How long does it take to fall in love with someone?

[Gatsby]

Please, I must know. Ever since I was introduce to romance I've been pondering this question.

I don't believe in soul mates or love at first sight, that's just a bunch of non-sense. & don't say it takes a second or 5 minutes to fall in love, that's just unbelievable.

The reason I ask is because I think I've been in love once but I fell for the wrong gal. & I don't think as much as I want to that it was an illusion.

Anyhow, do the scriptures mention anything regarding this?

I've come to the conclusion that to love is in fact a choice and love grows with time and Romantic love is anything but unconditional. A crush might be a strong feeling but it's an illusion nonetheless.

Oh well....c'est la vie!

It is what it is.

Edited November 22, 2008 by Gatsby

[Gatsby]

its what I want to teach my kids I am very excited about the law of chastity not just from a religious point of view I think its practical throughout university I never had a pregnancy scare, never truly had my heartbroken etc I got more dates because I was relaxed around men because I knew where my boundaries where.

I will be teaching my kids no matter whether they stay with the church that the Law of Chastity is good for friendships, good for you and wonderful for your marriage.

-Charley

Good for you! I applaud you for it. In this modern world of "one night stands" and "friends with benefits" boundaries have been crossed. You don't know what's right from wrong.

[Heavenguard]

I met a guy, and I liked him pretty much right off the bat. We never had an official dating relationship, but we'd gotten very close and we both knew of each other's feelings about four months after we'd become friends. There came the time I knew I wanted to love him, which took even me by surprise, because I never thought I'd go for his "type".

Decided that it would be best to not go that route, though. Broke my heart, it did.

[Gatsby]

I hate when that happens. You meet someone you like a lot but know that it's best not to fall in love or pursue them.

[Nappaljarri]

//don't I'll think ever fall in love with someone in a short period of time, less than a year.

Besides being a sin, how does having sex before marriage affect the love you have for someone? Anybody know??? // Gatsby's question:

Gatsby, it is a sin to commit fornication. God sets us boundaries for good reason. If you break the law of chastity before (or after for that matter) marriage, then you are breaking the true law of nature and the circle of life. Breaking this law is not a showing of "true love" at all, like some would profess. It is actually showing the opposite, enmity toward God's law and apathy for the person you share the experinece with. Breaking this law stabs your spiritual heart and leaves you spiritually wounded for most of your life. This is why breaking the law of chastity is next in line next to murder in severity of sins. Yes it definately does affect love within a marriage relationship if one or both parties have shared this experience with others, it puts the relationship on shaky ground to begin, and from there it is a hard row to hoe to have a stable relationship and make a celestial marriage out of it. If one one (if one or two in the marriage relationship) has had this experience with someone other than each other before marriage, then you can obviously see consequences. But more subtley, if the only person they broke the law of chastity with before marriage was each other, they can lie to each other for the rest of their lives and ignore the sin that was made and cover it up with the fact that they are married now. So many make this mistake and suffer their whole lives and don't truely repent for spiritually wounding each other. This is the case with my brother and his wife right now, who are still not married in the temple after 2 years of marriage because he still hasn't worked out that fact. Just because a couple gets married doesn't mean they have repented of breaking the law of chastity, it only means they can keep having sex without breaking the law, but they still need to go through the process of repentance and asking each other for forgiveness. Long process, but achievable.

[Gatsby]

//don't I'll think ever fall in love with someone in a short period of time, less than a year.

Besides being a sin, how does having sex before marriage affect the love you have for someone? Anybody know??? // Gatsby's question:

Gatsby, it is a sin to commit fornication. God sets us boundaries for good reason. If you break the law of chastity before (or after for that matter) marriage, then you are breaking the true law of nature and the circle of life. Breaking this law is not a showing of "true love" at all, like some would profess. It is actually showing the opposite, enmity toward God's law and apathy for the person you share the experinece with. Breaking this law stabs your spiritual heart and leaves you spiritually wounded for most of your life. This is why breaking the law of chastity is next in line next to murder in severity of sins. Yes it definately does affect love within a marriage relationship if one or both parties have shared this experience with others, it puts the relationship on shaky ground to begin, and from there it is a hard row to hoe to have a stable relationship and make a celestial marriage out of it. If one one (if one or two in the marriage relationship) has had this experience with someone other than each other before marriage, then you can obviously see consequences. But more subtley, if the only person they broke the law of chastity with before marriage was each other, they can lie to each other for the rest of their lives and ignore the sin that was made and cover it up with the fact that they are married now. So many make this mistake and suffer their whole lives and don't truely repent for spiritually wounding each other. This is the case with my brother and his wife right now, who are still not married in the temple after 2 years of marriage because he still hasn't worked out that fact. Just because a couple gets married doesn't mean they have repented of breaking the law of chastity, it only means they can keep having sex without breaking the law, but they still need to go through the process of repentance and asking each other for forgiveness. Long process, but achievable.

Wow! It sort of like having a felony. It's taken very seriously.

I need to hang out with members of the church more often. Most people that I know see having sex as something normal. If you haven't been sexually active within six months and you're single, people will look at you funny-not LDS people.

[Hemidakota]

Please, I must know. Ever since I was introduce to romance I've been pondering this question.

I don't believe in soul mates or love at first sight, that's just a bunch of non-sense. & don't say it takes a second or 5 minutes to fall in love, that's just unbelievable.

The reason I ask is because I think I've been in love once but I fell for the wrong gal. & I don't think as much as I want to that it was an illusion.

Anyhow, do the scriptures mention anything regarding this?

18-months for me....that was after I knew she was the one but tested the waters of faith. In another words, not listening to the Spirit in the beginning. Maturity has it moments.

[Nappaljarri]

Wow! It sort of like having a felony. It's taken very seriously.

I need to hang out with members of the church more often. Most people that I know see having sex as something normal. If you haven't been sexually active within six months and you're single, people will look at you funny-not LDS people.

And once again, it's not seen as so terrible because humans see the consequences so easily or that they want to judge you to be evil for doing those things, but that a loving Heavenly Father knows all and see the true consequences of those actions and wants us to be like him and therefore wants to show us the clear path to his perfection. Breaking the law of chastity will always bring heart break, pain and wounds so deep.

I am so greatful that during my teenager years I was protected time and time again from carnel instincts of others. To have that drive unbriddled is to be carnely minded and not spiritually minded and it turns one into an animal.

An interesting thread to read would be the one about Ted Bundy that is on this website, where he explains to Dr Dobson his path and choices that brought him to death row. It is all about letting your boundaries go and to become an animal with instincts unbriddled. He explains how pornography played it's major part in his crimes. This does not happen to all, but we as members of the church know and see the dangers of unbriddled passions in their various forms and how they turn us into creatures that are not God-like. And Satan also sees this tool as a great distractor of God's children to lead them slowly away into hell. A hell we create very easily for ourselves even on this earth.

[zimfan]

I once thought I'd fallen in love at first sight, I went on one date and was planning the rest of our lives together in my head! But I was mistaken as after our second date he told me he didn't feel anything. I was heart broken and cried for about a week, I was convinced he was the one!

Now I really have found 'the one' and we're currently engaged, it took me about 4 months to really feel something resembling love this time which worried me at first but as time as gone on my feelings have developed until now they are stronger and deeper than I ever thought possible...I don't believe in love at first sight anymore, true love is too powerful to develop so quickly, it takes time, more for some and less for others.

What I felt for the first guy is nothing to what I feel now but at the time I didn't know that! If you think you love someone pray about it and if you truely are in love the spirit will tell you so strongly there will be no denying it!!

[Hemidakota]

Please, I must know. Ever since I was introduce to romance I've been pondering this question.

I don't believe in soul mates or love at first sight, that's just a bunch of non-sense. & don't say it takes a second or 5 minutes to fall in love, that's just unbelievable.

The reason I ask is because I think I've been in love once but I fell for the wrong gal. & I don't think as much as I want to that it was an illusion.

Anyhow, do the scriptures mention anything regarding this?

It took me no more than a minute to know....and a lifetime of commitment to grow that bond together.

[Gatsby]

I once thought I'd fallen in love at first sight, I went on one date and was planning the rest of our lives together in my head! But I was mistaken as after our second date he told me he didn't feel anything. I was heart broken and cried for about a week, I was convinced he was the one!

Now I really have found 'the one' and we're currently engaged, it took me about 4 months to really feel something resembling love this time which worried me at first but as time as gone on my feelings have developed until now they are stronger and deeper than I ever thought possible...I don't believe in love at first sight anymore, true love is too powerful to develop so quickly, it takes time, more for some and less for others.

What I felt for the first guy is nothing to what I feel now but at the time I didn't know that! If you think you love someone pray about it and if you truely are in love the spirit will tell you so strongly there will be no denying it!!

What you experienced is called an illusion. I had too many of those!

[Gatsby]

I once thought I'd fallen in love at first sight, I went on one date and was planning the rest of our lives together in my head! But I was mistaken as after our second date he told me he didn't feel anything. I was heart broken and cried for about a week, I was convinced he was the one!

Now I really have found 'the one' and we're currently engaged, it took me about 4 months to really feel something resembling love this time which worried me at first but as time as gone on my feelings have developed until now they are stronger and deeper than I ever thought possible...I don't believe in love at first sight anymore, true love is too powerful to develop so quickly, it takes time, more for some and less for others.

What I felt for the first guy is nothing to what I feel now but at the time I didn't know that! If you think you love someone pray about it and if you truely are in love the spirit will tell you so strongly there will be no denying it!!

You were so innocent and this reminds me of an experience I had. When I was a teen I was very shy and in my senior year in high school there was this girl that I always suspected that she lilked me. A few years later I find her and I seriously thought that she was the love of my life. I believed in soul mates back then and I thought I was in love. It turns out that she was only a tease and she shut me down but I wonder if she shut me down because I told her that I loved her. I really believe I did. I too cried because I was so certain that she was the one for me and when she rejected me I couldn't beleive it. I felt heart broken and betrayed. It was an illusion and the first time I thought I had fallen in love and you know what, I've never been in love. I liked so many girls in the past but can't say that I actually loved any of them.

[foreverafter]

Well, I don't know how long it takes to really fall in love with someone new, probably not too long, but falling in love has more to do with your capacity to love & serve someone & your righteousness, than who you are falling for. Elder Holland said that "your faith has everything to do with your romance."

Being in Love with our spouse though, is always a choice. If we have fallen out of love, it is our own fault completely. We can easily even love a spouse who acts like our enemy, that's why we are commanded to do it. A spouse who has fallen out of love with their spouse can easily fall back in, head over heals, in just a few weeks, if they love & serve their spouse's every wish with real sincerity, without expecting anything in return & want nothing more than to make them happy, & put their spouse's happiness before their own happiness or the childrens or anything else, even if the other won't reciprocate your love & service. Especially in a difficult marriage, you need to have & feel the ecstacy of "True Love" for your spouse, to give you the strength to endure the things they may do.

Edited March 24, 2009 by foreverafter

[annamaureen]

I believe you can have an instant connection to someone. I believe you can have a feeling that the relationship is right. But I think there are different kinds of love and you can "love" someone after a short period of time, but it's not the true, deep, lasting kind of love you can build a marriage on - that takes time to develop. I can't help but judge people who say they're "in love" after only a few dates. It cheapens the meaning of the word. You can't truly love someone after a week!

When my husband and I were dating, he said he loved me before I did. I waited until I really felt I could say it honestly and truly - and even then, that love changed and grew stronger with time. My love for him while we were dating was different than the love for him during our engagement, and that was different than the love I feel for him now that we're married.

[FairChild]

Twice I fell in love--> instantly. All it took was one simple glance at my newly born sons to know that I was forever and truly in love.

[Gramajane]

Phschology studies tell us that when we "instantly" fall in love-- we are either "projecting" traits onto the other person--

and/or they remind us of someone else in our lives.

that what may attract us (if we didn't deal with issues with our caregivers negative traits already in our lives) that subconsciously we will recognize similar traits in others-- and still wanting to "win" may be attracted to them-- as we may have work to do to learn to deal with those negative traits.

For example-- if her father was cold and rejecting-- a girl may be attracted to men who act that way

or even worse-- like those who suffered abuse actually may subconsciously be attracted to those likely to be abusive to them-- as they hope to overcome in dealing with such a person- and prove they are worthy of being treated well etc

This is why it is dangerous to act too quickly on "love at first site"

I think it is essential to get to really know someone as a friend -- before even hand holding!

Watch for things like what makes them angry-- are they often angry-- what do they do when they are angry etc

Are they responsible with their money and debt?

Are they strong in following Jesus Christ? (actions speak louder than words!)

How do they treat their family members?

--- but the VERY biggest is-- "are they honest"?? If you don't have honesty-- and a willingness to repent and do better-- it is impossible to work with someone!

Anyway-- hope this helps. There is even a book written for LDS girls (that can help the guys too!) -- it is of course not official doctrine-- but lots of good stuff-- called "Frog Buster" (like what frogs turn into princes and which will not). God bless us all in our choices and commitments-- it should be carefully done and with prayer as the goal is for an eternal commitment!

I believe I have been totally blessed that way as though we've had our very hard times, we have learned from them and are so much more in love than the 40 years ago when we were married! Gramajane

[Gramajane]

Oh, I should have added that I wrote to my husband for 1/2 a year (and the letters got more frequent and longer and then we added talk tapes etc) before I ever met him (he'd met my sister and asked if she had any sisters he could write to-- he was just off his mission and entering the Coast Guard)

He told the guy in the bunk under him that he had found the girl he was going to marry after the FIRST letter he got from me, and after the 7th letter from him, I told my mother that I thought I would marry him. We didn't tell each other this "info" though till after we had met!

Then also my mother had me fly to AK, (live with his folks for a month while he bunked on base-- as he got assigned to the town they lived in -- Kodiak, AK) to get to know him better-- as we had only been around each other for two weeks and 3 days-- but about a year writing by then.

Anyway-- pleanty of highs and lows getting here but now things just get better! Gramajane

[Tarnished]

I think often infatuation is confused with love. Dating can be exciting, especially with all the emotions that go through a person when they are getting to know someone. Emotions can be so strong at the beginning that they can feel like love. Or rather we think that the strong emotions are love when truly they are just emotions. I think love develops over time, and that you really have to work at it.

I don't I'll think ever fall in love with someone in a short period of time, less than a year.

Besides being a sin, how does having sex before marriage affect the love you have for someone? Anybody know???

I will tell you what my mother told me about having sex before marriage. She said:

"Having sex creates a bond between you and your partner, you may not feel this bond but it is there. In marriage this bond is allowed to grow stronger and stronger as your marriage progresses, however if you create this bond with many people outside of marriage then there is not as strong of a bond. It is like being tied to many people and the bond is stretched thin."

I have seen this in non-member friends of mine. One example is of a girl I am very good friends with. She dates a lot of guys and usually sleeps with the guy after about a week to a few days of dating him. She has never dated a guy for a month without sleeping with him before that month is up. She wonders why she is never able to keep a guy for very long and why they always move on. I feel that it is because she is willing to treat the special bond that is created by having sex so flippantly.

Sex in the church is seen as a sacred action between you and your spouse, having sex before marriage is treating that sacred action with disrespect. It is sad that the rest of the world does not see it this way.

In regards to love I think sex before marriage can create hurt feelings in a marriage. I like what Pres. Kimball said about it. He said that if you really loved someone you would never put them through the anguish that comes with breaking the law of chastity.

[Hemidakota]

I don't believe in soul mates or love at first sight, that's just a bunch of non-sense. & don't say it takes a second or 5 minutes to fall in love, that's just unbelievable.

Soul mates are only done in rare occasions and by the hand of our Heavenly Parents.

[Ragnar]

We only dated for 3 weeks before he proposed.

I got a senior aged cousin second removed, who got married after only about 10 days of knowing the guy. They are still married, and both are members of the church! Love at first sight is possible...if you're lucky!!

[Bini]

I couldn't agree more with LM! He's absolutely right.

[Islander]

I got a senior aged cousin second removed, who got married after only about 10 days of knowing the guy. They are still married, and both are members of the church! Love at first sight is possible...if you're lucky!!

A random and limited exception should never be confused with the rule or norm.

I once knew a guy that was stabbed in the head with a 9 inc hunting knife that perforated the craneal box and into his brain. He is still alive and well. In fact, he can hear better than 15-20,000 Hz which places him within 1% of the population and much closer to the animal kingdom when it comes to auditory perception. Do you want to try a whack in the brain for a statistically negligible chance to enhance your auditory capacity?

[Melissa569]

For the original quesiton, I won't mention any time limit, because there is none. Some people are more open and more sharing than others, and can therefore discover more about their partners in a shorter time. Some people are more reserved, and it takes longer.

But I will say this-- When I was 18, I asked my mother,

"How do you know when you're in love? How can you tell if you're ready to spend the rest of your life with someone??"

And she said,

"Never ask yourself if you can spend the rest of your life with a person, because that intimidates everyone-- even those who really are in love. Ask yourself if you can spend the rest of your life WITHOUT that person. Then you will know."

Edited February 13, 2010 by Melissa569

[JudoMinja]

There are many emotions, very closely tied to love, that can often be confused. Really, I think we need more than just the word "love" as it covers so many different things. Theres lust and infatuation. Theres the love you feel for a crush, with an intimate partner, and with a spouse you've been with over many years. There's Christ-like love, loving without liking, love between parents, children, and siblings, etc. etc.

If you are speaking of the binding, romantic, deep, and intimate love which draws two people together and commits them to a life spent together forever in marriage (which I'm sure you are), this is a love that grows over time. It can spark in a few moments (as some here have stated) or be unrecognizable until you've known the person for several years, but once you know that love is there it needs to be nourished in order for it to grow.

Sex is supposed to be the culminating act of this love. It is to be shared only with your spouse once you are legally bound in marriage. This creates an intimate bond in which you are sharing yourself wholly and completely with this person. When recognizing the seriousness, sanctity, and specialness of this act, you will not want to toss it on just anyone or throw it around casually like nothing more than a past-time or something you just do for fun.

Of course people make mistakes, and we should be forgiving of those mistakes. There are also MANY in the world who are not taught the sacredness of this act and so cannot really be expected to live up to the law of chastity. This does not change the fact that it IS sacred and meant to be shared with only one person.

Pre-marital sex can lead to all sorts of problems. There will be doubts about your partner, wondering if they are really strong enough to stay loyal to you. Even if you only have sex with that one person, if you don't wait for marriage, you will have these doubts and it will be detrimental to the growth of your bond.

Love is something that grows. It is not something that is just there or isn't there. It is not something that is just discovered or cast aside. The more we get to know a person, the more we respect them and care for them, the more we will love them. And there are things we can do and say that will hurt that growth.

When looking for your romantic partner whom you wish to marry, it is not so much determining how long it takes to "fall in love" as it is determining how long it takes for you to decide that this is a person with whom you wish to let love grow. It must be someone you can trust completely, someone you want to share everything with, someone who shares your core values and beliefs so that you can grow and progress together. Search for someone who will help create an environment in which love can flourish. When you do this, you will find someone- in maybe a day, maybe a year- but they must feel the same about you. Making a commitment to share your lives and all of eternity is a huge choice and should be entered with care.