What Do I Do Now?

[LostSheep]

It's been 2 years since I first decided I was never going to look at porn again. 2 since years since I decided I was going to be free from addiction. 2 years later, it's only worse. Should I just get rid of the internet? I'd hate to do that. Less that 1% of my computer is used for porn. What's the answer? Hide from it? Face it? Give into it? I'm so lost. The solution is so simple. Just STOP. But why can't I do it? I know I've posted this stupid post a million times. Same questions. And I know I'll get the same answers. Everything from "It's not that big of a deal" to "YOU'RE GONNA BURN IN HELL". I spend more time thinking about NOT thinking about porn, than I think about porn. Trying to quitting becomes absolutly exhausting after just a few days, and then I mess up. I become emotionally drained. I hate the person I've become. I'm such a hypocrite. The 12 step program says that once you are an addict, you are ALWAYS an addict. But I don't want to always be labeled an addict. What can I do?

[ryanh]

You probably won't like my answer, but I do sincerely believe in it. Get treatment for the ADHD. It just may be you will be amazed at the amount of mental control you can have when treating the underlying condition.

[will227457]

better buy your self some of these: Coverall,Flame Retardant,Green,M - Heat and Flame Resistant Clothing - Protective Clothing - Safety : Grainger Industrial Supply

all joking aside...it's time to get some real help and yes you need to get rid of the internet...an alcoholic gets rid of all alcohol in his house you need to do the same...

best of luck to you....

[Misshalfway]

If the internet is your drug of choice, then you gotta get rid of it or take steps to absolutely prevent your ability to access it until you can trust yourself to have those controls on the inside of you.

[Guest Alana]

Question for you. What 'tools' do you have to help you not look? When you have been able to resist before, how did you do it? When you don't look, do you focus on that, or do you focus on how much you do look?

What has worked and what hasn't?

[mdfxdb]

I've got to agree with will227547 on this one. You need to get rid of the internet. it's not essential, and obviouslly causes more grief than is necessary. I don't know you, except by what you have posted here, but if you find this "addiction" is interfearing with other parts of your life, then you will need professional help.

[Vort]

It's been 2 years since I first decided I was never going to look at porn again. 2 since years since I decided I was going to be free from addiction. 2 years later, it's only worse. Should I just get rid of the internet? I'd hate to do that. Less that 1% of my computer is used for porn. What's the answer? Hide from it? Face it? Give into it? I'm so lost. The solution is so simple. Just STOP. But why can't I do it? I know I've posted this stupid post a million times. Same questions. And I know I'll get the same answers. Everything from "It's not that big of a deal" to "YOU'RE GONNA BURN IN HELL". I spend more time thinking about NOT thinking about porn, than I think about porn. Trying to quitting becomes absolutly exhausting after just a few days, and then I mess up. I become emotionally drained. I hate the person I've become. I'm such a hypocrite. The 12 step program says that once you are an addict, you are ALWAYS an addict. But I don't want to always be labeled an addict. What can I do?

I have a friend who works as a counselor and who is finishing up a PhD in psychotherapy. (I think -- he's finishing up his PhD in some psychology-related area.) I don't particularly trust psychology or psychologists, but I do trust my friend. He says that pornography viewing among LDS men is a coping mechanism, a way to try to establish order and control. Not exactly sure how that is so, but he says he has had success in treating LDS men for pornography addiction. I don't know what his treatment method is (I can ask him if you like), but it likely involves going to an LDS psychotherapist, which may or may not be paid for by insurance.

Anyway, what I found insightful was that he said pornography addiction has little or nothing to do with sex per se and everything to do with endorphins. It's the endorphin release in your brain that you crave, not the shameful pictures of women prostituting themselves.

Sorry if this isn't a lot of help. I see a huge need for help in this area, and my heart goes out to you and other men struggling with this, but as I'm not a counselor or a psychologist, I don't have any first-hand advice to offer. Remember that your addiction does not destroy your intrinsic worth. But how do you conquer an addiction? It seems reasonable to me that a man could "kick the habit" alone, but thousands of testimonials suggest that this is a most unlikely scenario. (My aforementioned friend says "never", but I'm not sure I believe him. But he does seem to know what he's talking about.)

What else provides an endorphin release? Maybe a picture of the Savior, or a short family video? Could you possibly discipline yourself to look at one of these every time you get the "itch"? If you did that for several weeks, I wonder if your craving for porn would diminish. I know that singing or thinking of hymns and other Church songs can often help me control ugly or unpleasant thoughts that I might have. Maybe a similar principle applies here.

But I'm just thinking out loud. Don't follow my ideas as if they have any authority, because they do not. But if you've run out of other ideas, maybe they could be of some help. Anyway, good luck to you, and God bless you in your efforts to become clean.

P.S. I know I'm a latecomer to this whole discussion, but have you talked with your bishop? You should certainly be working with him on this issue, especially if you're not seeing a counselor or someone else. He could be someone you could report to with weekly or even daily updates.

[MaMeeshkaMow]

Have a picture of Jesus Christ as a screensaver, put your computer outside of your house like on a deck and use it outside (no way you would do porn stuff in the open, having it in the living room is not enough). If it gets stolen, its not in your life anymore. I would say don't sing hymns because next time that song is played in church, the original bad thoughts might come again. Take cold showers. Call your mother if the urge is high. When the computer is on, turn on I-tunes with the scriptures being read in the background, crank up the scripts man! Just thinking outloud.

[ryanh]

Anyway, what I found insightful was that he said pornography addiction has little or nothing to do with sex per se and everything to do with endorphins. It's the endorphin release in your brain that you crave, not the shameful pictures of women prostituting themselves.

Bingo! And Lost, my apologies for never getting around to that post regarding why ADHD makes you so much more susceptible to such an addiction that I said I was intending to make. Not sure I can explain it really well anyway. But the whole endorphin and self-medicating via this route is the issue. It's not that you truly "hunger for sin" as you titled one thread several months back. It's self-medication for how miserable you feel inside.

Jonathan Halverstad touches upon this in his book re ADD and Romance (as well as several other books I have read on the subject also touch upon it, but Jonathan had a really insightful passage). Jonathan has ADHD himself, and describes having ADHD as always ‘not feeling well in one’s own body’. Wish I could find the passage again where he describes that. It’s that feeling, and the restlessness of the mind, that drives people with ADHD to self-medicate, self-stimulate the endorphin system through various behaviors. Those with ADHD are facing a need, a drive to feel better that is much stronger than those without ADHD.

That is coupled with the fact that when a pwADHD does get the self-stimulation, it actually means more to them than the average individual. The stimulation unlocks the problems impeding normal function of the pre-frontal cortex, so the pwADHD gets a feeling of finally being able to think outside of the fog, to feel emotionally stable, to focus. So, the benefits of that endorphin release are much more rewarding than typical.

I’ve followed your posts on this topic for quite a few months now. I remember all the steps you’ve tried. (covenant eyes -or whatevet it was called didn't really change the internal drive, did it?) All the berating from others that you just need to become emotionally/mentally stronger. I say hogwash to it all. Treat the root cause – a simple chemical imbalance in the brain (and I’ll gladly stand with you, and say, if that makes you ‘defective’, than SO AM I – I firmly believe that is NOT the case). Treat it with non-habit forming medication rather than porn.

Love you bro! Wish you could get past this and feel better about yourself!

[Tarnished]

@ryanh

Thats a lot of good information. I have a question though. What if the person with ADHD is on non-habit forming medication and they still have a problem with porn. How would someone like that work to get rid of the porn problem? I ask because I have a friend with ADHD who has problems with porn and no matter what they have tried they still can't seem to get past it all. Currently he has his computer on lockdown where someone has to enter a password for him to visit sites other than his regular approved sites. However, if you don't have someone who can help you with that type of a situation then it would make it difficult to have a computer around.

[Gwen]

forgive my tangent....

ok so i'm not a doc and i don't have any links for this info (it's stuff i've collected over the yrs). i think getting the add/adhd treated could help a lot. thoughts that might be considered as to how this could be playing a role in it.....

the add/adhd brain never stops. it is processing information at a different rate than "normal" brains. it is constantly seeking stimulus. at the same time it is overwhelmed by all that stimulus. it craves peace as much (if not more) as stimulus.

the endorphins others have mentioned, that hormonal/chemical response in the body with sexual arousal is very interesting and comes into play in more areas of life than just sexual arousal.

as infants we first experience those chemicals not as sexual arousal but through sucking/nursing. it's why they like pacifiers (not saying that is sexually arousing for them, just the same hormones). it's what drives them to eat and stay alive. when a woman breast feeds a baby the same hormones are released. one of the things addressed in many breastfeeding books is to not be upset if you find nursing your baby arousing, it's not perverse, it's a response in the body.... why? so the mother will nurse the baby. nursing can be painful if the baby doesn't latch on right, it's time consuming, it's exhausting, it's not always fun... the hormone release insures the mother will feed her baby. when a woman gives birth at the very end of the delivery those same hormones are released... i know of women that have actually reported having an orgasm at the birth of their children.

another physical reaction to those hormones is it reduces pain receptors. your ability to cope with pain goes up. why i think women in child birth (and sometimes nursing) have that release, to deal with the pain, but that's a personal theory.

another reaction to that hormone response is the brain stops thinking. for a moment the brain is completely focused on the feeling. i read a study that said it's the one time that the brain doesn't think about anything else. it actually included pics of brain scans.

what does all this have to do with adhd.... these hormone responses (as mentioned already by others) are used as a coping mechanism by the body. sexual arousal is the fastest and easiest way to get those hormones/chemicals flowing. when you are doing that you increase your ability to deal with pain (physical and emotional), you stop your brain from working over time (something craved by those with adhd), you get a moment of peace from all that ails ya.

hope there was something coherent in all that mess. long story short i agree if there are other underlying factors those need to be addressed as well or you will never have success with the porn issue, it's not about the porn.

don't give up.

[Mahone]

Some very interesting information in this thread, particularly regarding ADHD.

[ryanh]

@ryanh

Thats a lot of good information. I have a question though. What if the person with ADHD is on non-habit forming medication and they still have a problem with porn. How would someone like that work to get rid of the porn problem? I ask because I have a friend with ADHD who has problems with porn and no matter what they have tried they still can't seem to get past it all. Currently he has his computer on lockdown where someone has to enter a password for him to visit sites other than his regular approved sites. However, if you don't have someone who can help you with that type of a situation then it would make it difficult to have a computer around.

From what I understand (and I don't want to represent myself as any sort of expert - just someone who has had to do a lot of reading on the subject) the most common issue faced in trying to treat ADHD medically is the imprecision of methods available now. One medication will work like a charm for one person, but for the next, it offers only limited help. Has he tried various meds at various dosages, or was his Dr a general practitioner that just threw whatever medicine at him that the most recent marketing representative touted? If he's not finding adequate relief of ADHD symptoms, perhaps he should look into seeing if there are better meds out there for him.

Then again, it could be that the ADHD is under control, and it's just standard 'ol addiction residual from prior experiences. It took many years for the very limited amount of porn I viewed as a teenager before I was baptized to finally leave my mind completely. It was a long slow process.

[Tarnished]

Currently he is on Concerta, which he says controls his ADHD very well without the racing heart and racing mind that Dexadrine (spelling?) caused him. He is pretty good about figuring out what works and what doesn't work for him and going to the doctor to tweak the meds if they need tweaking.

I wrote about him in an earlier thread, he might just have issues with the addiction side of things as his porn problem started when he was 5 when a neighborhood kid showed him a picture of a naked woman.

I just know that he has tried many things over the years and still has problems with getting rid of the addiction. So I am trying to brainstorm and such for him.

[LostSheep]

Ok...I've taken the next step. I know everyone here is gonna say it's not enough, and that I'm holding back...Somebody mentioned that Covenant Eye wasn't working...Well, that's actually only the half truth. Since I had that software, not once have I looked at porn on that laptop. But I had loopholes. A few of them. I have another laptop with K9 filters on it, and a PC with the same that same filter. Let me just say, with free internet blocking, you get what you pay for. Nothing. The stupid thing doesn't block everything. I've found websites that doesn't even raise it's awareness. So I was getting limited porn still on those. Another loophole...There is an unused computer with almost nothing on the hard drive...In theory, I could plug it in, and get unfiltered porn...Another loophole...My NintendoDS can go on the internet and access porn, if I don't mind waiting 5 minutes to load each page...

Last night, I took my 2 wireless antenes from my PCs, my wireless card from my other laptop, and my NintendoDS, and turned them ALL over to my parents, and told them to keep them. As far as I can tell...I'm out of loopholes...To be honest, I'm pretty scared of the outcome...I don't have ANY "emergency" way to access porn...I can't throw in the towel...

To those that brought up ADD/ADHD, I don't know...I don't want to bring that up to my parents...They will say I'm making excuses...I don't need a disability to blame this addiction on. Thank you for your posts.

[Misshalfway]

Last night, I took my 2 wireless antenes from my PCs, my wireless card from my other laptop, and my NintendoDS, and turned them ALL over to my parents, and told them to keep them. As far as I can tell...I'm out of loopholes...To be honest, I'm pretty scared of the outcome...I don't have ANY "emergency" way to access porn...I can't throw in the towel...

That, my dear, is called surrender. And that is what the 12 steps is all about. Giving up that last piece of control......That was a long, hard battle for you. How do you feel now?

[MountainManWild]

The issue with addictions and habits is that you can never destroy a habit or addiction you can only replace it with something else.This is how the human brain works.On a daily basis,neural pathways are forged and broken,weakened and strengthened.Currently your brain is hardwired to associate endorphin release and pleasure with pornography to a high degree.Stress and other factors will reinforce this behaviour.What you need to do is to weaken the neural connection that has formed by associating endorphin release and pleasure with something else.Over time the old connection will weaken and the new one will form and strengthen.You also should remind yourself in the ways that this addiction has negatively affected your life by making a list or note and when you feel the urge to reinforce old habits then reading this list will strengthen your resolve.It is never hopeless but it is as serious as a drug addiction.Sex activates the same brain centers as many drugs do such as cocaine and this habit will be just as hard to break.I think society fails to take this issue seriously enough.

Neuroscience gives us great insight into the mind and why things are never purely psychological.

[Cameron1991]

Heres a suggestion is to try anti-depression medicine. Im on strattera which actually treats depression and ADHD. Im 5 weeks clean, but be carefull it takes about 6 weeks to actually kick in and you may have some frustation thoughts (possible sucidal).

[OneEternalSonata]

Counseling is wonderful and effective for some, but it didn't help me overcome addiction. I'm not saying you shouldn't try it, especially since you have ADHD. However, I only overcame my addiction by remembering that my strength alone would not be sufficient. You've made a good step toward your goal to be free, and it is possible for healing through Jesus Christ. I was not valiant until I let Him teach me how to be. What an ongoing and difficult process, though! One day, I made the decision to read my scriptures every day and pray whenever I felt tempted. I have not broken this pattern, and have been clean ever since. Some moments are extremely trying still, but the knowledge that the Lord's valiance will cover my lack is a comfort and a refuge. For know am saved by grace, after all can do.

Edited October 24, 2009 by OneEternalSonata

[LostSheep]

I really don't think drugs are the way to go...Sorry...I'm not making excuses. I just think that it's not the right way to go about this...

[LostSheep]

Heres a suggestion is to try anti-depression medicine. Im on strattera which actually treats depression and ADHD. Im 5 weeks clean, but be carefull it takes about 6 weeks to actually kick in and you may have some frustation thoughts (possible sucidal).

Um, I really am not comfortable with that idea at all. I want to solve this problem without drugs. But this keeps getting brought up.

Do you all think that there is just something wrong with me? That I need medication to make it go away?

[Cameron1991]

Um, I really am not comfortable with that idea at all. I want to solve this problem without drugs. But this keeps getting brought up.

Do you all think that there is just something wrong with me? That I need medication to make it go away?

Not that i think you have somthing wrong with you, i just think you need more then just spritual help (not that its not important) i just think theres somthing behind causeing you to seek these habits. Mine was frustration and axienty attacks from not being able to handle my math classes for the past 3 years. Which also lead to me to worry about how i was going to handle college math classes. I'd always used pornography to escape my probelms.

[Cameron1991]

Also Straterra one of the side effect is that it kills sex drive.

[Cameron1991]

I hope im not outline trying to incourage him to take Anti depressent because i know its a very delicate and serious matter. If anyone thinks i am please let me know.

[Kawazu]

Hello sir,

LostSheep, I would be cautious about the medication idea. Please consult with a physician carefully before requesting any prescription.

Ensure that your intention is to fix the malady which the medicine is meant to treat, (depression, ADHD). I know that you may be feeling desperate but it is unwise to pursue treatment solely seeking a secondary benefit in your pornography struggle.

Whatever you decide, follow the path that is healthiest for you. I wish you well, LostSheep.

Regards,

Kawazu