Bini Posted December 28, 2009 Report Share Posted December 28, 2009 When you married your spouse, did you find yourself suddenly married to the in-laws as well? I suppose the attachment or lack of attachment to in-laws and extended family can be a cultural thing. Like with Italians, you marry one of them and before you know it, the whole family is involved. My family isn't much of a hugging/kissing group. That isn't to say we don't ever show affection that way but we just don't do it a lot. My husband's family is a lot more touchy in that sense and it's been a challenge for me to overcome. I'm still uncomfortable with people, other than my husband and my immediate family, showing appreciation that way. A verbal greeting and a smile is plenty for me :] Anyway, to point. My parents live about four hours from us. So they don't bug us and we don't bug them. A phone call every couple weeks is enough to keep us in touch with each other. But my husband's parents are right here in town.. If it were up to his mum, we'd be over there every single weekend! It drives me crazy, literally. I just don't see it necessary for us to drop-by every Saturday or Sunday and chitchat for hours on end. I've put my foot-down several times and refused to go but apart of me feels like visiting "family" is apart of what you sign-up for when you get married. Aiya. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palerider Posted December 28, 2009 Report Share Posted December 28, 2009 I can relate to everything you just said. My family we did not hug. My in laws always hug. Drove me crazy. They knew I was uncomfortable about this and they would ask, can I have a hug??? I could never say no. Seemed like my inlaws were always around. One day I came to my senses and realised, this was no big deal..and I am very serious when I say this, I realised that it was only a big deal to me. I got over it in time and asked in prayer to find the good in them so I could have a healthy relationship with them. We get along great and I don't mind the hugs and or the visits. My wife and I have been married for 28yrs now. My parents are now gone and all I have are my inlaws on earth so I really appreciate them all the more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annamaureen Posted December 28, 2009 Report Share Posted December 28, 2009 My in-laws are the opposite - they are extremely distant and uninterested. On one hand, it's saddening because I always hoped I'd gain a new family when I married. On the other hand, at least I don't have the meddling, nosy, clingy in-laws you see in the movies! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted December 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 28, 2009 Palerider, I haven't given it much thought in that sense. Thank you :] It probably wouldn't kill me to be a little more social but old habits die hard. I'll be the first to admit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lydlou Posted December 29, 2009 Report Share Posted December 29, 2009 I think everybody finds their inlaws to be a bit strange. mine have a habit of carrying on whole convesations without ever making eyecontact or even looking in the the others general direction. my family on the other hand yells across the whole house "hey get in here I gotta ask ya somthin" differnt folks differnt strokes i supose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ryanh Posted December 29, 2009 Report Share Posted December 29, 2009 Whenever I read Matthew 19:5, I always got the impression that the expectation was to partially divest oneself of the attachments to parents. And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall acleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one fleshI know that's not specifically what it says, but it always felt that way to me. I think many of us have heard the stories of being too close to in-laws and marriage problems ensuing. There has to be a proper balance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mirancs8 Posted December 31, 2009 Report Share Posted December 31, 2009 I think when you are married you both have to set up the boundary with your families and be in sync with each other so you are consistent. I did this very well with my family and they respected my wishes. When I got married I considered my husband my first priority because we had become one, and we were going to start our own family unit. He on the other hand did not think this. However I can say that I held my own with my in-laws as well and we've always had a very good relationship. If you both aren't on the same page in-laws can cause havoc on your relationship. Though we all obviously love our parents and in-laws I do think it is important that your priority should be with each other. The more you allow people to get into your "marriage business" the more troubles will lay ahead. I have heard some horror stories regarding in-laws and I am so glad I haven't had it that bad. But I do think it helped that I communicated very well from the beginning that there was a line to not cross. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mahone Posted December 31, 2009 Report Share Posted December 31, 2009 Lol... all I can say is, I feel sorry for those who married into my family More related to the subject, my grandmother has always had all of our nearby relatives over of a Sunday evening. This is just a tradition we have had since before I was born. As strange/weird as we are, we are a very close (and fairly large extended) family. I know a couple of people we are in-laws to weren't entirely happy with this at first, but they got used to us... eventually That said, we aren't a huggy/feely/touchy family either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ascotan Posted January 16, 2010 Report Share Posted January 16, 2010 When you married your spouse, did you find yourself suddenly married to the in-laws as well?I suppose the attachment or lack of attachment to in-laws and extended family can be a cultural thing. Like with Italians, you marry one of them and before you know it, the whole family is involved. My family isn't much of a hugging/kissing group. That isn't to say we don't ever show affection that way but we just don't do it a lot. My husband's family is a lot more touchy in that sense and it's been a challenge for me to overcome. I'm still uncomfortable with people, other than my husband and my immediate family, showing appreciation that way. A verbal greeting and a smile is plenty for me :] Anyway, to point. My parents live about four hours from us. So they don't bug us and we don't bug them. A phone call every couple weeks is enough to keep us in touch with each other. But my husband's parents are right here in town.. If it were up to his mum, we'd be over there every single weekend! It drives me crazy, literally. I just don't see it necessary for us to drop-by every Saturday or Sunday and chitchat for hours on end. I've put my foot-down several times and refused to go but apart of me feels like visiting "family" is apart of what you sign-up for when you get married. Aiya.Get used to it. Especially if your husband's family is not of your culture you will be considered rude by not participating.Go over with a big smile! Let her in and chat!I know it's annoying, but yes, you did marry his mom too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sleepless3977 Posted January 17, 2010 Report Share Posted January 17, 2010 to answer your original question, i would say yes, it certainly feels that way Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elgama Posted January 17, 2010 Report Share Posted January 17, 2010 I have a different perspective I grew up in a family like Mahone - My Gran lived in the same town and so did her sisters I saw all my Great Aunts and Uncles and cousins on a regular basis and my Gran many days of the week, I grew up surrounded by my family history and I can tell stories and recognise all those people in he sepia photos - my husband can just about recognise one of his Grandmothers. Because of that I feel like I know ancestors that were born in the 1830s. However older generation died off, divorce devestated what was once a strong family and I hate the fact my kids don't have that seashmore 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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