Are you a gamer's widow?


ZionWoman
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I guess it kind of depends on how one defines addiction. Can you be addicted to something other than a chemical? Some people consider themselves addicted to gambling, shopping, extreme sports, dancing, or, uh, well, let's just call it "affection". None of these are, in and of themselves, chemicals. But on the other hand, they often are associated with increased levels of chemicals in the brain, such as dopamine or endorphins. So maybe one can still call them an addiction.

Whether gaming is an addiction or not, I think most of us can agree that the important thing is to make sure that it doesn't come between family members, and that if it does, ultimatums and domineering behavior are not to be used as a first line means to address the problem.

Some people game as a means to escape something about their environment that they cannot handle. Some people just get habitually carried away, lose track of time, etc. Whatever the reason for the perceived excessive gaming, I believe nothing good will come without mutual understanding and if at all possible, agreement. Trying to force a resolution to the problem without those things can lead to disaster. I'm not sure the best way to deal with someone who has at least temporarily lost the ability to control himself/herself is to rub their nose in it and place limitations and restrictions upon them. I mean, there need to be boundaries, but I think the most effective way to deal with someone who's wandered off the reservation is to coax them back into it, rather than chasing after them baring fangs and claws. That'll only send them running farther away.

What worked for me was moving back home, spending time working in the yard and with nature, and feeling emotionally closer to my wife. But then, my environment and my "unsatisfactory" relationship with my wife were the primary reasons why I spent so much time gaming. When these were no longer problems, I didn't need that escape anymore. I got a positive solution.

I've learned (the hard way) that one can never underestimate the value of shared interests, hobbies, etc. Those out there who have learned to both be gamers, to share in it rather than allow it to become a wedge issue, I salute you. We should all be so good at growing together instead of apart. That's kind of the point of marriage, isn't it?

My next relationship has got to be with someone who "gets" me.

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I walk the thin edge of addiction to WoW myself. I consider myself to not be addicted, though, because I am perfectly able to stop playing to fix and eat dinner, or go to a condo association meeting, or watch TV with my husband. I stop playing to read, to cross-stitch, to bake cookies, to dust or mop. When I stop playing I may not play again for days. I always return, though, because I simply enjoy playing. My son and DIL play together with my 16 year old grandson and his girlfriend. And me, too, of course. Geeks breed true.

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My DH spends a lot of time on Web forums. Occasionally, we're on the same ones (and we tend to amuse other posters by exchanging messages on the forum).

I really dislike all the excuses the game addicts are making about how it's all a "nagging" wife's fault her husband places transient fun ahead of his eternal commitments to her, their children if any, God, etc. How about manning up and taking some responsibility, boys?

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As a gamer now I am more into "multiplayer"-friendly games because even though I game quite a bit I dont want to shun my family from experiencing them with me. Recently our family got a racing game on PS3 and me, my bro, and my Dad have tons of fun with it.

I also enjoyed gazillions of hours of playing Smash Bros Brawl with my brother, and at a point my Mom was quite the avid Animal Crossing gamer. There's also nothing like a good LAN session going on your PCs if you have games like Battlefield 2 where it's your family against dozens of enemy soldiers.

I think if anything if your spouse is a gamer your family should try investing in multiplayer-heavy games and try to cut down on games that are one-player specific. If you have a Wii get something like Wii Sports Resort, if you have PS3 I highly recommend LittleBigPlanet. PCs are more complex since they usually require more than one computer(LAN), but personally I would recommend Battlefield Heroes(A free military combat game that has cartoony looks).

All in all try to get your loved ones out of isolation-zone all the same

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One Christmas both my grown children visited. My son lives not too far away, and he brought his computer. My daughter always has her laptop, as she uses it for business. We let our son-in-law borrow one of our laptops. We had a 5-player LAN game of Civ 2, me, my husband, son, daughter, and son-in-law. It really was a lot of fun!

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Guest danialclarcke

It was a dealbreaker for me since I left. I had some guys who were in charge, and after two, I decided it was something that I do not want a man. So we talked while we were dating. We will never be an Xbox or something similar. Perhaps one day a Wii, but more for sport type that can be done by families.

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The best replacement for video games is temple work. The body is a temple... at least according to Jesus... right? Genealogy and temple attendance can take up all the time and $ that you otherwise give to TV, movies, sports, the internet, and everything else that you watch on a screen. So why not give it to God rather than WoW?

Thinking about video games in the context of temple work offers some eye-openers, if you're willing to recognize them. Anyone who has eyes to see can see that in both the temple and a video game you ascend from world to world (or level), you need "tokens" to advance, and there is always a "dragon" defeated during the performance. When you complete a game, the end is often an equivalent to a "Celestial room" and the game's approximation of that "glory".

The real difference between a temple and a video game is who the proxy is. In the House of the Lord, you actually participate in the salvation of a dead person as a proxy for them. In a video game you give your time, energy and money to an avatar that would otherwise be dead without you. In the one, you submit your will to give someone salvation. In the other, the avatar submits to your will so you can glorify yourself. Can it be an addiction? Only if ego massage is addictive.

And do the dead take on a life of their own? Of course they do. As an example, everyone knows who Mario and Luigi are. Those two characters aren't alive in our consciousness because those games were programmed, mass produced and distributed. They are pop culture icons because we actually "played" those games and gave them life... our life. Consequently, the avatars of millions of people are "alive" in the virtual world while billions of real dead people wait aghast in the hereafter for their ordinances to be performed. So the time-suck of many games (including the scheduled gatherings) does indeed have eternal ramifications if we prioritize it over the Lord's work.

I certainly don't think that games are evil. They're just another tool in the tool shed like anything else. Can they be used reasonably for occasional recreation? Of course they can. But if you're looking to "escape", then you're probably putting your relationships with all in peril instead of engaging your problems responsibly. The best escape, IMO, is to lose yourself in service to others.

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My fiance loves his video games, but I don't think he plays them obsessively while I, on the other hand, could lose myself in Harvest Moon games. Yet when he invites me to play games with his brothers/friends, I'm all "thanks but no thanks". They play shooters and the only one of those i've enjoyed is "Gears of War".

I don't think video games are bad at all. It's a moderation thing, definitly.

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The best replacement for video games is temple work. The body is a temple... at least according to Jesus... right? Genealogy and temple attendance can take up all the time and $ that you otherwise give to TV, movies, sports, the internet, and everything else that you watch on a screen. So why not give it to God rather than WoW?

If you have to ask, then you have no idea why gaming is so important to some people. Judging by the rest of your post, it sounds like you aren't interested in finding out.

To be blunt, you could make the same "selfishness" argument about absolutely anything -- the fact that you're so concerned with your temple rites instead of feeding the hungry, clothing the naked or giving shelter to the homeless, for instance. The only reason to waste so many words on gaming is because the idea that other people enjoy it doesn't sit well with you. If you're hoping to reach those people, there are better ways, starting with understanding and not judging them.

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