May lose a friend for what I believe in

[Guest faithful175]

Yesterday a dear friend wrote me saying how she didn't know if she could be friends with me and what not based on my belief in the LDS religion, etc.

I prayed about how I should write a response to her because the advice I was given yesterday was that it most certainly was not a missionary moment as I hoped for.

With that being said here is my response...when you are done reading I would like to have some input, tia:

As far as the topic of religion goes you don't have to worry that I'm going to try and push my religion on to you or act in a way that is not pleasing to our Lord and Savior whom I give worship and praise to.

There are a lot of misconception and half-truths about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints due to the media and those who don't believe that God could talk to a mortal as is spoken about in the Holy Bible yet somehow they believe that Jesus could walk on water, turn a few loaves of bread and a few fish into enough to feed thousands, give power to someone to part the red sea, give a commandment to mere mortal man to build an ark in the desert where it hardly rained and tell him that he was going to make it rain for 40 days and 40 nights, etc. You get my point. I don't understand why it is so difficult for the media to believe that God would continue to send his angels to people on earth and instruct them even after Jesus was resurrected.

I want to be able to remain your friend because you have such wonderful insight into things. Because our church does not believe in people who are false prophets you will not find me pretending to be one. Also our church unlike others does not believe in sending its people to a military person's grave and burning the American flag because the person was gay and saying God sent them to facilitate his wrath or bombing an abortion clinic in the name of God so you won't find me participating in those things either.

I do know that when a person is learning the truth about God the devil will go in and try to knock that person away by putting doubt in their hearts. The devil doesn't want to see us happy.

Though I may lose your friendship because of what I believe in I must tell you that I believe the church I attend is true and I hope I don't lose your dear friendship because of what I believe in. I could understand if I was doing the things mentioned above but our church doesn't believe it's our job to punish people here on earth for what we believe are sins because it's not our job to judge. John 8:1-11 states those without sin be the first to cast a stone. (or something to that affect) Our church believes in the Holy Bible and all its contents just as Jesus said in Matthew 5:17, "I came not to abolish the law but to fulfill it."

I believe Joseph Smith was a prophet called of God to restore His church. How I know it's true is the same way you came to know that God was real. When I walk through the doors of this building and worship God (not Joseph Smith as some people believe LDS members do) with fellow believers of God there is a peace that fills my body like none other I have known. It doesn't matter what has happened that week because the joy and peace that are felt overcome the feelings of sadness, frustration and heartbreak. To be relieved of those things if for just a moment is truly a wonderful feeling. :) The longer I continue going to church and reading my scriptures the stronger my faith in our Heavenly Father becomes and the longer my feelings of peace prosper and the stronger my walk with our Lord becomes.

You are truly a wonderful friend and I would hate to lose our friendship but I would understand your decision.

Edited September 11, 2008 by faithful175

[pam]

That was beautiful. You could not have put it any better. Now the ball would be in the friend's court.

[Misshalfway]

I agree with Pam. You handled it with grace and love and you didn't apologize for being LDS. Good for you. Anyone worth their salt could see the quality in you as a person.

[lilered]

faithful175 - If I might offer some suggestions for your consideration prior to responding.

If I were in your shoes I might consider writing something along these lines.

Dear _________(friends name). I was so saddened to receive your message advising that our friendship was in jeopardy due to my personal religious beliefs. Even though we may not share the same religion, I hope I have in our association respected your right to worship God, as you have wished. You have such wonderful insight and I have truly learned so much from you.

Though it saddens me, that I may lose your friendship because of what I believe in I must tell you that I truly believe in my heart, the church I attend and its teachings are true. We both believe in God and Jesus Christ as our savior, we both profess to be Christians and to try in our daily lives, to master living and obeying Gods commandments. While true, we may not share the same beliefs on every single religious doctorinal points, I do respect your right to believe and practice your religion as you deem.

I hope I don't lose your dear friendship because of what I believe in, I have truly enjoyed our friendship to date, and of course, I will respect whatever choice you make.

[Jenamarie]

I like lilred's version of the letter. I would honestly leave out any kind of "defense" of the LDS church's beliefs, beyond stressing our belief in Jesus Christ, as I feel it would likely fall on deaf ears (just judging from the initial e-mail she sent you that you posted here) and would likely be responded to by her telling you all that she "knows" about the LDS church that is false, which I don't think is the direction you want to go in.

Just my two cents.

[NeuroTypical]

Good letter faithful. If any of your comments are directed at your friend's faith, I'd remove them. But that's about the only change I'd make.

(Well, I guess it should be "words to that effect" instead of "affect", but that's just nitpicky...)

I hope your friend remains so.

LM

[Islander]

You handled the issue ellegantly, I thought. You extended a courtesy she did not deserve, IMO.

I think we tend to be quite lax when using the word "friend" these days. Friendship is about what I am willing to offer with gladness and kindness. It is what we freely offer to others as a reflection and in kind of what the Savior gave as a unique and priceless gift. Friendships are based on strong commonalities and shared values regardless of the acknowledged differences.

When somebody says, I can not be your friend because you do not _________ as I do. If you did_______ I could be your friend then, sounds like blackmail. "Conditional friendships" are a prelude to servitude, my grandma just to say.

Just my thoughts

Edited September 11, 2008 by Islander

[dreamcatcher01]

you have done beautifully in your reply, i can honestly say that i love your testimony that you bore here. i would give that of this thought, president Gordon B Hinkley was talking to a missionary and in their conversation he asked the Elder now that your 2 years of service are done. what is going to become of you as a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Ladder Day Saints? he paused for a moment and then said, all opportunity will be lose to me and my family will abandon me as their son. then President Hinckley ask are you willing to pay such a greater price to have all this go against you that you would loose every thing? then with moisten eyes of tears streaming down his face he says this its true right ? President Hinkley then says yes it is, then the Elder says then " what else Matters" " What else Matters" it would be the saddest thing if she discontinues the friendship over this thing, yet the weight of the matter at hand is great, as we stand tall and immovable in the faith of Christ Mountains will move and Great seas will part. things that you wish would happen now may not happen but never knowing what heavenly father has in mind that he is preparing your friend in time never knowing when the change may happen but knowing that they can look back and see that they had a friend that stood by them and would not lay down that thing that brought them the greatest happiness of all. I commend you for your stand firm as the 100 yr old tree in the ground with deepen roots of faith building experiences.

[kona0197]

Interesting...

[Hemidakota]

It the decision remains in giving up the gospel of Christ or her, I promise you, the Lord will find another for you. Be faithful...be loyal to the Savior...be an exemplar for the world and those who are considered minions that the gospel is first in your life...blessed are ye who seeketh the Lord over the world.

[rameumptom]

If this is a long time friend, I'd also include a reminder of what that friendship has meant to both of you in the past, and that either religion should not become a barrier to that friendship, rather a method to focus on areas you both agree upon.

[prisonchaplain]

As a non-LDS clergyperson, I find this string very poignant. My thoughts will hopefully be helpful. First, I would never encourage a parishioner to break off a relationship due to religious differences. Unnecessary, hurtful, not at all promoting of the gospel. On the other hand, I do caution about forming those types of friendships that are "closer than a brother's" with those that are not "of like precious faith." After all, we do influence each other. We can learn from those of other faiths, but should we seek out spiritual counsel from them, on a deep personal level?

It may be that when a relationship becomes "tight," believers will come to feel that there is no way to create some distance, while maintaining the friendship. And too, some Christians interpet the Bible to teach "separation from the world," to mean having no friendship with those outside their interpretation of the faith.

So...this is a difficult time, and your letter was fair and heartfelt. Whether your friend will be able to remain a friend is hard to tell. We all must do what we believe God tells us to. It's ironic that you both may be doing just that.

[candyprpl]

As a non-LDS clergyperson, I find this string very poignant. My thoughts will hopefully be helpful. First, I would never encourage a parishioner to break off a relationship due to religious differences. Unnecessary, hurtful, not at all promoting of the gospel. On the other hand, I do caution about forming those types of friendships that are "closer than a brother's" with those that are not "of like precious faith." After all, we do influence each other. We can learn from those of other faiths, but should we seek out spiritual counsel from them, on a deep personal level?

It may be that when a relationship becomes "tight," believers will come to feel that there is no way to create some distance, while maintaining the friendship. And too, some Christians interpet the Bible to teach "separation from the world," to mean having no friendship with those outside their interpretation of the faith.

So...this is a difficult time, and your letter was fair and heartfelt. Whether your friend will be able to remain a friend is hard to tell. We all must do what we believe God tells us to. It's ironic that you both may be doing just that.

This is so painfully true. My sisters were LDS long before me and the wedge between us was painful for me. They had eachother because of their shared faith -- I was the outsider. They loved me and were generous towards my beliefs and I was towards theirs, but the wedge was still there. Both of them married nonLDS men and eventually they joined the LDS church -- but not all stories have that happy ending. My happy ending also came when I joined the LDS and the wedge was gone.

Friendships can have mutual respect and grow on that but if one is not willing to nurture that respect the friendship is doomed.

[TheyCallMeMom]

I am sorry you were put in that position..

I lost a friend of many years.. she was my best friend.. named a child after her)

we disagreed on religion, politics, sexuality ( she was gay) etc. but remained friends thru it all

then one day she said she would support a law that would prevent people from having more than two children.. after discussion I realized how serious this was to her

I told her I am sorry she felt that way ( I was pg with #4) but I could nt be friends with her any longer..

there are somethings a person cannot bend on.. maybe your friend is having a moment..or maybe its something she cannot overlook.. whether she is in the right or not..

[Palerider]

As a non-LDS clergyperson, I find this string very poignant. My thoughts will hopefully be helpful. First, I would never encourage a parishioner to break off a relationship due to religious differences. Unnecessary, hurtful, not at all promoting of the gospel. On the other hand, I do caution about forming those types of friendships that are "closer than a brother's" with those that are not "of like precious faith." After all, we do influence each other. We can learn from those of other faiths, but should we seek out spiritual counsel from them, on a deep personal level?

It may be that when a relationship becomes "tight," believers will come to feel that there is no way to create some distance, while maintaining the friendship. And too, some Christians interpet the Bible to teach "separation from the world," to mean having no friendship with those outside their interpretation of the faith.

So...this is a difficult time, and your letter was fair and heartfelt. Whether your friend will be able to remain a friend is hard to tell. We all must do what we believe God tells us to. It's ironic that you both may be doing just that.

PC it is sad these kinds of things have to take place....I to have seen where people have stated if you join that church we won't be frinds anymore....

[Palerider]

Faithful.....you did a good job with your response....:)

[georgia2]

It's too bad a "friend" can't be a friend because of what you believe. Personally, I'd say she wasn't ever a real friend. It's amazing to me how people can like, enjoy being with someone and not comprehend that that persons beliefs are what makes them who they are!

The points you bring up in your response to her is confusing to me. Are these topics you have discussed? If so, you're the only one who can decide what is right to say. Not knowing any of the background I would say things different too. Lilered's response gets my vote too. I also think it appropriate to point out how only a few Jews believed Jesus was the Christ, but he was. Christians can't understand how the Jews could not "see" the truth. The Jews persecuted the Christians for what they believed in just as the Christians now persecute the members of the Church of Jesus Christ of LAtter Day Saints today. Even though your "friend" may not be able to understand this example, you could still use the example to explain why you don't understand how she could persecute you the way the Jews persecuted Christians, even Christ himself! It's sad these things happen, but as Alma advised, find joy in being put in the same situation as Christ himself!

[prisonchaplain]

Yeah...my mom and I tend to disagree about politics...but she still claims me. I'm sure it's not just because of the three adorable granddaughters I provided her, either! :-)

[WANDERER]

I'd probably leave everything religious out of it...and just mention what you liked about the friendship and that you wished that it could continue (or how you could see it continuing) ..but that you respect her wishes and feelings.

I think it's good to get those feelings out and on paper cause it is hurtful that your friend would feel this way...and you have written a very good answer to those questions she may have about the LDS church.

But

though defending your faith may make you feel better...... is it pushing your religion on her. And are your beliefs really open to debate. I wouldn't even go there. Because they are not...and they shouldn't be.

Write a letter with love in it only...just a thought.