Help? Please?


freckleface
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Today I was told by my older sister not to ever speak to her again, nor her daughter.

A little background. I was baptized back in February after investigating the church for quite some time. I had not shared with my family that I was doing it because I knew they would try to talk me out of it. They believe that TCOJCOLDS is a cult and Mormons aren't Christians. However, I am a married adult woman, with a young teen and feel that I should be able to make my own decisions. It is not an issue at all with my husband or son.

A month after my baptism, I shared with my sister that I had joined the church. I did it so I wouldn't have to hide my heirloom Book of Mormon on my table and hopefully could be more open about my faith, not preachy, just be open about it. From that very moment she stopped talking to me. It's like I don't exist. My mother was none to happy when I shared it with her either. She actually screamed at me. She yelled and said a lot of very hurtful and mean things. Today I finally spoke up and said something to my sister about not speaking to me. It all ended on a very ugly note and they simply don't want to ever hear the words Mormon, or LDS. Nothing. She then told me never to speak to her again.

I hate this. Now I feel like the crummiest person because I got angry. I'm just tired of it.

Crumbs. :huh:

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First off well done for taking those steps to be baptised !! Your story reminds me a little of my mothers. My mum is a convert to the LDS church also, she met my dad who was a mormon and then got baptised. Her sister didn't want anything to do with her a few years later and the pair did not speak to one another for about twenty years. Her sister didn't want anything to do with her and mum sort of accepted it. It took their dad dying (my grandad) for them to start speaking and seeing one another again. When they did oh how they laughed and shared memories of their childhoods it was so nice to see them together, it felt to me they are ment to be together after all they are family! (I might be missing a crucial point in this story as to why they didn't speak for so long but this is what I see has happened).

It doesn't have to be like this! What I'd say is keep writing to your sister! Don't stop showing her you love her even if she tries hard to hate it.

I also think it would be good to pray to our Father in Heaven and ask that she softens her heart to you and to fast for your sister also would be a good idea.

Please don't just never speak to her again. Please at least keep trying and trusting in Heavenly Father. I grew up without knowing an Auntie and a Grandad because two sisters wern't talking. Not to mention the contless happy occasions and memorys, even problems ! my mum could have shared and my auntie also. Now thats what I call crumby !!!

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I know how you feel, Freckle. You are awesome and I'm sorry to hear how things have gone with your family. Mine wasn't quite so hysterical, but they certainly didn't approve.

Just know you're loved, and try to let them know they're loved. What it honestly sounds like is that this yelling is what they learned to do when they were growing up. I bet the family has had more than their share of screaming matches.

She might hold a grudge depending on what type of person she is - It'll be rough, but she'll come around.

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You are a strong person for going ahead and being baptized even though you knew your family would not like your decision. I was a missionary and taught many people who would not get baptized because of how they believed their family would react negatively.

It will take a lot of patience and discipline on your part to help your family understand. Since they believe that Mormons are not Christians that may be the first thing you can help them understand. Probably not right away. With praying and fasting and your example that can do wonders for how they feel about your decision.

I had a friend who joined the church and was told be people that we were not Christians and that all we talk about was Joseph Smith and the Book of Mormon. I helped him by showing him a copy of the Ensign I had and showed him how each Apostle at the end of their talk gave their testimony of Jesus Christ. That helped him. Maybe something similar can help your family.

I agree with the others find any way you can of communicating with your family in a way that shows you care and love them.

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There's nothing wrong with being worried about a loved one joining a cult. There's something very seriously wrong with rejecting and cutting off contact with a loved one who joins what you think is a cult.

I mean, if you really love that person, wouldn't you want to keep the communication lines open? Try to maintain some way to influence the poor deluded soul? Let them know they have a safe place to escape to should they come to realize they're in a cult?

I'm thinking she hasn't cut off contact with you because she thinks you've joined a cult. I'm guessing she did it to protect herself from difficult ideas that might demand her to rethink her life. Nobody likes to be wrong. Some people dislike it enough, that they shun loved ones who might bear some news they don't want to hear.

Good luck with them, freckle. Love them. But loving them doesn't mean you need to put up with their garbage.

LM

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What a heartbreaking situation. I wish there was some magic advise or some action you could take that would help your family. I suppose the best thing you can do is to channel as much Christ like understanding as you can. He knows what it is like to be rejected and he knows how to love them anyway and to accept their objects and strugglings in patience.

I always have hope in my heart that these emotional storms pass just like they do in nature. They come and stir things up and sometimes change our relational landscapes. But maybe, just maybe they need to be stirred up a bit. Maybe it is a huge invitation for needed change or progression to something better and more loving. And sometimes we fall before we learn to rise.

My God bless your heart with expanded capacities for understanding and patience and hope. Give these reaction back to your family. It is most certainly their fear and issues at work here. The "now" doesn't have to define the long term. And I hope He will work on the hearts of your loved ones. Accepting another's beliefs is not a prerequisite for loving and accepting a person.

Strength and immoveable power to you as you walk in faith.

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Thanks ZionsRodeVos. This will be hard as so much ended on a hurtful and angry note. However, I think that fasting and praying sounds like a very good thing for me to do right now. I will start that at this very moment. I'll ask for prayers from you all, too? Thanks so much. I am going to sign off for a while so I can go and pray and read some scriptures.

I appreciate y'all so much. :)

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I'm at such a loss as for words to say right now. It warms my heart (and I sure needed it!) after reading all of your posts. I feel like I can actually get through the day with out feeling this weight on my shoulders. Loud Mouth you are so fun and have some real "true grit." I like you spunk! Miss Halfway, your post was so very touching to read. It was like putting healing balm on a wound. Thank you so very much my dear.

Merci Beaucoup to all of you! :bighug:

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Freckle, you're not alone. I, too, am the only LDS in my devout Catholic family. I got the same reaction from my parents... and that was BEFORE I joined the church. They went psycho when I married a non-Catholic! Lots of other stuff happened and my brother stopped talking to me, my parents would only speak to me occasionally, etc. It's okay. I know they are just acting on what they feel is right. I mean, my mother would send prayer requests every Sunday to the Catholic church for my salvation! I see that as a sign that she really cares for me even if she has a funny way of expressing it... I can't really change how they act. I can only change how I react to it. So, I decided to focus on the positive and keep calling them even if I get a hang-up. I go knock on my brother's house even if he refuses to open the door. It's okay. Sometimes my mother would start talking to me about how bad it is that I have left the Catholic church and how I'm going to hell and all that stuff and how LDS is not Christian and all that. I just smile and not take the bait. Years later, we are all one happy family again - even if we still can't talk LDS. I still attend my neices/nephews Catholic baptisms, first communions, etc. It's okay - I'm there for support even if I believe something completely different. I'm just hoping that one day they will ask me an LDS question - I have to be sure I'm ready to answer properly!

Oh, one time, after hurricane Katrina, my parents and my in-laws were together at a party and my in-laws were talking about how the church was one of the first responders, even before the Red Cross. And they started talking about missionaries helping out, etc. I thought I'd rescue my parents from the "too LDS" conversation, so I told my father-in-law, I'm not sure my dad is still interested in the topic... to which my dad immediately replied... Oh no, I'm very interested, I just read a book on the life of Joseph Smith! My mouth dropped. I was soooo happy. Of course, that was the only thing my dad ever read about the church, but hey, better than nothing, huh?

So yeah, just keep chugging. You're doing great!

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Our situation sounds practically identical, anatess. It can be a lonely path when you're the only member of the church in the family. However, even though my husband is not a convert, he enjoys going to church sometimes, having the missionaries over, etc. That's a very big positive I need to focus on.

I'm going to try to be as loving and kind as I possibly can to my sister and mom. I'll need to swallow my pride and be very patient and not allow them to upset me. It will take a lot of understanding on my part not to get hurt and in turn get angry at them.

Thank you so much for sharing, anatess. It's the support from the board that helps me get through these bumps in the road I encounter from day to day. You really helped me and gave me the encouragement that I so desperately need right now.

Thank you so much! :):):)

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  • 2 weeks later...

FreckleFace, I'm sorry to hear about your family abandoning you. I can't understand such a thing. If you think your sister is falling into a cult, why would you just abandon her? If it is any comfort to you, Joseph Smith spoke of his confusion at being "persecuted by those who ought to have been my friends and to have treated me kindly, and if they supposed me to be deluded to have endeavored in a proper and affectionate manner to have reclaimed me". Though he wasn't rejected by his family, it sounds like he experienced some of what you're now facing.

I know you think ill of me, as you have told me in no uncertain terms. But for whatever it's worth, I hope and believe that things will work out well for you in the end as far as your family goes. You have showed great courage in pursuing the truth; surely God will stand by you.

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Thank you, Vort. Being a convert is sometimes hard, we feel a bit awkward and clumsy and are never quite sure if were doing things right. Add an unhappy family on top of it and you feel like your walking around on eggshells.

I hope that time will heal whatever it is that has upset my family. I'm still the same person, I just have a new group of friends that go to a different church they are completely unfamiliar with.

I hold no hard feelings at all towards you. I must have been really in an overly sensitive mood and got my feelings hurt to easily. That happens to me a lot.

I was able to spend some time today with friends from church and we had fun. One of my friends who is a life long member said she's always afraid of being called in the bishops office for being a stinker. She was just kidding, he'd never do that.

Hopefully we can just forget the whole thread and messages I sent, I don't even remember it come to think of it. :dontknow:

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  • 2 weeks later...

I have had this post up on my computer for a few hours now, trying to figure out what to say if I should say anything at all. I guess this indicates that I feel I should say something. First, let me say that I am not a Mormon. So if that is the paramount qualification to post a thought on this you can stop reading here. But, I do feel compelled to offer this to you. I will not talk about Mormons or even Christians, at least directly. What I do want you to think about is this. First of all Jesus said that if they hated me, they will hate you. Your love for Him and decision to follow HIM is what your family may be rejecting. They may be christians or whatever else. What they reject is Him. The three things that will change their hearts are time, prayer and evidence of a changed heart. The biggest problem we have with family is

that they know us. They have seen us at our best and our worst. They know our sins, well many of them. They see our sins and then they hear that we have decided to follow Jesus.

Prayer for them and that Christ will touch their hearts is powerful. Two things the Bible says are powerful, the blood of the Lamb and the testimony of our changed lives. When time has passed and you have prayed for God to open their eyes, they will see the evidence of a changed life. A Godly life is attractive to those whom God is calling. Give God time to work on the stone hearts of your family and turn them into flesh. Do not judge for that is His alone. Instead show the love of Christ the way He did, to the ones that hated Him, to the unlovable. The joy you show in your walk with Christ in good times and bad will be your testimony.

Your decision to become a Mormon and the response from your family is not much different from someone deciding to follow Christ in a Presbyterian or Methodist or Episcopal church. All of us have been scorned for our faith. Think of it, if Christ was scorned while he walked the earth by people that actually had interaction with Him then what makes us think we would receive different.

I dont know what the Mormons in the room would think about what I have said but even that doesnt matter to me. The question is this alone, "am I walking on the path that God has directed for me, am I living a holy life according to God?" Look for Christ, not for Mormons, Presbyterians, Catholics, or any other denomination. It is your relationship with Christ alone and belief that He has paid a debt for your sins that you could never pay. He alone is life. Believe in the one I sent and you will be saved, is what God says.

Im sorry if I have offended anyone in here but I could not go without offering this to you.

God bless and keep you on His path,

antsyl

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Antsyl,

It doesn't matter to me that you are not a Mormon, and I thank you for your reply. It can be a lonely road for a convert who hasn't any family that belongs to the church. I really didn't know that it would be so shocking and appalling to my family in all honesty. I think I'm somewhat of a hybrid Mormon, for the lack of a better word. I'm embracing both my husbands and sons place of worship along with my fellowship within the LDS faith. I'm probably not considered a true Mormon by the standards of some.

You have a really loving attitude, antsyl. I really admire you and I'm glad that you posted your comment. Thank you. Your kindness and warmth shows in the way you express your thoughts. :)

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Antsyl,

It doesn't matter to me that you are not a Mormon, and I thank you for your reply. It can be a lonely road for a convert who hasn't any family that belongs to the church. I really didn't know that it would be so shocking and appalling to my family in all honesty. I think I'm somewhat of a hybrid Mormon, for the lack of a better word. I'm embracing both my husbands and sons place of worship along with my fellowship within the LDS faith. I'm probably not considered a true Mormon by the standards of some.

You have a really loving attitude, antsyl. I really admire you and I'm glad that you posted your comment. Thank you. Your kindness and warmth shows in the way you express your thoughts. :)

Freckleface,

PLEASE put your faith and trust in Christ alone. Nothing more. NOTHING. I am not trying to make you change your faith or what church you go to. I pray that Christ alone is your hope. Not in some good deed or church you go to. There are many dead people in church every Sunday. Pray that your family finds Christ not any denomination. Its a personal relationship with Him and the knowledge of what He did for you in paying a debt you could not pay on that cross. Dont loose site of that. EVER

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