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Sequoia

Friend - No longer

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So I had a friend for about 7 years. Then she started a website that turned into a blog. We are no longer friends for many reasons, however, I feel really bad for her.

1) One day when we had arranged for me to go visit her, she informed me that she decided she preferred internet friends to face-to-face friends, since she could look so much better. She told me she sounds smarter and can stop and think before she says anything offensive...she does have a problem with offending people verbally.

2) After this meeting/visit with her, everything started to slide. She put everything before all of her real friends for her internet life. I actually read on her site and the site of her hometown where she referred to me (not using my name) in a negative way. Her story wasn't true, but fit the blog and site postings, so she just made something up to get pity and belong.

3) She has offended many people in her ward to where she decided the town had a problem and recently moved.

4) The last time I spoke to her, she talked about how embarrassing it is if people in her ward knew of her "real" life. She openly admits that she personifies her life and that of her husband's and kids' as something near perfection. In actuality, her oldest has little or nothing to do with her. She is considered "shallow."

5) Part of her problem offending people is that she believes in order to judge right from wrong, we need to judge people. This was a new concept for her when I last spoke to her a few years ago. She is so selfish and conceited now. She portrays herself even online as above everyone and their menial problems. She brags about money (who knows if she really has it?)The last time I saw her she ran from me, since she wasn't put together properly. I see her around and never approach her now.

I don't know what to say, except I haven't spoken to her in a few years, and I think she has really lost it. I know she isn't truly happy, although she'd never admit it. She has lost all of her friends, including her oldest and her fellow ward members. In the new town she moved to I think it is just a matter of time before she offends everyone again or before they see that she is faking her life.

Anyway, I thought I'd share this, because somehow I feel like I let her down in that I couldn't pull her from understanding that judging is wrong, and lying is wrong. And real friends are worth a lifetime of happiness.

Edited by Sequoia

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That's really sad :( Sounds like she likes the buffer and feels like she can't cut the mustard (no idea how that saying came into being) so maybe it's a crutch for her.

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Anyway, I thought I'd share this, because somehow I feel like I let her down in that I couldn't pull her from understanding that judging is wrong, and lying is wrong. And real friends are worth a lifetime of happiness.

You didn't let her down. People will ultimately do what they want to do. You've already given examples of how you were a good friend to her, and show that you still care by worrying about her. There comes a time when we must wash our hands of an acquaintance with the knowledge we've done all we can, and that their destiny is solely up to them.

I'm truly sorry about your friend. Hopefully, you will realize that nothing in her life is your fault, and that you're not a negative influence because of how one friend has behaved.

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Thanks for your support and ideas. I saw her again today. I only see her maybe once a month or so, since she moved. But I was thinking that instead of just walking by her and avoiding her, (remember she darts away if she sees me), I should at least recognize her by saying hi and being friendly.

I did run into her husband a few times. The first time after not seeing them for a while, I was so happy to see him. He talked to me and the conversation was genuine. But the next two times, he avoided me like her, then scampered out of the stores. So, she must have said something.

It's an odd situation for me. I'm not sure if I should just let things continue as they are, or if I should at least go up and say hi. Thanks again for your help.

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Internet causes regression. Try not to nitpick semantics and psychology flavors and see what I'm saying. It happened to me a little, need to remind myself what is real in this virtual world. Sounds like your friend is on the other side of that. It's a good reminder for me. Be careful out there. :)

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I dont know if I would care enough about it, you know she has issues why concern yourself about what issues she might have dreamed up about you.

She would love someone to run after her or her husband to ask why they act the way they do when you see them around town.

I would just blow it off as creepy.

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