Hi, I am a life member looking for answers.

[Yates]

I have been born and raised in the church. I have a testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, but the people in the church are pushing me away from going. Especially the bishop.

I have a partial Native American/pioneer heritage. I have times when Jesus and Satin are fighting over my soul. I can feel this but am like an outsider looking in and have no choice over the end result and have come close to suicide. I recently told my bishop this and he said he would get me into therapy and has done nothing. I told him that the only thing that keeps me from doing it is being afraid of facing God afterword. He said that he is sure that there are exceptions. Really what I needed to hear.

I feel like there is more, but I can't find it. My mind, body, heart, and spirit are fighting to find more. My heritage brings with it "gifts" that I have been taught are against the church, so I fight a constant battle of this. I have several "gifts" I want to learn to use better but find no answers because of my testimony and the way I was taught.

How does one bring their heritage and their up bringing together to make them work? How does the church feel about having "gifts". I really need some help here and am afraid of being excommunicated if I ask.

[rameumptom]

Sometimes we have to realize that not all things in a culture or heritage are good. In other instances, some things may be good.

The question is: are you looking for the good or the best? Sometimes we have to choose between God and culture. It is not an issue of heritage. Don't forget, this life is very short, and your Native American heritage is rather recent compared to the eternities. It is better to focus more on the eternal heritage that you have received from God, for it offers you a much better eternal satisfaction.

You don't need tobacco or peyote ceremonies to enjoy your heritage, by the way. Many LDS Native Americans are involved in the ceremonies without having to resort to things that are physically bad for us.

You will find spirituality in Native American ceremonies and rites. But you'll find much more in LDS spiritual experiences, if you prepare yourself for them. Don't sacrifice the best, simply because the good looks interesting.

As for therapy for your struggles. Why wait on the bishop? You have free will, go yourself. Don't blame the bishop simply because he hasn't gotten to doing everything for you. He has hundreds of others to also be concerned about, and doesn't get paid for it. You are an adult. Go take care of your own needs until he can get to you.