Help!

[EnglishRose]

Any help that anyone could give would be greatly appreciated.

A situation has arisen with my boss that I really don't know what to do about. He is married with children. I'm his PA. I have turned a blind eye to his activities for the two / three years that I have been working for him. (He is married with children who have now grown up not that makes it any better.)

His attentions have now come to me, around Christmas time he made it obvious that he wanted more than just paperwork doing. Please don't get me wrong nothing has happened.

I've tried my best to humor him while keep him at arms length - I'm well aware I need a reference from him at the end of my contract this year (which I won't be renewing.)

He is now pestering me every day. He knows I'm LDS, his old boss at a previous firm is on the high council in my stake!

I have made the resolution that I need to trust Heavenly Father to guide me threw any problems that may arise with my references because of it, but I'm not sure exactly how to tell my boss, "I'm not interested, and this is why" etc etc.

I know the people around me who I work with wouldn't be bothered, I know many who have worked their way up the ladder that way. But that's not my way. I've made it where I am through sheer hard work. I know that my colleagues and the world will think I've lost it, I know they will especially with the current credit crisis. But I can't deny my standards anymore.

:-S

Confused.

[georgia2]

Is this man the owner, president of the company? If not, or maybe even if, there are laws now to protect us from this type of work related harassment. If I were you I would check in to how to document the advances, keep a journal,(set up a video camera?), ask friends in the company to watch and document what they see also. Then when enough evidence is gathered, file a complaint. You can also get the advice of an attorney without having to pay them yet. You would only pay if you both decided to pursue the case. MAke sure you dress appropriately and immodestly when around him also. Maybe there are others in your company who have also been approached by him, if so, you could join forces and file together.

[lilered]

Your boss is indeed flirting with danger and compliance with Government regulations specificially created to prevent this type of behavior in the workplace. Having said that, it still can be a worrisome matter for the employee as you indicate. My counsel which is my expiernce of being a supervior, manager and ultimately member of upper mgmt for a Fortune 500 company would be this.

As suggested by georgia2, become acquainted with the laws governing sexual harrasment in the workplace, these can easily be obtained by search of the goverment website. You do not indicate whether or not your boss has a boss etc. or whether he is the top officer of the company. You likewise do not indicate whether or not you have a personell department, so my advise assumes this is a small company. It sounds like his behavior is simply at this point flirtatous and has not reached a quid for pro point.

My next recommendation would be to start to document each and every incident that occurrs for the next few months. Including your responses. If he leaves you any notes, text messages, phone mails etc. , save them and keep them in a safe place (not at work). Do not keep anything in your desk that may be visible to others. Documument rumors that you hear indicating previous violations by other employees (who may be called later as witnesses).

Dress modestly and act appropriatly always at work. Be careful, when discussing his behavior with others. The reason for this is that your discussion may find its way back to him which could lead for early dismissal for some unrelated event.

Here is a website that will give you some good information. http//sexual-harassment.org/

While I personally have never had to answer for a personal sexual-harrassment charge, I have investigate several employees as a result of charges brought against them by another employee under my supervision. I have met with government as well as Company compliance officers over the behavior of employees. Some superviors and mgrs. were found to be accussed falsely by a subordinate, others were found to be in violation of company and either dismissed, demoted, and/or transferred. Each case is weighed on the merits of the case and that is why good documentation is necessary. To accuse someone without proof can be damaging as well to that individual and may affect him or her permantly both at home and the workplace.

If your boss is accelerating his behavior then it shouldn't take long for you to document it and gather suffiecent information to start this process. Keep in mind that if he has a boss, once you report it to his boss it, the cats out of the bag, and legally his boss has to do something about it. If your boss denies any culpiability, then it becomes a situation where its your word against his. That is the purpose of gathering some evidence and documentation prior. Which by the way should include anyone you contact concenring this matter etc. including his boss, government, etc..

I cases where, I personally was contact by a female in our organization concerning this type of behavior of an employee under my supervision, I immediatly called the indivual in and discussed it with them. I wanted to give them an opportunity to respond and give their side of the story. Additionally, reviewed the Company and Government guidelines for this to ensure they understand and are aware of these.

I then called the female back in and advised them of the results of my meeting. They were encouraged to advise me in person if any further problems were incurred including retibution for them making a complaint.

I then documented all of this, sending a copy to Human Resources, and a copy to the accussed employee. I never had a second occurrance from the same employee.

Assuming once again, this man has a boss, then once you have some documentation etc. I would ask to meet personally with his boss. If possible take a trusted friend with you. Relay what has been happening as well as how you have handled these to date. That your efforts to do your work safely and free of harrassment is beyond your control and ask for his help. Make sure you indicate you like your boss, you like working for him, you just are not interested in anything else but being allowed to do the job you are hired to perform. I would also encourage you to request a follow up meeting so that you may be appraised of what action has been taken. Be advised though, your boss will no doubt be called in, chewed out, etc.. It will not be uncommon for him to respond to you in a very different way in the future. By that I mean very business like.

Hope this helps

Edited February 24, 2009 by lilered

[talisyn]

Is this man the owner, president of the company? If not, or maybe even if, there are laws now to protect us from this type of work related harassment. If I were you I would check in to how to document the advances, keep a journal,(set up a video camera?), ask friends in the company to watch and document what they see also. Then when enough evidence is gathered, file a complaint. You can also get the advice of an attorney without having to pay them yet. You would only pay if you both decided to pursue the case. MAke sure you dress appropriately and immodestly when around him also. Maybe there are others in your company who have also been approached by him, if so, you could join forces and file together.

I hate to be picky, but don't you mean 'modestly'? Kind've gives the sentence a whole new meaning

And it's very good advice. No one should feel pressured to participate in off-job activities to keep present job.

Edited February 25, 2009 by talisyn
spelling

[Islander]

Any help that anyone could give would be greatly appreciated.

A situation has arisen with my boss that I really don't know what to do about. He is married with children. I'm his PA. I have turned a blind eye to his activities for the two / three years that I have been working for him. (He is married with children who have now grown up not that makes it any better.)

His attentions have now come to me, around Christmas time he made it obvious that he wanted more than just paperwork doing. Please don't get me wrong nothing has happened.

I've tried my best to humor him while keep him at arms length - I'm well aware I need a reference from him at the end of my contract this year (which I won't be renewing.)

He is now pestering me every day. He knows I'm LDS, his old boss at a previous firm is on the high council in my stake!

I have made the resolution that I need to trust Heavenly Father to guide me threw any problems that may arise with my references because of it, but I'm not sure exactly how to tell my boss, "I'm not interested, and this is why" etc etc.

I know the people around me who I work with wouldn't be bothered, I know many who have worked their way up the ladder that way. But that's not my way. I've made it where I am through sheer hard work. I know that my colleagues and the world will think I've lost it, I know they will especially with the current credit crisis. But I can't deny my standards anymore.

:-S

Confused.

What are you confused about? You have to avoid the ambiguity. Let him know in no-uncertain terms that you are not interested in anything, absolutely, other than your work. The guy is a scum bag and you have to let him know that your integrity is much more important that anything else. If you fear him he will smell it and push you against the wall just because he thinks he can get away with it. In situations like this is when your character is tested.

[FunkyTown]

Let me have a talk with 'im, English! What part of England are you from? If it's close to London, I would -love- to talk to him and beat him u... Tell him that what he's doing is inappropriate.

[Hemidakota]

Any help that anyone could give would be greatly appreciated.

A situation has arisen with my boss that I really don't know what to do about. He is married with children. I'm his PA. I have turned a blind eye to his activities for the two / three years that I have been working for him. (He is married with children who have now grown up not that makes it any better.)

His attentions have now come to me, around Christmas time he made it obvious that he wanted more than just paperwork doing. Please don't get me wrong nothing has happened.

I've tried my best to humor him while keep him at arms length - I'm well aware I need a reference from him at the end of my contract this year (which I won't be renewing.)

He is now pestering me every day. He knows I'm LDS, his old boss at a previous firm is on the high council in my stake!

I have made the resolution that I need to trust Heavenly Father to guide me threw any problems that may arise with my references because of it, but I'm not sure exactly how to tell my boss, "I'm not interested, and this is why" etc etc.

I know the people around me who I work with wouldn't be bothered, I know many who have worked their way up the ladder that way. But that's not my way. I've made it where I am through sheer hard work. I know that my colleagues and the world will think I've lost it, I know they will especially with the current credit crisis. But I can't deny my standards anymore.

:-S

Confused.

Who is the owner of the company? Report it immediately. You do not have to put up with this at all. If they threaten to fire you, obtain a lawyer. Give your trust to GOD in protecting you.