I'm not Mormon


Dawnforge
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But my girlfriend is.

What does this mean for our relationship? She acts like something is wrong whenever I bring it up. Does she not know enough to answer my questions? Does she think if she tells me more that I might get scared and run away?

She was raised LDS and went on a mission. She stopped going to church but wants to go back. What do I need to know? What should I do?

Edited by Dawnforge
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But my girlfriend is. What does this mean for our relationship? She acts like something is wrong whenever I bring it up. Does she not know enough or is she trying not to lose me by telling me something that might scare me away?

She was raised LDS and went on a mission. She's stopped going to church but she wants to participate in the church one day. What do I need to know? What should I do?

Welcome, Mr. Forge! What does it mean to your relationship? It means, she's Mormon and you're not. ;)

Make sure both of you respect each other's beliefs and you should be just fine.

If you want to learn more about LDS, you got the perfect person there to ask - she used to be a missionary, so she knows exactly how to answer your questions as a curious non-member. Just make sure she understands the reason why you are asking.

What do you need to know? You need to know how your girlfriend ticks - what she likes, what she doesn't like, what makes her happy, what makes her sad, what she found in you that made her choose you, that kind of stuff. Oh, and she probably doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, doesn't drink coffee nor tea, and will probably have some visiting teachers coming to visit every month.

What you should do, is relax and enjoy the ride! :)

You can post questions here or you can PM me. I won't promise you that I have all the answers. But, I just might be able to point you to somebody who can...

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well some things are going to be hard for your relationship. but not impossible. could be possible that she thinks that. religion is a delicate thing. the best thing to do is to help her go back to church because she wants to. also find out about as much of the church as you can. even if you dont join you will know more about her religious background and will be able to help her make decisions based on that. by find out as much as possible, read about it from LDS.org. i know you might not agree with everything we believe but it will help you understand our beliefs and, again, help your girlfriend with her wishes.

welcome. this place is great for advice. cheers.

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Welcome, Mr. Forge! What does it mean to your relationship? It means, she's Mormon and you're not. ;)

Make sure both of you respect each other's beliefs and you should be just fine.

If you want to learn more about LDS, you got the perfect person there to ask - she used to be a missionary, so she knows exactly how to answer your questions as a curious non-member. Just make sure she understands the reason why you are asking.

What do you need to know? You need to know how your girlfriend ticks - what she likes, what she doesn't like, what makes her happy, what makes her sad, what she found in you that made her choose you, that kind of stuff. Oh, and she probably doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, doesn't drink coffee nor tea, and will probably have some visiting teachers coming to visit every month.

What you should do, is relax and enjoy the ride! :)

You can post questions here or you can PM me. I won't promise you that I have all the answers. But, I just might be able to point you to somebody who can...

I will articulate. What does this mean for our long term relationship? Can she get married to me? Can we have children? Will she be able to do those things and still as happy as if she married a Mormon guy? By staying with me will she have to make a great sacrifice?

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Yes she can marry you and yes you can have children. However, for someone of the LDS faith who would want to reach the ultimate goal and that is the highest degree in the Celestial Kingdom, she would need to be married in the temple. Unfortunately that is not something she would be able to do marrying a non Mormon. Might she regret that? She just might..I don't know her nor do I know anything about your relationship so I can't answer that.

Edited by pam
Darn spelling tonight
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well some things are going to be hard for your relationship. but not impossible. could be possible that she thinks that. religion is a delicate thing. the best thing to do is to help her go back to church because she wants to. also find out about as much of the church as you can. even if you dont join you will know more about her religious background and will be able to help her make decisions based on that. by find out as much as possible, read about it from LDS.org. i know you might not agree with everything we believe but it will help you understand our beliefs and, again, help your girlfriend with her wishes.

welcome. this place is great for advice. cheers.

Thank you.

I've encouraged her to go back to church and even offered to come but she says she's not ready yet. I know eventually she will be; and when she does I'm afraid she might start thinking differently of me.

I don't want to lose her, but I also don't want to fall desperately in love with her; and not be able to give her what she really wants. I'm also afraid if we stay together she will resent me for holding her back.

Edited by Dawnforge
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However, for someone of the LDS faith who would want to reach the ultimate goal and that is the highest degree in the Celestial Kingdom, she would need to be married in the temple. Unfortunately that is not something she would be able to do marrying a non Mormon?

Can anyone verify this with documentation? I need to know if this is really true.

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From lds.org which is the official LDS Church website:

From another revelation to the Prophet Joseph, we learn that there are three degrees within the celestial kingdom. To be exalted in the highest degree and continue eternally in family relationships, we must enter into "the new and everlasting covenant of marriage" and be true to that covenant. In other words, temple marriage is a requirement for obtaining the highest degree of celestial glory. (See D&C 131:1–4.) All who are worthy to enter into the new and everlasting covenant of marriage will have that opportunity, whether in this life or the next.

The new and everlasting covenant of marriage can only be performed in the temple.

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It's true that Mormons believe that eternal families are only created through temple marriage. Although that may be specific to Mormonism, it is true that any two people of different faiths have problems in their marriage, particularly after children come and they want to raise them differently. One of you is going to lose, so it is better that whoever she marries and whoever you marry are really on the same page as far as faith goes. If you are not (even if you think you are by compromising) then things will change down the road. Best to get it straightened out before things get too serious. I think if you want to persue her, you both need to grow in the church together, and that means as she is returning to the church, you are learning and understanding and eventually deciding if it works for you too. Neither of you should compromise your beliefs, but both be focused on the same goals, and that goes well beyond just love, but a truly lifelong (or eternal) relationship.

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Hi LDS people out there... correct me if I'm wrong...

You can get a temple marriage beyond the veil, yes? And still attain Celestial glory?

Mr. Forge, when my husband and I got married, I wasn't LDS either. I was an extremely devout Catholic who was very sure that my children will be raised Catholic and that my husband will eventually "see the light" and become Catholic. My husband was an inactive LDS (kinda like your girlfriend) but he had an unshakeable testimony, so there was no possible way he would become Catholic (although, I didn't know it at the time). We both loved each other very much and respected each other's beliefs. We did agree before we got married that we will choose the "primary" religion in the home - the religion that the children are going to be raised in - before we have children. We don't have to "convert" to the primary religion of choice, but we have to support it in the raising of the children.

I am LDS now. I became LDS before I got pregnant. Not because of my husband, but because of my own experiences and my own personal journey. The whole time, my husband attended Catholic services to show respect to me. He has since gone back to be an active LDS. It was difficult for him and I cannot do anything to help him out besides support him and encourage him even if I was still a devout Catholic at the time. I have to say, going back to the LDS church is not as easy as going to "confession" and saying 3 decades of the Rosary. It took my husband 2 whole years after deciding to go back before he started taking the sacrament again.

So, I completely believe that differing faiths can work between any couple of any religion as long as respect exists in the relationship. I do not believe that God will withhold celestial glory from anybody just because their husband happens to be non-LDS... unless somebody more expert than me in the workings of the plan of salvation will chime in to correct this statement...

Edited by anatess
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It is my understanding that if we had the chance and the choice to make that decision while on earth..but choose it not...that chance is lost.

I heard that one before, but I understood it to mean that both of you are LDS, made the covenant, and then decide not to get sealed in the temple... Not that one of you never made the convenant, therefore, had no way of getting sealed.

Because, if what I said above is not true, then there would have been no possible way for my husband to attain celestial glory having made the choice to marry me if I remained Catholic. And I just don't see that as something a fair and just God would do. Because, my husband and I are made for each other. We love each other and it was either me or a lifetime of misery with an LDS woman, or nobody else...

Edited by anatess
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Here is an exerpt from an article by Spencer W. Kimball:

Now, since life is eternal—and that is absolutely certain—true marriage must also be eternal. It is a most important event and a most necessary one. Marriage by civil officers or local leaders is “till death do you part,” and terminates with death. Only celestial marriage extends beyond the grave. Celestial marriage is performed in holy temples erected and dedicated for that special purpose. Only such marriage transcends the grave and perpetuates the husband/wife and parent/child relationships.

Civil marriages are definitely ended when death comes. That is absolute. The Lord has so declared it. I have heard women say, “But my husband was a good man. I know we’ll be husband and wife in eternity.” Even though sincere, they are wrong! They through his servants. Now if they have never heard the gospel, nor had an opportunity to accept it, that is something different. They may hear it in the spirit world and the work may be done vicariously for them on earth, and they may be united. But for us who have heard the word of the Lord, who have the scriptures with us, who have had many witnesses and many testimonies, who have been informed—tomorrow is too late. We may be angels, if we are righteous enough. Even unmarried, we may reach the celestial kingdom, but we will be ministering angels only.

And another from the same article:

Over the years many times women have come to me in tears. They would love to train their children in the Church, in the gospel of Jesus Christ! But they were unable to do so. They would like to accept positions of responsibility in the Church! They would like to pay their tithing! They would love to go to the temple and do the work for the dead, to do work for themselves, to be sealed for eternity, and to have their own flesh and blood, their children, sealed to them for eternity!

But the doors are locked! They themselves have locked them, and the doors have often rusted on their hinges. Someone did not teach these individuals sufficiently, or they did not study the scriptures and they did not understand, or they ignored the warnings which came to them. They married out of the Church. Perhaps he was a good man. Maybe he was handsome. He may have been cultured and well trained; but he did not have the qualification that he needed most and which they overlooked. He did not have membership in the kingdom; he did not have the priesthood, the ordinances, and the righteousness that would carry them to exaltation.

LDS.org - Liahona Article - The Importance of Celestial Marriage

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Here is an exerpt from an article by Spencer W. Kimball:

Now, since life is eternal—and that is absolutely certain—true marriage must also be eternal. It is a most important event and a most necessary one. Marriage by civil officers or local leaders is “till death do you part,” and terminates with death. Only celestial marriage extends beyond the grave. Celestial marriage is performed in holy temples erected and dedicated for that special purpose. Only such marriage transcends the grave and perpetuates the husband/wife and parent/child relationships.

Civil marriages are definitely ended when death comes. That is absolute. The Lord has so declared it. I have heard women say, “But my husband was a good man. I know we’ll be husband and wife in eternity.” Even though sincere, they are wrong! They through his servants. Now if they have never heard the gospel, nor had an opportunity to accept it, that is something different. They may hear it in the spirit world and the work may be done vicariously for them on earth, and they may be united. But for us who have heard the word of the Lord, who have the scriptures with us, who have had many witnesses and many testimonies, who have been informed—tomorrow is too late. We may be angels, if we are righteous enough. Even unmarried, we may reach the celestial kingdom, but we will be ministering angels only.

And another from the same article:

Over the years many times women have come to me in tears. They would love to train their children in the Church, in the gospel of Jesus Christ! But they were unable to do so. They would like to accept positions of responsibility in the Church! They would like to pay their tithing! They would love to go to the temple and do the work for the dead, to do work for themselves, to be sealed for eternity, and to have their own flesh and blood, their children, sealed to them for eternity!

But the doors are locked! They themselves have locked them, and the doors have often rusted on their hinges. Someone did not teach these individuals sufficiently, or they did not study the scriptures and they did not understand, or they ignored the warnings which came to them. They married out of the Church. Perhaps he was a good man. Maybe he was handsome. He may have been cultured and well trained; but he did not have the qualification that he needed most and which they overlooked. He did not have membership in the kingdom; he did not have the priesthood, the ordinances, and the righteousness that would carry them to exaltation.

LDS.org - Liahona Article - The Importance of Celestial Marriage

Oh man, I'm going to have to go see the Bishop tomorrow. Because, this seriously bothers me. SERIOUSLY.

In my old ward, the president of the EQ and the president of the RS were sealed with 5 children. They got divorced. They never loved each other. They got married because they were "good members of the church".

I just couldn't see how my husband would have been better off with an LDS woman. Just couldn't.

And I'm teaching my kids to find their lifemate... even if the girl happens to be Catholic!

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I'm trying to see if I can find something written or spoken on the subject that is more current. That article was in 1980.

It probably still stands. Because, we had this 17-yo girl in YW who got a non-member BF. She doesn't attend church anymore because she told me the YW presidency and teachers tried to break them up. I thought it was just because they were being "over-protective". Now, reading this, it might have been because of this particular teaching.

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It all hits home to me. I've been married twice. Both to non members. Now divorced for 10 years and don't see me getting married anytime soon. It's the choices I made and regret to this day. Doesn't mean I can't make it to the Celestial Kingdom. It's just that I currently could not obtain the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom.

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I think the subject is, would the couple be able to be sealed to one another after death if the husband never joined the church. I've seem some information posted here that I think says no (I'm not up to par today), but I think I have a different take on it.

Women who had more than one husband in their lifetimes are now allowed to be sealed too all of them once everyone has passed on. The idea being she will then choose the man she wants to spend eternity with.

I've never seen a caveat that this only applied if all spouse were LDS, and I don't think that's the case.

I think the understanding is the person will accept the gospel after death, and then be babitized by proxy. At that point the couple would be able to be selaed together, again my proxy.

Just my take,

Elphaba

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Dawnforge, I would recommend talking to the missionaries there in your home town. They can answer your questions.

If your girl friend has not been to church in awhile, she may feel inadequate to answer your questions. A lot of missionaries who fall into this situation, don't feel like they can answer questions because they have been away. I would encourage you to talk with the missionaries yourself. Learn about it and then you will be able to fully understand any apprehension to marriage, etc.

Understanding the Gospel will give you a better understanding of her. I applaud you for encouraging her. I can already see you are someone who cares more about others than them self. Welcome to the site.

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whether in this life or the next.

On this board i have seen a lot of questions reguarding sealing is some strange and confusing circumstances. The general consensus is "it will all be worked out in the next life". I would assume if God can untangle some of the odd sealing cinerios that have been presented here it would be well within his power/ knowledge to join a non member and a member in the next life. In fact looking at the world population and deaths before the age of 8 there would be far more non members in the celestial kingdom then members. So either there will be .0001 % of the celestial who are sealed. Or there will be a lot or there will be a lot of sealing post death going on.

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But my girlfriend is.

What does this mean for our relationship? She acts like something is wrong whenever I bring it up. Does she not know enough to answer my questions? Does she think if she tells me more that I might get scared and run away?

She was raised LDS and went on a mission. She stopped going to church but wants to go back. What do I need to know? What should I do?

Perhaps...her interest is an eternal one and the usual worldly - death do we part.

For her best interest, she should return to her roots and live the gospel. She will not find happiness in the world. ;)

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Returning back to Church after being less active, can be daunting in any church. There is a nervousness attached about being embarrassed, perhaps having awkward questions asked, etc. And, if she's been involved in any serious sins, it may mean having to go through a period of repentance under the bishop's guidance.

As for why she is reluctant, the best thing is to kindly ask her. If she doesn't want to answer your questions, feel free to ask them here. You can also contact the full time missionaries in your area, and they will be happy to sit down with you.

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Returning back to Church after being less active, can be daunting in any church. There is a nervousness attached about being embarrassed, perhaps having awkward questions asked, etc. And, if she's been involved in any serious sins, it may mean having to go through a period of repentance under the bishop's guidance.

As for why she is reluctant, the best thing is to kindly ask her. If she doesn't want to answer your questions, feel free to ask them here. You can also contact the full time missionaries in your area, and they will be happy to sit down with you.

That's something to keep in mind, considering that as a RM she has been endowed if she engaged in sexual behavior she has got some serious repenting to do. Actually as an endowed member my understanding is she'll be held to a higher degree of accountablity* than if she'd say, gone inactive at 16.

Not that she can't repent of anything she may have done, just that might be something that is weighing on her mind.

* Not sure if the wording there is right. Endowment represents a reception of light and knowledge, the greater the light and knowledge you have the more significant(?) the rejection of that becomes.

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