just got asked out by a good mormon boy....Im TERRIFIED!

[lost87]

I just got asked out on a date by a good BYU/RM type guy who is faithful in the church and upholds the priesthood honorably and is just all around good, trying to be the best he can sort of person. I have put off dating for a long time because I am afraid of getting close to someone and then having to tell them who I really am and all that i've done and them hating me for it. I'm still trying to repent, still trying to change, and still have a long ways to go, so I am really concerned about dating someone who is so good. No one in the church knows I am struggling (except my bishop and the missionaries) so everyone thinks I'm this good mormon girl who keeps the commandments....and I really don't, I want to, but I'm not very good at it yet. What should I do?

[pam]

I say go for it. If he's as good as you say he is..what a great influence. Also if he is as good as you say he is..finding out about any past indisgressions...hopefully he would understand and know that not all are perfect.

[Justice]

This could be what you need.

My advice is to never decide for others what they think of you, let them decide for themselves.

Most people can forgive and accept you if you're sincere and honest. I have no doubt he can grow to love you.

[Snow]

I just got asked out on a date by a good BYU/RM type guy who is faithful in the church and upholds the priesthood honorably and is just all around good, trying to be the best he can sort of person. I have put off dating for a long time because I am afraid of getting close to someone and then having to tell them who I really am and all that i've done and them hating me for it. I'm still trying to repent, still trying to change, and still have a long ways to go, so I am really concerned about dating someone who is so good. No one in the church knows I am struggling (except my bishop and the missionaries) so everyone thinks I'm this good mormon girl who keeps the commandments....and I really don't, I want to, but I'm not very good at it yet. What should I do?

1. Why do you think that a bunch of stranger have any better I idea than you on what you should do.

2. This is a gospel discussion topic... how?

[Maureen]

Hi lost87,

Every person is a combination of a little good, a little bad, and a lot of grey. We sometimes make the mistake of putting people on pedestals and we overlook how complex human beings can be. You may have your weaknesses but you also have your good qualities. This RM is a good guy, but he also has his struggles too, that others can't see. We are all more alike than we are different. Never sell yourself short. Once you start to realize that you too have good qualities, the sooner you will start to show them off, which may also help you overcome what you are struggling with. He asked you out for a reason, maybe he sees something in you, that you don't see yet. If you like him and want to get to know him better, take the chance and have a fun date.

M.

Edited July 8, 2009 by Maureen

[Maureen]

2. This is a gospel discussion topic... how?

Off with her head!!

Don't you have the power to move threads Snow?

M.

Editing to add: Snow have you been demoted, you're not a moderator anymore?

Edited July 8, 2009 by Maureen

[beefche]

Go out with this guy and enjoy yourself. And don't you dare tell him anything of that nature on the 1st date! You don't bare your soul to a 1st date or even a 2nd date, for that matter.

[Traveler]

I just got asked out on a date by a good BYU/RM type guy who is faithful in the church and upholds the priesthood honorably and is just all around good, trying to be the best he can sort of person. I have put off dating for a long time because I am afraid of getting close to someone and then having to tell them who I really am and all that i've done and them hating me for it. I'm still trying to repent, still trying to change, and still have a long ways to go, so I am really concerned about dating someone who is so good. No one in the church knows I am struggling (except my bishop and the missionaries) so everyone thinks I'm this good mormon girl who keeps the commandments....and I really don't, I want to, but I'm not very good at it yet. What should I do?

Doing the right thing is not about you. Do something kind for someone else and leave your unwanted baggage behind. Isn’t it about time?

The Traveler

[skippy740]

I just got asked out on a date by a good BYU/RM type guy who is faithful in the church and upholds the priesthood honorably and is just all around good, trying to be the best he can sort of person. I have put off dating for a long time because I am afraid of getting close to someone and then having to tell them who I really am and all that i've done and them hating me for it. I'm still trying to repent, still trying to change, and still have a long ways to go, so I am really concerned about dating someone who is so good. No one in the church knows I am struggling (except my bishop and the missionaries) so everyone thinks I'm this good mormon girl who keeps the commandments....and I really don't, I want to, but I'm not very good at it yet. What should I do?

Obviously YOU have made a good impression on HIM.

And HE has made you see what he wants you to see AS WELL!

You don't yet KNOW who he IS. You "think" you know what type of guy he is, but [just maybe] he might have his own past too?

You've put him up on this pedestal and yet you don't know him yet.

Go on the date and ENJOY yourself with him and get to know him.

[Moksha]

This would be the dream date for many girl's in the Mormon hinterland, since they don't come around everyday.

Lost, you should think of yourself as a shining child of God, who is worthy of inherent respect and dignity. That is after all, the ultimate reality of the life.

[Iggy]

I just got asked out on a date by a good BYU/RM type guy who is faithful in the church and upholds the priesthood honorably and is just all around good, trying to be the best he can sort of person. I have put off dating for a long time because I am afraid of getting close to someone and then having to tell them who I really am and all that i've done and them hating me for it. I'm still trying to repent, still trying to change, and still have a long ways to go, so I am really concerned about dating someone who is so good. No one in the church knows I am struggling (except my bishop and the missionaries) so everyone thinks I'm this good mormon girl who keeps the commandments....and I really don't, I want to, but I'm not very good at it yet. What should I do?

You are just as good as he is. He puts his pants on the same way you do-Feet first.

Go out with this guy and enjoy yourself. And don't you dare tell him anything of that nature on the 1st date! You don't bare your soul to a 1st date or even a 2nd date, for that matter.

Or the third or fourth. Some you need never tell him.

This would be the dream date for many girl's in the Mormon hinterland, since they don't come around everyday.

Lost, you should think of yourself as a shining child of God, who is worthy of inherent respect and dignity. That is after all, the ultimate reality of the life.

Moksha is right - You are a beloved daughter of God.

Remember one very important thing Lost- just because he is a RM doesn't mean he has attained saint hood. He sins too- just like all of us do.

Relax, go out with him and enjoy yourself.

[ViolinGirl]

Keep in mind that EVERYONE, even this guy, has a past full of things they'd do differently, so don't see yourself as less of a person because you are struggling with certain issues. Go out with him and have a good time. Just be yourself...he obviously already thinks very highly of you.

[NeuroTypical]

I have put off dating for a long time because I am afraid of getting close to someone and then having to tell them who I really am and all that i've done and them hating me for it. I'm still trying to repent, still trying to change, and still have a long ways to go, so I am really concerned about dating someone who is so good.

You remind me of my wife when we were dating. 13+ years later, we've got two kids and are going mostly strong. (She long ago figured out I wasn't nearly as perfect as she initially assumed.)

Sounds like you're on the right track. Knowing you need to change is a big step. Working at it is another big step. Succeeding at it will only come to those who keep working at it. Go forth.

LM

[Vort]

I agree with Beefche. Go out, have fun, don't bother with talking about deep-dark secrets. The time may come for that, and when it does, be courageous and honest. Until that time, just enjoy your time together and work on becoming the woman you want to be. I can guarantee you that he has not yet arrived at being the man he wants to be. We're all fellow travelers, some further along the path and some not as far. As long as you're striving to do what you should do, you have no need to be ashamed.

[martybess]

You don't know what he's done and he maybe just as terrified as you. Just because he blesses the sacrament doesn't make him perfect. If he's that good he will look past what you have done and see all the good that you are.

You better go for it!!! You might regret it for a long time!!!

[Just_A_Guy]

. . . guy who is faithful in the church and upholds the priesthood honorably and is just all around good, trying to be the best he can sort of person.

So are you. Sounds like a great match. (We all have obedience issues; but you strike me as being as faithful as anyone has any right to expect.)

If you have some current worthiness issues that would influence your choice of a wedding date, then that will naturally come up if/when you start talking marriage. But if he's The One--he'll wait. In the meantime, have a great time.

[funkymonkey]

This totally reminds me of myself.

I thought I was this totally screwed up girl surrounded by all these good kids (college), and whenever a nice boy asked me out I would be sure to be on my best behavior as to not reveal who I "really was". But I was being who I really was...just a better version of myself.

But those priesthood honoring guys struggled too and were trying to be good just as much as I was...and yes they talked to their bishops about stuff too. But watch out for that wolf in sheep's clothing. Those guys are out there...yes the guys with the best "reputations" at church can very well be the sneaky guy that is only looking out for himself and his own wants. If you do run into a few of those just move on past em, and don't be discouraged if they break your heart or dissapoint you ...we all need Christ, none of us are perfect, even the "Peter Priesthoods".

As in all relationships, different people will bring out different qualities in you. The cool thing about dating someone who is truly trying to live the gospel is that it can encourage you to bring your good qualities to the surface, and push many of those weaknesses into the background. You have just as much to contribute as he does...you have experiences that give you a unique perspective and depth that he may not have. There's nothing wrong with being a colorful and fun personality good guys LOVE that.

Good luck finding this one good guy who will bring out the best in you...it may take quite a few duds to find him but he's out there, I promise. :)

Girl, you DESERVE a good priesthood honoring guy. Don't let anyone (including the adversary) convince you that you aren't good enough, perfect enough, etc. Don't ever forget that. You ARE good enough for nice guys...just as you are right now.

[Misshalfway]

Go for it! And enjoy yourself!

BTW, it ain't none of his business what your repentance history is. At least on the first date. Bet you'd be surprised how many faithful, priesthood holding dudes struggled when no one was looking.

Go and have a great time and remember to define yourself the way God does! You are not your mistakes!

Oh...and come back and give us a full report. We need details girl! What are you going to wear?

[James_Fryman]

I just got asked out on a date by a good BYU/RM type guy who is faithful in the church and upholds the priesthood honorably and is just all around good, trying to be the best he can sort of person. I have put off dating for a long time because I am afraid of getting close to someone and then having to tell them who I really am and all that i've done and them hating me for it. I'm still trying to repent, still trying to change, and still have a long ways to go, so I am really concerned about dating someone who is so good. No one in the church knows I am struggling (except my bishop and the missionaries) so everyone thinks I'm this good mormon girl who keeps the commandments....and I really don't, I want to, but I'm not very good at it yet. What should I do?

Just go with it. Your trying your best to fix what youve done and thats all anyone can ask. if hes as good as you say he is then he'll understand, he may be upset or dissapointed but I dont think he'll get mad at you.

[Guest missingsomething]

You wanna be better? Surround yourself with better people.

If he is worth it... he will take your past, accept it... and then thank Heavenly father for those experiences because those are the things that will mold you and if you want it... will make your testimony and faith even stronger.

DONT PUT YOURSELF DOWN... we all have struggles and some of them really big...but thats why we have such a big Atonement! :)

GO have fun... afterall, its only a date... not a marriage proposal :)

[Guest missingsomething]

oh oh ..one more thought...

He asked YOU out now...the person you are now.... not the person you WERE.... remember that.

[Carl62]

I just got asked out on a date by a good BYU/RM type guy....I am really concerned about dating someone who is so good.

Sooo what kind of guy are you wanting to date? Will dating someone who is not as good make you feel better? Just trying to understand. I'm sure by now you have SOME kind of idea as to what you like/dislike in a guy. So why not strive for what it is that you want and not what it is you THINK you should have, if having a good RM is not what it is you're looking for. Good luck.:)

[lost87]

carl62....a good guy who honors the priesthood IS what I want, very much. I just don't feel worthy of that anymore.

[Vort]

carl62....a good guy who honors the priesthood IS what I want, very much. I just don't feel worthy of that anymore.

In my experience, it is always better to "date up".

Hope your date goes/went well.

[ruthiechan]

carl62....a good guy who honors the priesthood IS what I want, very much. I just don't feel worthy of that anymore.

Feeling worthy and being worthy are two different things. You're worth it. Besides, this is just a date, it's not like you're in the possible marriage stage yet. Relax. Have fun getting to know a new person. :)