ServiceDogHandler Posted June 12, 2009 Report Share Posted June 12, 2009 I can't beleive he would hurt his kids like that. My addicted/abusive husband had a visit scheduled for 4:30-5 yesterday. The kids have not seen or talked to him since Christmas. They didn't know about the visit till they were taken to social services. Well he never showed. He phoned at quarter too 5 to say he could not make it. The kids were already there and expecting him. Dedrick(my 4yr old) was so hurt. How could he do that to them. He could have phoned at 4 before the kids were taken to social services and they would then have never known. But of course he could never think of that. He had to do something where they would expect him and be hurt that he never followed through. Typical for him. Can never count on him to do anything responsible. Too wrapped up in himself and his girlfriend and her family to even think about his own flesh and blood and their feelings. And to add insult to injuy. A police officer just called me early yesterday afternoon. My husband was in town yesterday for court. Why I have no idea. Anyway he called the police station and said "I need you to give me my wifes address because I know she has some of my mail." WHAT. He actually thought the police would give him my address. THere is a no contact order in place where he can't contact me directly or indirectly. I am not getting any of his mail because when I moved(while he was in jail in April) and was still recieving his mail I took it to the post office and told them we are no longer together and they were only supose to change my address. Not his. So they took his mail, fixed things in the computer and now I do not recieve his mail. So he is still trying to find out where I am. Which scares me. He has his girlfriend to keep him busy. He is not supose to be looking for me. The police took all the info and will be contacting the post office to confirm. But they assured me that they will not give out my address. They will be telling him to change his address and pick up his mail himself from the post office. I just wish he would stop trying to find me. My therapist has told me that it is all a control tactic. He wants to keep some type of control on me. I wish I could not have any contact with him at all. But I know this is only the beginning. I will have to be helping the kids through the painful reality that he is not to be depended on. Am I angry? very. I can't stand that he hurt the kids the way he has. It is one thing to do what he does to an adult who can just walk away. But a whole other factor to do it to your own child who has no choice and can't understand and think they did something wrong. I feel at such a loss as to how to protect them from this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
minemouse Posted June 13, 2009 Report Share Posted June 13, 2009 Be strong sweetie. I have been through this -almost exactly similiar situation. Don't let go of your faith in God and yourself. Surround yourself with friends and family to support you. The kids will get wind of the way he acts sooner or later and might distance themselves from him. Continue your therapy so that by the time you know it you'll be a healthier you--and not make the same mistake in choosing that type of man. Be strong, the ride will get bumpy but hold on to Jesus and you'll be okay. I am rooting for you, you are not alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ztodd Posted June 13, 2009 Report Share Posted June 13, 2009 I pray you will have the peace and comfort from the Spirit that you deserve. I know you can have it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted June 14, 2009 Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 I can relate somewhat to your story. I have 3 children. Only one of them has seen their dad in 10 years. He's made no attempt to see or visit them. In fact hasn't even called in over 2 years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prodigal_Son Posted June 14, 2009 Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 How many strikes till you can cut him out? Obviously not fit for playing any sort of a parental role at this time in his life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ServiceDogHandler Posted June 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 Right now it is not my choice. Social Services and the courts make the decision whether he can set up visits with his children or not. If it was my decision he would not be allowed to see them till he had done everything that social services requires him to do and everything his probation officer requires him to do. As of now he has not done any of the things they have told him to do. He is too busy in his new life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prodigal_Son Posted June 14, 2009 Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 Right now it is not my choice. Social Services and the courts make the decision whether he can set up visits with his children or not. If it was my decision he would not be allowed to see them till he had done everything that social services requires him to do and everything his probation officer requires him to do. As of now he has not done any of the things they have told him to do. He is too busy in his new life.That's what I'd picked up on. Surely there's some legal threshold where the court will lay the hammer down? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ServiceDogHandler Posted June 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 THat has to wait till the divorce is handled. Which won't be till the Fall at the earliest. I wish it could be sooner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fair Posted June 14, 2009 Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 Just keep documenting his behavior and remember to keep yourself safe, that is the most important thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted June 14, 2009 Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 Children are very smart little peoples. Your responsibility is to be honest with them. Be careful how you answer their questions. When they grow up they will remember which parent was honest and which wasn't. They will also remember how you responded to the negative things. Children have eyes and ears ...they use them and they make judgements. They need your guidance to come to the right conclusions. Before my sister kicked out her abusive husband we went on a weekend trip with her and the kids...because he didn't want to go. My husband helped the then 4yo build something and I was taking pictures of it. The boy asked why. I told him so he could show his daddy. He replied "I don't have a daddy." I have this on tape. He was 4. Now 4 years later.....they are divorced. He's still the most valiant 8 yo I know. He is and has been always willing to stand up and call a spade a spade regardless of the consequences to himself. So at age 8 he's dealing with a father who has withdrawn his love and lets the boy know it. He wants his father's love but he also understands that because he was honest his father is punishing him by withdrawing that love. Smart boy! The loser is his father! Don't sell your children short. They are smart. You can't shield them from the hurts of this life. You can teach them how to respond appropriately. You and yours will be in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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