Tired of 'enduring'


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So many people I have spoken to about my problems with the church just tell me to 'hang in there' 'keep going' or 'endure it'. I dont know if I can do this. I have to see results. I can do this for a job if I know it will only be for a short amount of time. My entire life is NOT a short amount of time to me at this point in existence, it is a loooong time. I cant go on for the rest of my life like this, its doing my head in.

I just dont know what more I can do. I have even had a spiritual experience-Pres Uchdorf spoke here in the UK and it had a profound effect on me, I really did feel the spirit. I knew it was telling me that the church was true as I'd asked for it and got it

Its still not enough, I have no idea why. The memory is fading. I'm still fed up with much of the culture/teachings of the church.

I dont think theres much more I can do.

:confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused:

It is the culture or the teachings? If it's the culture then what is it about the culture bothers you? Is it ward or people specific? If it's the teachings then what teachings are you having issues with?

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I read the title page of the Book of Mormon tonight in preparation for tomorrow's challenge. For whatever reason, I thought of you.

THE BOOK OF MORMON

AN ACCOUNT WRITTEN BY

THE HAND OF MORMON

UPON PLATES

TAKEN FROM THE PLATES OF NEPHI

Wherefore, it is an abridgment of the record of the people of Nephi, and also of the Lamanites—Written to the Lamanites, who are a remnant of the house of Israel; and also to Jew and Gentile—Written by way of commandment, and also by the spirit of prophecy and of revelation—Written and sealed up, and hid up unto the Lord, that they might not be destroyed—To come forth by the gift and power of God unto the interpretation thereof—Sealed by the hand of Moroni, and hid up unto the Lord, to come forth in due time by way of the Gentile—The interpretation thereof by the gift of God.

An abridgment taken from the Book of Ether also, which is a record of the people of Jared, who were scattered at the time the Lord confounded the language of the people, when they were building a tower to get to heaven—Which is to show unto the remnant of the House of Israel what great things the Lord hath done for their fathers; and that they may know the covenants of the Lord, that they are not cast off forever—And also to the convincing of the Jew and Gentile that Jesus is the Christ, the Eternal God, manifesting himself unto all nations—And now, if there are faults they are the mistakes of men; wherefore, condemn not the things of God, that ye may be found spotless at the judgment-seat of Christ.

TRANSLATED BY JOSEPH SMITH, Jun.

First English edition published in 1830

Italics added.

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James-good talks.

Ruthie-Funnily enough I read the title page and testimony of 3 witnesses last night as I am going to do the 40 day challenge. What do I have to lose?

Although I cant read it without questioning and doubting certain aspects. I cant help it, I am trying to read with an open mind. I WANT it to be true, I love the BOM, but cant help but questions.

I DO NOT KNOW if Jospeh Smith was a Prophet.

Angels, revelations, visitations...I hear it, I have all my life. It seems unreal like a fairy story to me.

I hear different things such as the plates were taken up by Moroni-then I hear they're in a vault somewhere. How can our religion have all these 'versions'?

I don't like going to church. I dont like the lessons we have. I dont like the focus on how sinful we are rather than our GOOD points. I KNOW people are not perfect but I have been to many other organisations with a lot less problems and judgements than I have seen in our church.

I also am having trouble accepting certain things are 'sinful' that I have no problem with. E.G Homosexuality, modesty standards, garments, swearing. Even if I WANTED to feel the opposite way to what I feel about these things, I couldn't, it is part of who I am. I feel uncomfortable trying to change the way I feel about things, so that I now feel they are 'sins'. I feel I am an accepting person and believing these things are wrong will just make me feel differently for the worse.

I'm not sure how I can reconcile all this with being a faithful church member.

All the while, if I'm on an upper, and trying and all that...The thought always creeps in to my mind...this could all be for nothing..what if its not true, I'm wasting my life stressing over it all.

I hate seeing people sucking up to leaders to try and get a higher calling-and I hate the fact that it works. If callings are given by revelation, how can this be???

How come 99% of all the authorities in the church are Americans? Does God not think anyone else is good enough??? (Apart from the few token Europeans/chinese).

All these things are what stops me embracing the gospel fully.

The 'gospel' is probably true. I believe the organisation of the church, and the people in it, can be crooked, its like a business. NOT all I know. But I feel that if people felt the way I did, this would not happen in the church. I KNOW people are not perfect but this still makes it hard from me when one thing is preached, and another thing practiced. It makes me feel uncomfortable.

However, I am giving it my final shot. I am going for it. I'm not sure how I can reconcile myself to these issues, or if I even want to, but I'm trying.

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Now that you've listed all the things you hate about the Church...what about listing some of the things you like about it? Perhaps starting to focus on some of the positive things instead of all your negative thoughts just might be a start.

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there is a saying: "It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as an example to others", which is usually interpreted to mean, all your mistaken ideas, wrong decisions, and bad judgments could teach millions how NOT to behave.

Ever feel that way?

Anyway, When you were touched by the spirit, and given a testimony of whatever Pres Uchdorf was speaking of, you had a duty to follow up. Revelation is given when thee is "true intent", so at that moment, even if you have forgotten, you must have intended to act on whatever was revealed to you. And if it is fading, it is due to failing to act on that revelation.

As to your doubts, I hope that you understand, that no one is converted by strict precise logical thinking. No one is converted because the were "argued" into it. Every true conversion came after deep and sincere prayer, and a promise on your part to act on the revelation that the Church is true. Many people are baptised, without being converted. It happens a lot, and many promptly go inactive immediately afterwards if they do not work on their own progress, and seek answers from God through the Holy Spirit.

If you are seeking the answers from a forum, you won't find it here. If you seek answers from your teachers, home teachers, companion, even the Bishop (unless he says seek out the Lord in mighty prayer), you won't find it. In fact even reading the BOM won't give you your answers.

You will still have to do all that, and I encourage you to including seeking counsel from the Bishop, but until you are absolutely faithful in getting on your knees, and crying out to the Lord, don't expect much to come of it.

A parable: A man sat by the well, lamenting that he had no water. He had a bucket, he had a rope, He had tied the rope to the bucket. The bucket had no holes. He had the strength and ability to lower the bucket and pull up the bucket brimming with water.

Others came and went with their load of water, and still he lamented that he had no water.

finally he said "I don't even believe that is water in the well. Others have said they got water, and left here, but even though I saw them leave refreshed, and even once saw a bit of water slosh from their bucket, I am beginning to doubt i there is water there for me to bother trying to lower and then raise the bucket.

Finally he lowered the bucket in, but by now, his rope was weak, and frayed. Part way up with a heavy load (OH it is so hard to lift) the rope parted. He walked away from the well, saying; "I tried everything I could, but I no longer believe there is water in that well. I think even those who got water from that well, must have had it with them, and fooled me."

When you read the scripture, look at how hard some people pray, to get their testimony. Consider how hard even the most spiritual of people have "wrestled mightily" with their faith.

As to enduring, remember, you only have to endure to the end!

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How come 99% of all the authorities in the church are Americans? Does God not think anyone else is good enough??? (Apart from the few token Europeans/chinese).

Are you speaking of General Authorities? Because there are area respresentatives that are assigned by the General Authorites all over the world. There are thousands of Church leaders assigned all over the world. Not just in the US.

Part of the issue is geographics. Since the Church headquarters is located in Salt Lake City, this makes it extremely difficult for someone of another country to be there. Does that mean God thinks Americans are better or more spiritual? Absolutely not.

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pam, someone asked what parts i struggled with so i laid it out, i wasn't being hateful, these r the problems i have that I am trying to work through.

Good advice and analogy hankpac.

Fair enough. But I still stand by my statement that looking more at the positive things might be a place to start. Gaining a testimony or strengthening a testimony in an area that is a positive thing can sometimes help a person to gain a testimony in areas they struggle.

Line up line....and little baby steps is sometimes what it takes.

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Also in fairness to you Soul_Searcher I personally have a hard time relating to doubts such as you are having. Not to take anything away from you at all.

I have just been blessed and lucky I guess you could say that I have never once had doubts about the truthfulness of the Gospel or about any of it's principles or doctrines. I may have questioned my understanding of something I've heard or read but never had doubts.

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You may have a hard time with it Pam. Think ureself lucky uve never had the feelings I am having now. Its a frustrating place to be. I get the feeling you are somewhat irked with my questions and my take on things. I hope this is not the case and if I am wrong, I sincerely apologise. But I think it serves to show how members find it hard to relate to people like me without thinking theres something wrong with them or that they are doing something wrong. I dont think we are encouraged to question too much which could explain this attitude.

Anyway, point is, if I didnt want to work this out i wouldnt be here. And I wouldnt be doing the 40 day challenge if i wasn't serious. I cant help the questions that come into my head. Thats me! Isn't diversity great?

However, if this is not the place for my type of questions Im sure there are other places I can go. Although i wanted a more rounded point of view, rather than that of ex mos who dont have my best interests in mind.

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Hi Soul. Thought I would weigh in on your post here. Please know that I am being direct but that my love and kindness are wrapped up in it. You can't see the smile on my face or the understanding in my spirit, but I hope that you can feel it a bit in my words.

Although I cant read it without questioning and doubting certain aspects. I cant help it, I am trying to read with an open mind. I WANT it to be true, I love the BOM, but cant help but questions.

Questions are good. Don't apologize for having questions. Just remember to apply faith to your questions instead of skepticism. Some say that they are naturally skeptical. That may be true, but EVERYONE can choose to exercise faith. The answers will come after faith is tried -- not after skepticism gets proven wrong. Remember that Brigham Young himself wrestled with the truth of the BofM for two years before he was baptized.

I DO NOT KNOW if Jospeh Smith was a Prophet.

This is OK too. Everyone of us who has a strong testimony had to gain it the same way you have to. I think it might help to perhaps take one thing at a time. Take the BofM piece first. Then go study the D&C next. Remember to keep prayer woven into your study. And keep your mind and heart listening for the Spirit in patience. Ask God to show you the truth. He will. :)

Angels, revelations, visitations...I hear it, I have all my life. It seems unreal like a fairy story to me.

Well, visitations from heavenly beings is a pattern that has been followed by God since the beginning. It's not just a mormon notion. Not all men will have such blessings to their lives, but I think if you learn that the BofM is true, you will then be able to see that it was indeed Moroni who returned and gave the record to Joseph. Until then, you can trust that their are angels and God sends them to men/women and children when there is a need and when the person can be trusted with the experience.

I hear different things such as the plates were taken up by Moroni-then I hear they're in a vault somewhere. How can our religion have all these 'versions'?

You hear varying stories because people are too lazy to check their facts before they speak. Don't take everything you hear to be true. The plates are with God. Joseph was only given them until translation was complete. Don't let that this little thing stop you. BTW.....there aren't mulitple versions. Go read "Truth Restored" or "A marvelous work and a wonder." I think all you need is a little education to lay this one to rest.

I don't like going to church. I dont like the lessons we have. I dont like the focus on how sinful we are rather than our GOOD points. I KNOW people are not perfect but I have been to many other organisations with a lot less problems and judgements than I have seen in our church.

Do you honestly think that every lesson is simply there to make us feel guilty? There is no doubt that our lessons help us recognize areas that we can improve. But they also teach history and people that came before us....help us gain a proper understanding of doctrine....answer our prayers....and even make us laugh.

I wonder, dear Soul_Searcher, if it is the voice in your head that is making you feel guilty. Maybe you know somewhere in your heart that your behavior and your knowledge are not in harmony, and being at church brings that feeling to the surface. Maybe you think everyone is looking at you and knowing that you don't match the molly mormon stereotype. My dear, let it go. No one is looking at you. No one is trying to make you or anyone else feel guilty. If people need correction, then by george, there better be a leader who has the courage to say so. But there is much more love in those lessons and by those teachers than you are giving credit for. Heck...most of the teachers are too nervous to give a guilt trip anyway. Perhaps you need to teach a few lessons and then re evaluate. What do you think? Bet you might even like it.

I also am having trouble accepting certain things are 'sinful' that I have no problem with. E.G Homosexuality, modesty standards, garments, swearing. Even if I WANTED to feel the opposite way to what I feel about these things, I couldn't, it is part of who I am. I feel uncomfortable trying to change the way I feel about things, so that I now feel they are 'sins'. I feel I am an accepting person and believing these things are wrong will just make me feel differently for the worse. I'm not sure how I can reconcile all this with being a faithful church member.

We don't vote on what is sinful or use popular culture to define it either. God decides. Sin is sin because it is either inherently wrong (like lying) OR just because one decides to disobey (like when Jonah refuses God's command to go to the city of Nineva). Part of being committed to God is giving up our will for His. We commit to do His will in trust that His understanding is better than ours.

MY kids don't have any problem with putting half eaten gogurts behind the TV. I happen to have big problems with it and it is a rule and if they do it then they get grounded. Make sense? God gives commandments for our happiness and spiritual growth. Sometimes those commands apply to everyone. Sometimes they are just for one. He isn't interested in over indulgences and vain pursuits or in flattering people to feel good so they will follow Him. He wants disciplined, refined, obedient children who are men and women of character and strength and spiritual cleanliness. If one applies themselves to the narrow path of God, it will inherently be a life of discipline AND tremendous blessings. Those who live it will taste the light and live with great privilage. Those who choose their worldly standards and selfish pursuits will enjoy their pleasures and ease.....but will not reap what the obedient will. Accepting "sin" isn't loving, even though our culture really wants to justify it that way.

Let Heavenly Father and the scriptures and the words of the prophets open your heart and mind to greater understandings. I don't always get why God does what He does. But I have learned not to argue with Him and to let him govern in his wisdom. My job is to obey and repent and serve.

All the while, if I'm on an upper, and trying and all that...The thought always creeps in to my mind...this could all be for nothing..what if its not true, I'm wasting my life stressing over it all.

Look....once you have a starting testimony, you will know that following the commandments isn't a waste of time. You will see the blessings in your life and others around you. You will see how using a drug or getting caught up in the world is the real waste of time.

And if you worry about feeling guilty, try living in obedience and see how that feels. It is peace and calm and free because ones actions and ones beliefs aren't always at war. It's kinda like flying above the storm clouds. Guilt and shame and crap like that just isn't what God is about and it isn't how he teaches his children. God wants "Godly sorrow" and repentance and commitment to obedience. That's it.

I hate seeing people sucking up to leaders to try and get a higher calling-and I hate the fact that it works. If callings are given by revelation, how can this be???

Do you really see that happens? I am gonna call you on this one. I think you may have heard a comment here or there or maybe one or two stories. I am not saying it doesn't exist. But I think you need to look a little deeper. I think you'll see a much different picture that your assumptions are leading you to believe.

How come 99% of all the authorities in the church are Americans? Does God not think anyone else is good enough??? (Apart from the few token Europeans/chinese).

Go get an Ensign and look at the nationalities of all the current leadership. Then go get a list of all the area leaderships around the globe. followed by all the SP's and Bishop's. Then re-ask yourself the question.

All these things are what stops me embracing the gospel fully.

All these concerns are compelling. I can see why you might struggle. It's ok. I have struggled with the church too. You might want to try embracing the gospel fully anyway. Get everyone else and what they do or don't do out of your head. This is about you and God. Period. People will mess up. The church won't be perfect either. Expecting it to is a waste of energy. The kingdom of God won't be perfect until we get on the other side.

You let God teach you and lead your life. Let the rest of the people make their mistakes. It isn't your business what mistakes people make....even if they make them right in front of you.... and your mistakes aren't their business either. Isn't that great news?? :) Then get back to the business of getting the truth into your mind and heart and then living the way God wants you to as good as you can manage that today. The world has need of willing men with hearts that know and feel....come help the good work move along....put your shoulder to the wheel.

The 'gospel' is probably true. I believe the organisation of the church, and the people in it, can be crooked, its like a business. NOT all I know. But I feel that if people felt the way I did, this would not happen in the church. I KNOW people are not perfect but this still makes it hard from me when one thing is preached, and another thing practiced. It makes me feel uncomfortable.

So you hate hypocrisy? Cool. I think most people do. But you know.....we are all hypocrites. I am sometimes, I am sorry to say. Aren't you? They church does its best and it course corrects when it needs to. The church and its leaders won't be perfect, but that doesn't mean that God isn't leading this church and guiding these people in their service. Joseph Smith had to learn many lessons during his time as prophet. The Lord told him to shape up some days. There isn't a prophet who led this church that wasn't in the same boat. Let it be the way it is. Be ok with it. It doesn't change the truth or the capacity for God to take a very imperfect thing and do great things with it. The choice is whether or not you'll be on board when the great things happen.

However, I am giving it my final shot. I am going for it. I'm not sure how I can reconcile myself to these issues, or if I even want to, but I'm trying.

I can feel that you are trying. I feel your honesty and sincerity. I think you are a really great individual. I just think your thinking is getting in the way of your potential.

I think it is a healthy thing to look at your concerns out in the open. I hope you are able to look at your concerns with objectivity and with proper facts and with spiritual enlightenment. Don't let your concerns keep you from the blessings of living the gospel. Don't let the logic of the world confuse you. Don't let your past mistakes make you feel you don't belong.

Best wishes.

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I'm going to go out on a limb here. I don't know if anything I'm about to say will be any help to you, but I don't know what else to say so here goes nothing.

Seeing an angel had a profound experience on the sons of Mosiah and Alma the younger, but on the other hand, it didn't have much of an effect on Laman and Lemuel, at least not a lasting one. Also, while I can't remember where, I remember having read in the scriptures where Prophets told the people that even if an angel came and told them the truth face to face, they still would not believe it. The basic gist of that teaching is that we are able to learn the Church and the Gospel are true by living the laws and ordinances of the Gospel. It's kind of like an investment. We don't get any returns before we pony up the capital, metaphorically speaking. In other words, after the trials comes the blessings.

There have been times when I was so in tune with the Spirit that my prayers would be answered while I was still praying. There have been times when I have received personal revelation out of the blue, without even really thinking about the matter at the moment. I can remember, as a new member, as I was laboring in the factory one day, the Spirit telling me "you know, the Church is true." To which I thought to myself, "Well, yeah, of course it is. Why would I not think so?" It wasn't until later that I realized that this was not me thinking, but it was the Holy Spirit coming to me to validate the decision I'd made to join the Church, to make sure that my leap of faith was met by personal revelation, so I could KNOW the Church is true. When I got baptized, I merely suspected the Church was true.

I don't mean to brag about receiving personal revelations and such. If that were my intention, I could go on and on. But what I have learned is that in order to qualify for personal revelations, I first have to focus on the more mundane aspects of the Gospel. I have to try to soften my temper. I have to increase my patience. I have to get better at fleeing from contention rather than getting bogged down in confrontations and retaliating to perceived injustices. I also have to make a real and sincere effort to have family scriptures and family prayer every day.

As a new member, I used to pray every night that Heavenly Father would allow the unsealed portion of the Book of Mormon to be translated. I never realized how ungrateful I must have appeared to ask for that when I had just found out that the Book of Mormon, the Doctrine and Covenants, and the Pearl of Great Price were all scripture. Having only known the Bible to be scripture, the floodgates suddenly opened and I was deluged with amazing, new knowledge, and yet I kept asking for the sealed portion to be translated. Never mind that there people who'd lived their whole lives content with what we have. But most importantly, I came to understand that we, as a world and as a Church, are held back right now by our shortcomings. It deeply saddened me when I learned how often the average home teacher fulfills his duty in the Church. My Father in Law once told me that he believed that if we could be relied on by Heavenly Father to do all the things we already know we're supposed to be doing, maybe then we might get to read the sealed portion of the Book of Mormon, and perhaps, when we do, we'll find that it contains more laws and ordinances for us to observe, more responsibilities. How can we ask for that when we can't even manage what we already have? We're not ready, I've learned. We as a Church, mind you, collectively speaking.

So those are the things I focus on, and lo and behold, when I'm taking care of business, that's when I get the personal revelations. I've learned that the powers of God are to be used more wisely than to satisfy my curiosity.

I make no assumptions about you or your specific circumstances. I'm only explaining how I came to find peace with the transition from new member deluged by new scriptures and learning to a seasoned member with a testimony. I used to feel like a forumla one race car that went in for a pit stop, got put on jacks and had the wheels taken off, and then left there like that. It wouldn't surprise me if you could relate to that. I don't know what to tell someone to help them progress beyond that point. All I know is that I managed it, and hopefully I've explained how.

My advice is to focus on the plain and simple things of the Gospel. The "boring" things. My most amazing and mind blowing personal revelations have come after I have made the every day, mundane aspects of the Gospel my priority.

And through personal revelation, I have come to KNOW (not believe, but KNOW) that Jesus is the Messiah, God is our Father, how the Holy Spirit functions as His messenger, and that the teachings of the Prophets are true. I wish you luck in strengthening your testimony. Remember, it's like a muscle. If you want it to grow, you have to use it. Rely on it when the hard times come. When your back is to the wall and the chips are down, remember that the Savior is there for you and that He loves you. He will not forsake you if you seek after Him. You are not alone.

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You may have a hard time with it Pam. Think ureself lucky uve never had the feelings I am having now. Its a frustrating place to be. I get the feeling you are somewhat irked with my questions and my take on things. I hope this is not the case and if I am wrong, I sincerely apologise. But I think it serves to show how members find it hard to relate to people like me without thinking theres something wrong with them or that they are doing something wrong. I dont think we are encouraged to question too much which could explain this attitude.

Anyway, point is, if I didnt want to work this out i wouldnt be here. And I wouldnt be doing the 40 day challenge if i wasn't serious. I cant help the questions that come into my head. Thats me! Isn't diversity great?

However, if this is not the place for my type of questions Im sure there are other places I can go. Although i wanted a more rounded point of view, rather than that of ex mos who dont have my best interests in mind.

Not irked at all. I truly believe you want to work this all out. I really do. And it's great to have questions. But I sometimes think people get caught up so much in what negative feelings they have, they overlook the really positive things they might be feeling about things as well. I really believe when I said that working on those positive things can help to turn around the negative.

For example: Someone who has a strong testimony of prayer yet questions tithing or the WOW, or whether Joseph Smith is a Prophet or whether the Book of Mormon is true. So they take that strength that they have in the power of prayer and try to apply it to the areas they have doubts in.

Might not be the best example but the best one I could come up with as I was typing this. But hopefully you get what I'm trying to say.

p.s. I'm glad you've joined us in the 40 day challenge. I think that's awesome.

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I have to agree with Pam. Most of us have doubts. The question is whether we focus on the doubts, or focus on our faith-promoting experiences.

You'll note that in the BoM, one of the most used words is: Remember. We are to remember the good things God has done for those in the past, even since the time of Adam. We are to remember how God rescued our spiritual ancestors from captivity (physical and spiritual), we are to remember our own spiritual experiences. Interestingly, one of the gifts of the Spirit is to believe on the words of others. I have a friend in my ward, now in his late 70s, who when he bears his testimony says, "Brother so-and-so testified of this, and I believe it because they believe it." It may seem rather simple, but it is a stunning and spiritual experience to hear his testimony.

When I joined the Church, I wished I could have a First Vision-like experience. 33 years later, I am glad I've never had such an experience (so far). Why? Because it has forced me to seek the quiet whisper of the Holy Ghost in my life. That whisper is there frequently, while a First Vision occurs and then is over.

Isaiah fretted in a cave once over his own testimony and calling. Then there was a whirlwind, but God wasn't in it. And then there was a fire, but God was not in the fire. Finally came a still, small voice, and Isaiah listened and went out of the cave and worked. God WAS in the still, small voice.

Satan tries to shovel doubts on us. It is what he did to Christ: "IF thou be the Christ, do this miracle." Christ, OTOH, tells us to "fear not, but be believing." Alma taught the poor Zoramites that even if they only had a desire to believe, to "let that desire work within you." He encouraged them to allow the seed of faith a chance to get root and to grow. He did not tell them to nit-pick and doubt every little thing about the seed, but to patiently watch for the true signs of growth: a sprig comes out of the ground, leaves begin to form, it grows and branches out. Little by little, the testimony grows if we do not neglect the seed of faith.

Quit worrying about the little doubts. And your list of doubts ARE little. They are rather petty. Why didn't Jesus have Gentile apostles in his day? Why were they all Jews? Why focus on such issues. The real question is: have you obtained a spiritual testimony of Jesus? If so, then those other issues are not important. God will someday resolve them.

And so it is with the testimony you've gained about Pres Monson.

Do not worry about issues of minor belief: homosexuality, swearing, modesty standards, etc. At least, don't worry about them right now. Those are distractors.

Remember Pres Uchtdorf's talk in the past General Conference about the flight that went down in the Florida Everglades? As they were coming in, the light for the landing gear didn't come on. They spent an hour trying to figure out why the light wasn't working, and didn't notice the plane was slowly gliding downward into the swamp, until it was too late. Don't be distracted by the little burned out light bulbs, when the real purpose is to land the plane of testimony.

Focus on the seed that God has given you. Allow it to grow. As it grows, the other issues will take care of themselves. Right now, you must feed the seed you've been given, or you will starve your testimony of Pres Monson out of neglect and distraction.

So quit focusing on the doubts. This is what Satan wants you to do. He will cause you to sink your faith, just as Peter's faith sank when he stopped focusing on Christ, and noticed the waves splashing around him as he walked on water.

Focus on the spiritual witness you've received. Let God take care of the rest in his own time. Build your faith. Trust God.

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Thank you all for your comments.

Since I wrote the post things have changed, Im gonna read, gonna try. I'm gonna TRY and not worry about the 'little things' (although they dont seem that way to me), and focus on the good.

I hope this works. I've realised that I dont particularly enjoy living the gospel. I know thats not normal for most members. I hope that changes. I want it to change. If it doesn't, Im not sure what my future in the church holds.

You have all given excellent advice. Ill be reading these posts a few times to gee me along :) x x

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Glad to hear of your resolve soul searcher!

Also remember that "Men are that they might have joy."

By letting go of the things that worry you, you will be better able to find that joy.

It's not an easy thing to just let go. But God can take them from you, if you let Him do so. He can give you that gift; a change of heart.

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