How Can I Get My Inactive Friend Back In The Church?


Carl62
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About three months ago, I ran into a friend who I hadn't seen in about a year. We talked for almost a half an hour about the church (she was the one that brought it up) and I even asked her what she thought about coming back since she hasn't been to church in over 20 years. She's been a member her whole life and says that she does miss the church. I know she has some obstacles in her family situation (husband is a non-member), but I don't think that is as much of a concern for her as is, according to her, the "process" of coming back meaning she feels like if she wanted to come back that she would have to tell her bishop all the things that she's done during her inactivity. This scares her off and then tells me that she thinks that the church "is just too strict in regards to discipline". This is someone who I'd love to see come back. She would make a terrific member in the ward and has even said how she is "a half an inch away from coming back". This was three months ago and there has been no sign of her since. She seemed rather adamant about the discipline thing and I don't know how to help her get past that. I also remember her saying about what's the point of starting to come back only to then get disfellowshipped or even ex'd. Can anybody give me any advice on how to handle this with her and hopefully bring her back to the fold?

Edited by Carl62
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I think you should stand as an example. I mean, she has to really want it -- if she is expecting to fail, she just might. find some great scriptures, highlight them, and give her the book.

Stand as an example? I'm doing all I can now as it is. It's not me she has the hang-up with. Which scriptures and what book? In regards to what? Your answer is somewhat vague.

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Any Book. I have found that looking through scripture and highlighting what the spirit prompts you to always seems to answer questions for me. A book of mormon, maybe D&C, maybe the Bible. That's up to you. But I think the hardest thing is not being forceful. We can coax people into the church, but force won't help. Invite her and her husband to church, or activities with the other church families. Our ward does a walkabout, everyone has a treat at their house and everyone goes around the neighborhood visiting each house and getting a treat and just saying hello. Inviting them to things ike that would be a great start.

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Any Book. I have found that looking through scripture and highlighting what the spirit prompts you to always seems to answer questions for me. A book of mormon, maybe D&C, maybe the Bible. That's up to you. But I think the hardest thing is not being forceful. We can coax people into the church, but force won't help. Invite her and her husband to church, or activities with the other church families. Our ward does a walkabout, everyone has a treat at their house and everyone goes around the neighborhood visiting each house and getting a treat and just saying hello. Inviting them to things ike that would be a great start.

Force!? Umm, I saw her one time for about 45 min. in the department store where she works about three months ago, and it was a year prior to that when I last spoke to her. The first time we got together we barely even talked about the church. I'd hardly call that force. As far as inviting her husband to church, that's a guaranteed no show! He refuses to pay for her daughters to go to any church college and has said that home teachers are completely off limits but, I THINK she's allowed (or else she's just taking it upon herself, IDK) to still go to church. This isn't about quoting scriptures, or setting examples, or inviting family out, or going door to door. It's about helping me to zero in on the problem that I clearly defined. I appreciate your responses allredcon, but what I need are practical answers.

Edited by Carl62
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If she is/was only half an inch away, then you can use this as the weak brick in her "stubborn" wall. Ask her if she ever had a testimony/if she has one. Build on that. If she didn't/doesn't, then prayerfully find scriptures in a brand new pocket sized copy of a Book of Mormon, highlighting them and writing a small dedication in the inside cover with the relevant scripture and have it ready and with you at all times until you run into her again. If she's only a half inch away from coming back, don't push her that half inch, guide her. The rest is up to her. If possible ask for her phone # or email address to follow up. Following up is always key in succeeding or at least opening the door a little further. Pray and fast for another opportunity to meet her again and that she may be prepared for it. You may find your next encounter a surprise.

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I went back after 8-10 years of inactivity and lots of un LDS like behavior, laid it all out to the Bishop and his response was "welcome back"

The purpose of discipline isn't to punish but to change the behavior. Assuming the behavior has been changed there shouldn't be any punishment.

You don't smack a toddlers hand today because he touched the stove last week.

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Is the only thing keeping her from that last 1/2 inch the fact that she has to "confess" to the bishop? Who confesses to the bishop the first time they go back to church after 20 years?

Look, it's a scary thing to go back to church after being gone for so long. I would call the RS president if she is a woman. I would explain the situation and ask that people be friendly. DO NOT announce anything in RS about "Sis SoandSo is a member who's been away for a while" or whatever silly thing they do to introduce "visitors". It's embarrassing. Make sure she has someone to sit with her in Sacrament, Gospel Essentials, and RS. A friend always makes things easier.

Then encourage your friend to just come. No need to worry about confessing or talking to the bishop other than to say Hi. That will happen on its own at the right time. I wouldn't even focus on that at all. Just say, "Come to church. You don't need to talk to the bishop right now. Just come back and sit with our family and enjoy it."

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Guest mormonmusic

I've found that simply being there for people, being their friend, without pushing anything is the best policy. Going out with other members in non-church settings where Church discussion happens spontaneously without pressure may also keep the interest alive. Bottom line -- people come back when they are ready to come back.

Regarding her fear of discipline. Without knowing what it was (and I don't want to know, either) it's hard to judge -- but I know this -- the tendency is toward mercy. You have one anectdotal situation above where the Bishop said "Welcome Back" to someone who'd been away for a while and had engaged in non-LDS habits.

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