Misshalfway Posted October 28, 2009 Report Share Posted October 28, 2009 Ok. So does anyone ever feel weird about those little gifts we give each other during VTing visits? Maybe no one here thinks that a small gesture such as a bottle of cheap lotion or a cutely decorated paper pad might be insulting. And for the most part I would agree that giving someone a little something to say you care should be fairly benign and relatively unimportant in the grand scheme of things. I guess I just have an issue with it because I feel pressure to produce one each month. Other times, I feel like the cute thingy is all the love that is really shared as your VTer avoids talking to you if they accidentally run into you at the grocery store. I mean, isn't or shouldn't the way we care for and about each other be deeper than a gesture? Shouldn't the measure of whether or not people know we care about them be more about the difference we are making, not how proficient we are at social niceities? I don't know. I guess I'd rather have a friend than a way too cutsie bookmark and all the pretense that surrounds it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WmLee Posted October 28, 2009 Report Share Posted October 28, 2009 Some people are not 'people persons' and the best they can do, for now, is something like simply dropping something off. Some people have touble making 'little talk' and the best they can do, to make a personal contact, is a card or a candle or a littel gift of some sort. I have home taught people that are not the sit down and chat kind-a people. if there is something they need me to know they will tell me and then move on. I can try to chat at church or at the store, once tried to make a little conversation while we were waiting for the barbar. But he wasn't a talking kind-a guy. It was as if he didn't know me.One day he heard I was hurt at work. He showed up at the hospital and asked if he could do anything. I told him I was his home teacher and I was suppose to look after him, not him after me. he said, "Oh, I thought we were friends".He and his wife drove almost 90 miles to my work to get my car, then drove it to my house for me. He still doesn't talk much, but he taught me a lot! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwen Posted October 28, 2009 Report Share Posted October 28, 2009 must be a custom in your area.... here we don't do it to that extreme. on occasion if someone is baking goodies anyway (like the holidays) they will bring something by... or if we made something in enrichment and the person couldn't come they will make them one and drop it off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted October 28, 2009 Report Share Posted October 28, 2009 I don't see a need to take something each and every visit. Only on special occasions such as birthday or Christmas or other holiday you feel you would like to do something for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenamarie Posted October 28, 2009 Report Share Posted October 28, 2009 Thankfully that is not the norm here. I rarely recieve anything fom my HT's or VT's unless there's a birthday or a new baby, or they had extra goodies in their house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soul_Searcher Posted October 28, 2009 Report Share Posted October 28, 2009 We are not like u Americans over here lol. I have maybe recieved one gift from VTers in my whole life and that was a Christmas. If they cant make it that month they just ring and say sorry I cant. Im the same. End of lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Generally_Me Posted October 28, 2009 Report Share Posted October 28, 2009 I have only made one VT visit so far, and since it was rather monumental (for me anyhow) I brought a bundt. My VTers never brought me cutesy things, honestly the most meaningful visit for me was when I was inactive and they visited anyway, they found out I had my wisdom teeth pulled and asked if they could bring their husbands over to give me a blessing. So I hear the "I'd rather have a friend" you were saying in the OP. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingnut Posted October 28, 2009 Report Share Posted October 28, 2009 I think it's a Utah thing. Personally, though, I like it. I think it shows that someone cared enough to take time to make it. I wish I took the time to make reminder/giveaway things more often. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annamaureen Posted October 28, 2009 Report Share Posted October 28, 2009 In my old singles ward, my visiting teachers would just leave a cutesy post-it on my door or a little bag of candies or something. While I know that sometimes people get busy and that's all we can do, this happened every single month. I would have preferred their friendship and fellowship. It was a time in my life where I really could have used it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misshalfway Posted October 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 28, 2009 I definitely think that it shows that someone cares......except when I don't. :) I am glad to hear that this might be a little cultural habit and not the norm everywhere. I frankly would rather receive a gesture because it means something. Not just the gesture over guilt for not having time to give a gesture! Or using it in place of real caring. If it accompanies real caring, then its good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted October 29, 2009 Report Share Posted October 29, 2009 (edited) I think it's a Utah thing. Personally, though, I like it. I think it shows that someone cared enough to take time to make it. I wish I took the time to make reminder/giveaway things more often. I don't think it's just a Utah thing. I've never had it happen while I have lived in Utah but I did have a VT in San Diego and in Hawaii that brought something every time they came to visit. Edited October 29, 2009 by pam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
georgia2 Posted October 29, 2009 Report Share Posted October 29, 2009 Yeah we don't do that in my area. There have been times that I have taken something. When I got a new route and there were several inactive sisters on my route I got them a small lighthouse to help them remember the light they have and when they looked at it they would remember the Light of Christ. I hope they didn't consider it "cutesy". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misshalfway Posted October 29, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2009 Georgia, I didn't intend for anyone to second guess a genuine, well thought out, meaningful gift. That is not the point I was trying to make. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarnished Posted October 29, 2009 Report Share Posted October 29, 2009 I have had quite a few visiting teachers, some have shown up and some have not. Some have brought by cute little gifts and some have not. My current VT is awesome, she and I have become great friends and we talk and sit by each other at church. She has brought me things at times, like pumpkin bread and such. However I never thought of her gifts as what she was doing instead of visiting me, mostly because she is such a great friend at church. I have had VT in the past that just never came to visit me, so I am glad I have this one currently. She is actually one of the reasons I became active again in church. I do think though that if we are just giving gifts each month instead of actually visiting then there is something wrong. I think gifts can be a nice thing to bring by every so often, but not every visit. I think the best way to visit teach is to get to know the ladies that we visit. The messages that we share are important as well, but I know for myself I often don't feel that I have anyone outside of my family who cares who I am and what I am like, so I have always loved when visiting teachers come by and really get to know me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingnut Posted October 29, 2009 Report Share Posted October 29, 2009 I don't think it's just a Utah thing. I've never had it happen while I have lived in Utah but I did have a VT in San Diego and in Hawaii that brought something every time they came to visit.Perhaps not so much exclusively Utah, but more heavily LDS populated areas, at least. It just reminds me of "The R.M.", when the Elders Quorum has no idea who is teaching, but the Relief Society has a tablecloth, an ice sculpture, an illustrated chalkboard, and the teacher, saying "Please turn to page 27 of your handout." Or when the mom goes into labor, when she's supposed to be on her way to a VTing appointment, and she tells her son, "Call your father! No, call Sister ______ and tell her I won't be able to make it, then call your father!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elphaba Posted October 30, 2009 Report Share Posted October 30, 2009 When I was a member in the early '70s, I lived in a singles ward in Massachusetts. I was great friends with my visiting teachers, and my teachees as well. We would often bring treats to be eaten at our visits, sometimes making it a game of who could out-bake the other. But it was never a problem if someone didn't bring a treat. I've always felt we were such good friends because it was a singles ward, and also becuase it wasn't an area where you could find a lot of Mormons. I had grown up in the Church in So. California, where you could find Mormons in any city, and basically had no LDS friends there at all. I haven't been a member for two decades now, so I don't have VTs. But it seems to me there would be a difference between bringing a treat and bringing something non-edible. In fact, when my mother's VTs bring treats to her, I always dig in! But the "cutesy" things do tend to clutter the fridge until they're just thrown away. Elphaba Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted November 3, 2009 Report Share Posted November 3, 2009 If it's any consolation, I don't give anything to my visiting teachees. hahahahahaha All right, once in a while I do. Like when I had a new route I wanted to drop something off and as a joke, I gave her a sympathy card about losing her friend (her old awesome visiting teacher). Read in that context, I was laughing pretty hard. It said something like, "You must have mixed emotions - sadness that your friend is gone, but happiness that she is no longer suffering." She thought it was hilarious. But I prefer to lend support than clutter or added pounds from brownies when I can. Do what you feel comfortable with and what the Spirit directs you to. It's not a competition. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
candyprpl Posted November 4, 2009 Report Share Posted November 4, 2009 I had a companion once who seemed to think that VTing was about turning in numbers of 'done.' If we sent a card, that counted. It made me uncomfortable that she never really wanted to meet the needs of our dear sisters. I don't like talking bad about her, it doesn't make me feel very good but it was frustrating. She wasn't very interested in getting to know me either. I hadn't been a member very long and so I didn't really know how to handle it. One day I went to the RS president and asked her if I could have a different companion. She asked me why -- I didn't exactly lie when I told her that our schedules were really hard to correlate. That was true, but it wasn't the biggest reason. Anyway.....that was really off topic, sorry. In our ward I haven't seen gift-giving other than on special occasions or maybe now and then 'just because.' I've done it occasionally when I see something at the store that maybe reminds me of one of my sisters or I've baked a bunch of cookies (etc) and it happens to be a day appointments are set. I definitely agree that it shouldn't be about what or how much we take to our sisters, but how much we really care about what's going on in their lives. Like the other day when miss1/2 was kind of out of sorts on a thread -- someone offered her symbolic chocolate and I added a hug! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingnut Posted November 4, 2009 Report Share Posted November 4, 2009 I had a companion once who seemed to think that VTing was about turning in numbers of 'done.' If we sent a card, that counted. It made me uncomfortable that she never really wanted to meet the needs of our dear sisters.I'm totally with you on this one. I've had months (especially in the Summer with vacations -- mine, my companion's, and our teachees') where we never made it for a visit. I made sure to talk to me teachees for a quick minute at church, or sending them an email to find out if they need anything, even if it's just a ride to the airport. In my reporting that month, I would honestly say "We didn't get a chance to visit, but I checked in with _____ and she's doing fine." There have been months when we've done a traditional visit. There have been times when I brought dinner over on a day that I knew was really rough for ______ and I just wanted to do that to take a load off of her. I didn't end up visiting that month, but her needs were met in other ways. It's not always about sharing a message or "making a visit, sending a card, or calling" -- it's about serving and meeting the sisters' needs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misshalfway Posted November 4, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2009 Like the other day when miss1/2 was kind of out of sorts on a thread -- someone offered her symbolic chocolate and I added a hug!Something that meant more to me and did more good than any ole box of real chocolate.Thanks again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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