Hello!...and here's my story.


Carl62
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I thought I'd take this time to introduce myself, say hi to everyone and tell my story. I was baptized in the church 30 years ago at the age of 16. I loved every part of this church from the moment I was baptized right up until the time I graduated from Ricks College then got my mission call. I even got my mother and father in the church and baptized them! My mission was something that I was looking forward to and couldn't wait to go. Unfortunately and ironically, it was while I was on my mission that everything with the church came crashing down on me. To make a veerry long story very short, I was accused of something that I had absolutely no part of while I was on the mission. It was one of my roommates, but I somehow came to be the scapegoat to various people on the mission regardless of how I pleaded my case. I did everything that was expected of me with baptisms, tracting, visiting members, etc. but I still couldn't get rid of the black cloud that hung over me for most of the 18 months ( I had the 18 month long mission back in '82). One of many things that happened was I got pulled into a bishop's office my third day in one new area and about got my head ripped off over all this. Despite what I said to him about not being a part of the situation, he still made his verbal threats. Again, that was one of many things that happened including not being granted leadership positions while on the mission. My self-esteem was shot! I lost all faith in the leadership of the mission (and almost in the church). My mission finally comes to an end and now here's the real kicker. Two weeks after my mission ended, I come to find out from a missionary friend of mine that my last companion, who I had for six months, actually wrote a letter to the mission president about what a terrific missionary and influence I was and that the entire letter was read out loud to the whole mission by the mission president himself! Go figure. Despite that, after all the hell I'd been through for most of that time, the damage had been done. I came home, went to Utah State, then eventually went completely inactive for over the last 20+ years. Now, I'm slowly trying to work things out by starting to go back to church again. I'm trying to get my faith back in the leadership and so far, through prayer and scripture reading, everything's going a lot better. I do like being back in my old ward and seeing all the faces I hadn't seen in awhile. As of right now, that's where it ends (and hopefully begins). I do have a testimony of the church, but right now, it's kind of on crutches.lol I do hope to get myself completely healed spiritually and get on the track that I was on once before. Keep me in your prayers. Thanks.

Edited by Carl62
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I thought I'd take this time to introduce myself, say hi to everyone and tell my story. I was baptized in the church 30 years ago at the age of 16. I loved every part of this church from the moment I was baptized right up until the time I graduated from Ricks College then got my mission call. I even got my mother and father in the church and baptized them! My mission was something that I was looking forward to and couldn't wait to go. Unfortunately and ironically, it was while I was on my mission that everything with the church came crashing down on me. To make a veerry long story very short, I was accused of something that I had absolutely no part of while I was on the mission. It was one of my roommates, but I somehow came to be the scapegoat to various people on the mission regardless of how I pleaded my case. I did everything that was expected of me with baptisms, tracting, visiting members, etc. but I still couldn't get rid of the black cloud that hung over me for most of the 18 months ( I had the 18 month long mission back in '82). One of many things that happened was I got pulled into a bishop's office my third day in one new area and about got my head ripped off over all this. Despite what I said to him about not being a part of the situation, he still made his verbal threats. Again, that was one of many things that happened including not being granted leadership positions while on the mission. My self-esteem was shot! I lost all faith in the leadership of the mission (and almost in the church). My mission finally comes to an end and now here's the real kicker. Two weeks after my mission ended, I come to find out from a missionary friend of mine that my last companion, who I had for six months, actually wrote a letter to the mission president about what a terrific missionary and influence I was and that the entire letter was read out loud to the whole mission by the mission president himself! Go figure. Despite that, after all the hell I'd been through for most of that time, the damage had been done. I came home, went to Utah State, then eventually went completely inactive for over the last 20+ years. Now, I'm slowly trying to work things out by starting to go back to church again. I'm trying to get my faith back in the leadership and so far, through prayer and scripture reading, everything's going a lot better. I do like being back in my old ward and seeing all the faces I hadn't seen in awhile. As of right now, that's where it ends (and hopefully begins). I do have a testimony of the church, but right now, it's kind of on crutches.lol I do hope to get myself completely healed spiritually and get on the track that I was on once before. Keep me in your prayers. Thanks.

Welcome home Carl. Any injustice will be dwelt with in this life or the next. I had a missionary who suffered along with those who did the act. He in fact, refuse to give up the names and places on what was considered a mission rule transgression. Yes! He was sent home but through proper repentance was allowed to return to complete his mission. Being humbled, he understood the need that GOD and the church comes first over friendship of those who rebel.

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Welcome Carl! One of the most hurtfull things in teh world is to be wrongly accused and not beeing able to make the others see it. Been there ... but I did not give up since I knew my Father in Heven knew that I was right and the others wrong. Ofcourse many tought that I had the nerw to say I was innocent... luckily the church leaders got the truth.

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Welcome Carl. I'm sorry you had to go through such an experience, but am glad that you are spiritually healing. Don't let the bad behavior of others keep you from the Lord. It's your soul. They have to worry about theirs. Good luck! :)

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Being humbled, he understood the need that GOD and the church comes first over friendship of those who rebel.

Gee, it's interesting that you would say that considering a major part of what got me into trouble was that very same thing. After I was given a companion (he was the senior companion, I was junior comp.) who just happened to be Satan in a white shirt and name badge who broke every rule in the book up, down, left and right, of which I wanted no part of, I was then HEAVILY coerced into telling the assistants to the president as to what happened against my better judgement (was this the Holy Spirit trying to tell me something?) and after being PROMISED that not a word of this would be leaked to my comp. So after I said all that happened, my comp. the next day calls one of the assistants and asks who said what. Well, the assistant pulled a George Washington saying "I cannot tell a lie, yes it was Elder ......" That's when all hell broke loose including a near fist fight in which three other missionaries had to break us up along with being called every vile name imaginable (yes, from missionaries!). But that wasn't the worst part because this missionary just happened to have 4 other missionaries who he was best buds with (including one of the assistants) who did everything they could to make whatever time left on their mission rough for me, including spreading out-n-out lies to make my name mud. They even used the pulpit during testimonial meetings to take stabs at me! Believe me, I had to be stopped from packing my bags more than once. I honestly didn't care anymore. The only reason I finished was because I didn't want to disappoint my parents. It's 20 years later and time heals all wounds, which is why I'm striving to get myself back in a positive frame of mind towards the church and the gospel. So far, so good.:)

Edited by Carl62
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  • 2 months later...

Wow Carl. Thanks for sharing your story and im sorry for all that happened. I cant imagine how tough that must have been. I really hope everything works out for you and that you recieve lots of encouragement from this site (which you will!). I only signed up a few hours ago but it feels great already. There are so many understanding people on here.

TBV x

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I am sorry that all that happened to you....especially on the mission. My mission pres. wasn't a perfect man either. One event made a little scar in my heart that has stayed for years too. We humans can really hurt one another, you know? We get on a roll, thinking that we have it right only to find out that our blindness was a stumbling block, or worse never to be that honest with ourselves. We don't listen enough. We don't do our homework before we act. We are prideful and impetuous and sometimes down right hurtful. And sometimes...when we are the target of such unkindness, our hurt feelings tend to cloud things too. Or maybe it is just the meanness of Satan who comes in and fans the flames. At least I know he has tried this with me.

Maybe your mission Pres recognized his mistake and tried to rectify the situation. Too bad he didn't have the courage or the fortitude to seek you out directly and set the record straight inside of you too. How fast we are to judge....but slow to make things right again. Maybe we think time will heal things. Sad. In any case, easier to let time do it than to face the person we harmed and lose face.

In the end, the church and the gospel are two different things. One is designed to help and lead the other. And for whatever wise purpose God has, He lets the church blow it sometimes and certainly the missionary department is no exception. It has been that way from the beginning. Hopefully, people and groups hear the gospel message and return to God when they fall. I know I have to return to God often. And I think I see the people who have wronged me are trying to do the same thing even though they way that are doing it doesn't appear fair or just or loving to me. The longer I noodle over things the more I realize how imperfect this church and everyone on the planet is and how hard it is really to reach the ideal state of obedience and then maintain it! Most of the time, we are just doing the best we can where we are. And I have decided that is ok....and even good. And even though stuff hurts us and certainly isn't fair, it is just the way it is. That doesn't mean that there isn't justice sometime somewhere. It just means we all have to go back to the gospel and apply things like compassion and forgiveness. The Gospel is just as true even if all the saints fail to apply it and all the world chucks it out with the trash. It's sad when that happens. It has been sad since the beginning of time. But any of us can come and learn and apply when we are ready.

Sometimes woundedness is a very lonely walk where friends are hard to find. But Father is always there to teach and heal and move us to a place of better understanding and deeper capacities. And maybe its ok if it takes a while to heal. Some wounds are just there.... and they alter who we are or maybe who we wanted to be.

I am sorry some of your own hurt you. And I am sorry the wounds caused you to be away for a minute. But I am glad you are opening your heart again. Welcome to the site. I hope you find friendship amidst all of our quirks. :) And I hope you can forgive those that need forgiveness and let Jesus change the way you see all these life events. He turns everything to some good.

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Carl, unfortunately, I can relate to you. I had a wonderful mission, minus mission pres.. I was blessed with tremendous success and granted many blessings but despite all of this my mission president did not trust me because of something I went to him about.

Short version:

A girl liked me. I was starting to get feelings for her. I told Pres. about it and that I thought I should be transferred on the next transfer. Sure enough, I was transferred. Just what I wanted. I thought all was said and done until Stake Conference. She was in the same stake so she came to stake conference and I talked with the family. What am I going to do, ignore them? (not a good missionary tool) We had a great conference.

Move forward 2 weeks, zone conference, I got reamed by the Pres. for scheduling a meeting with her. She just came to stake conference. GRRR! It never was let down from that point on. Every interview, even until the last one was a grilling. Talk about feeling well done. My exit interview was 2 hours long and nothing but a grilling. I don't know why I lost his trust but I was frustrated. Fortunately for me, I have been blessed with the ability to have a ducks back (water rolls off of it). The Church is true the people are not!

I am glad to see you coming back. The Gospel is true and you deserve the blessings that come from it.

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