Church court for teenager


pushka
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I've heard that there is a 15 year old girl, in the LDS church, who has fallen pregnant. She has been persuaded to go ahead with the pregnancy, however her parents have been advised that she will be subject to a church court. Adoption has been mentioned for when the child is born, however the girl's mother has stated that she doesn't have a testimony of that being the best thing for the child.

My question is, is it right that a teenager in this position should be subject to a church court?

Does not the stress of having to attend this place the mother to be and her pregnancy in danger..too much stress leading to miscarriage perhaps? (Obviously I'm talking about a severe amount of stress, and know that it isn't 'that' easy to have a miscarriage normally).

I've heard that the reason for the church court is because the sin is sexual by nature, and therefore cannot be dealt with by just direct repentance/prayer to God by the mother to be. Why is this? Surely there is no greater repentance procedure/conversation with God than a person praying for forgiveness rather than having to go via the church Hierarchy?

I feel very sorry for this girl, I know that in the eyes of the church she has sinned, however I see her as being particularly vunerable in her condition, and so cannot see a church court having a beneficial effect on her. Also, the possibility of the girl being co-erced into having her baby adopted, 'for its own good', seems just too much intrusion by the church into this girl's life now and future...

I was a member of the Roman Catholic Church, and recall the special centres that some pregnant RC girls were sent to, and where lots had their children adopted under these circumstances, but this was many years ago..30 or more generally...surely God is merciful and would want us to be so too..if anything, I feel that the church should be offering counselling for the girl at this time, if she requests it, rather than punishing her.

Sorry if this doesn't sound uplifting, but this really 'gets' to me...

I am not sure if I can clarify anything or not....but here goes....

We as leaders do council pregnant teens to give baby up for adoption...here in the States the child would go thru LDS Social Services. The reason for this council is....again..I do not have a official document in front of me...I am just trying to remember everything I learned. When a teen is pregnant lets face it....its very very tough to be a Mother as a teenager. The bulk of the child raising will be on the Mother , for some reason the male seems to disappear. Now with this raising of a child..the Grandparents will have their hands full too...they will have to pitch in and help and their lives will change. More stress in the home ....this is why they suggest to give up for adoption. Not sure if I helped at all...but hey I tried.

As for the court...yes they need to go thru a church council....if I were the Bishop of this young lady it could be used a teaching moment....it would give me the chance to teach this young person the seriousness of what they did and to see what could happen.

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Thank you Pale, I do know that the Bishop stressed the better life chances, educationally and otherwise, a child has within a 2 parent family, and I'm sure he also must have discussed the other points you mentioned too. Unfortunately, the particular Bishop concerned is not know for his tact, and so the mother of the young lady involved did take advice from some of her male PH relatives, one a past Bishop, who did explain the procedure/consequences in a much more 'user friendly' fashion, in order to put her mind at rest.

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Thank you Pale, I do know that the Bishop stressed the better life chances, educationally and otherwise, a child has within a 2 parent family, and I'm sure he also must have discussed the other points you mentioned too. Unfortunately, the particular Bishop concerned is not know for his tact, and so the mother of the young lady involved did take advice from some of her male PH relatives, one a past Bishop, who did explain the procedure/consequences in a much more 'user friendly' fashion, in order to put her mind at rest.

I can understand what you mean and appreciate your remarks...

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I'm sorry for using the term 'fallen pregnant', it's just a common phrase used in my part of the world, it wasn't used to attempt to say that the girl was forced into sex, or carried no responsibility for the act..

I'm sorry I reacted strongly to the term - I had no idea it was a common term. Chalk it up to me being a dang idiot.

The main point is that a disciplinary council/church court may be a terrifying thing to contemplate, but it's actually a freeing, cleansing, wonderful process if approached with a broken heart and contrite spirit.

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I think D&C 95:1 accurately summarizes the grand purpose of disciplinary councils:

1 Verily, thus saith the Lord unto you whom I love, and whom I love I also chasten that their sins may be forgiven, for with the chastisement I prepare a way for their deliverance in all things out of temptation, and I have loved you

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No worries LM, misunderstandings re local phrases etc. are bound to be common..

EternalP, I believe the girl is quite excited about her pregnancy at the moment, but also a little embarrassed as she hasn't yet left school and is at the stage where her tummy is just beginning to enlarge..she doesn't want to change for PT with the other girls. She has no interest/desire in speaking with the Bishop at present, however she hasn't really got along with him very well over the years, her mum thinks they may be too alike, a personality clash. I will keep you posted :)

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I've heard that there is a 15 year old girl, in the LDS church, who has fallen pregnant. She has been persuaded to go ahead with the pregnancy, however her parents have been advised that she will be subject to a church court. Adoption has been mentioned for when the child is born, however the girl's mother has stated that she doesn't have a testimony of that being the best thing for the child.

My question is, is it right that a teenager in this position should be subject to a church court?

Does not the stress of having to attend this place the mother to be and her pregnancy in danger..too much stress leading to miscarriage perhaps? (Obviously I'm talking about a severe amount of stress, and know that it isn't 'that' easy to have a miscarriage normally).

I've heard that the reason for the church court is because the sin is sexual by nature, and therefore cannot be dealt with by just direct repentance/prayer to God by the mother to be. Why is this? Surely there is no greater repentance procedure/conversation with God than a person praying for forgiveness rather than having to go via the church Hierarchy?

I feel very sorry for this girl, I know that in the eyes of the church she has sinned, however I see her as being particularly vunerable in her condition, and so cannot see a church court having a beneficial effect on her. Also, the possibility of the girl being co-erced into having her baby adopted, 'for its own good', seems just too much intrusion by the church into this girl's life now and future...

I was a member of the Roman Catholic Church, and recall the special centres that some pregnant RC girls were sent to, and where lots had their children adopted under these circumstances, but this was many years ago..30 or more generally...surely God is merciful and would want us to be so too..if anything, I feel that the church should be offering counselling for the girl at this time, if she requests it, rather than punishing her.

Sorry if this doesn't sound uplifting, but this really 'gets' to me...

The incorrect assumptions I'm seeing are as follows:

1.) "Church Court exists as a means of being mean and punishing people for sins." This is not the way is supposed to work at all. Church Court exists to help a sinner realize the seriousness of what they've done and to help them chart the course to repentance and reconciliation with God. If a Church Disciplinary Council is being mean or nasty to the individual, then they are operating contrary to the will of God.

2.) "The Coucil will pressure the girl to put the child up for adoption." Not putting the kid up for adoption is not a sin, it's just saddling herself with a responsibility that she's not likely ready for yet. Abortion would be one thing they'd want to steer her well clear of though. Whether she keeps the baby or puts it up for adoption, the bishop and the council should be supportive of her decision. The LDS Church has an excellent service for adoption if things go that direction and it would be irresponsible for them to not tell her about it. Not doing so would be failure to educate her about all of her options.

Church Disciplinary Councils are not made to be mean. Why is it assumed that they will be? It is unusual for a full council to be used in cases involving teenagers though.

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Thanks for your post Faded. I've had time to think about my reaction to the situation since I first posted, and realise that I was looking at the church disciplinary action from my own, newly converted, point of view, rather than the pov of somebody (the girl in question) who has been brought up in the church, and therefore is likely to have a different outlook on the situation than I do.

I must admit that I felt shocked when I was told that a 'church court' was to be held for the girl, and I did jump to the conclusion that she would be punished, as in being disfellowshipped or excommunicated, rather than being offered the services of counselling or whatever the Church social services offers under these circumstances.

I do understand that some people find adoption a better outcome than the teenager keeping/raising her child herself, but from what I've heard the girl's mother was more upset because of the blunt way in which the Bishop spoke to her about the disciplinary action to take place and the option of adoption, as I said before he doesn't have a very good reputation for being tactful.

Thanks for your further information regarding the situation and process.

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Thanks for your post Faded. I've had time to think about my reaction to the situation since I first posted, and realise that I was looking at the church disciplinary action from my own, newly converted, point of view, rather than the pov of somebody (the girl in question) who has been brought up in the church, and therefore is likely to have a different outlook on the situation than I do.

I must admit that I felt shocked when I was told that a 'church court' was to be held for the girl, and I did jump to the conclusion that she would be punished, as in being disfellowshipped or excommunicated, rather than being offered the services of counselling or whatever the Church social services offers under these circumstances.

I do understand that some people find adoption a better outcome than the teenager keeping/raising her child herself, but from what I've heard the girl's mother was more upset because of the blunt way in which the Bishop spoke to her about the disciplinary action to take place and the option of adoption, as I said before he doesn't have a very good reputation for being tactful.

Thanks for your further information regarding the situation and process.

Pushka

You have responded the way I thought you would after you had a chance to think about it....alot of times we go on emotion instead of pondering and thinking about things...I was happy to read this post..:)

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Of course it is. This young woman deserves the same opportunity to repent and cleanse herself from her fornications that any other person deserves. God doesn't love her less just because she happened to get pregnant from her fornication. Yes, it is absolutely right that she be allowed a church court.

That's a beautiful thing to say.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I've known two gals at Church who got pregnant out of wedlock but were than able to marry the father. One gal I know later got sealed to her husband and they have a bunch of kids together. The other gal as far as I know is not yet sealed but seems to be working toward that. I'ven't really asked, as it is kinda personal, ya know?

Anyway, the point is, they encourage adoption when marriage is not a possibility or is a really bad idea. There have been many studies that children do better in a traditional two parent household than in any other household style. And of course, we have the Proclamation to the Family stating that every child has the right to be raised by a loving father and mother.

Church Court does sound a lot more punishment oriented than a Disciplinary Counsel. It's no wonder the bristles came out.

If the girl is excited, maybe she's got a dreamy perception of what motherhood is. While it is rather enriching it takes a lot of work, devotion and sacrifice to do it right. Mayhaps she needs a reality check?

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I've heard that there is a 15 year old girl, in the LDS church, who has fallen pregnant. She has been persuaded to go ahead with the pregnancy, however her parents have been advised that she will be subject to a church court. Adoption has been mentioned for when the child is born, however the girl's mother has stated that she doesn't have a testimony of that being the best thing for the child.

My question is, is it right that a teenager in this position should be subject to a church court?

Does not the stress of having to attend this place the mother to be and her pregnancy in danger..too much stress leading to miscarriage perhaps? (Obviously I'm talking about a severe amount of stress, and know that it isn't 'that' easy to have a miscarriage normally).

I've heard that the reason for the church court is because the sin is sexual by nature, and therefore cannot be dealt with by just direct repentance/prayer to God by the mother to be. Why is this? Surely there is no greater repentance procedure/conversation with God than a person praying for forgiveness rather than having to go via the church Hierarchy?

I feel very sorry for this girl, I know that in the eyes of the church she has sinned, however I see her as being particularly vunerable in her condition, and so cannot see a church court having a beneficial effect on her. Also, the possibility of the girl being co-erced into having her baby adopted, 'for its own good', seems just too much intrusion by the church into this girl's life now and future...

I was a member of the Roman Catholic Church, and recall the special centres that some pregnant RC girls were sent to, and where lots had their children adopted under these circumstances, but this was many years ago..30 or more generally...surely God is merciful and would want us to be so too..if anything, I feel that the church should be offering counselling for the girl at this time, if she requests it, rather than punishing her.

Sorry if this doesn't sound uplifting, but this really 'gets' to me...

She and if the other was a member of the church will received a church court [disciplinary council] for this action. Remember, it is not a court of 'penalty' but one of love to help the individual to ensure proper repentance is obtain and salvation is not lost.

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Studies show time and again that a young mother who seeks to singly raise her children is going to raise her children in poverty. Her children will not go to good schools. Her children will not have a powerful relationship with a good father, and so will not adapt to all relationships in a healthy way. Her children will feel abandoned by the father. She may come to resent the children, as they get older and she has no way to escape the life of poverty and sacrifice she must now live.

Babies are fun, cute, and wonderful to hug. But they require a huge sacrifice that is tough for two parents to manage. And while some women do succeed in raising fine children by themselves, the odds are against them succeeding.

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The church strongly recommends adoption. However more times then not it is the grandparents that have "issues" with having their grandchild adopted. If the birth mother chooses adoption the would be grandparents need to completely support that decission.

In many many cases (but not all) where the girl decides to keep the child it is raised by and 100% financially supported by the grandparents till adulthood.

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  • 1 month later...

The bottom line for this girl, especially at age 15, is that when she walks into that 'church court' if she doesn't come out feeling better about the situation than when she walked in, then I don't care how one sugar coats it, going to a church court may not have been the right thing for her to do! Kids are very vunerable at this age and if she comes out more distraught then before, then who's there to pick up the pieces? I only hope that whatever happens, the end result is that this girl grows more closer to the church instead of farther away and at that age and under those circumstances, it could go 50/50. My prayers are with her.

Edited by Carl62
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I'm not a church member but that sounds like a serious sin to me. Hope everything will go in the right way for the child, for her and for the family. Hope she can get back as quickly as possible on her path, with more morality and more hope.

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  • 2 months later...

Just a quick update, the girl in question is well and happy, and her baby is due soon. I don't think she ever attended the court of love, so I'm not sure if her membership in the church has been affected.

I did post much more a short time ago, but realised that it was way too much information, and also felt like a gossip, so I apologise to anyone who may have read the post before I edited it.

Edited by pushka
thought this was sounding like gossip
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