Temple vs. Non-Temple Wedding

[SMG]

My opinion?

Your mother is acting like a HUGE baby, temper tantrum and all. Let her know she is welcome to attend the celebration of your nuptiuals and leave it at that. Your mother is a big girl, she can make her own choices. If she chooses to "cut her nose off to spite her face" and not come to your wedding, it will be HER loss, NOT yours! SHE will have to live with the regret of not being there as you and your fiance tie the knot, NOT YOU.

I know it may seem harsh, but I'm not going to beat around the bush. You and your intended know your hearts and know what the Spirit has told you. If your family is more concerned about appearances than celebrating your happy day with you, THEY have a HUGE problem, NOT you. A life spent worrying about appearances or what other people think is not a life at all.

[NeuroTypical]

spoken like typical molly mormons, sorry but you obviously did not read the entire post nor have you had someone so judgemental in your lives,, Kudos to you

Try a little charity, Britentj. Try re-reading my post also.

So, I just want to make sure that I really understand what you're saying. [...] Do I understand that right? [...] If I've got something wrong, please correct me.

Does that really sound like an unrighteous judgement from a typical Molly Mormon clueless person who has never dealt with someone like the mom in question? Justme78 tells me I had it wrong, I was hoping I did.

Ok I have to say I love how we as an LDS community love to stick our noses in other peoples business.

Odd opinion to have in the Advice Board... I mean, I understand your desire to see people restricting advice to what someone is actually asking for - I just don't think you'll see it very often.

LM

[edited because I got Checkerboy's name wrong]

Edited October 7, 2008 by Loudmouth_Mormon

[checkerboy]

Nice job changing my name. And yeah if you didn't quote me out of context you will see my point was that we never stick to what the OP's question was, and that just makes us look all the more self-righteous.

[NeuroTypical]

Ok, I'll quote your entire post, to avoid further accusations.

Nice job changing my name. And yeah if you didn't quote me out of context you will see my point was that we never stick to what the OP's question was, and that just makes us look all the more self-righteous.

Odd opinion to have in the Advice Board... I mean, I understand your desire to see people restricting advice to what someone is actually asking for - I just don't think you'll see it very often.

LM

[Saraphina]

Justme, let me say that as someone who prayed with her fiance dilligently about marriage and recieved an answer like yours- in fact, was discouraged by priesthood leaders to wait the year because of stats....you're in for an interesting year. That was what I'd been told, and it turned out to be true...but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Just always be strong and pray often, and you two will be happy together :)

Now, with the mom thing- I had a cousin whose mother acted this same way. It was obnoxious and embarassing. She's concerned what "everyone will think?" If they have any common decency they'll be embarassed for her and happy for you because you're an adult who can make her own decisions. People are disappointed by the civil thing, I understand that well....but they'll get over it. Stop allowing your mom's childish reactions to affect you, and make sure she knows they don't. That way she'll stop being manipulative and get over it. Refuse to let her ruin this wonderful time for you, and enjoy it. It will (hopefully) only happen once! :)

Congrats :)

[MrsHart]

I agree with a lot of what has been said here by people responding to the OP.

• He's 33 and has been married twice already -- this should be a red flag and an area of serious reflection on your part
• He's already broken up with you at least once because he's "not ready for a relationship"
• You can't ever satisfy everyone, and you need to live your own life and do it for YOU, not for your parents (or siblings, or nieces and nephews)

I also agree with the OP in many areas. Yes, I think it is certainly possible for you to get an answer to prayer that goes against the norm. As a scriptural example, look at when the Lord delivered Laban into Nephi's hands. You said "Never in my life did I think that I would have to face a situation like this." Nephi said "Never at any time have I shed the blood of man. And I shrunk and would that I might not slay him." Because the Lord had a specific purpose to accomplish, he gave a commandment to the contrary of what Nephi had been taught. Throughout the scriptures there are examples of seemingly-conflicting teachings occasionally being given because of different circumstances. And surely the Lord's plan for me is not the same as it is for you.

Someone suggested that maybe you should just elope. If you have considered each of the above items (and any other red flags you may have), and still feel you and he should marry, then eloping might be the best way to do it. Tell the family later and do it in a spirit of working toward temple marriage. I have family members who have done this (although it wasn't because they thought that our family wouldn't approve...they just did it), and they were sealed last month, 17 months to the day after their civil marriage. Each had been married once previously, each had at least one child from the previous marriage, and both are very happy (and they have a child together now).

One final note: someone mentioned that it is easier to be lazy (with church attendance and tithing, etc.) after you are married and have someone to feed the laziness. I do agree with that, but I know that the opposite is also true. It can be easier to achieve goals when you are working specifically and closely with another person. Newlyweds tend to gain more weight together, but studies have also shown that weight loss is more successful when you work out with another person instead of by yourself.

2nd your opinion and advice. Very insightful!