Just for the Kids?


redtide

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I suppose we are all spousal abusers, then.

Yep!

What’s so sad about the interpretation given is that behaviors that may be perfectly acceptable to 99.99% of couples could be called abuse in the .01% just because the spouse is “too sensitive”. I think most men can understand “I’ve got a headache tonight”. We can live with it even if disappointing. But, there are some men for which such a rejection, even on a single basis, can be overwhelmingly painful. I think most people can understand that the pathology resides in that man in such cases. Yet, given the interpretation presented by Foreverafter, the wife in that otherwise benign situation is guilty of abuse!

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Okay. Last post. I've decided that I am going to court my wife for the next year. I'm going to win her back. If after one year of courtship she does not change her attitude of man-woman taking precedence over the children, then we'll go from there. But I'm assuming that within one year she will have a change of heart.

For the meantime, I have zero desire to engage in any intimate behavior with a woman who does not place me first (and, yes, I understand why she would not). So we will have to see how that goes, but I am guessing that when we have that discussion (and we will), that she will understand. I'm not holding her hostage, or course. But if you think of it, it makes sense. I didn't have sexual relations with her when courting, so why would I in the attempt to win her heart back?

At least makes sense to me and my little mind.

Thanks for all the suggestions, feedback.

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I suppose we are all spousal abusers, then.

Redtide,

I'm sorry, I need to clarify something I left out (in my hurry cause I had to go somewhere), that hurtful behavior is abuse only when it is repeatative or severe. We all have minor weaknesses & sins, & times when we say something we wish we hadn't or do something we shouldn't. Unless it's severe, if these times are not frequent or happen consistently than it's just probably something common, like the things we are all working on. As spouses we should be forgiving & willing to overlook small faults & weaknesses & occasional slips in each other, yet while still encouraging growth in each other & ourselves to overcome them.

So, though abuse is far more rampant than most people would think, we don't have to be perfect to be considered non-abusive.

Usually both spouses have some destructive & hurtful behaviors that each needs to work on. Because most of us did not grow up in perfect homes & so most of us learned a few negative things that we brought into the marriage. Once we stop all abusive behaviors in ourselves we can more easily see & lovingly help our spouse stop theirs.

Edited by foreverafter
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I'm thinking that this is my last update. I don't think that there is much anyone could offer up at this point. Yesterday, the bishop stated that it's pretty much out of his hands. He can offer mediation service, but not much more. It's between me and my spouse. If he was needed to keep things "calm," then that too. But that's no longer an issue.

So I agree.

Last night my wife and I had a long talk. In short, there are some things that she has said that she agrees are true. The biggest stumbling block is that she is not physically attracted to me, but the attraction that she has always had was spiritual, coupled with a firm knowledge that God told her to marry me. I'm not comfortable with that. Sounds like a pilgrimage to me. I married my wife because I was both physically attracted to her AND I wanted to treasure her the rest of my life.

.

Actually for a woman the physical side is a lot less important than it is for a man. And I think she is right spiritual and emotional attraction is enough for love to grow

-Charley

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I feel that I should add my two cents - so here goes.

I grew up in a semi-abusive home. My parents fought every night. And sometimes us kids would fight with my father as well. All growing up I resented the fact that my mom wouldnt leave my dad. I asked her many times why she stayed with him, and she said that the Lord had told her that she should stay with him. After I moved out of my parents house my father was diagnosed as bi-polar and started taking medication which showed me the side of him that I hadnt met prior. Almost three years ago my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Almost immediately I saw a huge change in my father. It wasnt from his meds, it was from the spirit touching his life. He has since shown me how someone can do a 180 and become who the Lord wants them to be. If my mother had gone through with the divorce all those years ago(and it was possible for about 10-15 years) I never would have grown close to my father. My siblings who have left the church, possibly wouldn't have started going back to church, and most importantly my parents wouldnt have each other to lean on during this struggle.

If my mother hadn't implored of the Lord and then heeded his council, my life would be completely different now. I dont know what is the right thing for you to do, yet I do know that whatever it is, the Lord will show you. I truly admire your willingness to change.

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