You're single because....

[NeedleinA]

9 minutes ago, clwnuke said:

"Yes!! And we really like it! Do you like it too?" 

Hilarious response!

[Guest MormonGator]

3 minutes ago, NeedleinA said:

My crystal ball sees a church history tour for you and Lady Gator coming up for about a month or so...

(Is that still in the works by the way?)

It sure is. We just got busy with other stuff and put it off a bit. 

[Guest]

On 5/20/2016 at 0:05 PM, clwnuke said:

When we moved to New Jersey with our six kids people we didn't even know would sarcastically say "Don't you know what causes that?"

Eventually we just started replying "Yes!! And we really like it! Do you like it too?" and then we'd both make googly eyes at each other and smile. Not sure if it was the best response but we had fun with it.

You gotta have fun with it.

What I normally say is,"Yes, Tylenol."

"Whaaa??"

"Well, a friend of mine indicated that he and his wife would go out partying.  They'd both wake up with a hangover and take a Tylenol.  In 9 months, there was a baby.  It happened with all three of their children.  So, we've gotten rid of the Tylenol and use Advil now.  But we just keep having kids."

[cdw3423]

On 12/8/2008 at 11:48 PM, BenRaines said:

I believe that the reason most single sisters are not married is because there are very few worthy males to marry.

I believe the reason most single sisters are not married is because they haven't met me. 

[Southern_Bell]

"Why aren't you married yet?"

Because I'm single.

"Why are you still single?"

Because I'm not married.

[Sunday21]

 

 

[Hemisphere]

I do believe that I said it elsewhere but it is worth mentiioning it. 

Dating in the Church is like petting a rabid shark, somethimes it would actually be a sounder idea to do just that.  Certainly from a demographic point of view there is an abundance of sisters towards Priesthood holders and therefore it is either competitive or highly limited in choice. 

I do get the desire that a templeworthy man with a job and a good heart is a desired partner. 

However, it is funn how good man are falling through the cracks being judged for what they are not, despite being good companiions and partner.  Some are converts and therefore were not able to go on a mission. If you aren´t an RM the difficulty increases to get notice. If you are in the process of obtaining a temple recommend it is not enough. If you are faithful but have to bring your life and affairs into order to achieve worthiness, it will not be enough . It will never be enough and therefore I do give blame to the objectifcation that is being taught in young women and young mmen that overlook that a good person may have not done and have the things to achieve a certain ideal.  Added to that, you find this soulmate nonsense where people are reduced to the desired traits and dropped whenn they are not pressed into that mold. 

Now to be fair, I do believe that some RM's are outright pigs, wanting a woman they can show off around as a trophy, chaining her to a stove and expecting her churn out babies. and wallowing in the attention they have as desired object for being RM being enabled to fool around and not going to commit anything. Often you find some of them to be spoiled little princes, that consider their mission as some sort of Roadtrip where they cash in on their status and take silly pictures while thinking that this "rite of passage" is required of them before they get either a grant or a car of some other form of materialistic recompense. One can question the conviction and mindset of such an RM annd ponder if that is something worth pursuing. ( I am going out here and not saying that every RM is like that but there is a good number that can match that profile) . 

A temple recommend does not indicate character for everyone one can lie at his interview and a priesthoodholder may just be that, in name only. 

There is good men and women out there that get overlooked because Looks go before substance, expectation before what is there already ( which is good ) and the desire for status before a good heart ( not every one can be the bishops or stake presidents boy. and not every sister is an athletic supermmodel that will busy herself at byu aiming for the mrs degree, dropping education the moment she has been dragged to a model)  if you but open your eyes, I am sure you won´t have to wait too long because prayers are a good guidance but the Lord certainly not a slot machine where you throw in a prayer like a coin.

 

Dating in the church is artificially complicated and attrocious in places where the choices are limited and people have tiime to become conceited without noticing when eyeballing someone who is interested in you. 

 

If this post offends you, by all means! be outraged but rest assured that I, being out of the game have a spouse that understood all these things and loves for what I am and not for what I am not. I can tell you, that flirt to convert may even be the better chance to find a spouse because you have someone who does not pester you with stereotypes and prejudices. I can also say, that a good partner needs to be worked for, they don´t fall into your lap 

[Guest]

5 hours ago, Hemisphere said:

Dating in the Church is like petting a rabid shark, ... 

If this post offends you, by all means! be outraged ...

Well, I'm outraged.  Outraged I tell you. Outraged!  I'm so outraged that "outraged" is the only word to describe how outraged I am.  And, boy, let me tell you I'm outraged.  And did I mention I'm outraged as well?  How outrageous!  How offensive!  Oh, yes.  I'm offended too.

So..  What was it you said again?  oh... Well, yeah.  It happens.  

But is this really any different than any other screening process that people go through for their mates?  Some people zero in on looks; others, money; some, family background; some, even political connections, etc.  There always has to be a screening process, otherwise you end up marrying just anyone.  For many LDS women, the traits that you mentioned are common ones.

I would have thought that my wife would have to be a Star Trek fan.  But alas, no one is perfect.  And I do believe that was part of your point.  No, not the Star Trek thing.  The fact that no one is perfect.

But the things we look for in a mate is a very personal thing.  I'm afraid you've found yourself in a pigeon hole that doesn't work for most LDS women and that is what you're bemoaning.  I get it.  That's understandable.  But can you really fault the women for wanting those things?  Is it wrong for them to want those things?  You seem to have a belief (and I'm not sure how correct or how false it is) that women are "indoctrinated" to believe they want those things.  But even so, is it not incumbent upon you to give the women what they want so much as in your power?

Just to let you know that I'm not completely without empathy to your plight, I had a problem that you didn't.  I'm a minority.  And I grew up in an age when racial prejudice was commonplace.  I didn't really resent it.  It was just a fact of life.  And I had three girlfriends that were more than happy to go on dates with me. But when we started getting serious, each of them decided that they couldn't marry someone who wasn't white.

RM - check
Recommend - check
BYU grad - check

White -  wait, what?  Are you serious?  Hokey-dokey.  Moving on now.

Eventually I met the to-be Mrs. Carb.  And I'm more than happy that I moved on from the others.  Why do I not resent it?  If they were so messed up that they had such a non-sensical requirement in their personal checklist, then why would I want to marry such?  Even if I didn't find it non-sensical, there really wasn't much I could do about my race. So, I just moved on.  Besides, my wife is head and shoulders above them all.  Literally, she is taller than all the others I dated... Just kidding.  She's awesome.  And if I had it to do over again, I never would have bothered with any of the others and just prepared myself for her all my life.

You may not be able to do much about the RM thing.  But you can get yourself worthy and receive a recommend and honor your priesthood and so forth.  These are things that you CAN change.  So, inasmuch as the requirements are things that you can agree are worthy and inasmuch as the requirements are things you can achieve, then change yourself to become the man that she wants.  If that takes time, then sobeit.

 

Edited August 4, 2016 by Guest

[zil]

25 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

Well, I'm outraged.  Outraged I tell you. Outraged!  I'm so outraged that "outraged" is the only word to describe how outraged I am.  And, boy, let me tell you I'm outraged.  And did I mention I'm outraged as well.  How outrageous!  How offensive!  Oh, yes.  I'm offended too.

So..  What was it you said again?

[Hemisphere]

I am glad that you are outraged =) it makes for interesting conversation. I apologize, I meant to say and imply that in Europe it is the case, especially in Germany and the Netherlands as my wife had to experience it as well.

I have no plight because I am out of the game and intend to be because a second dating round in the church would certainly be even less enjoyable than the last time. 

As for Star Trek, I agree =) My wife never actually absorbed much popculture and she got jaelous when I nerded out with a female friend and she couldn´t. So I decided to initiate the nerdification process. Our house is a Star Trek house ( she doesn´t like stwarwars at all, muahaha). My past run ins did not result in plights but more in anger and disappointment that even being your best is never gonna be good enough. 

Anyway, the whole skin color thing is just ridiculous. I got a taste of that as well as kid for not being entirely "arian" . So it actually astounds me supposedly enlightend people would give you crap for it, but maybe they simply didn´t want their kids to have curly hair ? who knows but then again, your wife ain´t missing out and I think the way you make it sound, she is worth stealing a thousand Klingon birds of prey =) 

I for one hope the my future kids will not date within the church to save themselves the grief of encountering shallow people that will objectify them or reduce them to something where they blind themselves to the fact that the awesome person they need in their life is being let go because of short sightedness. But then again, if that would be case they certainly are not good enough for them. 

I remain that the dating issue is an inhouse produced problem that could be easily alleviated if people simply would stop looking for the egg laying wool milk pig

[SilentOne]

7 minutes ago, Hemisphere said:

I for one hope the my future kids will not date within the church to save themselves the grief of encountering shallow people that will objectify them or reduce them to something where they blind themselves to the fact that the awesome person they need in their life is being let go because of short sightedness.

And they won't encounter such people dating outside the church?

[NightSG]

6 hours ago, Carborendum said:

Just to let you know that I'm not completely without empathy to your plight, I had a problem that you didn't.  I'm a minority.  And I grew up in an age when racial prejudice was commonplace.  I didn't really resent it.  It was just a fact of life.  And I had three girlfriends that were more than happy to go on dates with me. But when we started getting serious, each of them decided that they couldn't marry someone who wasn't white.

Try being white but not looking it for a good part of the year.  I've actually had to unbutton my shirt and show the CBP agent my pasty white chest when passing through a checkpoint coming back from the Rio Grande Valley.  

Oddly, there's nothing in my lineage (French, northern Italian, Irish) that would explain why I tan as dark as many full-blood Mexicans, but it happens.  My granddad could pass for native in Mexico until he tried to speak Spanish...or went in the middle of winter when we're pasty white all over.

[Hemisphere]

of course they will. but at least those pretenses about being enlightend and chosen people of the Lord are out of way along with those hidden play rules. Outside the church you expect much worse from people there enabling a mutual ground that asks to be wary. I for one, simply would have resolved to date outside the church if it weren´t for my wife because I would have been what I am not what I am not, such not being biships daddy boy or the idiot convert that repented to late with 27 and could and never will be an rm. doesn´t matter outside the church and in that case, the perils of encountering jerks are more obvious and easier and the rules are more visible and people look results instead of playing hard to get. ( most ) 

[SilentOne]

But dating outside the church decreases the odds of being able to be sealed when they do find somebody great who appreciates them for who they are.

[estradling75]

And I love how people complain about the wrong-minded judgements being rendered unto them as an individual by individuals... while they are rendering the exactly same kind of wrong-minded judgement against and entire group most of whom they will never meet.

 

[Hemisphere]

3 minutes ago, SilentOne said:

But dating outside the church decreases the odds of being able to be sealed when they do find somebody great who appreciates them for who they are.

you are absolutely right. however, if I had to make the hard choice, I would have chosen a happy marriage outside the church ( with the lotteries chance of conversion, but still a chance)  over a miserable quest for love in the church where one would never be good enough. So, you tell me would you really miss out on someone that makes you happy if he / she makes you happy ? 

[Hemisphere]

3 minutes ago, SilentOne said:

But dating outside the church decreases the odds of being able to be sealed when they do find somebody great who appreciates them for who they are.

you are absolutely right. however, if I had to make the hard choice, I would have chosen a happy marriage outside the church ( with the lotteries chance of conversion, but still a chance)  over a miserable quest for love in the church where one would never be good enough. So, you tell me would you really miss out on someone that makes you happy if he / she makes you happy ? 

[Hemisphere]

16 minutes ago, estradling75 said:

And I love how people complain about the wrong-minded judgements being rendered unto them as an individual by individuals... while they are rendering the exactly same kind of wrong-minded judgement against and entire group most of whom they will never meet.

 

You know i love the fact that this topic is an evergreen and that your kind of comment implies that it is wrong to express opinions and experiences and therefore wishing to discourage the chance  and ambition that common sense might settle through reflection of what can be done better and where is the root source. But since we are here, what is your "politicaly correct "way discussing this, since experiences and the exchange of thereof is so unsavory?

Edited August 4, 2016 by Hemisphere

[Hemisphere]

.

Edited August 4, 2016 by Hemisphere
typos

[Hemisphere]

3 minutes ago, SilentOne said:

But dating outside the church decreases the odds of being able to be sealed when they do find somebody great who appreciates them for who they are.

you are absolutely right. however, if I had to make the hard choice, I would have chosen a happy marriage outside the church ( with the lotteries chance of conversion, but still a chance)  over a miserable quest for love in the church where one would never be good enough. So, you tell me would you really miss out on someone that makes you happy if he / she makes you happy ? 

[Hemisphere]

3 minutes ago, SilentOne said:

But dating outside the church decreases the odds of being able to be sealed when they do find somebody great who appreciates them for who they are.

you are absolutely right. however, if I had to make the hard choice, I would have chosen a happy marriage outside the church ( with the lotteries chance of conversion, but still a chance)  over a miserable quest for love in the church where one would never be good enough. So, you tell me would you really miss out on someone that makes you happy if he / she makes you happy ? 

[SilentOne]

I'd rather die single than spend my life growing in love with somebody who I will not be with in the eternities. So unless I get an undeniable impression to do otherwise, I will continue to date only church members who are, as far as I can tell, temple-worthy.

[SilentOne]

I'd rather die single than spend my life growing in love with somebody who I will not be with in the eternities. So unless I get an undeniable impression to do otherwise, I will continue to date only church members who are, as far as I can tell, temple-worthy.

...

My first duplicate post. Do I get some sort of badge for this milestone?

Edited August 4, 2016 by SilentOne

[mordorbund]

6 minutes ago, SilentOne said:

I'd rather die single than spend my life growing in love with somebody who I will not be with in the eternities. So unless I get an undeniable impression to do otherwise, I will continue to date only church members who are, as far as I can tell, temple-worthy.

...

My first duplicate post. Do I get some sort of badge for this milestone?

[Hemisphere]

9 minutes ago, SilentOne said:

I'd rather die single than spend my life growing in love with somebody who I will not be with in the eternities. So unless I get an undeniable impression to do otherwise, I will continue to date only church members who are, as far as I can tell, temple-worthy.

well, thank the Lord for agency. That is indeed your personal choice and I congratulate on known what you want. you do realize temple worthiness is for most people a piece of paper that allows them to go there after they lied to their respective bishops and stake presidents if they happen to give in to the pressure of expectation ? I would rather go for the one who honestly says he isn´t worthy and not lying about it. but hey, whatever works for you. I can only say, the temple recommend in the ideal case is still no indication for a good character or a match of personalities

Edited August 4, 2016 by Hemisphere