An addiction that must go...

[RegretfulGuy]

Unfortunately I just remembered I might not make it to church Sunday. I'm getting my wisdom teeth a couple days before, so I'm not sure if I'll be up to it.

Puff, for me, it's probably a mixture of loneliness, depression, and maybe a little anxiety. I already take some medicine to help with depression and anxiety. I've also done it out of boredom...I guess I should keep myself busy.

Oh and one more thing...I've done that cyber sex crap. It wasn't serious though. It's actually what lead me to porn. It was some dumb online game that I was introduced to when I was still in middle school. I went on it the summer between middle and high school, and I guess someone wanted to do that. I probably googled to find out what it was or something. I'm sure I must have said no at first, but maybe when I was asked again I though why not.

When I did this "cyber" thing, it literally only was text. I was always fully clothed, and I never touched myself. There were no pictures involved and no video or webcam or whatever. Just typing junk like, "I kiss you" and other immature and foolish nonsense.

Do you guys think that's a serious problem? I haven't done it since then and I've tried to repent(not sure if I was forgiven). Do you think that could prevent a mission at 19? I for one think the porn and masturbation is more serious since it wasn't serious cyber sex.

Thanks so much for the help guys. I'm glad I posted when I did. I probably would've not even considered seeing the bishop about it after these past few days. God bless, and thanks. I'll certainly keep you updated!

[puf_the_majic_dragon]

Unfortunately I just remembered I might not make it to church Sunday. I'm getting my wisdom teeth a couple days before, so I'm not sure if I'll be up to it.

Puff, for me, it's probably a mixture of loneliness, depression, and maybe a little anxiety. I already take some medicine to help with depression and anxiety. I've also done it out of boredom...I guess I should keep myself busy.

Oh and one more thing...I've done that cyber sex crap. It wasn't serious though. It's actually what lead me to porn. It was some dumb online game that I was introduced to when I was still in middle school. I went on it the summer between middle and high school, and I guess someone wanted to do that. I probably googled to find out what it was or something. I'm sure I must have said no at first, but maybe when I was asked again I though why not.

When I did this "cyber" thing, it literally only was text. I was always fully clothed, and I never touched myself. There were no pictures involved and no video or webcam or whatever. Just typing junk like, "I kiss you" and other immature and foolish nonsense.

Do you guys think that's a serious problem? I haven't done it since then and I've tried to repent(not sure if I was forgiven). Do you think that could prevent a mission at 19? I for one think the porn and masturbation is more serious since it wasn't serious cyber sex.

Thanks so much for the help guys. I'm glad I posted when I did. I probably would've not even considered seeing the bishop about it after these past few days. God bless, and thanks. I'll certainly keep you updated!

Since the porn and cyber issues are related, it may be that you haven't fully repented of either yet. Mention it all to your bishop and once you've gone through the repentance process make sure that you don't forget to forgive yourself!

[ryanh]

hey puff...that is a really interesting point...can I ask just for my own benefit how you can come to find out if there is a deeper problem? I am stuck on the same thing and no matter how hard I try i always slip back into it...so how do I know if there are other issues I need to address?...sorry for borrowing your thread regretfulguy!

"Insight doesn't set us free-it just lets us know where the fight is. The question remains whether we are willing to fight it out . . . with ourselves." - David Schnarch - author of Passionate Marriage. Passionate Marriage is clearly not a book aimed at LDS as it is more frank, detailed, and crude than most would feel comfortable with, but the book has some great insights in how to identify your own motivations for your actions. Lost, you might enjoy this book even though it is aimed at improving relationships within marriage. The entire premise of the book is that people improve their marriages by identifying counterproductive motivations within themselves. I can send you a couple scanned chapters if you are interested in seeing if you want to read the whole book. Let me know and I'll provide you links.

[lost87]

that would be great ryanh, thanks!

[ryanh]

Done, see your PM inbox. I'm not posting links in the public forum for a variety of reasons, but the introduction to the book is available on Google Books.

[Just_A_Guy]

Lots of good advice here. I'll just plug one more book: Confronting Pornography.

And yes, don't get caught in that "I'll deal with it when I'm out of my parents' house" procrastination bit. Because even if you make it through your mission--then you're in a singles ward, and what would that cute blonde think if she saw you pass on the Sacrament one week? Or maybe you're at BYU and you're worried about losing your ecclesiastical endorsement. Then suddenly The One comes along, and you don't want to derail your wedding plans . . . and then you're married, and how can you tell her you concealed this all that time . . .

It will never be easier for you to clear this up than it is right now. Do it. :)

[InnerGold]

Answer to your question is, Yes!

Pornography is the drug of our era. Pornography strikes at the core of who we are, sexual beings. Think about it, one of the first commandments given (besides don't eat the fruit) was multiply and replenish the earth. We were created and commanded to populate the earth from the beginning. Sexuality is absolutely wonderful, when kept within the Lord's boundaries. The problem is that man has taken something so wonderful, so devine and corrupted it.

Over sexualization

Our society has included sex in everything, advertising, movies, news, etc. It is everywhere and our brains don't know what to do with this over stimulation. Pornography provides a sense of relaxation when viewing it and our brains record this as a survival mechanism when a person is: Bored, Lonely, Angry, Stressed or Tired, which in this day and age is almost all the time. If you learn how to handle the stimuli, you can control the action.

Watch this presentation at InnerGold.com/pptVideo.cfm it will help explain a lot more about what I am talking about above.

[Guest Alana]

I second about talking to the bishop. Talking to him doesn't mean you have to tell your parents why, the idea of calling him directly and explaining that you want to talk to him but don't want your parents questioning why because you're not comfortable with that right now and wondering if he could just take you into the office on Sunday is a good idea.

Even if there are stumbling blocks, keep tackling head on, even when the going gets tough. It feels sooooo good to conquer this, I know!

[ryanh]

Pornography provides a sense of relaxation when viewing it and our brains record this as a survival mechanism

I'll contend it is a stimulant not a relaxant, and that is why people predisposed to becoming addicted to stimulation seeking behaviors have such a hard time letting go of it. Research I have read regarding PET scans of brains supports the idea that it is a stimulant.

Relaxant that triggers survival mechanisms?

[InnerGold]

Your brain contains a survival mechanism (or part of the brain) called the limbic system. Essentially there are two-parts of the brain for simplicity sake. Pre-frontal cortex, the logical thinking portion part of the brain and your Limbic system the survival portion of the brain. The limbic system does not think it reacts and it reacts based on previous events in life that brought elation, or other chemicals into the body. IT the limbic system remembers these events and records it for later to help a person relax, calm down, etc. If it did not do this, we would all die quickly because we would send ourselves to the grave with depression, stress, etc.

Those feelings that are generated from viewing of pornography are stored in the limbic system. Hence, it uses it as a survival mechanism because it remembers it relaxed you before. You can learn more by watching this presentation Pornography the Perfect Poison, if your interested.

[ryanh]

I disagree with your understandings of the functions of the brain. We would not die without learned behaviors and experience, else we would all be dead before we had a chance to even get started!!! Rather, the brain is self regulating with neurotransmitters that are both excitatory and inhibitory. It doesn't take learning for the brain to engage either of these mechanisms. Babies are able to self-soothe and regulate without any learning.

How then do you explain brain scans that show pornography as exciting dopaminergic networks similar to psycho-active stimulants? And why the prevalence to self-medication by stimulation seeking disorders such as ADHD?

Have you ever viewed porn? An increasing heart rate, increasing blood pressure, "arousal" - tenting or erection, and all of the other physiological changes that are associated clearly show stimulation, not relaxation.

From Science, 2001: cientists have traditionally confined their use of the term to substances--namely alcohol and other drugs-that clearly foster physical dependence in the user. That's changing, however. New knowledge about the brain's reward system, much gained by super refined brain scan technology, suggests that as far as the brain is concerned, a reward's a reward, regardless of whether it comes from a chemical or an experience. And where there's a reward, there's the risk of the vulnerable brain getting trapped in a compulsion. "Over the past 6 months, more and more people have been thinking that, contrary to earlier views, there is commonality between substance addictions and other compulsions," says Alan Leshner, head of the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) and incoming executive officer of the American Association for the Advancement of Science, publisher of Science. ... [says] Howard Shaffer, who heads the Division on Addictions at Harvard. "...a lot of addiction is the result of experience ... repetitive, high emotion, high frequency experience. But it's become clear that neuroadaptation- that is, changes in neural circuitry that help perpetuate the behavior-occurs even in the absence of drug-taking."

A review of neuroimaging studies of how the brain changes as a consequence of addictive changes may be found at Nat Neurosci. 2004 Mar;7(3):211-4. Epub 2004 Feb 24.

[InnerGold]

I do not have time to go into all of the particulars. Watch the presentation that was done and is helping millions overcome pornography addiction because of this understanding.

[harveyf]

I have been a porn and mast addict for over 35 years, it does not just go away. The great lies are that if I can make it on my mission I will be ok, or if I just get married so that sex is legal, I will be ok. All the normal things that Bishops say which are "just don't do that no more" Read, pray, attend church and do service you will be ok. Rarely does this addiction just go away, find Help ,there is alot of it out there the best are the church's pasg groups they are just for those with sexual addictions. Find the book clean hands pure heart and the church's addiction recovery guide. Or go to Home and there are alot of help there.

Best to you

harvey

[ryanh]

Just because a program works doesn't mean it is founded upon rational understanding.

I'm callling spam on these InnerGold posts. They are just an attempt to advertise commercial products and get links out there for search engine optimization.

Edited August 6, 2009 by ryanh
Clarify that referring to InnerGold

[harveyf]

I am a recovering addict. I am here to help people. The LDS church is true, the Prophet and the 12 Apostles, and the quarom of 70 is the sponser of the LDS addiction recovery program, it is the Lords AUTHORIZED program to help those afflicted with addictions. The program is FREE. The guide can be viewed and downloaded FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. THE GROUPS are FREE. They are presided over by duly called missionarys under the direction of the Priesthood. They can be found all over the us and other countrys. go to Addiction Recovery Support Groups and check it out for yourself. Check out my website before you accuse me of a commercial enterprise. I mentioned a book Clean Hands pure Heart, yes it probably cost money at the deseret book store, but I don't get any money from it, the book helped me, we used it in our pasg groups before the church came out with its own guide. If you look on my site there is NO place to send money there is no place that you can buy anything. Look before you bite

[ryanh]

Harvey, sorry about that unfortunte timing where ours posts crossed one another. I am referring to InnerGold, whose website is a commercial site selling products.

[harveyf]

No offence taken:

I love the help out there, that is free. That way, I know that their are no other motives out there, but to help. Inner gold is probably a great program, I have not investigated it to the extent I want to. So far what I found out so far is that they seem to be good, but they are expensive, but so it LDS Family Services they charge 75.00 an hour. Here in Vegas where I live. The money either comes from the person or the ward. The addiction recovery program is free so I promote it as much as possiable. Another plug for free help is k-9 filter it is free and a commercial grade internet filter.

I have learned from many books the chemicals in the brain that bind a man and a women together are so powerful and binding, and used for good keeps a husband and wife together. Misused and these same chemicals bind an addict to pornography. Satan always has a counterfiet ( crap no spellchecker) This addiction really sucks, but there is hope through the Atonement

Best to all the addicts out there

I am one of them

harveyf

[Guest Believer_1829]

Hello all...I've been wanting to join this forum for a while and for a specific reason. First off, I was born into a good Mormon family, and it still is good. I got baptized at 8, got arronic priesthood at 12, and now I am 16...I want to go on a mission, I can't picture what my life would become if I didn't, but I have a problem...

I've gotten addicted to...porn. It started out with a small temptation and led to this...Last night I even masturbated to it...I've tried to stop many times, and I was sober for months but then summer vacation came...A time of boredom and loneliness. I've done it again. A few times this summer. Not daily, maybe ever other 2 weeks, but it's becoming more frequent. This is a serious problem I want to get through. Can I go on a mission at age 19 if I repent? Please give me some advice...Thanks.

Talk to your Bishop and Dad, have him install a good filtering program that tracks what pages have been visited, and don't let him give you the password to override the program.

Keep you hands off the young ladies and you should be fine to go.

Hang tough.

[Mahone]

Another plug for free help is k-9 filter it is free and a commercial grade internet filter.

I don't know how many people this would work for. I would suspect someone who wanted to bypass it in order to feed an addiction would find a way and, as with any locally installed software, it's by no means difficult to remove or bypass.

If someone wanted an internet filter installed in order to forcefully prevent them from looking at porn sites, I would suggest using a network filter (it will sit between your computer and the internet connection) and place this in a locked room to which you have no access. There are several free options available out there for this.

No filter is 100% reliable, but a network filter would be considerably more difficult than locally installed software for even an addict to find a way around.

[Prodigal_Son]

Well...I haven't told anyone about it. If I tell my parents, they'll never trust me again, or think the same of me... If I tell the bishop, he'd tell my parents. I suck at scripture study. Barely ever read scriptures unless I'm in Seminary or Church. I pray everyday, usually sincerely. Unfortanately, I'm not sure how to get this out of my life...I suppose to keep the consequences in mind. And to remember how I feel after I do that each time. Thanks for the replies. :)

With all due respect, you're not giving your parents enough credit. While they may not be thrilled by the news, it's all but impossible that they wouldn't have some cognizance of the reality of this threat in our day and age. They could be one of your best tools in kicking this habit you're forming before it's too entrenched.

And, no, the Bishop would not automatically tell your parents.

As you noted, it's a problem when you're bored. So get busy. Fill your life with meaningful activity and focus on QUALIFYING for your mission through PREPARATION (as opposed to just worrying about being disqualified).

Edited August 8, 2009 by Prodigal_Son

[RegretfulGuy]

Thanks for the posts guys! I will look at the links some of you posted soon...

I didn't make it to church on Sunday, and I will talk to my Bishop if my jaw doesn't hurt too much...

I haven't done anything since posting here. I had a dream, and for some reason there were 3 naked women, but in my dream, I managed to only look at their heads. It was weird, but I kind of felt accomplished lol...

I may tell my parents before College. I will at least wait a few months from now, so it's just me and the parents at home. (Sibling leaving to College soon). I don't want my sibling to know about this.

And unfortanately, Internet Filters can't stop me. I've had them installed before (parents did), and I managed to get past it, and none are installed now. Plus, I've got my portable devices with Internet access that wouldn't be affected by a filter.

[nickleboyblue]

It's probably already been said, but first step is to talk to your bishop. We can say all we want to, but it's your bishop that has the authority to receive revelation for your recovery. Second step, stop looking at porn! I know what it's like because I've seen it myself and I have friends who let it ruin their lives. It's hard to get out of because it leaves a huge hole in your life that turns into a vacuum. If you don't fill it with good things, like scripture reading, prayer, internet content filters, and good friends, it will fill right back up with the wrong things.

Suggestions:

1: move the computer to an open spot in your home, like the living room.

2: discuss your problems with your parents.

3: NEVER even look at the computer unless someone else is home with you and can see what you are doing.

4: talk to your bishop. It might take a while to be forgiven, and frankly, you'll probably have relapses every now and again.

5: know that you are no less valuable than any other person on earth. This is a big one.

6: DON'T EVER get comfortable. If you think you've overcome your problem, you haven't yet. It's most likely a lifelong addiction that you have to CONSTANTLY fight. By getting comfortable, you stop fighting, and that's the exact moment it comes back. It's not like drugs, where you can simply overcome the physical addiction and be over it. It's a mental addiction that eats you up until you've stayed clean for long enough that you can't remember the images long enough.

7: fill your time with good things, like scripture reading, prayer, EXERCISE (ooh, that's a big one, because exercise increases self-control and confidence), and any good hobbies that have nothing to do with the computer.

These things help me and my friends to keep away from the temptation. Notice how I say it in the present tense, because if you think it's over, that's when you're the weakest, because the availability of it is only going to get worse in the future. You need to fortify yourself against invasion like the Nephites did during their wars if you are ever going to get sober and stay sober for good. Those fortifications have to be constantly improved as well, because the enemy learns how to get around them.

[Guest missingsomething]

Hello all...I've been wanting to join this forum for a while and for a specific reason. First off, I was born into a good Mormon family, and it still is good. I got baptized at 8, got arronic priesthood at 12, and now I am 16...I want to go on a mission, I can't picture what my life would become if I didn't, but I have a problem...

I've gotten addicted to...porn. It started out with a small temptation and led to this...Last night I even masturbated to it...I've tried to stop many times, and I was sober for months but then summer vacation came...A time of boredom and loneliness. I've done it again. A few times this summer. Not daily, maybe ever other 2 weeks, but it's becoming more frequent. This is a serious problem I want to get through. Can I go on a mission at age 19 if I repent? Please give me some advice...Thanks.

Talk to your bishop... the church has an addiction program to help you.

[antsyl]

Hello all...I've been wanting to join this forum for a while and for a specific reason. First off, I was born into a good Mormon family, and it still is good. I got baptized at 8, got arronic priesthood at 12, and now I am 16...I want to go on a mission, I can't picture what my life would become if I didn't, but I have a problem...

I've gotten addicted to...porn. It started out with a small temptation and led to this...Last night I even masturbated to it...I've tried to stop many times, and I was sober for months but then summer vacation came...A time of boredom and loneliness. I've done it again. A few times this summer. Not daily, maybe ever other 2 weeks, but it's becoming more frequent. This is a serious problem I want to get through. Can I go on a mission at age 19 if I repent? Please give me some advice...Thanks.

This is an amazing post. Really. I thank God that at your age you have come to understand what you have indicated here. Porn addiction is the most difficult to break. Statistically 1 out of 2 people in the mission field are addicted to porn. 1 out of 3 pastors are. Its becoming more even for women. The internet is the worst thing for that. Its a heart issue really. But God has revealed to you that you have a problem with it. My suggestion is that you download Covenant Eyes onto your computer. Confess it to your father (both fathers) and ask him to be your accountability partner. Also maybe another person that will commit to keeping you accountable. They will get a copy of every page you look at on the net. This will help you stay away from the sites if you know someone will get them too. They have to be active though. If they dont check its no good.

There it another place called xxxchurch. Its a ministry for porn addicts.

It will be hard but with Gods help you can do it.

My real suggestion is to unplug your computer from the net totally. Yeah its radical but it is your life that you are fighting for here. Do whatever it takes. God will honor your attempts.

I want to tell you this. I am counseling a friend that is about to loose his wife and 4 kids because of this. It is very serious. You have taken one step here by confessing. No one is judging you. Your sin is common to man. Anyone who says they dont have a problem with this in some way is lying. The devil has been using this on men since the Garden.

Lust of the eyes is as old as the book. He uses it because it works. It will make your ministry ineffective.

I ask you to please, get off of the internet. I know its cool to hang out on it but for you and others its to much temptation. Dont go into a bar if you have a drinking problem and dont go on the net if you have a porn problem.

If you do have to go on the net for something, do it in the family room where everyone can see what you are doing. Dont put yourself alone with the net. It will eat you up.

May God bless you. I am so thankful that at your early age you have decided to confess this. May God glorify Himself in this situation.

You feel free to post here with your thoughts. You are among friends here. I will check this thread to help when I can. I will pray for you to brother.

May God the father protect you, may the love of Christ go with you and may the Holy Spirit guide you every step of your young life.

[antsyl]

I don't want to minimize a serious problem, but don't beat yourself up! This is not an unusual problem for a 16 year old boy, and once every two weeks hardly seems like a major addiction.

Reading your scriptures and telling your bishop are good, but you can also tackle the computer problem (I'm assuming kids today use computers, right?). Move your computer out of your room and into the common areas of your house (you can tell your parents you feel you're wasting too much time or that you're addicted to World of Warcraft or something). If you're home alone with a computer, get out of the house. Mow some lawns, get a job, volunteer, offer to babysit your siblings, go to a public library or pool, or skateboard, or something.

That has got to be the worst advice you can possibly give a 16 year old kid about this problem. You suggest that he should keep on doing it because he hasnt crossed the LINE of just having fun to addiction? I sure hope he doesnt read your post. Justifying the number of times he looks after he obviously feels like he has a problem or he wouldnt be in this forum with his post. Your advice is like sitting at a bar and telling the driver that will drive your son home to just have another drink, after all, you are not totally smashed yet so go ahead, dont worry about it.

This post is completely stupid. I try not to use such words against a person here but my God. That was just plain stupid.