Parents Divorce


LostSheep
 Share

Recommended Posts

Hi LostSheep, I'm really sorry you're having to cope with this, I can only echo the words of the other posters on this thread.

Stay strong, stay close to both your mum and dad, discuss with them any fears you have, ask for their reassurance in any matters that concern you.

Try not to become embittered, and remember that they do love you in spite of everything that is now happening. I may have worded that incorrectly, I don't wish to sound as if I'm making something you've done to be the reason for their divorce..sorry for my failure to word this more appropriately!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest queries

In each and every divorce there is one if not both people in that marriage who are selfish, selfish, selfish. One of the partners has to be only concerned about their own good.

Now before everyone misunderstands what I am saying the woman who leaves a man who is physically or emotionally abusive it is the man who is being selfish. In my experience most marriages that end in divorce is due to infidelity or "I wasn't happy so wanted to find my happiness".

The number of divorces due to physical and or emotional abuse, I would guess, are less than infidelity or personal self discovery.

Just curious Ben... What about in cases where addiction has damaged the relationship and covenants? Do you condemn the addicted as selfish, or where do they fall in your hierarchy of acceptable divorce?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I consider any addiction that harms the relationship as being a cause of selfishness. It means the person loves his/her addiction more than the relationship. I see it frequently with addictions to the Internet, video gaming, etc. Some people prefer playing video games now, more than taking the wife and kids out to play.

Other addictions are the same. The person who over-eats, and thus becomes fat, affects the family financially as well as in the ability to do many things. If the person becomes unhealthy due to being overweight, isn't that a bit selfish? Yesterday, we were warned in General Conference about the addiction of food, among others.

And of course drugs and alcohol, as well as sexual addictions can destroy any relationship. Years ago, as a foster parent, I had a 6 year old boy Daniel and a 5 year old girl Megan. Their older sister was in a special incarceration unit for youth. When 10 years old, her drug and sex addicted mother allowed her boyfriend to have his way with the girl. By the time she was 16, she was also addicted to sex, and couldn't be in a foster home, because she would hit on any of the males in the house (father, foster brothers, etc). Selfish of the mother? You bet! Thanks to the mom, this girl will possibly never know what a normal, loving relationship is about.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest queries

I consider any addiction that harms the relationship as being a cause of selfishness. It means the person loves his/her addiction more than the relationship. I see it frequently with addictions to the Internet, video gaming, etc. Some people prefer playing video games now, more than taking the wife and kids out to play.

Other addictions are the same. The person who over-eats, and thus becomes fat, affects the family financially as well as in the ability to do many things. If the person becomes unhealthy due to being overweight, isn't that a bit selfish? Yesterday, we were warned in General Conference about the addiction of food, among others.

And of course drugs and alcohol, as well as sexual addictions can destroy any relationship. Years ago, as a foster parent, I had a 6 year old boy Daniel and a 5 year old girl Megan. Their older sister was in a special incarceration unit for youth. When 10 years old, her drug and sex addicted mother allowed her boyfriend to have his way with the girl. By the time she was 16, she was also addicted to sex, and couldn't be in a foster home, because she would hit on any of the males in the house (father, foster brothers, etc). Selfish of the mother? You bet! Thanks to the mom, this girl will possibly never know what a normal, loving relationship is about.

Thanks rameumpton, let me make sure I understand - addiction = selfishness, and in Ben's comment, selfishness = bad reason for divorce. So people with addicted spouses should stick it out and try to make it work? Surely not necessarily with unrepentant addicts, as in the examples you've quoted above? (These would fall into the abuse category anyway I think.) What about repentant addicts? I ask because I are one, as they say. Are the spouses of addicts who have wreaked destruction in a category where it's "acceptable" for them to divorce? I'm asking because the tone of the post seemed a little black and white - you forgive and work it out, unless there is abuse, in which case, it's ok to divorce.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You are taking the analogy too far. Addiction DOES equal selfishness. The issue on anyone who is selfish, is whether they are striving to become Christ-like and unselfish. If not, and their addictions are adversely impacting the relationship and family, divorce may be the solution to save the rest of the family.

It isn't always the person who files for divorce that is the selfish person. Sometimes a person is driven to file due to the actions of the other. If a woman is beaten frequently by her drunken husband, and she files for divorce, who is being selfish? Not the woman.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Am I right in thinking that you commit adultery if you divorce then remarry but stay sealed? I have to respectfully disagree with some of the responses given for divorces. Not everything is black and white. My parents divorced. My Dad was unhappy. My Mum is a complicated woman and buried her head in the sand to all their problems. She does it to this day, which proves that my Parents would NEVER have sorted out their problems because my Mum refused to. Then when Dad decided to leave the marriage because he was so unhappy my Mum went into a meltdown and played the victim card very well. Yet she NEVER once asked him to come back and she NEVER said lets work this out. She just watched him go and turned to alcohol to cope.

So...my Dad is the one in the wrong you say? Is it fair of him to live in a marriage that exists only on paper? Is my Dad audacious because he wants a two-way relationship? Is he out of order because he wants someone who respects him as a man and a Father? Is he evil because he didnt want to be miserable for the rest of his life? He almost had a breakdown over the divorce and regrets the hurt he caused and says he would change it all if he could. But does he deserve to be punished for wanting to be happy??

Divorce is not a black and white situation and we should NEVER judge what goes on between couples. It's no ones business to judge apart fro God's when the time comes.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Am I right in thinking that you commit adultery if you divorce then remarry but stay sealed?

I don't think so.

Divorce is not a black and white situation and we should NEVER judge what goes on between couples. It's no ones business to judge apart fro God's when the time comes.

AMEN!!!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I echo other's sentiments - I'm sorry this is happening to you. Divorce is never easy on the children, and it truly is NOT your fault. Most kids think it is in some way - so if you think that - do your best to let that go. Most kids do ok with divorce as long as they have supportive people around them and their parents keep them away from the trivialities of it all. You are obviously old enough to voice yourself, and I hope that if you ever feel "in the middle" you can tell your parents that you don't want to be there. My son became much closer to his dad after our divorce, and things can and do work out for everyone. It takes time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 year later...
Guest murrayskeeter
Hidden

I am so sorry to hear that. Parents getting a divorce can be very difficult but I think you need to be strong for your family. One thing you could do is to reaffirm your parents of your love and respect. Therefore you won't be taking sides in the matter. Let them know you are very willing to discuss things with them, but they can't use you to discuss matters for them instead of interacting with each other.

Link to comment

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share