how do I put this...???

[lestertheemt]

I had some wonderful visiting teachers! I have an extremely choatic schedule and they never minded coming when it was conveniant for me. Well I have new ones now. At the beginning I explained the situation that my husband works night and sleeps during the day and that I am on a rotating schedule.

To make a long story short, they don't seem to get it. I have tried to explain as politely as I can that I will not have company while my dh is sleeping. It isn't fair to him. Plus they are doing the one thing that gets under my skin more then anything....dropping by unannouced!

I understand that they have a calling to fulfill but to what end?????? Am I being rude and completely unreasonable??????? I ask this because I am close to asking to be removed from visiting teaching completely!!!!

[Jenamarie]

I wouldn't remove yourself from the VT program all together, but maybe ask for new visiting teachers? I know my prior VT companion and I asked to be placed with different companions because our scheduals just were not compatible, and so we rarely got to go out to appointments together. (she kept the same route, since her schedual fit in well with our sister's scheduals, and I was assigned a new route and new companion). Talk to the VT coordinator in your ward and see what can be done about the situation. It may be that day time hours are the only times they're available to visit teach.

[Lbybug]

i don't think you're being unreasonable at all. i have amazing visiting teachers (well one). I think the main part is that both sides are able to work together. you by telling them when you're available (which you have done) and them by making sure to call ahead. can you talk to your rs pres and discuss the problem with her before being removed from the list?

[Madriglace]

If a very direct statement to them doesn't get the job done talk to your RS President. They should be making appointments and working with your schedule. That's what they are there for to see to your needs not get the numbers. if that doesn't work go to the Bishop ... I am a great one fro going to the top. If all that doesn't work let me know and I'LL call them!

[Guest missingsomething]

If a very direct statement to them doesn't get the job done talk to your RS President. They should be making appointments and working with your schedule. That's what they are there for to see to your needs not get the numbers. if that doesn't work go to the Bishop ... I am a great one fro going to the top. If all that doesn't work let me know and I'LL call them!

This is a GREAT answer. Dont feel guilty - they are there to HELP YOU... so yes, they have to work around YOUR schedule. But, before you do - pray about this twist.... are there times that you could meet with them (to open up your availability) that you havent offered up. SO, not saying at all that this is the case - just playing devil's advocate - that you could be available more than you think?

And maybe suggest to them that when he weather gets better they could come when your DH is sleeping, but sit outside instead?

My VTers got tired of trying to work around my schedule so now they just drop something in the mailbox about every 4 months - heck, a call is better than nothing.

[Maya]

I had some wonderful visiting teachers! I have an extremely choatic schedule and they never minded coming when it was conveniant for me. Well I have new ones now. At the beginning I explained the situation that my husband works night and sleeps during the day and that I am on a rotating schedule.

To make a long story short, they don't seem to get it. I have tried to explain as politely as I can that I will not have company while my dh is sleeping. It isn't fair to him. Plus they are doing the one thing that gets under my skin more then anything....dropping by unannouced!

I understand that they have a calling to fulfill but to what end?????? Am I being rude and completely unreasonable??????? I ask this because I am close to asking to be removed from visiting teaching completely!!!!

I would tell them that they can not come uninvited and when your DH is sleeping. I think they should respect your wishes. This time of your life things are this way, an other phase may give other options! I am sure they will understand and if not so... their problem... if they come just tell them that the time is not suitable for you!

Since they do not get the hint spell it to them!!

... with a smile

[lestertheemt]

Well, I spoke w/ both individuals today at church. In my mind I made it very clear, I guess I'll just have to wait and see how next month goes. I'll keep my fingers crossed!

Thanks All!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lisajo]

Heck i dont even know who mine are. the last 3 years no one has called, i got a few things in the mail, but that was along time ago. we havent had home teachers in years either. i gave up, i dont want them here now any way, it has been so long ago that i feel if they did show up it was out of the fact they want to make their quota for the month! and not cause i may need them here!

Edited February 16, 2009 by lisajo

[Maya]

Heck i dont even know who mine are. the last 3 years no one has called, i got a few things in the mail, but that was along time ago. we havent had home teachers in years either. i gave up, i dont want them here now any way, it has been so long ago that i feel if they did show up it was out of the fact they want to make their quota for the month! and not cause i may need them here!

I know all about that... I think mine were gone some 5 years at least.... I really wanted to tell them to get....... It really needs a lot of humbling to welcome them after such a long time... I did and I am enjoying the BEST visiting siters ever and brothers are ok too! You could just go tell the RS leader you would like VISITING sisters to come and brothers too. It is actually quite nice when they do... Sometimes the ward can be very bad on this and sometimes very good.... I am going next week visting mine... I do have one inactive I never been visiting... yes shame on me!

[Elgama]

It works both ways I think do these Sisters have schedules they have to work to etc - if so would meeting somewhere for a hot chocolate once a month work etc, your not being entirely unreasonable but neither are they, do they know dropping by unannounced bothers you? I live in an area where it bothers the local people, BUT the English people living in the branch prefer people dropping by which has caused the problem that one lot thinks the other is rude and the other feel noone visits.

I would not asked to be removed personally I would work out a way everyone can accommodate each other Visiting Teaching is how we get to know, love and become friends with Sisters we wouldn't normally mix with, some I have found easier than others to have round, others don't come round just let me know they are there every month....... you have a schedule so do they and part of making VT successful is when both sides work together

-Charley

[Madriglace]

Heck i dont even know who mine are. the last 3 years no one has called, i got a few things in the mail, but that was along time ago. we havent had home teachers in years either. i gave up, i dont want them here now any way, it has been so long ago that i feel if they did show up it was out of the fact they want to make their quota for the month! and not cause i may need them here!

OK so I guess most people realize I have a big mouth ... my down fall! I handled this after 3 years in a ward as a single with no HT or VT. I got up one day in fast meeting and introduced myself and said I had been in the ward for 3 years and didn't know who my VT or Ht were but I was going to find out and shame on them for not finding me before I had to look. That got results.

My VT partner is my sweet mother. She nearly has a fit if we are not out by the first day of the month. She says her partner murmurs but we get to all of our sisters every month. Don't know if I would be so good without her. Hope I never have to find out. We have one sister that we are the only ones that can get in her house ... because of my mother. What an example and inspiration she is to me.

[applepansy]

I had some wonderful visiting teachers! I have an extremely choatic schedule and they never minded coming when it was conveniant for me. Well I have new ones now. At the beginning I explained the situation that my husband works night and sleeps during the day and that I am on a rotating schedule.

To make a long story short, they don't seem to get it. I have tried to explain as politely as I can that I will not have company while my dh is sleeping. It isn't fair to him. Plus they are doing the one thing that gets under my skin more then anything....dropping by unannouced!

I understand that they have a calling to fulfill but to what end?????? Am I being rude and completely unreasonable??????? I ask this because I am close to asking to be removed from visiting teaching completely!!!!

Before asking to be removed from the VT list, call your RS president and explain the situation to her. Then its ok to be blunt with the sisters who are visiting you. Its ok to say "If you can't call before you come, don't come." If they understand that they are causing harm and frustration they will often be more accommodating.

My current VT know they have to call days in advance. If they don't . . .well I don't even answer the door. I'm awful. (I can't hear anyone knock when I'm up in my bedroom. If I don't know they are coming I don't go downstairs to wait for them to arrive.)

applepansy

Edited February 24, 2009 by applepansy

[Truegrits]

Heck i don't even know who mine are. the last 3 years no one has called, i got a few things in the mail, but that was along time ago. we haven't had home teachers in years either. i gave up, i dont want them here now any way, it has been so long ago that i feel if they did show up it was out of the fact they want to make their quota for the month! and not cause i may need them here!

I have the most wonderful and thoughtful Home Teachers one could wish for. They always call the day before to verify, and if it is not a good time for me, we schedule a day/time that does work.

On the other hand, I have no idea who my Visiting Teachers are, and have not been "visited" in three years. Not a phone call, not a note left on the door, not a letter in the mail...zip, zero, nada!

I am lucky to be paired with my sister. We make a good team; she has a hectic job, so I make the appointments and bake the cookies...but her job is to get us to the Sisters...we have to go down so many dirt roads, country lanes...I would get lost, and never make it at all!!!

[lisajo]

Some how i swear who ever my VT is read this. Ya i got one of those flyers in the mail, No return NAME at all have no idea who it was. they mail me the message and then put no name on it i feel it is a slap in the face it's like hey i have to send you this and thats all your gunna get from me not even my name or return addy! after all i get the Ensign so i can read it there, why waist a stamp. I have truely had it. and well it makes me really not want to go to church it makes feel rather un important!

Edited February 25, 2009 by lisajo

[Elgama]

Some how i swear who ever my VT is read this. Ya i got one of those flyers in the mail, No return NAME at all have no idea who it was. they mail me the message and then put no name on it i feel it is a slap in the face it's like hey i have to send you this and thats all your gunna get from me not even my name or return addy! after all i get the Ensign so i can read it there, why waist a stamp. I have truely had it. and well it makes me really not want to go to church it makes feel rather un important!

we never know what is going on in the lives of someone else - yes the person could be being unrighteous, or they could be going through the most horrific circumstances of their lives and be barely coping from day to day, it takes time to humble yourself and admit it to your RS President. I doubt they intend to upset or offend you

Like Brigham Young said those that take offence when none is intended are fools. we go to church because the LORD is important not because we are. They are not showing you tolerance and love but in return you are not allowing them any. It is possible that you may not actually have VT in our branch there is not always enough able bodied people to go around and those semi or inactive or disabled take priority and the rest of us get a newsletter or mailing during those times. Have you asked your RS President who they are and then you can ask if there is anything you can do to make their lives easier? Like I stated in my previous post VT is about mutual concern for each other not their concern for us. Maybe find who they are and send them something to thank them for mailing you every month some VT don't even manage that much - my VT has not been done for 3 months because I have had a nasty infection and was not coping myself, my sisters on my list instead of moaning about me have sent me cards and phoned every Sunday to see how I am.

-Charley

[Truegrits]

Some how i swear who ever my VT is read this. Ya i got one of those flyers in the mail, No return NAME at all have no idea who it was. they mail me the message and then put no name on it i feel it is a slap in the face it's like hey i have to send you this and that's all your gonna get from me not even my name or return addy! after all i get the Ensign so i can read it there, why waist a stamp. I have truly had it. and well it makes me really not want to go to church it makes feel rather un important!

The thing to hold on to, to remember, is that you are very important to Heavenly Father. You are one of his beloved daughters. Do not let what imperfect humans do, (or do not do) turn you away from Him.

We cannot make others fulfill their callings; we can only control how we do the things asked of us. Never let another's short-comings/failures deter you from the path you know you should be treading.

Even though I have no idea who my Visiting Teachers are, I do know that if I was in need, there are many wonderful and caring people in my Ward I could turn to. And maybe my VT's realize I am doing fine, and are concentrating their time on others who are struggling? I try to not dwell (too much ) on that which I cannot control.

[Hemidakota]

I had some wonderful visiting teachers! I have an extremely choatic schedule and they never minded coming when it was conveniant for me. Well I have new ones now. At the beginning I explained the situation that my husband works night and sleeps during the day and that I am on a rotating schedule.

To make a long story short, they don't seem to get it. I have tried to explain as politely as I can that I will not have company while my dh is sleeping. It isn't fair to him. Plus they are doing the one thing that gets under my skin more then anything....dropping by unannouced!

I understand that they have a calling to fulfill but to what end?????? Am I being rude and completely unreasonable??????? I ask this because I am close to asking to be removed from visiting teaching completely!!!!

I truly understand your disposition here. They need to get it...talk to the Bishop first and explain your problems with him.

[applepansy]

Some how i swear who ever my VT is read this. Ya i got one of those flyers in the mail, No return NAME at all have no idea who it was. they mail me the message and then put no name on it i feel it is a slap in the face it's like hey i have to send you this and thats all your gunna get from me not even my name or return addy! after all i get the Ensign so i can read it there, why waist a stamp. I have truely had it. and well it makes me really not want to go to church it makes feel rather un important!

I heard the hurt in your words. Always remember you are very important to your Heavenly Father. I agree with Elgama. We never know what is happening in someone else's life. I would suggest finding out who your VTs are and contacting them.

Home Teacher and Visiting Teacher callings are more than just callings. They are an opportunity to build a relationship and friendship. Relationships are never one sided.

I hope you will not stop going to church because of this. We go to church to worship our Heavenly Father and to find out where we can be of service. Feeling unimportant or ignored isn't going to help you or anyone else.

Happiness is like a butterfly

If you chanse it, it will elude you.

But, turn your thoughts to other things

And it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.

--annonymous

That short poem applies to everything in life. If you're unhappy with your VTs, then turn your thoughts and energies to something else for awhile. Call your RS President or Bishop and ask where you can serve.

applepansy

[Berean]

I don't blame you it is rude to drop by unannounced and when one is asked not to. When mine come by...rarely if ever...they tell me and are great. My first ones were great but until these I was not visit taught for over 4 years...at all. I try but could do better...the say I do well. I like it as I am very social. I just wish I did not get changed around so often although now I may have a living ray of sunshine who used to be the Bishop's wife and is now the wife of someone in the presidency. YAY!!!!!

They don't know who my new ones are exactly. I used to have 2 companions but they thought that was too much even though I am extremely underemployed and said I didn't mind. The Home Teaching program in my ward is much more strict and my companionless elderly home teacher comes faithfully every month and is fantastic...no real teaching but great stores about hunting, fishing and his *ahem* exes. Quite a man and I hope we never lose him and it is said we will not. His companion used to be a member and a temple worker but was married to a woman who stopped taking her psychiatric medication and they divorced. She is back but he has remarried and requested excommunication to be with his wife. Really sad since when my uncle died he was the only one with a kind word even when my sister in law said something cruel to me about it.

...and he used to work in the temple, you never know.

[WillowTheWhisp]

In our Ward the active member do not have Home Teachers or Visiting Teachers. We only visit less active sisters.This means I have no priesthood contact as we have no priesthood in our home. If my children or I need a blessing we really do not have anyone to contact which leaves me feeling lost an out on a limb too.

Then I had a problem with the sister I have been newly teamed with as a VT. We visited in January but when I tried to arrange with her to go out in February she said she was far too busy- then I learned that she had done visits on her own which again made me feel totally unwanted.

There are times when I wonder if I really do belong to this church.

My own opinion of visiting teachers who call at inconvenient times when you have specifically asked them not to is that they are thinking more of numbers than of people. Yes it may very well be that they too have a schedule and cannot be available at times when it is OK for them to visit you but that doesn't mean they should be so inconsiderate as to expect you to welcome a visit at a time when you have specifically told them it is inconvenient due to your family circumstances.

[applepansy]

In our Ward the active member do not have Home Teachers or Visiting Teachers. We only visit less active sisters.This means I have no priesthood contact as we have no priesthood in our home. If my children or I need a blessing we really do not have anyone to contact which leaves me feeling lost an out on a limb too.

You need to talk to your bishop. All single or widowed mothers need Home Teachers. Its church policy and if its not being done in your ward you need to find out why. You need access to the priesthood. If you don't get a satisfactory answer from your Bishop/Branch President then talk to the Stake.

Then I had a problem with the sister I have been newly teamed with as a VT. We visited in January but when I tried to arrange with her to go out in February she said she was far too busy- then I learned that she had done visits on her own which again made me feel totally unwanted.

There are times when I wonder if I really do belong to this church.

You do belong. Everyone belongs sometimes we struggling with feelings of being alone and that no one cares. This is Satan snd your testimony is being tested. Ask yourself this "Am I at church for myself or for the other members?" I'll bet you're a member for you. You have a testimony. When our testimony wavers or When we feel alone its best to pray more and read the scriptures more . . . also, volunteer to do something in RS if you can.

You are a daughter of our Heavenly Father and He loves you. He knows your struggles. Let Him help. “There is no need for any of us to walk alone. We can look up and reach out for divine help.” Thomas S. Monson, Ensign, Oct 1993, 2 (Thank you Angelonawing for the WOW quote today)

applepansy

Edited March 5, 2009 by applepansy

[Guest somemei]

He responded that, in his opinion, it all came from an experience with his mother that occurred when he was about two years old. He had been trying to remove a bottle of milk from the refrigerator when he lost his grip on the slippery bottle and it fell, spilling its contents all over the kitchen floor - a veritable sea of milk!

london jewellery

[annamaureen]

Plus they are doing the one thing that gets under my skin more then anything....dropping by unannouced!

I hate that! Both my visiting teachers and home teachers do this. Once they came by on the last day of the month, at nearly 10 pm. My husband and I were sitting around in our garments watching TV, and I was half asleep on the couch! We had to scramble to get dressed and look vaguely presentable.

[beefche]

I hate that! Both my visiting teachers and home teachers do this. Once they came by on the last day of the month, at nearly 10 pm. My husband and I were sitting around in our garments watching TV, and I was half asleep on the couch! We had to scramble to get dressed and look vaguely presentable.

Were they watching the movie RM before they decided to "visit" you at 10 pm on the 31st? I wouldn't have answered the door--or at the very least, cracked it and told them to jump in the nearest lake.

[MorningStar]

Yes, I would meet them somewhere else, giving me time with my husband later after he wakes up. And possibly a note on the door that says, "Don't ring. Husband napping."