Lost Soul.


TheHop
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Well, long story short.. Raised and baptised LDS. Stopped going at about the age of 15 due to some conflicts with some 'Holier than thou' ward members. Never really lost my faith, though, no matter how hard I may have tried to bury it.

Fast forward to today, I'm 24, in the military, heavily tattoed, etc etc... I feel like I'll never be welcome in the church again. Also, I don't know how to steer away from the lifestyle i'm currently in. It feels like a trap. I'm so far away from any members and i'm in desperate need of moral support.

I also think about all the things I've done, and I'm afraid I may be excommunicated if I go back. I want to go back, though. I know it's the right thing to do. It isn't that I don't WANT to throw all these bad habits to the wind, I guess it's that I'm a weak person, and need someone there to help me.

I know I want to marry a strongly religious LDS woman. But I'm pretty sure none would have me, what with the tattoos and all. (that being said, I don't regret a single one of them.. they all represent a different stage in my life.)

I guess my final point here is, I'm lost. I feel like every day that I'm not trying to get back to the church, a piece of me dies, and I don't know if I'll get it back. Does anyone have any advice?

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I can understand where you're coming from- feeling like you no longer fit the "mold" of what the "ideal mormon" looks like. I'm brand new, and I can see how this would be tough.... it's the same reason why I don't mention that my wife and I were living together for 5 years before we got married....

I guess the only advice i'm qualified to give is to talk to the bishop of your local ward, and stick around this site. :)

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Therein lies the rub. I'm In South Korea right now, and I work most every Sunday. I have no idea how to get in contact with the right people. I've stopped partying for the most part, and I want so badly to have some LDS people to hang out with...

This sucks.

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Stop worrying about what others are going to think. Your relationship is between you and the lord. The bishops council is there to help you through the repentance process not punish you for your past actions. They can also be really helpful and provide insight on curbing your problems.

The mere fact of going back may also put you in a position to be around people outside of your circle, therefore making it easier for you to curb your problems.

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Is that true? Am I required to tell them what happened while I was inactive? I don't think I could do that. I've done so much that I am ashamed of, and that I'd never like to talk about. I've asked forgiveness from the Lord, and that was hard enough. I can't imagine having to tell a bishop face to face.

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I was in the same boat, tattoos and all, still haven't met the right LDS girl, but i'm active and temple wothy, the only ones that will have issues with the ink are the "hollier than thou" set...they never change, they will always be better than everyone else in their own minds..... let 'em, we all know that they are only like that due to massive insecurities

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Is that true? Am I required to tell them what happened while I was inactive? I don't think I could do that. I've done so much that I am ashamed of, and that I'd never like to talk about. I've asked forgiveness from the Lord, and that was hard enough. I can't imagine having to tell a bishop face to face.

I can't answer that. It's between you and them. Even if you do I seriously doubt there isn't anything they haven't already heard before. You shouldn't let your past prevent you from stepping ahead and moving on with your spiritual progression no matter how awkward it may make you feel in that moment of time.

Think if it this way...If you had a scale and on one side it showcased your awkward mere moment in time and on the other side was your eternal progression, which one outweighs the other?

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Therein lies the rub. I'm In South Korea right now, and I work most every Sunday. I have no idea how to get in contact with the right people. I've stopped partying for the most part, and I want so badly to have some LDS people to hang out with....

This is what missionaries are for. Head on over to mormon.org, put in your info, and they will come to you.

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First, thank you for your service!!!

Your military chaplan (sp?) can put you in touch with a LDS ward/branch. They can also help you get a set of scriptures if you don't have a set. If they can't pm me and I will be happy to send you one.

All I can add is coming back is hard but it is worth it.

Hang in there....................

Les

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I am going to go out on a limb here.......................

You first need to forgive yourself!!! And that is so much harder then it sounds!! We are sooooo much harder on ourselves then our Heavenly Father is!!

Remember the parable of the prodigal son? That is you!!! You are finding your way back and Heavenly Father is rejoicing in that!!!

Yes you made mistakes we all have but that is what repentance and the wonderful gift of the atonement is for!!!

Les

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Hey Hop!

I feel kind of funny responding since I am yet baptized... (Next week though!!!) But I read an article recently and I am going to try and find it online so I can give you the article to read. But in essence it was saying that the question goes, " How far is too far?" Meaning Is there anything we can do that puts us beyond Heavenly Fathers mercy and grace? The Apostle who wrote it said emphatically , NO ...... These feelings of not being accepted are not from God. They come from the father of lies.... The devil. The last thing he wants is for you to return to Heavenly Father. And, he is doing everything he can to make you feel like garbage. But you are not garbage. You have never been garbage and you will never be beyond the Atonement. Our big brother Jesus loves you and he is jumping for joy at your return. Jesus has missed His little brother Hop and He can't wait to hug you man!!!! I guess what I am saying is I know the hurt that the world can cause and how easy it is to get caught up with alcohol and other sins. Maybe someday we can share stories. But I testify to you if Heavenly Father could forgive me and love me then your set ... He loves us so very very much! Its beyond our comprehension! I also want to thank you for serving our country. And, if I can help in anyway please don't hesitate to PM me or leave me a note. I am on here everyday at some point. Hang in there you are not alone. You got at least one Saint praying for you !!!

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I won't lie, that made me tear up. This whole thing has had me on the brink. But what I worry about is that I've already been baptised. I've blown my shot at being sin free. I would give anything to be baptized again, to have that fresh start. I tried to go back to church when I was stationed in Idaho, but I couldn't bring myself to take the sacrament. I didn't feel worthy.

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Do you think it is by accident that you are coming home? Who do you think is leading you ? It's our Heavenly Father.... He wants you home and no man can stand in the way of God's eternal plan not you nor any Bishop or" holier than thou". The Atonement is bigger than any sin . The blood that Jesus shed for us is powerful Brother! I agree that what you need is to forgive yourself.... It's not easy but you are worth it. I believe in you!!! And, I believe in the power of prayer and I am going to lift you up Hop and rejoice with you when you get through this. You got a friend whether you like it or not!!!:) And I am going to stick with you here and together we will make it.....

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My brother works for Chevron. Twice he has worked on extended trips to Busan or Pusan, Korea. Depending on how you wish to say it. Both times he and his wife were ward missionaries. The church is in South Korea and they have wards or branches where things are in english.

Since you left the church at an early age I would not fear excommunication. That is usually saved for those with extensive gospel knowledge. With greater knowledge comes greater condemnation if you err.

Good luck

Ben Raines

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Don't worry about the tats. I began investigating the church with a face full of metal (lip, nose and multiple ear) rings. The guy I wound up marrying was not concerned about it, and he grew up LDS. You will find someone in the church to date who won't care or might even like it. I know we aren't supposed to get body mods as members, but I (and a few members I know) still find something kinda hot about them.

If you find out who the missionaries are in your area, then they can make appointments with you on days you don't work. You can re-learn about the church on days other than Sundays ya know. : D

Good luck!

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You ever hear of Orin Porter Rockwell?

As I recall he was a bit of a Hell Raiser. Might not of fit into your perfect idealization of a good Mormon boy.

Yet he was still ordained as a Seventy.

"He is an innocent and a noble boy. . . . and my soul loves him" - Joseph Smith. I can't think of much higher praise.

Oh and by the way, I just had my eighth child, a son, and gave him the first and middle name of Porter Rockwell. We were not there the Sunday that the bishop announced the birth of our son, but I got report that there was a collective gasp from the congregation.

"But what I worry about is that I've already been baptised. I've blown my shot at being sin free. I would give anything to be baptized again, to have that fresh start. I tried to go back to church when I was stationed in Idaho, but I couldn't bring myself to take the sacrament. I didn't feel worthy."

I've been reading Wilford Woodruff's Journals. He wrote over 7000 pages in his journals and I've read some few hundred so far. Anyway, I just stopped counting the times that he was re-baptised. In the early church they used to do it all the time, for the re-remission of sins, for entering the salt lake valley, for healing... We stopped that tradition for a reason, the one time is sufficient. So you blew your shot at being sin free, join the club. Get to where you feel worthy and start taking the sacrament.

Welcome back brother!

Edited by mikbone
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I won't lie, that made me tear up. This whole thing has had me on the brink. But what I worry about is that I've already been baptised. I've blown my shot at being sin free. I would give anything to be baptized again, to have that fresh start. I tried to go back to church when I was stationed in Idaho, but I couldn't bring myself to take the sacrament. I didn't feel worthy.

Ever hear the story of the prodigal son? I love it. Let me explain it in detail:

1) The son in the story asked for his inheritence early, which, in Hebrew culture is equilvalent to saying your father is dead to you

2) He became a swine herder after squandaring his inheritence. This was not simply straying from the path, but open rebellion against his father. Swine was prohibited by Jewish law, and to become a swineherder was lower than low

3) However....when he finally returned home his father ran to him. His father had been sitting at the front of his house, looking for his son, and the moment his son started back on the path to him the father ran. He gave the son his robe and his ring.

The significance?

We all fall short, and require forgiveness. But remember, Heavenly Father is watching for us, and the moment he sees you on the right path he will run to you, and send you his Spirit, no matter what you have done. He will clothe you with power (the endowment) and give you all that is his (the ring symbolizes power, or priesthood).

Baptism isn't just a one time thing, we renew our baptism, in effect being baptised again, every Sunday when taking the sacrament. Being immersed in water is symbolic, it in and of itself is nothing save the covenant behind it. Partaking of the bread and water is equal to being baptised again, it is the renewing of your promise with God.

Remember, when Christ completed the atonement he didn't just take upon himself your sins and your pains, but your hopes, dreams and aspirations as well. He knows you more initmately than any other on this earth. He knows what makes you happy, what makes you laugh and he wants you to do that more.

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reading this thread two things came to my mind, ben mentioned one, being you went inactive at a young age excommunication probably isn't something to be stressed about.

the second was something i used to think about as a youth. i knew a lot of adult converts. there really was a part of me that thought this was sooooo unfair. i get baptized at 8 yrs old and thus am responsible for everything i did for the rest of my life. but these other ppl get to do whatever, make huge mistakes, have "fun" as teens etc and then get baptized and "start over" when life is half finished to begin with. lol of course when i talked to these adult converts they would say, "oh i would much rather have had the chruch my whole life" to which i would think "yeah, that's easy to say when you can't actually rewind and do it... you have no idea how hard it is to be a teen in the church...blah blah" yes i know that's dumb logic but hey i was an early teen, bumb logic is a required phase. lol this really didn't preoccupy me for long i did start growing up and really didn't think much more of it. untill i went to the temple. as i was there and receiving the ordinances provided there i had a bright recollection of my since forgotten doubts and fears. i realized that those things are already considered and accounted for. i had a chance to be clean again and "start over" as an adult, reguardless of my age at baptism. all was well. after that is when i bagan to more fully understand something that i think is taken for granted by most of us, the sacrament (in conjunction with it the atonement). we have more than one chance to be made clean. we have more than 2 chances to be made clean. we have all the chances we need, whatever it takes to be clean.

my point of that really long story is don't let fear prevent you from having the blessings the lord has already prepared for you. the situation of forgetting who we are and making mistakes that make us unclean after baptism has already been predicted and accounted for with mercy and love. focus on finding that bishop or missionary or whoever you can in the church. do what you can, don't worry about the rest, it will come in time.

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