Why did it end this way?


ServiceDogHandler
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I am new here. I need some support as my marriage has come to a crashing end and I wonder if there could have been more that I should have done to stop it. My husband and I have been together on and off for 17yrs. We had one daughter before we got married. I refused to marry him when I first had her because he was not mature enough to be a husband and father. I raised her on my own with no support at all for 3 1/2yrs before he came back into our lives and we decided to get married. He is a smoker so we couldn't marry in the Temple. Though it was my main goal to be sealed in the Temple. It never happened as he never quit smoking. In fact he took up doing drugs, gambling and drinking 4 yrs into our marriage. He was physically assualting me and my daughter on a regular basis. Finally I had him charged with assualt when his dad saw that he had hurt me one evening. Then social Services found out about his assualts on our daughter and removed the 3 children from our care. I was devastated. He went to drug, drinking and gambling treatment and came back saying he was going to get help for his anger issues. We moved to a new city away from our kids since we couldn't find housing where we were. And within a few weeks of living there he assualts me agian. I call the cops this time and he is put on a no contact order. He continously breaks the order to take stuff from the house to sell it for gambling and drugs. I am on a huge rollercoaster of emotions. I am in cousling and going to church. He keeps telling me that he will change. I let him move back in December. He stays with me till the beginning of March. THen moves in with his parents 2 hours away so his dad can fix the car. His dad is a mechanic. I don't hear from him till the end of March when he sends me 3 identical emails saying the same thing. That our marriage is over, he is living with the love of his life, he is marrying her as soon as he is divorced from me and he is going for full custody of the children. I am in complete shock. He says he will be down the last day of the month to pick up his stuff. I give the emails to the police and when he shows up at the police station to get an escourt here they arrest him. He has been in jail ever since because he and his girlfriend can't afford to pay the bail. He will be there till May 4th and could stay longer.

I am just at a complete loss as to what to do. Social Services is glad we are divorcing and say they will give me the kids back in a couple of months since he will now be out of the picture. My lawyer says he doesn't even have a hope in getting joint custody. Right now he is on supervised visits and Social Services want it to stay that way because of the number of times he assualted our daughter. My Bishop knows what has happened and has counsled me that I can't make his decisions for him. That sometimes this happens no matter what the spouse wants.

I feel like I failed my family, my kids. But when should enough be enough? He almost killed me twice by strangling me. I have tried so hard to stay by him and believe his lies, put up with the abuse and so on. I have sought counsling a number of times for us through the church and through the city. But it never helped. I feel so alone right now. His family came and picked up his stuff today and it made me feel like it is so final.

I ache for my dream of us all being a happy eternal family. I have been doing a lot of praying and scripture study and it helps to ease my ache but not completely.

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I'm sorry to hear about you having been in this terrible situation. To be honest, in my opinion the Social Services are correct, you and your children will be better off without your abusive husband. You have tried all you can, it would not be fair to yourself or your children to put yourselves back into the dangerous position of living with him again.

I'm happy that you are receiving the support of the police, your family and your Bishop and hope that you will be able to live a new life, without fear, in the near future.

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I know how hard it is to let go of the dream and hope your marriage and family will work out it is kind of a grieving time...... it will pass the more you pray and do what you are suppose to do... The only one you have control over is you and you need to make the best choices to be your best for you and your children.... It will get better.. Ask for a blessing it may give you come comfort

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I feel like I failed my family, my kids.

Such feeling are natural and I suspect you can think of many additonal things you could have done. But I can't see how any of them could have led to any other result. In my opinion, I can't see how you failed. I just can't see that. I think you need to forgive yourself, even though you don't need to, and move on.

I ache for my dream of us all being a happy eternal family.

(I've had to pledge to give only theoretical opinions here but) I can't imagine any kind of a hereafter that doesn't manage some of this.

It's hard. Hang on.

Edited by Captain_Curmudgeon
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You are well shot of him which is a good thing. Its sad you wont have your ideal. this may sound harsh but you said he wasn't mature enough to be a husband or Father when you had your daughter. I think all along really you knew it wouldnt happen the way you wanted it but you desperately clung onto that hope. We all make mistakes, dont beat urself up. Just know you and your children will be better off. Im sure it hurts, but you will heal with time and love and support. Hope everything works out for you x x

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Sister, you did all you could have to try to make a bad situation work. You and your children are better off without that abusive man in your lives. In my opinion, your time would be better spent healing your and your children's wounds from this experience. Focus on building a future for you and your children. Your spouse has made his choices and now he must bear the consequences of those choices. You DESERVE to be LOVED and treated with RESPECT!

In my rather un-humble opinion, you put up with far more than you should have from that man. You are in my prayers. Do not hesitate to ask for help from the bishop and any resources that are available to you, that's what they are there for, to help you. *HUGS!*

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(((hugs))) You have done the right thing! Please keep youself and your family safe. I pray the day will be soon that your children will be returned to you.

You're doing great by praying and studying the scriptures. Remember that the atonement covers this pain, too. Give it to Him.

I have also been taught in my life that God has a different plan for me than I do. I always end up liking His plan better! Follow the Spirit as best you can. You are a success.

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