Looking for help?


jiminycricket
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Forgive me if this sounds like propaganda... I promise you, my motivation is pure.

For any who have come here looking for help turning your life around, for help changing some habit or some characteristic within yourself, or for help repenting or coping with the faults of others, may I recommend a free program the church has established through LDS Family Services called Addiction Recovery Program, or ARP for short.

Don't let the name fool you; while it is an adaptation of the AA 12-step program, it is not exclusively for those with "classic addictions." As I tried to suggest in the previous paragraph, if there is any sin that you struggle with on an ongoing basis, or a single sin that you've committed that has left you spiritually stripped and wounded, this program can help you. If there is anyone in your life whose sins have directly affected you, the program can help you. I attend an LDS-FS ARP group myself, and it has helped me a great deal - not only with my addictions, but also in many other areas of my life. It's actually very uplifting. Although the title of the class is accurate, I often call it, "The Atonement for Dummies," or, "Repentance for Dummies," or even, "Christlike Living for Dummies." Those titles paint a better picture of the class, I think.

For any who are interested, but still don't think your problem is big enough to warrant going through a 12-step program (and peripherally to any who still attach a certain stigma to addicts, addiction and people who attend 12-step program meetings), may I suggest that you read an article published in Meridian Magazine titled, "Confronting Addiction in the LDS Community". You will likely find it eye-opening. Thanks to tefor for finding the article and bringing it to our attention!

As I understand it, the group meetings are always led by couples (local couple missionaries). They go to great lengths to ensure that participation is 100% confidential. In fact, group leaders are specifically prohibited from telling anyone, even Priesthood leaders, any specific information about individuals in the class (who is attending, what they've talked about, etc). Elder Sigg, one of my group leaders, enjoys telling us that if a bishop asks about one of us, he has been given authority to say, "Who?"

The ARP website I linked above provides a search tool that can help you locate a group near you, and you can preview the class material by opening the program manual PDF. You can also order a hard copy of the ARP manual on the Church Distribution Services website for about $6.

I highly recommend the program to you. Be courageous. Look up your local group and visit a meeting. Give it a shot. You'll be glad you did.

Jiminy Cricket

Edited by jiminycricket
Added Confronting Addiction article and made some minor edits
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Thank you for the info. The church has tons of good info on various sites. I know I don't use the The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or provident living site as much as I should. Did you know they also have the family home evening stuff there too? I found a recipe for homemade clay I lost years ago :D

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My mother went as a temporary companion to her friend who was leading the meetings and LOVED what she found. She bought several copies of the book and sent it to myself and my siblings. She said she never realized how many things in this life have a huge impact on our spirit and can hold it captive through addiction, be it a harmful substance, an unhealthy relationship with food, too much time spent on needless things (internet? :huh:), etc...

This life after all is meant for us to learn and gain experience with our mortal bodies which make up half of our soul. I believe that you cannot have something impact your body without it affecting your spirit.

Gee Honor... long winded much?

Thanks for the info and links!

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This program is wonderful. I started attending about a year and a half ago for help with addictive behaviors and have recently started going back on a regular basis. Even though the behaviors are no longer an issue, the spiritual and emotional difficulties that led to the behaviors are. That's what's so great about the program: it teaches that addiction is really a manifestation of deeper spiritual maladies and addresses those. (And those who might think that addiction is only a problem for winos, junkies, and perverts may want to read this.)

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Special thanks to tefor for the link to that fantastic article! Tefor, is it okay if I add that link to the OP? I think it is most useful and I don't want people who might only read the OP to miss it ...

Jiminy

Go for it--the more people know about that article, the better. (She also serialized her terrific book He Did Deliver Me From Bondage on Meridian a while ago. I believe that it was a prototype of sorts for the Addiction Recovery Manual produced by the Church.

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  • 1 month later...

The Church has a lot of good programs. This is one of many; however, their program does not work for all people. We have had several people who have come to us, devastated, because they did not overcome their pornography and sexual addiction so they feel like they are forever going to be lost. We are continuously counseling with Bishops and Stake Presidents/Ecclesiastical Leaders how to handle pornography and sexual addiction.

If people fail in a program, they feel like there is absolutely no hope. There is hope but you have to encompass education with the atonement.

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I am so glad Berrean that you have someone who is helping you. Please let your therapist know about the InnerGold system. It will help him to be even better. A person can never stop gaining an education. We are continuously looking for ways to help more and more people.

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I attended 2 meetings as a support companion to others in my ward. The manual is useful for anybody who believes in a 'higher being' such as God or Allah etc. and who is willing to have faith that they will help with the problems being experienced.

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This is true. The manual does focus on a higher being because we are much less. The manual also focuses on training the brain to control the triggers and increase the strength of the pre-frontal cortex. The logical thinking portion of the brain. This is crucial.

Thank you Pushka. I would appreciate any feedback for improving our system. Please send me a private message of feedback.

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Peer support can be a wonderful thing if done right and a friend and I are starting up a peer support group I will not go into further for fear of hijacking the thread. This does sound good and there is one in my ward. (the relevant one to this thread I mean)

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  • 2 weeks later...

I don't know if this is the right way of finding help for my specific problem. It has to do with gossip coming from a branch president's wife...It's hurting the whole branch, and I am the one that had the guts to say something about it. She has declared war to me, and I want this whole thing stoped. Can someone help?

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well, I am not sure that is a matter of what is being said, but that this person has a very strong personality, and every one is afraid of saying anything to her. She is also involved into politics, and I believe she has mre power that she apears.

I was called as a R.Soc. president, and had to deal with her negativity on a dayly basis. Has to save women member of the ward from getting involved into her gossip.

One day, she started asking for food donations inside the chapel on a sunday. I asked wat for, and all I got was, "It's just for an activity we are having".

For 4 weeks she asked over and over for the donations....no one responded. I finally said to her as she interrupted her husband who was trying to give a talk during Sacrament meeting..."I am sorry,I forgot" She got offended, and since then she has just made my life in the branch very chalenging. (I found out 2 days later, that she wanted the food donations, so that she could help the town's mayor with treats for the kids for 3 kings day.)

She is also the mother of the Stake president in my Stake...Big thing going on, now...

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I tried to ask for forgiveness twice. Things get worse every time. Yeserday, I tried gving her a hug, and she started a big fight infront of lots of people. The Pre. of the branch doesn't talk to me, and since I can't be working without the guide of the priesthood, I asked to be reliest....which they did on the spot. I feel like I am going to get suspended for no reason....What to do?

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I wished I could give you a quick answer that would solve everything. Unfortunately, a problem like this is what caused many to not go to church in Michigan. We, missionaries, had to do a lot of damage control. The Branch President was released, etc... This is an ugly situation.

If you recall something similar with Thomas B. Marsh.

I will council with some of my associates and give you any advice we may have.

Here are some obvious ones, maybe you have done them, maybe not:

Fasted for resolution

Gone to the temple

Talked to the Stake President (he may understand having dealt with her his whole life)

Whatever you do, keep a good, positive attitude. Easier said than done, I know!

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  • 3 weeks later...

Ram, if you're still around and still dealing with this problem, I'd invite you to consider these thoughts -

1. Have you talked over the entire situation with your branch president? If you haven't, that seems to be the next logical step. You said he isn't talking to you, and that's a serious problem that needs to be addressed if it persists, but perhaps he'll let you speak to him and you can start there. Set up an appointment with his executive secretary and ask him (the exec sec) to schedule you at a time when you can take a while if needed. In the interview, start at the very beginning and talk about the whole situation. Don't forget to talk about his feelings toward you. You have a right to know if your priesthood leader has ill feelings toward you. Hopefully this will open up some dialog and bring about some healing.

If that doesn't bring a solution and your priesthood leader still harbors ill feelings toward you (and you need to be absolutely certain that that's the case) then InnerGold is right, you should seriously consider involving your branch president's priesthood leader. In an interesting twist, the stake president turns out to be the son of your branch president and the woman at the center of your problem. That seems on the surface to be a problem, but it might not be so if your stake president is humble enough to take the situation seriously. In fact, it could turn to your favor - As InnerGold mentioned, being their son he is probably very familiar with the character flaws in your branch president and his wife. He'll find your story very believable and and be very able to empathize with you. Perhaps he'd be able to help all three of you understand each other's feelings and perspectives better. He may even discover in praying about the situation that the time has come for calling a new branch president (although that's not something you should ask for). And if you aren't able to resolve it with the stake president, then you might consider going to the next rung up on the chain of authority (I think this would be the Area President, but I'm not certain).

To be clear, I don't know what kinds of things this sister has done to make your church life so difficult, but I don't see that as the major problem here. The reason I'm recommending such an acute response is that the situation seems to have created a rift in your relationship with your priesthood leader - and more particularly, in his feelings toward you. It's a problem when someone has ill feelings toward their priesthood leader, but it's a much bigger problem when it's the priesthood leader nursing those kinds of feelings toward those he's supposed to shepherd and allowing that to affect his decisions. Then his leaders (the leader's leaders) need to know about it and ensure that it is corrected.

2. Be open to the possibility that you might have perceived things differently than they were meant or intended. Be ready to accept responsibility for anything you might have said or done which might have contributed to the situation - even if only because others misperceived it. Be ready to forgive. Be ready to love and support and sustain again. As the late Elder Neal A. Maxwell said, one of the tests of discipleship is to drink from the bitter cup, without becoming bitter.

3. Take comfort in knowing that neither bishops nor stake presidents are given absolute authority to suspend (take official disciplinary action against) anyone. If you are unjustly disciplined, you can appeal to higher authority in the Church. Plus, in order to do any such thing to you, they would have to hold a special council involving the branch president's counselors and a couple others if done at the branch level, and the stake president's counselors and the entire stake high council if done at the stake level. I'd be very surprised if they took it that far.

4. If you'd like further advice from forum members here, you need to start a new thread on the advice board with an appropriate title. That will get you more responses from more people. Describe the problem as you've done in this thread, and synopsize the advice you've already received (to prevent duplicate advice). Then edit your first post in this thread, adding that you've started a separate thread for your issue, giving the title of the new thread, and advising those who wish to respond to do so in that new thread.

God bless you.

Jiminy

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I've contacted one of our group leaders. She said your bishop or stake president could request a group through LDS-FS or you could call LDS-FS and ask about a group. Groups are set up as needed and LDS-FS has the most direct contact with groups and leaders.

Here is the contact info for the New York LDS-FS agency (saw that you're from NY on your public profile, looked this info up on the LDS-FS website):

LDS Family Services

NY New York Agency

217 East 87th Street, 3rd Floor

New York, NY 10128

PH: 212-876-7427

FAX: 212-876-1214

God bless,

Jiminy

PS - Have you checked online for a group in your area? If you haven't, follow this link to do so.

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  • 2 months later...
  • 3 weeks later...

to Get a program in your area you need a bishop and a stake president. A stake pres requests a group be formed from the nearest lds family services. I have access to the form if you want it, or tell you how to access the form. You also are in need of a bishop as well , because it is he that will call 2 part time service missionaies to serve 6 months to 2 years to run the group. let me know if you need any more info on the program.

harveyf

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