Official Stance on Divorce


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In an effort to stop the hijacking of threads in which people are seeking advice on divorce or similar issues I am opening this thread in an attempt to begin a discussion on the ramifications of divorce, or rather "The official stance of the church regarding getting a divorce and what comes after".

To begin this discussion I would like to start by saying that I am currently NOT in a situation where I would consider divorce. However I do know many people who are going or have gone through a divorce. Some of these people have been sealed in the temple and some of them have not.

From my understanding as long as there is a justified reason behind the divorce (which reason would need to be prayed about and taken to the Lord before deciding on divorce) an LDS couple can get a divorce and have their sealing broken. At this point they can remarry and be sealed to a different spouse. This is not encouraged by the LDS church, but it is something that is allowed.

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I think that the real problem is when certain people continually offer up the concept that Eternal Marriage is inescapable and no matter what either party does that led to and end to the marriage, when this life is over, if both persons lived worthily sufficient to receive Celestial Glory, you will be forcibly handed back to your first spouse you married in the temple, and there is nothing you can do about it. Any variation on the idea that you will be handed back to a spouse that you divorced because they want you back is false. "Whatsoever ye shall bind on Earth shall be bound in Heaven and whatsoever ye shall loose on Earth shall be Loosed in Heaven." That is that nature of the sealing power. If it is done by the sealing power here, it is not going to be undone in heaven.

Another false doctrine that is promoted is the idea that a person can be moved up from Telestial or Terrestrial Glory up to Celestial by virtue of the fact that you married someone in the temple and they qualified for Celestial Glory.

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. . . From my understanding as long as there is a justified reason behind the divorce (which reason would need to be prayed about and taken to the Lord before deciding on divorce) an LDS couple can get a divorce and have their sealing broken . . .

My ex had an affair and then deserted me and the kids. I had no problem getting a divorce, but I am still sealed to her in the temple. Why? I'm a dude. If my ex repents and then wants to get married in the temple again (I have no idea what's going on with her though, I haven't heard from her since 2002) to another dude, then our sealing will be broken.
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Another false doctrine that is promoted is the idea that a person can be moved up from Telestial or Terrestrial Glory up to Celestial by virtue of the fact that you married someone in the temple and they qualified for Celestial Glory.

"God has fulfilled His promises to us, and our prospects are grand and glorious. Yes, in the next life we will have our wives, and our sons and daughters. If we do not get them all at once, we will have them some time…. You that are mourning about your children straying away will have your sons and your daughters. If you succeed in passing through these trials and afflictions…you will, by the power of the priesthood, work and labor, as the Son of God has, until you get all your sons and daughters in the path of exaltation and glory. This is just as sure as that the sun rose this morning over yonder mountains. Therefore, mourn not because all your sons and daughters do not follow in the path that you have marked out to them, or give heed to your counsels. Inasmuch as we succeed in securing eternal glory, and stand as saviors, and as kings and priests to our God, we will save our posterity." [2] -- Lorenzo Snow

Lorenzo Snow seemed to think that. Though he may just be referring to the kids and mentioned wives. However there are quite a few prophets who have indicated kids sealed to worthy parents will eventually be with them, even if they fall away. I don't see why kids would have that benefit from sealing, but not spouses.

Edited by hordak
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My ex had an affair and then deserted me and the kids. I had no problem getting a divorce, but I am still sealed to her in the temple. Why? I'm a dude. If my ex repents and then wants to get married in the temple again (I have no idea what's going on with her though, I haven't heard from her since 2002) to another dude, then our sealing will be broken.

Right, so in your case the theory would be this: If she repents, cleans up her life and eventually is sealed to another man, and you both endure to the end, her new marriage gets nixed and you get back together -- providing that one of you wants that to happen. That's what I'm disagreeing with. If the sealing is never broken then the result is obvious. That which has been sealed on earth by the Sealing Power cannot be broken. But the theory goes that you essentially cannot escape your first temple sealing even if the sealing is broken by that same Sealing Power. That's what I'm disagreeing with. Also, if Ogre endures to the end and inherits Celestial Glory and Exaltation, the other theory states that even if the wife who left you never repents, she will be dragged up to the Celestial Kingdom to join you anyways.

These theories keep popping up in completely unrelated threads and it's becoming a serious distraction. For instance, if a man or woman who cheated on their spouse is handed this theory, then it would tend to give them a false sense of hope. In effect, they just have to repent and make their lives right with God, and then their spouse that they betrayed has no choice -- he or she MUST take them back. Now if the temple sealing is still in effect that's one thing. But if it has been broken, then I'm saying there is no reason to expect that it will be in force in the next life. If a man or woman has been abandoned by their spouse, then the second theory gives them a false sense of hope, stating that if they live worthily and endure to the end, then they can have their unrighteous spouse back no matter what that unrighteous spouse does for the rest of their life.

In the interests of offering good advice based upon true principals, I think it behooves us to either prove or disprove this theory. If is can be demonstrated to be a true doctrine, then bringing it up over and over is fine and well. But if it cannot be shown to be true, I would like people stop bringing it up altogether. It's my opinion that it's giving members and nonmembers the notion that these two theories are the commonly understood and accepted teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I would contend that they are not.

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I been thinking of this a lot. There is not that much about this in the scriptures. Mostly when the scriptures talk about beeingsaved it talks about beeing saved from death. Not that often the talk is about kingdoms. "Christian" world are looking for a life with Jesus as their king and that is possible for good Christians. Just to be able to obtain everlasting life is a big thing. Even Terrestial life is a lot better, than we can imagine, but there we are not together as families...

About families... the children we get here on the earth are after all NOT our children, but our spirit brothers and sisters. Sure we would live together with them in the eternity, but if we are worty celestial kingdom... we get our OWN spirit children there. Our earthly family is just a loan. That is also why it is so important to take GOOD care of our kids in our family here on earth, we have only borrowed them and our HF wants them back as fine as they were when they were sent to us!

How ever we believe that the best ahve a possibility not only to be in heaven with Christ but with God too. To this celestial kingdom one do not get in except in couples.

Celestial is the place, where all active LDS usually wish to go to... even the unmarried ones. I know some sisters and brothers, who have never married, but who are just fantastic persons. Then I know many who have married even in the Temple, and their marriage is a pain. I think that during the 1000 years many may find their real place.

When you think of the world... there are soo many people we do not even meet in our lifetime... does it really matter WHO we marry?

Some people marry just to find out a few years later, that the one they married is attaced to porn, an abuser, a psyciatry case. Is that the spouses mistake to marry someone, who later takes the wrong road or proves to be "sick"?

How many gives up a spouse who has a good possibility to repend and become new, rather than go through the long process with him/her? How about those that do, but finally find out it did nto help?

Why someone has a lot easier familylife than others?

We are not to judge, we are to leave that to God. We are to live our life the best we know how in the circumstances we have got. If we leave our spouse we judge that person not to be worthy us. We need to see in a wide-eye instead of this small-eye we have here on the earth.

God is love. God has no favorites... or has He? Are the best spirits born in LDS families? Or are the best spirits spread all over the world, so they can light their latterns, where they are when the missionaries find them, and help others to find home too!?

It also says in the scriptures that not everyone is fit to be married.

What I believe is that we need to do the best we can and leave the rest up to God. I believe that when we finally are risen from the death and understand the whole of the eternal life, we will ourselves see what is the right place for us, the place where we can be happy. If the celestial life contains somethig we cann not accept or handle, then we are just happy we do not need to go there. Like I would not like to be an operative doctor, as I have no knowledge of how to do that and I would also understand how dangerous it would be for my pasients if I did.

I believe that in the end we ourselves will find our place with happyness. Helaman 13-16!

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Is it me or there is a collection of the same topic every week?

There is, however, in general they are threads where the original poster is coming to the community asking for advice on something relating to divorce or a spouse who has cheated or something similar. These people are coming here for advice and end up having their thread hijacked by a discussion on divorce. So to try and alleviate some of this thread hijacking I started this thread. I would like to put forward that instead of hijacking a thread where someone is asking for advice that we argue in this thread about divorce and what happens regarding sealings and broken sealings after we die, and only give useful advice in the threads that are asking for advice.

Lately (read as: since late February) there has been arguments started in these advice seeking threads over what actually will happen regarding a sealing that has been broken, and what happens when an LDS couple does get a divorce. These arguments have caused confusion and as Faded mentioned above, have given some people a sense of false hope. I am hoping that by arguing it here we can keep the advice seeking threads free from confusing arguments.

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Another excellent article:

TEMPLE DIVORCEMENT

Can Mormons divorce? How do you have a temple divorce? Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who've had a temple marriage (been sealed in a Mormon temple) can receive a temple divorce. This process is called a temple sealing cancellation and this article more fully explains a temple divorce and how the process works.

What is a Temple Divorce?

Although being sealed in the temple means being together for time and all eternity we live in a day and age when divorce is prevalent. People marry, divorce, and remarry. In doing so many people who divorce no longer desire to be with their ex spouse for all eternity. Most who remarry desire to be with their new spouse instead.

A temple divorce is when a person applies to have their temple sealing canceled and is only complete when their request has been approved by the First Presidency. A person works with their bishop throughout this process and should seek his counsel and guidance regarding their individual situation.

Do You Need a Temple Divorce to be Legally Divorced?

No, a couple does not need to have a temple divorce before they can be legally divorced. In fact, a civil divorce must occur first before a temple divorce will be granted. (Local laws and Church procedures may be different in some countries.)

Who Can Have a Temple Divorce?

When a couple wish to be married and sealed in the temple but either of them were previously sealed to an ex-spouse, they must first process some paperwork before they can be sealed together. There are also some specific guidelines and requirements that must first be met before a temple divorce will be granted. For a woman (called a sister) to receive a temple divorce she must be ready to be sealed to another man and the two of them must both be temple worthy and hold a current temple recommend.

Because a man can be sealed to more than one woman he does not need to have his temple sealing canceled to be able to be sealed to another woman. What he does need, though, is his previous wife's permission to do so- if she has not yet requested that her own temple sealing to him be canceled. This process is done through the bishop and must also be approved by the First Presidency.

Usually a woman is the one that makes a request for a temple sealing to be canceled. If a man wishes to submit a request he must speak with his bishop and should seek his counsel in doing so.

Why a Person Must Wait

The ordinance of the temple sealing is sacred and holds many promises and blessings for those who make and keep this covenant. For the majority of cases a temple sealing cancellation will most likely not be approved until a woman is ready to be sealed to another man. Thus once the temple divorce is approved and the sealing with the previous husband is canceled the ordinance can be performed with the new spouse. This way a woman will retain the promised blessings of the sealing covenant and is one of the reasons why she must wait until she is ready to be sealed to a new man before her temple sealing will be canceled.

When to Apply for a Temple Divorce

As soon as a woman is ready to be sealed to a new man (either a fiancé or husband) she can apply for a temple divorce.

If a couple are first married civilly they must me married for one year before a previous temple sealing will be canceled. Since the paperwork usually takes several months to process, a bishop would probably allow a couple to begin the process a few months before their year is complete.

How to Have a Temple Divorce

To have a temple sealing canceled a woman must meet with her bishop and prepare the proper paperwork. She must write a letter to the First Presidency which will need to include the following information:

1. Reasons for the divorce

2. Reasons for requesting a temple sealing cancellation

3. Plans to be sealed to another person

4. Transgressions by either party (that were confessed to a bishop or other priesthood authority)

5. If you are in compliance with a judgment (if applicable)

After the letter is complete it is given to the bishop who will then take care of additional paperwork including contacting the ex husband and previous bishop(s), if applicable. The ex husband is given a reasonable amount of time to respond to the request for the temple sealing cancellation. Once the bishop has all the necessary paperwork he will give it to the stake president who will then meet with the sister before submitting her request to the First Presidency.

How Long Does it Take?

Applying and being approved for a temple sealing cancellation may take anywhere from a few months to over a year. Because each situation is unique there is not a standard amount of time; each case is processed on an individual basis.

Once a request for a temple sealing cancellation (or permission to be sealed to another woman) has been submitted to the First Presidency a couple must wait for the paperwork to be approved before they can be sealed to a new spouse.

If an engaged couple change their plans and decide to be married civilly before their paperwork is complete they must inform the First Presidency of the change in their situation. Their paperwork will probably then be put on hold until the couple have been married for the required year.

Approval for a Temple Divorce

Requesting a temple sealing cancellation does not guarantee that the request will be granted. Due to the sacred nature of the temple sealing covenant the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ seek the Lord's counsel in reviewing and approving each individual request. President Gordon B. Hinckley said:

"The most burdensome responsibility I have is to make judgments on applications for cancellation of temple sealings following civil divorce. Each case is considered on its individual merits. I pray for wisdom, for the direction of the Lord in dealing with sacred covenants made in the most hallowed surroundings and of an eternal nature" ("A Conversation with Single Adults, Ensign, Mar 1997, 58).

I know, from personal experience, the pain and anguish of an unhappy marriage and hurtful divorce. But I also know the joy that comes from a healthy courtship that leads to a healthy marriage and know that the Lord has provided a way for all things.

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Does the church have an "official" stance on divorce?

My understanding is that there is a law (stated in the NT) against the practice of divorce but that the Lord, because of the imperfection of this telestial state or maybe just cause he is merciful, does not require that we live the letter of that law.

I think what we do instead is champion marriage and try to preserve and save marriages. Divorce in my mind, is absolutely appropriate especially if someone's safety is on the line.

So, do we believe in divorce? I don't believe so. What I can say is that divorce happens and we do what we can to prevent it and then we try to heal the aftermath when it does. And anyway, each situation is different and God, as always, will judge on the heart and the knowledge of the people involved. And I think it is absolutely OK not to have some black and white policy on the subject.

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You know there are people who from an unhealthy marriage go trhough a healthy courtship to a healthy marriage taht turns int o an unhealthy one. Then the question is again to give up or give healing a try.

To try healing is difficult in the world of today where everyone sees unsafety where there has been wrong actions taken and everyone is screaming wolf... even though it only is a black sheep... :huh:

I think one day you either have to bow your head and take what is coming or jump for joy! Even though God is merciful there has to be some boarders.

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In an effort to stop the hijacking of threads in which people are seeking advice on divorce or similar issues I am opening this thread in an attempt to begin a discussion on the ramifications of divorce, or rather "The official stance of the church regarding getting a divorce and what comes after".

...

Wow. This is an interesting topic. I find it pretty hard to go past the words of the Savior where He explains that divorce is not an acceptable part of the gospel, but that it is an Old Testament concept only. He's really quite clear about it, and I find it fascinating that we basically ignore His counsel on the topic in favour of a more *reasonable* approach.

Roy

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