Why does it seem like LDS men care more about looks than non-LDS men?


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The reason we are told over and over that looks don't matter is this-

If you focus on looks and physical attraction, it is very likely that your relationship will be superficial and only skin deep. Physical attraction can be very strong, create amazing feelings, but if the package inside is faulty, your relationship will quickly sour.

However-

If you focus on the inside and spiritual attraction, your relationship only has room to grow. Discover the person on the inside, come to know them intimately, and your love and attraction can spread to the physical no matter what they look like.

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When I was 21, looks where VERY important, then again, I was a dumb kid.

These days, while looks are not unimportant, I just need some sort of spark to hold on to, some girls can pull of being attractive without trying much, a lot of girls can be very pritty if they learn how to "put themselves together" and put there best features forward, and most LDS girls have a leg up on other women, which is that many of them are amazing people.

One problem though is that if all the personalities are great, looks become more important... :confused:

Now, I know what I REALLY LIKE, which is one of several "Types", but there are many girls outside of those that I can find attractive, if there is no attraction, It would be tough to be married to a girl, but even if she has a face of a angel, but otherwise is not that attractive to me, I can focus on that face and be attracted to her.

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I have no clue WHY our guys seem so much more into looks... They just are. Some people in this thread have hinted that its because our guys really want to be careful in their selection, because its for an "eternal companion".

But.... Aren't we all supposed to be "glorified" after we die? If that's the truth, then we will all be quite beautiful in heaven. So really, there's no excuse to demand perfect looks on earth.

Then there's the excuse that thin women "aren't lazy", and because they take care of their bodies, they probably take care of everything else too. Not true. There are many ways of being thin that no not involve "taking care of yourself", and you would be surprised how many women turn to these alternative methods. Some women have rich daddys and get liposuction. Some women vomit. Some women starve. Some women don't manage their diabetes right. Some women were born with an overactive metabolism, and couldn't gain weight even if they laid in bed all day eating buckets of ice cream! Thin doesn't mean healthy or active.

Its not always a sign of having your affairs in order either... Some of the most messy, lazy, mean and irrisposnible girls I know are the "bathing beauties". Many of them don't bother developing any other qualities, because they feel they can always get by on looks alone.

But (most) men as a species, place greater emphasis on beauty and daintiness. A small, thin, light, pretty and delicate woman makes a man feel bigger, stronger, more protective, they will compete more ruthlessly for her... And therefore she is more of a valued commodity to have.

Better to just "cut the crud" so to speak, and name the demon for what it truly is-- shallow mentality. They want someone who is beautiful, because they are not capable of being in love with someone who is not. And yes, saying that makes a person sound (and feel) less than righteous, or less than decent. So to make themselves feel better about their mentality, they invent all these "other" reasons for it, that sound more respectable. But its a shallow mentality, plain and simple.

The bad news for these people is, one way or another, you HAVE to learn to love someone who is not physically attractive. That's part of god's perky sense of humor, lol. Even if you landed the most attractive person in the world, that beauty would only last as long as the spark of youth... Then you're back to square 1.

Edited by Melissa569
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Unfortunately I think that the younger members are obsessed with outdoing tom, dick, and President Snow; so to speak. They want the idyllic life of beautiful serving wife, beautuful obedient children, fantastic home, two dogs, a cat, and floors that vacuum themselves and clothes that automatically iron out all the wrinkles.

While its good to strive towards a happy life, when you get a little older you realize that that hottie next door is really ugly on the inside, and mrs. plain jane down the street is the most humble and spiritually beautiful sister on the planet.

Plus, some just just don't want to spend eternity with a hag :P I kid, I kid!

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Not only is beauty "in the eye of the beholder" but we forget that society has created categories of what beauty supposedly is. A man may desire a "10-scale hottie" but if he's only a "6" himself, he's probably going to fail miserably in connecting with someone that physically is out of his league. And vice-versa. My husband and I always joke whenever we're in Las Vegas and see old men with 10/10 trophy wives on their arms. It's the exception when you're loaded :]

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Perhaps I missed it, but I'm surprised not to have seen a post pointing to the obvious fallacy of the OP's conclusions from a simple anecdotal observation.

How on earth does the OP's biased observation support the assertion that LDS men care more about looks that non-LDS? I could just as easily argue several other assertions that her experience could be supporting - i.e. that the non-LDS are far more willing to look for a one-night-stand with someone they are not truly attracted to, whereas LDS are more honest and ethical in their choices of who they become involved with.

Why has everyone been willing to jump on the bandwagon and assume that LDS men are more picky than non-LDS? In my psychology classes, we reviewed numerous studies regarding attraction and autonomic perceptions because of attraction. Let me assure you - attractiveness is a key factor among ALL of society, not just LDS.

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Yes and no. Yes, it is important that we be attracted to our spouses. But, have we not all meant beautiful and handsome people who remain single, and seen others that we assess as not, who nevertheless match up with great people? Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. Additionally, when we like someone we are not intially attracted to, we often come to see a beauty or cuteness that we did not catch at first glance.

So, while I know you see yourself as simply being frank here, my humble encouragement to those who date is to take it slow and easy. Do not allow a first impression--especially one based merely upon looks--to steal from you what might well be a diamond in the ruff.

There is a wonderful Russian story about the princess and the dwarf. She falls in love with him because of his talent in playing musical instruments, in singing, his philosophical thoughts, until for her beauty was three feet high with a hunched back.

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Ryanh, you need to go back and read the earlier pages of this thread. The discussion on those pages explain why some assume that more LDS men care about looks than non-LDS men.

Well, thanks for that useful advice, but I have read them. And while I see some random guesses and pontifications - as I pointed out previously - repudiation of the baseless assertion by the OP is lacking.

The fact is this is not an LDS factor. It is natural and normal across all facets of society and all cultures. Some is societal, some is in-born. But it certainly exists across all groups.

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Pan 52

I laughed when I read your post!:o

Trust me: There is no difference, guys are visual beings we all like the cute ones!

That being said we don't want them necessarily being the mother of our children. For that one must certainly look deeper than the physical.;)

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I don't agree with the OP at all. The only criterion I had while dating different women was a strong testimony, love of the gospel, conservative views, and modest dress. Physical appearance is somewhat important (if you’re not physically attracted to a person, a relationship will never work) but setting a super-model standard is superficial and unrealistic. Any man who sets appearances as his highest standards needs to realize that looks fade, while righteous and true traits won’t. Yes some men do only care about physical appearance, just keep looking for someone who has set the right priorities.

P.S. I'm not saying someone who is attractive is bad or not spiritual. Simply stating that shouldn't be your highest priority in seeking an eternal companion.

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I didn't read the entire thread... just thought I'd put my 2 cents in...

Of course, the guy (I'm a girl) has to be attractive! But - attractiveness is a matter of personal taste. The 6'2" blonde haired blue eyed washboard stomach guy might be the one for me but the paunchy, short-fry, nerdy look might be super yummy to someone else.

And this "Beyonce type" might be really attractive to someone but then she opens her mouth and the attractive level goes down 100 notches. And this "Queen Latifah type" might not be too attractive to someone then she wows him with her winning personality and boosts her attractive level 100 notches.

In any case, I cannot marry somebody I'm not attracted to. I can't imagine waking up every morning to a face that doesn't brighten my day.

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Hello,

yes you are right that LDS men care more about looks than non-LDS men.but i also don't know the reason. so i will try to find the reason and if i will get then i will tell you.

thanks!!

______________

Euro Pillow

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