Wearing Your Heart On Your Sleeve


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I have a question. My bishop awhile back told me that I need to learn not to wear my heart on my sleeve. I don't know how to do that. I have always tried to be honest with those around what my thoughts and feelings are, sometimes to a fault. I have read where people suggest not wearing your heart on your sleeve. Yet, I have also had people say that they wished that more people still were so honest with their feelings.

I just don't really know what to think. I really like this young lady, a part of me wants to show her that I am honest with my feelings. Yet another part of me is afraid that I will scare her off and that my heart will be hurt again. I have always worn my heart on my sleeve, it is just who I am but there have been plenty of times that I have had to bury my feelings deep especially in the military but at those times, I just felt like a shell of who I am.

I am trying not to rush the relationship but I am just afraid that like I said that I will scare her off and my heart will be broken again. How can I be honest with my feelings, yet balance trying not to be so open with it that I scare her off or just cause myself more heartache. How does one find a balance between the two? How does one find a balance so that I don't overcompensate becoming a robot? I would appreciate any help that you all could give me. Thanks.

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Hi

My personal opinion to you is simple: God made you who you are, work with what you have been given to the best of your ability. If it works carry on, if it doesn't adapt, alter, upgrade or delete it....but whatever you do....it has to be what you feel is right for you and you have to be comfortable with how you are.

In my experience I find a good prayer often helps me to be who I need to be with the vast variety of people I am around (being self employed as a kinda teacher i mix with all sorts). I pray that I will stand strong but humble and be my true self without being too much for the other person. Somehow (ya no, that spirit that we get) I always seem to know just how much to say, what not to do etc.

Being true to oneself is so much better and healthier than being a conformist.

Debs

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Why do you feel you have to be completely open and honest all at once? You may be feeling/thinking that way, but others around you may not be.

When you're dealing with romantic relationships, it gets even trickier. Of course there is nothing wrong with expressing your feelings, but I would caution you to keep a rein on it. Not everything at once.

I can say that if a guy I were dating were to reveal deep feelings for me and I didn't feel the same way, then it would likely scare me. Not to say that those feelings couldn't be developed on my end, but too much too soon can be overwhelming for some.

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I have a question. My bishop awhile back told me that I need to learn not to wear my heart on my sleeve. I don't know how to do that. \

I am trying not to rush the relationship but I am just afraid that like I said that I will scare her off and my heart will be broken again. How can I be honest with my feelings, yet balance trying not to be so open with it that I scare her off or just cause myself more heartache. How does one find a balance between the two? How does one find a balance so that I don't overcompensate becoming a robot? I would appreciate any help that you all could give me. Thanks.

Hello jsmwolf:

I can understand your logic in this issue. However, unfortunately human relationships are certainly a lot more complex than logic. We abandoned the practice of applying critical thinking to love matters a hundred years ago.

Your "need" to be honest and express your feelings so readily point to issues that you may not have considered. It may be important you get some coaching in this area if you are going to be successful in your romantic endeavor. I am hesitant to elaborate much in this setting but consider.

As you express your feelings for this young lady you are no doubt "expecting" her to reciprocate. She may or may not. How would that make you feel if she does not? How would she feel if she is forced to admit she is not there yet? Even if the relationship had a future, by rushing things you may in fact reduce the chances of it maturing.

What do you think would happen if you wait 2 months to tell her how you feel? It certainly would not change how you feel, right? Why not then allow for the relationship to develop and reach a level of interpersonal comfort where more emotional transparency can occur. You need to successfully negotiate complexities which are part of being an adult. It does not make you a robot. It is a sign of maturity to manage one's emotions. It is frequently referred to as EQ= emotional quotient. Children say what they think and feel regardless of the impact it has on others. Adult interactions require different protocols.

Love should feel like friendship on steroids. If it is not there yet then it would be premature to share how you feel.

Just some thoughts.

Edited by Islander
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I once had a man suggest I move in with him and his 3 children after we'd only been dating 3 weeks..it was very uncomfortable and after another 3 weeks I had to call it a day. It's great to have reciprocated love for one another, and to be able to make plans accordingly, but if it's too early then it smacks of being insincere, even if you don't think it is.

Good Luck with other relationships..take them slow and steady :)

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I might be totally off base with this, or not. A lot of times wearing you heart on your sleeve as you have put it comes across as being very needy. Even if you're not needy, is that how you are coming across? When someone would let me know they liked me but I didn't feel that intensely yet, it came across as in 'I live you *whiny tone* I need you to like me too.' It makes me uncomfortable. I feel pressured to understand their emotions because they seem so intense, when really they are probably just the same as everyone elses but they are being displayed at a different time or way.

Perhaps instead of focusing on how unexpressed you feel by not 'wearing your heart on your sleeve' or even on those feelings to begin with you should focus on what you can do to help those around you be comfortable and open. Focus on others feelings, on others interests, go about things in as unselfishly as possible. Plus, most people have a bit of shyness in them, they need to be eased into people situations.

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  • 2 months later...

When I first fell in love with my bf I was scared to tell him as I thought it might be too soon and I didn't want to scare him away. So I casually brought up a conversation about love and rather than going the whole way I said something like 'I think I might be falling in love with you' I'm glad I didn't tell him all my feelings because he didn't say it back! However, later that week he said he'd been thinking about what I'd said and he thought he loved me too, I was so happy! We're now engaged and I tell him I love him everyday :)

My point is, maybe the best thing to do is reveal the truth a little at a time, if you're worried about scaring her off just tell her a diluted version of how you feel and when she's had time to digest that you can wear your whole heart on your sleeve!

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