pushka Posted March 27, 2009 Report Share Posted March 27, 2009 I've always tried to trust my kids, especially when they reached their teens, however sometimes I just get that silly head on where I'm worrying about their every move outside the house without me. My ex, their dad, is even worse than I am..I have had to keep secret the fact that my kids have travelled across the country to odd events, to stop him from worrying unnecessarily..trouble is, when I do that I start to worry excessively about the trouble I'll be in if the kids come to any harm, lol!! My daughter is 20 on Monday, I'm usually very good with her, however she has been ill recently, depression, which has made her feel more dependent on me and her dad in all sorts of ways..she wants to return to college, and I couldn't help suggesting that I go with her to chat to student services about her options, financially etc. she had to remind me that she is more than capable of doing this by herself. My son turned 16 last month and met a girl on holiday, she lives about 2 hours away from us, maybe a little further, by bus, and he wanted to go to meet her in Manchester city centre for the afternoon, I let him go but trailed him by text messages all the way..he was a little annoyed at me doing this as recently he'd commented about how pleased he was that I wasn't the kind of mum who texted her kids all night to check where they were, and here I was doing just that!! He was fine, btw :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Islander Posted March 27, 2009 Report Share Posted March 27, 2009 Agreed but when it is ever safe being a parent in allowing your children to travel? I am always worried even when my [27 years old] oldest daughter travels across country.Ditto:Look, I have been in so much trouble to give some of you parents a heart attack several times over. I am no stranger to danger. My children are still small but I will exercise my experience and parental influence to keep them away from what I believe to be unnecessary risk. "Experience always comes late, cost lots of money and at times could be quite painful..." grandma' just to say.My son is 13 and a while back got infatuated with dirt bikes. I told him he was going to buy one when he could afford it and ride the day I died. He is my ONLY (male) son, he is not going to kill my chances to spread our family name in this lands, he is not going to get crippled before he has a chance to (be the first male in our lineage) serve the Lord in a full time mission. After that he is free to break every bone in his body riding one of those death traps in two wheels. :):):) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john doe Posted March 27, 2009 Report Share Posted March 27, 2009 Your daughter is 18, an adult. Give her guidance on things to beware of. Have her call you twice a day at specific times, so you know she is doing okay. And then pray that God will watch over her for you. I agree. She is legally an adult. About all you can do now is pray that you taught her enough values to be smart enough to be safe and make the right decisions, and pray that God will watch over her safety. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceeboos_boss Posted March 27, 2009 Report Share Posted March 27, 2009 Honestly, Jolee, from everything I've read in all your posts about your daughter, you sound like a very controlling mom. Having had a controlling mom myself, I would suggest that you just cool off a little bit. You seem to get really worked up about everything with her.(I really don't intend this as an insult, just an observation. I realize it may come across as insulting, and I sincerely apologize if that's the case.)I think what your telling jolee does not help her at all it just sound very insulting and rude.I agree with palerider on this one and that is,that its never easy to let go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elphaba Posted March 28, 2009 Report Share Posted March 28, 2009 I think what your telling jolee does not help her at all it just sound very insulting and rude.I agree with palerider on this one and that is,that its never easy to let go.I'm not sure which ceeboo you are, so perhaps you haven't seen Jolee's ongoing posts about her daughter. Jolee came here and asked the question about what to do with her daughter. She is obviously very distraught and concerned.Jolee has written many posts about her relationship with her daughter, so it is not as if Wing just came up with her opinion based on one post. She didn't.Wing is right . . . based on the information Jolee has provided, she contributes to the drama as much as her daugher does. But it is nearly impossible to see that when you're enmeshed in the relationship, so Wing tried to give her that perspective.Again, Jolee asked us what to do. Wing answered her question, and I think it took her some guts to do so. Elphaba Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceeboos_boss Posted March 28, 2009 Report Share Posted March 28, 2009 (edited) This is what jolee posted My daughter is 18 a senior in high school her and two of her girlfriends want to go to North Carolina for a couple days and I think its a very dangerous thing for three girls 20 thru 18 on there own traveling with nobody there to help them out of a situation that could be dangerous. What do you think?? NO NEED TO BODY GUARD! No where in her post did jolee ask for someone to teach her how to Mother nor to teach her parenting skills!( I think jolee can handle that) What she did say was her daughters going on a trip and she has some concers (as parents do) and I think she was looking for maybe comfort and some to tell her that her fears and worrys ARE VERY REAL but to also let her know that as parents we have to let them fly solo sometimes. I think sometimes people sound harsh on here and should be told. so maybe they can chill. Edited March 28, 2009 by ceeboos_boss Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WANDERER Posted March 28, 2009 Report Share Posted March 28, 2009 (edited) Jolee...I'm sure your daughter will have panic moments while on the trip...she hasn't been to NC for three days before on her own. Acouple of responses *increase responsibilities (you said no, she went anyway...if you're adult enough to do that then you're adult enough to take on more ; ) because respect needs to be maintained). Not worth storming out the door is always worth impressing on kids. *you need to break the cycle of doing all the worrying for her...what has she done to increase her own safety for this trip (I have the mobile on, I'll call you at such and such time, I know what bus to get on if I don't like it and I have the money to go home etc...). At 18 she needs to do this thinking for herself or at least start...a purse with cab money home is mandatory. My mother's response to my massive hissy fit etc was to be dead asleep when I got home after curfew. Very effective. Instead of the expected waiting confrontation I ended up waking her and talking to her (what the?...no one missed me!) and to any comments that tried to up her worry level she just smiled and said calmly...I didn't raise you to be stupid, I'm sure you were fine. I ended up going to bed feeling like I lost the battle...yes, I got what I wanted, but...the roles had reversed. I got the adult status...but it became my responsibility to write down addresses and phone numbers and such and peg them up and do the phonecalling...my lesson in that...if you take responsibility you can't give it back. Um....in hindsight...she probably wasn't half as asleep as she pretended to be...but she did a great job of it and understanding teens. I became the obsessive aren't you even going to ask where I'm going kid...look here are the contact details etc. I needed those skills because I was also leaving home for uni. I might have been a pretty good 'rebel'...but never got much of an opportunity as I was constantly 'out-thunk'. I did quiz her about it years later and she just shrugged and said, you would have done it anyway...arggghhh...cause I honestly thought my mother had me so completely under thumb. She will miss you heaps you know. Edited March 28, 2009 by wandering Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elphaba Posted March 28, 2009 Report Share Posted March 28, 2009 This is what jolee postedMy daughter is 18 a senior in high school her and two of her girlfriends want to go to North Carolina for a couple days and I think its a very dangerous thing for three girls 20 thru 18 on there own traveling with nobody there to help them out of a situation that could be dangerous.What do you think??Yes, I already read that.NO NEED TO BODY GUARD!I have no idea what this means.No where in her post did jolee ask for someone to teach her how to Mother nor to teach her parenting skills!( I think jolee can handle that)She asked what we thought. Wing told her what she thought. As I already explained jolee has posted about her daughter often. Wing was responding to jolee's question based on all of jolee's posts about her daughter, not just this one.If you'd like to understand my perspective (and Wing's I think, I'll let her speak for herself), search for jolee's posts about her daughter.I think sometimes people sound harsh on here and should be told. so maybe they can chill.Likewise.Elphaba Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jolee65 Posted March 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2009 (edited) This is what jolee postedMy daughter is 18 a senior in high school her and two of her girlfriends want to go to North Carolina for a couple days and I think its a very dangerous thing for three girls 20 thru 18 on there own traveling with nobody there to help them out of a situation that could be dangerous.What do you think?? NO NEED TO BODY GUARD!No where in her post did jolee ask for someone to teach her how to Mother nor to teach her parenting skills!( I think jolee can handle that) What she did say was her daughters going on a trip and she has some concers (as parents do) and I think she was looking for maybe comfort and some to tell her that her fears and worrys ARE VERY REAL but to also let her know that as parents we have to let them fly solo sometimes.I think sometimes people sound harsh on here and should be told. so maybe they can chill.You said it sister, support is what im looking for theres alot of parents on here and im new at this becoming a (empty nester) letting go is hard and there are some real haters on here thats why i dont log on that much anymore and its not whats said to me but others as well. Edited March 28, 2009 by jolee65 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elphaba Posted March 28, 2009 Report Share Posted March 28, 2009 nd there are some real haters on here thats why i dont log on that much anymore andIf you've wanted to visit the site, but haven't because of me, that's not my fault.You asked for our thoughts, and so I gave mine. And as I explained before, I wasn't commenting on only this post; rather, my comment was based on all of the posts where you complain about people who don't do what you think they should. If you only want responses from those who will agree with everything you say, then make that clear from the beginning, and I promise, I'll not respond.Either way, there's no need to be put out as if you're a victim here. No one hates you.Elphaba Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FunkyTown Posted March 28, 2009 Report Share Posted March 28, 2009 If you've wanted to visit the site, but haven't because of me, that's not my fault.You asked for our thoughts, and so I gave mine. And as I explained before, I wasn't commenting on only this post; rather, my comment was based on all of the posts where you complain about people who don't do what you think they should. If you only want responses from those who will agree with everything you say, then make that clear from the beginning, and I promise, I'll not respond.Either way, there's no need to be put out as if you're a victim here. No one hates you.ElphabaSatan does. He hates all life.This is where you say, 'Touche, Funks. Touche'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceeboos_boss Posted March 28, 2009 Report Share Posted March 28, 2009 Jolee, I sent you a PM :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elgama Posted March 28, 2009 Report Share Posted March 28, 2009 (edited) I think children are given too little independence these days and its sad. I am very grateful that my Mum let me walk to school on my own from about 6, by 11 I could get the bus into town if I wanted, by 15 I could easily take the train to visit my Dad, it was 6 hours and 3 trains but I could read a timetable. By 18 I was able to travel and by 19 left to go university with a course that involved me travelling. The experiences I have had have been amazing. Could something have happened to me of course it could, but I could also have been attacked, lost my virginity or been run over a by a bus in the street I lived in, on top of that I would have missed out on life If you don't have enough confidence in the outcome of your parenting by the time your child is a teen then I do feel it doesn't matter they will never be ready to cut the apron strings Like CS Lewis has said we parent our children so they no longer need us, for me thats my goal as a parent. I keep teasing that my 5 and 2 year old would manage fine without me lol and in someways that is true, if I am ill they can look after each other and help Mum. My daughter hopefully from our new house in the next couple of years will be able to go to the park and Granny's on her own. These days cotton wool kids are turning into adults that struggle when they leave home, get into stupid messes and can't take care of themselves no what I would want for my 3. If you know you have taught your daughter well what is there to fear? she has the ability to make those decisions. I know my kids have been taught well and can make righteous decisions at 5 and 2, by 18 I hope they will have their own testimony and know why they are making them -Charley Edited March 28, 2009 by Elgama Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jolee65 Posted March 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2009 Elphaba, You give yourself to much credit, but you do appear to be one of the biggest haters here.... its not really a Christian site when people attack one another, im not claiming to be always Christ like but im not going to jump on the ban wagon when others want to hate on a person for asking a question. Im the last to act as a victim I simply agreed with another on there opinion. But hate breeds haters and im looking to improve not decrease my life skills. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elphaba Posted March 28, 2009 Report Share Posted March 28, 2009 Elphaba,You give yourself to much credit, but you do appear to be one of the biggest haters here....its not really a Christian site when people attack one another, im not claiming to be always Christ like but im not going to jump on the ban wagon when others want to hate on a person for asking a question.Im the last to act as a victim I simply agreed with another on there opinion. But hate breeds haters and im looking to improve not decrease my life skills.I sincerely hope you are able to do that, and I wish you luck with your daughter.Elphaba Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prospectmom Posted March 29, 2009 Report Share Posted March 29, 2009 (edited) I htink it is sad when people post asking for help and then others just try to give their opinion and then get slammed for it being accused of all kinds of mayhem..... Mabey when you here something you do not like you should take a step back and breath... ask yourself am I reacting to this comment negativly... taking it wrong....mabey... Most all the people on this site are just honestly trying to help each other out.... Written words sometimes can be interpreted in ways so off from how they are written... I do not see this site full of haters just people trying to get by succeed in their life the best way they can... interacting with others.... When you open yourself up to these forums you need to remember you asked for the opinion you got... If you don't like it mabey your interpreting it wrong... mabey it hit a nerve.... mabey sometimes you need to let it go... LIfe is just to short to get mad about such small things in the bigger scope of life... I respect your right to have the opinions you have and only expect the same. Edited March 29, 2009 by prospectmom spelling Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john doe Posted March 29, 2009 Report Share Posted March 29, 2009 I didn't see any hate in the posts responding to the cry for help. If you don't want people to discuss your situation, then don't post every little drama in your life here and ask people what they think about it. This is the internet, we don't know you. But if you open your doors to the world and invite everyone to see what goes on in your life, don't get all upset when someone says something that might actually be at the heart of the problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ceebooboo Posted March 29, 2009 Report Share Posted March 29, 2009 If you don't want people to discuss your situation, then don't post every little drama in your life here and ask people what they think about it. This is the internet, we don't know you. .What a very kind thing to offer ( A GREAT example to us all )Peace,Ceebooboo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john doe Posted March 29, 2009 Report Share Posted March 29, 2009 What a very kind thing to offer ( A GREAT example to us all )Peace,Ceebooboo See, I knew that if I gave you enough time you would start to like me....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peppermcqueen Posted March 29, 2009 Report Share Posted March 29, 2009 It sounds like you were able to have a good, calm talk with your daughter. When emotions flare, it really can help to come back to the topic later when everyone's cooled off and able to communicate better. I think you are right to worry...that's part of the job description of "mother" isn't it? I moved away at 17 with 2 friends out of state to work and earn money for college. Now that I'm a mother, I can begin to understand how hard and scary it must have been for my mom. I guess I did get into some situations that I wouldn't have if I'd have stayed home, but I kept to the values my parents taught me. I think it made me more confident and a stronger person to be tested in different ways than I had been at home. I hope that it is a safe, fun experience for your daughter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceeboos_boss Posted March 29, 2009 Report Share Posted March 29, 2009 I htink it is sad when people post asking for help and then others just try to give their opinion and then get slammed for it being accused of all kinds of mayhem..... Mabey when you here something you do not like you should take a step back and breath... ask yourself am I reacting to this comment negativly... taking it wrong....mabey... Most all the people on this site are just honestly trying to help each other out.... Written words sometimes can be interpreted in ways so off from how they are written... I do not see this site full of haters just people trying to get by succeed in their life the best way they can... interacting with others....When you open yourself up to these forums you need to remember you asked for the opinion you got... If you don't like it mabey your interpreting it wrong... mabey it hit a nerve.... mabey sometimes you need to let it go... LIfe is just to short to get mad about such small things in the bigger scope of life...I respect your right to have the opinions you have and only expect the same.It makes me so sad to think you agree with the lack of class in some of the poster response to Jolee's post.It seems like some have lost their compassion and love for each other on these threads:( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jolee65 Posted March 29, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2009 I didn't see any hate in the posts responding to the cry for help. If you don't want people to discuss your situation, then don't post every little drama in your life here and ask people what they think about it. This is the internet, we don't know you. But if you open your doors to the world and invite everyone to see what goes on in your life, don't get all upset when someone says something that might actually be at the heart of the problem.Boy another great example of peace and love, lol what a joke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john doe Posted March 29, 2009 Report Share Posted March 29, 2009 It seems like some have lost their compassion and love for each other on these threads:( It's a lesson all of us could use, isn't it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jolee65 Posted March 29, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2009 It makes me so sad to think you agree with the lack of class in some of the poster response to Jolee's post.It seems like some have lost their compassion and love for each other on these threads:(Im sorry to say hes shown his colors before, I wasnt surprised ceeboos_boss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ceebooboo Posted March 29, 2009 Report Share Posted March 29, 2009 Boy another great example of peace and love, lol what a joke.Now why on earth should he offer you any peace and love, he doesn't even know you :lol::lol:Peace, Ceebooboo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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