About meeting female church members...


josh85
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Hello again.

I talked to this nice girl a lot in the last few weeks during the Sunday meetings.

I got to know that she is single and I like her so much, because she is so sweet and also a little bit shy.

My problem right now is that she doesn´t visit any YSA-activities. So I am only seeing her on Sundays.

I already had dates with girls before I joined the LDS, but I don´t know how to ask her out.

Perhaps she was just so nice and friendly because I am new and if I ask her out she will see how much I like her and if she will say "no" it will be very uncomfortable for me to see her every week.

The worst thing would be if she will talk to other members about me asking her out.

Do you think that I should forget her and find another LDS-girl that does not belong to my home community?

Sometimes I think to much, but it is so difficult for me to know how to react towards people/girls who are members of the LDS.

For example I won´t know how to behave during a date. The only thing I want is that she will feel comfortable and fine.

If you meet a non-LDS girl it would be normal to kiss her on a first date or to hold her hand.

How is that in the LDS-community?

Are there any rules? I for myself will always follow the law of chastity, but I don´t know what kind of actions are against this law:

Of course it means that you should not sleep with a girl before marriage, but what is with kisses, hugs, holding her hand and all this stuff.

I just want to act appropriate if she will go out with me.

She should have a good time and that is the only thing that matters to me.

It would be nice if there is someone out there who can help me.

If you are just reading this post and not the whole thread, I will say again that I am from Austria and not a person who learned the English language for his whole life.

So I am saying sorry for all the grammatical mistakes.

**** only for those who have the gift of tongues - or speak german as I do ;) ****

Servus Josh,

für mich hört es sich so an als ob du ordentlich in dieses Mädel verschossen bist. Glückwunsch :wub:

Der erste Schritt ist gemacht - ihr sprecht miteinander. Also, dran bleiben, sie scheint nicht zu beissen... Unsere LDS Mädels sind auch nur ganz "normale" Menschen. Auch sie wollen Liebe, Aufmerksamkeit und so weiter. Ein bissl Romantik schadet bestimmt auch nicht. Von der Seite her kannst du sicher so mit ihr umgehen, wie du es mit jedem anderen Mädel sonst auch tun würdest. Gib ihr das Gefühl, was besonderes zu sein.

Du hast gefragt, ob du irgendwelche Regeln beachten sollst und dir die Frage im Prinzip selbst beantwortet. Keusch ist unser Standard. Das Heisst aber nicht, dass man sich nicht küssen darf oder umarmen, Händchen halten und so. Das ist prinzipiell alles OK. Natürlich nur, wenn ihr BEIDE das auch wollt. Aber du scheinst da ja Erfahrung zu haben und wirst dann merken, ob sich das schon fürs erste Date eignet, oder ob du es langsamer angehen solltest. (Ich wollte meine jetztige Frau auch gerne beim ersten Date küssen, hab mich aber nicht getraut... sind trotzdem seit 4 Jahren glücklich verheiratet :) Ach ja, und wir haben im Kino ganz schüchtern die Hände gehalten. HAt ganz schön geknistert)

Es gibt eine Art Programm, mit dem alle Jugendlichen der Kirche aufwachsen, das nennt sich "Für eine starke Jugend" Da sind verschiedene Themenbereiche beschrieben, moralische Werte usw. Unter anderem auch "Verabredungen". Guckst du hier: http://www.lds.org/languages/youthmaterials/strengthyouth/start_here_150.pdf

Zum Thema Keusch leben noch ein kurzes Wort, da es da evtl. Definitionsfragen geben kann. Küssen, umarmen usw. alles OK und "gern gesehen", tabu wäre Sex und alles in die Richtung. Aus dem starke Jugend Heft

Tut vor der Ehe nichts, was die machtvollen Gefühle weckt, die nur in der Ehe zum Ausdruck gebracht werden dürfen. Küsst einander nicht leidenschaftlich, legt euch

nicht auf eine andere Person und berührt nicht die intimen, heiligen Körperteile eines anderen – egal ob ihr angezogen seid oder nicht. Gestattet niemandem, so

etwas mit euch zu tun.

Hoffe ich konnte helfen, wenn du noch Fragen hast und mit jemandem aus deinem eignen Kulturkreis quatschen willst, kannst mir auch gerne ne mail schicken.

Grüße aus Deutschland und viel Glück mit deinem Date

PS: kennst du schon JAEs.ch - Meet Your Friends Online

vielleicht auch interessant um neue Leute kennenzulernen.

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Most girls don't serve a mission. They are taught that its more important to raise a family. So chances are she will rather stay at home looking for a descent husband - could be you by the way. So don't miss the opportunity to date her if you like her.

As for those who suggest you might leave on a mission yourself to better your chances with the LDS girls - nonsens. You are in the middle of university and our european system is not the same as the american. Even if you left after you graduated, it would be pretty hard to find a job...

If you need a nice scripture to qoute, take this one

1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: 2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; 3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

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Ehkape, those verses from Ecclesiates reminds me of a 16th Century poem by Herrick:

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,

Old Time is still a-flying:

And this same flower that smiles to-day

To-morrow will be dying.

The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun,

The higher he 's a-getting,

The sooner will his race be run,

And nearer he 's to setting.

That age is best which is the first,

When youth and blood are warmer;

But being spent, the worse, and worst

Times still succeed the former.

Then be not coy, but use your time,

And while ye may, go marry:

For having lost but once your prime,

You may for ever tarry.

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If a young woman won't date a convert simply because he hasn't been on a mission... well, I'd say she isn't worth it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was about to say the same thing. ;)

Kind of sad, lots of YW I know won't give a nice, honest, member a passing glance becaues he didn't go on a misson. Growing up in Young Women, all I heard was "marry a missonary" we had to write a list of qualities that we wanted in a husband, my Young Women leader actually cried when "return missionary" wasn't on my top five. Too much emphasis on this, sadly, I know many boys who went on missions because they felt like they HAD to. That's not the purpose of a mission. I know many members who didn't serve a mission, and they are more spiritual than lots of return missonaries, I would date them over a return missonary any day xD

Not saying serving a misson is bad, it can be a very good thing and enrich the young man/woman's life, but if a women won't marry any one just because they aren't a return missonary isn't worth the time of day. I don't even think his mission/lack of misson should be a factor, and serving a mission just to "get the girls" is a misson wasted.

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You are kidding, aren't you? This is one of the biggest farces that leads guys to the mission field only to end up serving a mission and then seeing their BYU non-missionary roommates getting more dates then them when they get home. I have learned the hard way that having the initials 'R.M.' doesn't mean squat to getting a good wife.

Kinda like stupid girls who actually believe that a guy being an RM means that he'll be a good husband and father.

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Hello. Thank you very much for your answers again.

I won´t serve a mission, because like someone said before, I am in the middle of my university career.

And of course I would never ever serve a mission just to marry some girl. ( that would be a strange and desperate action)

Another thing is that although I think I'm a good member I'm not such a big missionary.

So I don't talk to my friends a lot about the church, gospel etc.

@ ehkape: Vielen Dank für deine Antwort. Die hat mir wahrscheinlich am meisten geholfen. Vielleicht schreibe ich dich irgendwann einmal an, da ich in meiner Gemeinde manchmal seltsame Dinge beobachte und die dann falsch einordne, weil ich mit niemandem dort über meine Beobachtungen sprechen kann.

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First of all, your English is great! Better than many native English speakers actually! lol

Secondly, it's wonderful you want to get to know girls of the church and I see no reason why anyone should think bad thoughts of you for doing so just because you're new.

And frankly, as a girl myself, I'd be enthusiastic is ANY of the men in the singles branch said hi and were interested in getting to know me, new or old. (here's where I laugh, but cry a little on the inside) ^^;

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