Lost Soul.


TheHop
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Well, long story short.. Raised and baptised LDS. Stopped going at about the age of 15 due to some conflicts with some 'Holier than thou' ward members. Never really lost my faith, though, no matter how hard I may have tried to bury it.

Fast forward to today, I'm 24, in the military, heavily tattoed, etc etc... I feel like I'll never be welcome in the church again. Also, I don't know how to steer away from the lifestyle i'm currently in. It feels like a trap. I'm so far away from any members and i'm in desperate need of moral support.

I also think about all the things I've done, and I'm afraid I may be excommunicated if I go back. I want to go back, though. I know it's the right thing to do. It isn't that I don't WANT to throw all these bad habits to the wind, I guess it's that I'm a weak person, and need someone there to help me.

I know I want to marry a strongly religious LDS woman. But I'm pretty sure none would have me, what with the tattoos and all. (that being said, I don't regret a single one of them.. they all represent a different stage in my life.)

I guess my final point here is, I'm lost. I feel like every day that I'm not trying to get back to the church, a piece of me dies, and I don't know if I'll get it back. Does anyone have any advice?

You're in a good position here, Hop. Things will work out if you want it to. However, I'm worried for you:

1) You mentioned that you stopped going because of some 'Holier-than-thou' types. You should definitely get that out of your mind. If you go to church with that in mind, you'll continue to see it - Even if it isn't there. I would also caution that, while you are correct that people shouldn't judge you for mistakes made, you also should not judge others for the mistake they make in judging you. Accept it in good humor. It takes humility, certainly, but your life will improve by leaps and bounds when you truly don't care what others think but only live your life the way the Lord would want you to.

2) Be prepared for adversity. Be prepared for a lot of adversity. I'm not going to ask what you did as it isn't any of my business, but there will be a lot of hardship in going back. There will be addictions to cleanse yourself of, there will be habits that you must break that will limit the time spent with friends in certain areas. It will be hard. Once Pandora's Box is opened, you can't put the monsters back in.

3) Be firm in your mind what you want. If you're going back because you're lonely and you want the life that you think members have, remember that the life they have most likely isn't the one you think they have. Also remember that the sweetest, most Molly-esque people will be looking for the sweetest, most Molly-esque Priesthood holders. That's fair. They want someone with the same standards as they have.

4) Remember that, no matter what happened in the past, you are worthwhile. You are good enough to triumph with the help of the saviour.

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I was in the military for 20 years and was active in the Church. While some areas are not conducive to living the gospel (like South Korea, where every base has alcohol and prostitution out the front gate), you can still find holy places to stand.

I have a good friend in Alabama, who joined the Church about a decade or so ago. He was a biker and has a whole body of tattoos. That doesn't bother the members, as Scott has been very active in missionary work and various callings. I sat with him in General Conference when Pres Hinckley said, "no tattoos and no earrings" for men. He immediately took off his earrings, and said that he had been planning on getting a few more tattoos, but would follow the prophet's guidance.

If you have that kind of attitude, the Lord will bless you - with or without tattoos.

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Hey TheHop,

Please, please, PLEASE consider returning to the fold and helping to round out our membership. Here is a scripture that many members struggle with, from the book of Matthew:

Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.

This church needs people who have seen (and maybe done) the things you've seen. We need people who have walked with the serpents of the world and learned what they had to teach. Too many of us have no way fulfill this commandment - we have no clue how to go about being as wise as serpents. You can help us.

We have youth who need to know where the dumb roads they're considering walking, lead to. We have parents who are ten miles away from the nearest clue about what their teenagers are getting into. We have mature adult members who somehow have never firmly developed a moral footing and are lost. You have a moral footing - it's obvious from your post that you know the difference between right and wrong. You can be of great use in our church.

Yes, there will be some members who will never allow themselves to look past your outward appearance. There are nose-turn-uppers in every faith, in all walks of life. But I'm thinking that if you get on your knees and pray to God to show you a path back to church, He will place good people along your road who will befriend you and understand you. I can 100% guarantee that you ain't the only one like you in church.

If you ever come to my ward in Colorado, you're welcome to sit with my family in sacrament meeting.

LM

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I love that you want to grow your relationship with Jesus. The LDS church is a good place for that. Now you have just told us that you have sinned. You know what, so have all the "holy than thou" members of your church. Their stink is no worse or better than yours. You need to walk into your church with your head up high, get down on your knees and repent. Jesus has already died on the cross for all your sins, even the ones you have not yet done. I believe from the members I have met here that the members of your church who wittness this will be very glad to have their brother back. God Bless, Jim

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Hello Hop.

I have really enjoyed reading this thread. So much good stuff here, both from the posters AND from you.

You know what? Just come back. Who cares what you have or haven't done? That is in the past. What matters is what you do today. Ok....you may have to face your past and deal with it in order to set things right with God for your future, but you can handle that. Heck! You are a soldier. Feel the fear and say the hard words and move forward in love and tender mercies for yourself. I guarantee it won't be as bad as you imagine. It may even feel good to lay the burden down. That is really what confession is anyway. It isn't a walk of shame. It is allowing Christ to take the burden and it is the stating of that burden out loud that helps us do that. Christ's loving presence is inside that bishop's office. It is a safe place to fall. It is satan who is telling you to fear repentance and the opinions of others. It is satan telling you that you are too far gone. DON'T listen to that voice! It is a lie!

I really think that the "ideal mormon" is a myth. Who amongst all of us has lived a perfect life? Who amongst all of us hasn't blown it or lost our way? Some lose their way by leaving the fold. Some lose their way by being so straight they are crooked. The truth is that all of us are lost and need to be found only some of us don't know it as well as some others. :) If you looked at me today, you would prolly think I was a molly mormon. I drive a minivan and I take casseroles to the neighbors and my family 'looks' like an Ensign photo. But if you took the time to look a little deeper, you would see a much different landscape. Don't underestimate us "molly's" just because of how we look, ok? Some of us don't give a crap about your past or the picture on your arm. You are more than your tattoos! And I am more than my minivan. Those righteous desires you have....they are more of a representation of the real you than all your supposed mistakes.

So, come back. Sit and worship with us on those padded benches. There are no "perfect ones". Just people....all kinds of people who need mercy and compassion and friendship same as you.

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I can't thank all of you enough. Having people to talk to and understand is irreplacable.

I know that there will always be people who act... high and mighty. Elitists. There were many things that came together to make me leave. I can deal with the people here or there who may not understand the path my life has taken. And that's ok with me. I just can't handle an entire ward looking at me sideways and crossing the street as I pass.

Last summer I made an attempt at coming back. Started going to church, and talking to a bishop. He was a really great guy, and a huge help. The reasoning he used, was that the church is perfect, but the people in it are not, so there are always going to be 'those' people. Anyway, the more I started going to church, the more started going wrong in my life. I was sitting on the fence. Parties on Friday and Saturday, church on Sunday. After a bad experience on Sunday, and a particularly bad set of choices at a party, I didn't feel like I belonged there, or even deserved to go. Looking back, I was just scared.

In the end it was good. It answered the question I had about whether or not the church was true. I just didn't have what it took at the time. I'm convinced I do now.

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ok so i have to get on my little soapbox here.

i have a problem with the statement "the church is perfect but the ppl are not" the church is not perfect. the ppl are not perfect. the gospel is. the gospel the place where we get our saving ordinances, the thing responsible for our salvation, our faith, our reason for hope. the gospel is what is perfect. that is where you need to build your testamony from, everything else will work out from there. this church is the only one that has the gospel/saving ordinances and therefore the things that aren't perfect about it are ok, including the ppl in it that aren't perfect.

ok i'm done, sorry if anyone has been put off by my comment.

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ok so i have to get on my little soapbox here.

i have a problem with the statement "the church is perfect but the ppl are not" the church is not perfect. the ppl are not perfect. the gospel is. the gospel the place where we get our saving ordinances, the thing responsible for our salvation, our faith, our reason for hope. the gospel is what is perfect. that is where you need to build your testamony from, everything else will work out from there. this church is the only one that has the gospel/saving ordinances and therefore the things that aren't perfect about it are ok, including the ppl in it that aren't perfect.

ok i'm done, sorry if anyone has been put off by my comment.

I agree with you fully, but would like to add one more thing. Jesus is perfect and without Him we are doomed. He is the only way. Thanks, Jim

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ok so i have to get on my little soapbox here.

i have a problem with the statement "the church is perfect but the ppl are not" the church is not perfect. the ppl are not perfect. the gospel is. the gospel the place where we get our saving ordinances, the thing responsible for our salvation, our faith, our reason for hope. the gospel is what is perfect. that is where you need to build your testamony from, everything else will work out from there. this church is the only one that has the gospel/saving ordinances and therefore the things that aren't perfect about it are ok, including the ppl in it that aren't perfect.

ok i'm done, sorry if anyone has been put off by my comment.

I'm not sure I understand this. When he said 'Church', it was apparent that he meant 'Gospel'. Maybe I did not convey that. Or more likely, is that it's over my head.

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I can relate to being tempted when you are trying to come back...one of my major weaknesses when i was in active was women...and after i had made the commitment in my mind to become active again, and working on getting worthy to get ordained an elder.... a chick i had a crush on in HS outta the blue tracked me down and wanted to "hook up"...tell me that ain't the devil working on me...but i managed to keep making excuses....etc..

but working to get back worthy you will be tempted more than before... we all have our own darkness that binds our tougne

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Funny, my sister is active LDS, has been her whole life, returned missionary, and admits she is attracted to guys with tattoos. :) I'm just sayin', they're out there. She doesn't admit it much around us holier than thou brothers of hers, but I heard her say it, and she meant it. Tattoos make me squirm a little, it's true, and I wonder what's wrong with her, but maybe I'm getting over it in some ways. As for the lifestyle stuff, there's always a way out. Start by just believing that. It's true. Innergold here has a site he recommends, Candeo: A powerful and anonymous online training program to help individuals understand and overcome pornography addiction has useful counsel as well, specifically for certain elements of addiction that are obvious when you go there, but can readily be modified to other addictions I am sure. Chin up. It can be done. You can do it.

Edited by RobertP
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Thanks for the vote of confidence, but porn addiction is not an issue for me

Edit:

After looking at the link I do not feel like it can help me to overcome cigarrettes. I didn't mean to sound uppity or snooty. I just feel like honestly, I don't have an addiction outside nicotene. Sure, there are lots of social pressures to drink, but I know that if i commit to not drinking, it will be easy to give up. I've done it before, for no good reason. I'm sure I can do it for the Lord.

Edited by TheHop
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Thanks for the vote of confidence, but porn addiction is not an issue for me

Edit:

After looking at the link I do not feel like it can help me to overcome cigarrettes. I didn't mean to sound uppity or snooty. I just feel like honestly, I don't have an addiction outside nicotene. Sure, there are lots of social pressures to drink, but I know that if i commit to not drinking, it will be easy to give up. I've done it before, for no good reason. I'm sure I can do it for the Lord.

i was a 3pack a day smoker...more out of bordem than anything...the more than a nic. addiction i totally understand..its that whole hand to mouth thing and wake up light up thing.... the biggest help to me for that part, was sunflower seeds...probably ate 20 lbs of them that first month...lol

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Hugs for you. I left the church last year and did a 360. I stayed away from the church because I believed that I had and still do have so many bad habits, that I wasn't even worthy to go. Then as I started to pray and seek out His word--I realized that the opportunity to go to church is a gift to all of us--to provide us with fellowship and spiritual healing. Two weeks ago I attended church for the first time in a long time and I was so overcome and overjoyed with the spirit. I too have tatoos--and thought that people would judge me for them, I don't regret getting them--and my friend told me " You know, I don't care if you have a tatoo, there are bigger fish to fry in your life right now." And I thought that she was right. Through Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, you can be healed from the inside out. He loves you so much and will one day provide a woman for you , who will accept and love you --for your innerself. I have found out though, that the acceptance of myself and getting myself healed through the repentance process--then I will be afforded a companion that Heavenly Father has set out for me to be with. Anyway, please pick up your scriptures, whisper a prayer or anywhere anytime, cry out to Heavenly Father. You will be in my prayers.

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I'm not sure I understand this. When he said 'Church', it was apparent that he meant 'Gospel'. Maybe I did not convey that. Or more likely, is that it's over my head.

i understand he meant gospel, and many use the words church and gospel interchangeably. my point was that they are not interchangeable. if you treat them like they are then you could be set up for a huge let down.

there are things about the church that are here for no other reason than a product of being in this world, they have nothing to do with our salvation. those things because they are created by man for man (man being ppl not 'man') are not perfect. if you find yourself in a situation (as i have and learned this the hard way) that those things fail you it hurts. this is god's church, right? the church is perfect, right? so how could this be happening? i know this isn't supported doctrinally and yet it's happening, what's going on? you can feel lost abandoned and betrayed by the one thing you were supposed to be able to trust.

when you realize that the "church" and the "gospel" are not the same, that what happened was an unfortunate side effect of being in this world and that the "gospel" has never let you down. suddenly things become easier to swallow, cope and deal with.

i was hopeing to help you see that now as you rebuild your testamony. i can see satan now, just waiting till you think you are finally making progress, finally feeling better and then wham! hits you with one of those loopholes that unfortunately exist. it can and will knock you clear to the ground, no matter how strong you think you are. but if you know and understand before it happens it becomes a pothole in life.

sorry for confusing you, i hope i didn't confuse you more with trying to explain.

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Sorry, I wasn't trying to second guess as it may seem, and my brain was stuck more broadly on what I was thinking than specifically what that is about, a lapse in my thinking like I do sometimes, I suppose. I'm afraid I learned some good things there (yes, for at least semi-obvious reasons) that taught me how to retrain triggers that I thought I was a victim to, finding the root of emotion and learning to change it, reverse the rotation of the auger or the cycle. It seems to have far reaching implications as I'm taught it works for heroin, cocaine, pornography, and a few other things, but now that you mention it, nicotine isn't on the list. Maybe that's different? Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, learning to identify triggers and retrain them is the core of it I suppose. Noticing the trigger, reinterpreting it to have the meaning that is desired so it doesn't run away with you.

I can tell you of the people I know who HAVE quite smoking successfully and talk about it, one procrastinated, just waited until tomorrow to buy more since he knew he was a good procrastinator, one used the patch, then cut it in half rather than buy the box with smaller sizes, and another learned he just had to wait 45 seconds. That one was interesting to me, but he would let it pass, 45 seconds at a time, and the waves would get smaller. What I learn from that is there is more than one way, and maybe the same doesn't quite work for everyone. My old ward mission leader was funniest, because he liked smoking and was addicted, liked the bug repellent properties, oh, and hated the church and handed out anti-mormon literature at Temple Square before joining. He didn't want to quit at all, so he would tell me semi regularly that he had no sympathy for people who couldn't quit smoking. If he could do it, anyone could. I am not quite there with him. I think I have a little sympathy.

There is an effort either way, to fight coming back, or to come back, or so it has been with me. Why keep it buried? I would suggest there is more peace in coming back, if it has its own variation of opposition associated with it.

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Welcome home TheHop- I was once out there in nearly 'Outer Darkness'. Joined the church when I was 14- left at 18 because my heart got broken. I just couldn't handle it that the Latter-day Saints in my ward were NOT saints.

Flash forward 28 years- I had a hungering to get home. My marriage was close to breaking up- my parents were dead- I had been effectively cut off from my friends by husband. Getting out of the marriage was the right thing to do.

I was terrified of going back to church- but not because of what people would think. The last 10 years of my marriage had pretty much cured me of that! My ex was EVIL incarnate! Well to me he was, he was(still is) an alcoholic, he abuse me, cheated on me from the very beginning of our relationship.

I went to the Branch President and told him that I wanted to come Home, but I didn't know how. He said, what is it that you think you need to know? Well, for starters I needed to know if the Church was the same as when I left it. Nope, we now have block meetings- Three hours worth of Sacrament/Sunday School/ RS & Priesthood- on Sundays. No more Sunday school in the morning, go home and come back at 6 or 7pm for Sacrament.

I kept waiting for him to tell me the rest of the differences- He then told me that the Gospel will never change, the sacrament is and will always be the same, God is and will always be the same.

Then I realized that I needed to know that I had not forgotten everything. He set me up with the Branch Missionaries, and I had a new member lesson every week, on Wednesday afternoons.

I also told the Branch President that I didn't have a dress or a skirt, but that I did have several really nice dress slack outfits. He told me they would work just fine.

Then I started to tell him about my sins and transgressions. I never cheated on my husband. I never did anything that would have shamed him, but that I had done things- per my husbands orders that thoroughly shamed me.

I want to repent- to seek forgiveness- to undo what I had done. The Branch President didn't want to know the details- he just told me that part of the repentance process is righting the wrongs. Could I right the wrongs WITHOUT causing more hurt? THAT took me several weeks of pondering, research (what exactly is repentance and how is it accomplished???), prayers and crying. I realized that I could not undo, or repair the wrongs. When I went to the Br Pres with that news, I felt condemned to 'Outer Darkness".

He just smiled at me, and told me that I had truly repented- that I had experienced a Godly sorrow. No, I would not be excommunicated, nor would I be dis-fellowshipped.

He told me to come to church as often as my job allowed me, to obey the commandments and to uphold my covenants. To partake of the sacrament to renew my covenants and then he shook my hand and with tears brimming in his eyes he welcomed me Home.

Years later I asked him what would I have had to do to be excommunicated- and he said things that were much, much worse than I could ever imagine. When I first came back to church the Br Pres asked me if I had ever denied the Holy Ghost, or Jesus Christ. I didn't even hesitate. No- not ever. FYI I have never denied the Gospel or the teachings of the LDS Church.

TheHop- everyone is correct in that YOU must forgive yourself first. That is a long process- believe me, I have been there, done that, own the T-Shirt. Then you must start going to church. What if you had only one arm- would you worry about what people would say or think?? Father loves you- as you are- as you can be.

I was rather shocked when I went to my sisters ward in Seattle and saw a young couple all dressed in goth, piercings in their nose' and multiple piercings in their ears. Purple eyeshadow (husband was wearing it too!), the young wife was wearing combat boots and about 5 black half slips as outer wear.

My sister whispered to me: Yes, they dance to a different drummer, but the song is still from Father.

From that moment on, I chose NOT to be swayed by appearances, or even first impressions- from either side. You, TheHop, just may be dancing to a different drummer than I am, but the song is the same and it is from our Heavenly Father.

Love your Sister in Christ

Iggy

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Well, long story short.. Raised and baptised LDS. Stopped going at about the age of 15 due to some conflicts with some 'Holier than thou' ward members. Never really lost my faith, though, no matter how hard I may have tried to bury it.

Fast forward to today, I'm 24, in the military, heavily tattoed, etc etc... I feel like I'll never be welcome in the church again. Also, I don't know how to steer away from the lifestyle i'm currently in. It feels like a trap. I'm so far away from any members and i'm in desperate need of moral support.

I also think about all the things I've done, and I'm afraid I may be excommunicated if I go back. I want to go back, though. I know it's the right thing to do. It isn't that I don't WANT to throw all these bad habits to the wind, I guess it's that I'm a weak person, and need someone there to help me.

I know I want to marry a strongly religious LDS woman. But I'm pretty sure none would have me, what with the tattoos and all. (that being said, I don't regret a single one of them.. they all represent a different stage in my life.)

I guess my final point here is, I'm lost. I feel like every day that I'm not trying to get back to the church, a piece of me dies, and I don't know if I'll get it back. Does anyone have any advice?

Do you have any idea how many women with tattoos there are out there?

Also, repentance is a wonderful thing. Sure you were baptized ages ago and yes you have committed many sins since then, but guess what? So has everyone else that's been baptized. Ask God the Father in the name of Jesus Christ to forgive you and help you do better and if you do this sincerely you will be forgiven, totally, tattoos and all.

Edited by talisyn
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