from the boys," he said. "The second week, they separate the men from the fools."

"And the third week?" I asked.

"The third week, the fools jump."

I'm surprised I've never heard that one. :lol:

Why does the Iraqi navy have glass-bottomed boats?

So they can see the Iraqi Air Force.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share