I have moved on, why can't he?

[ServiceDogHandler]

Seriously. He has a girlfriend that he is living with and her 4 kids should be keeping him busy. So why is he continueing to try and find me and harass me? Last thursday he came to town for court. So while he was here he phoned the police to try and get them to give him my address so he could "pick up his mail." I of course don't have his mail and he knows this. It is just his way of trying to get my address. Then yesterday he emails me. I forwarded it to the probation officer and also to my lawyer and called the police. The police officer I spoke to was really nasty. He said as long as they can't put him in front of the computer sending it that they can't arrest him on breach. Then he went on to say that unless he shows up at my door they are not going to do anything. WHAT. This man has strangled me twice, assualted me and my children on countless occaision, there is a no contact order where he can't contact me in anyway or have someone contact me for him. But I should wait till he shows up at my house, where he can break in and hurt me for the police to do anything? ARGGG. He has broken windows and doors before to get to me and the kids.

I have moved on. I want nothing to do with him. My therapist, Bishop and my group meetings have helped me to start my life in the right direction. I don't want him and his destructive influence in my life anymore. He is my past and I want him to remain there. My lawyer contacted me this morning and verified what I had thought that he is in breach. And she wants me to contact the crown prosecuter today also. So I will be doing that. It is just so frustrating that he won't let go.

[pam]

I think it's still a matter of wanting to control.

[dazed-and-confused]

I agree with Pam.....and it seems to be working.......I mean, you are still focussing lots of energy on this guy, and in a way, he IS still controlling you. Maybe you need to let go even more in order to truely break his bonds over you. Do your best to not even think about his antics.....and do try to not be bothered by them. I know.....sometimes easier said than done.

[ServiceDogHandler]

His probation officer emailed me back to let me know he forwarded the email to the probation officer in my husbands town who is supervising him. Hopefully his new probation officer will get him under control so he will leave me alone so I can finally breath and feel safe.

[Corey]

It doesn't sound like you've moved on.

[ztodd]

It doesn't sound like you've moved on.

Huh?

[pam]

Sounds like she is trying to. But when you get emails and such from the other party..you are dragged right back into it again.

[Hemidakota]

Dear sister, you need help from those across the veil in this matter.

[Tarnished]

When someone is a potential threat to you and your children wouldn't it be difficult to move on. If that is what you want to call it. Men like this can be dangerous and there really isn't much available to women to keep themselves safe. So if she is focusing on what she can do to keep herself and her children safe then good. If that means she has to focus on him and think about him, well, it is a side effect of keeping yourself alive. I would hate to hear that something terrible happened just because she stopped worrying about what might happen. Men like this will often go to great lengths, and I am seriously hoping that she is able to get the protection that she deserves to have.

Hang in there. As many others have said, he is trying to control you. Keep yourself safe and keep looking out for your kids and yourself.

[ServiceDogHandler]

As others have said it is impossible to totally detach when I have to think about my own safety and also my childrens. When I say I have moved on I mean that I have learned through my therapy, wmy womens group at the womens shelter, my bishop and my naranon group(group for family's of drug users) that not all relationships are abusive like mine was. That it was not healthy, that my kids and I deserve to be loved and safe, that the Lord would not want me to continue in such a dangerous situation, so in all facts of the matter(except for the legal ones) I am not his wife anymore and never want to be agian.

This man is so dangerous that social services will not even consider him for custody in any sense of the word of our children. They have made it clear to me that if we ever get back together then they will remove the children permantly. He will be lucky to have supervised visits, if he ever sets them up and shows up, with the children.

I would love to detach fully from him. Never have to think about him agian, never have to look over my shoulder wondering if he is following me or watching me waiting for his chance to hurt me, that he chooses never to be in my childrens life, that he never contacts me and stops trying to find me. This would be a dream come true. But the reality is that he won't stop and has not stopped. I am doing everything the court, my lawyer, social services and so on has told me to do. But just because I am doing the right things does not mean he is and that he has let the situation stop as I have. The only time I think of him now is when he hurts my kids or I hear he is trying to find me. No matter what I want or do this person is a part of my life for the rest of my life.