God? But I Love The Gospel!


nanochron
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I need to talk to someone about this in a more neutral environment.

I am a life long member. My family is a good family. We had FHE weekly. My parents went to the temple weekly. I graduated from Seminary only missing maybe 5 days in four years of seminary. I went to church college. I served a mission. I got married in the temple to a woman I love. I have children. Served in stake positions such as High Council. I attend church weekly even when on vacation (usually but not always). I love the church. I love the members. I love the gospel. I am temple worthy (more on this in a moment). (the above is not to toot my horn but to provide background)

In all this (with the exception of one time which I will explain in a moment) I thought or I do (dilemma) have a testimony.

Over the past years, my logical mind (I will call it that because I'm not sure how else to define it) has come to the conclusion that there is no god and thus by extension do not believe the church is true. This scares me. I don't not want to believe in God. I don't not want to believe in the Book of Mormon or Joseph Smith. I don't not want to believe that President Monson is a prophet of God.

Over the past few years though these feelings come into my head and I don't know what to do. After years of struggling I made a mistake and hurt my wife. I started trying caffeinated (i know that isn't necessariy a big deal but I've grown up with out such things) drinks, R Rated movies, and coffee. One day when out with my wife I talked her into taking a drink (this was insanely dumb-I'm not sure why she did it accept she trusts/ed me). Of course after the fact I needed to tell her why. If anything I should have told her first. So I told my wife that I no longer believed in God (this may have been a mistake). At first she was extreamly angry (I don't blame her) and for a night or two there wan't much sleeping and lots of (lets say) discussion. It seemed I may loose her and if her I would lose my family. Finally I told her that I did not want to loser her and that there is a testimony left, that I do believe. With her help I had myself released from my (not to put it in a worldly terms) substantial calling with the Bishop's full knowledge of the above.

At times she still will suddenly get upset and teary eyed and talk about her desire for an eternal marriage (which I want as well). I tell her that I still believe but the doubts are still there. Soon my Temple Recommend will expire and I don't know how to proceed. Like I said, I don't not want to be a member. I don't not want to have a temple recommend. I want an eternal marriage. But these doubts keep entering my head. I pray here and there but I don't feel anything there, like I'm talking to myself. This has been one of the biggest parts of my doubts. I "feel the spirit" when at church when talking about people's stories of faith. When at church or talking to people I think how can I deny this when I feel these things. But these feelings of "logical" thought and my doubts continue to return--strongly. I really don't know what to do. I felt like I needed to talk with people in a place like this.

Any thought, comments, questions would be appreciated.

Thank you.

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Like many raised in the Church (I was one of them) you seem to be basically what I call a "social" Mormon. Many are like you in the church. If you were to ask the average one he/she would probably say they believe in God, but don't really. They've gone through all the motions, just like you have, and realize many of the benefits of church membership and don't want to give them up.

People feel "good" during meetings because the spirit is there, but when the meeting is over, well that's it: It's over.

God is not an intellectual concept, but a spiritual reality. One can only know God through the spirit, and that means prayer.

Remember the lesson of Enos who was a social Mormon. It took him two days to capture the spirit and receive his personal revelation. Since you are already treading on the path to sin, it could take you longer.

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The only thing I can say is, be honest with your bishop when you go in to renew your temple recommend. Don't live a lie.

On the other hand . . . I'd be careful how honest you are with your wife. Tell her what she needs to know; but don't dump on her.

I also have a certain amount of . . . shall we say . . . cognitive dissonance between the spiritual and the logical. I think it just boils down to: which side of me do I choose to follow? The spiritual side has never gotten me into a pickle yet, so I keep listening to it; and generally I do OK.

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Hey nanochron,

That's a tough situation brother. I feel for you.

What logic leads you to believe there is no God?

You say you feel what you think is the Spirit at Church and around other members. What about in other places, like at home, or when you pray secretly? Do you have any personal experiences where you have felt like God is talking to you through His Spirit or otherwise?

Sincerely,

Vanhin

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The only thing I can say is, be honest with your bishop when you go in to renew your temple recommend. Don't live a lie.

nanochron,

This is sage advice. The good news is that even if you don't have a temple recommend, because you answer the questions honestly, you can continue to be a member of the Church and enjoy the fellowship and other things that you like about the Church. You won't be able to serve in (most) callings or go to the Temple and so forth, but you don't have to throw it all away and leave while you work through this trial of your faith.

Sincerely,

Vanhin

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It's ok to have this struggle.

I guess I am also interested in what logic seems to prove that there is isn't a God to your mind.

I also have these two questions:

Do you believe in Satan?

And....

Do you believe that people live on after death? Or do you think the notion of spirits dwelling inside of flesh is now false as well?

Thanks.

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Thank you for the comments.

Vanhin at this point I don't think it would be helpful to debate the god question but if others think it might help me I can.

You say you feel what you think is the Spirit at Church and around other members. What about in other places, like at home, or when you pray secretly? Do you have any personal experiences where you have felt like God is talking to you through His Spirit or otherwise?

In discussions I do but when I pray secretly I don't. That has been one of my toughest things. When I pray I feel like I'm talking to myself. I alluded to but didn't end up stating in my original post, the one other time in my life I questioned (but only for a moment) was in the MTC. The teacher asked if everyone had prayed to know if the book of Mormon was true. I told him I had prayed but I didn't have the answer to prayer. He told me to take a day or two to pray about it. I did and when he followed up I started to say I didn't have an answer but saw the look on his face and I quickly changed the wording to say yes and I moved on not thinking too much about it after that. I guess it has stuck with me all these years and that may have got me doubting later in life.

The main thing is that I feel the spirit at church or when someone is telling me or a group around me spiritual experiences. That includes when other people who talk about spiritual experiences they have but that are not LDS.

Right now just my bishop, the stake presidency and my wife know. Family and ward activities will be hard when we are to go to the temple and I'm not there.

--edited to include answers to Misshalfway --

The "logic" side of me isn't believeing in Satan or life after death. That there is no spirit. Though that is what makes me want to cry sometimes.

Since multiple people are asking about why the non belief in God I will give an answer in another post to this thread.

Edited by nanochron
--edited to include answers to [B]Misshalfway[/B] --
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I think the main reasons for non belief in god are two:

1. Personal agency and God's omniscience. If God knows everything that has happened, is happening, and will happen with 100% certainty then there is no choice for us for it has already been decided. Not necessarily that God decided it but since he knows with 100% certainty what will happen, then I or anybody else cannot change it. It is set. I know people will say (like I have answered to myself in the past) It is not that you don't have a choice to do other things but that God knows you so well he knows what choice you will make. Like I know that my wife will not chose to eat a food she detests. But my mind is not seeing it that way now.

2. Answers to prayers. I don't feel like I get answers to prayers. And it doesn't make sense that people can get contrary answers to prayers.

These are the two main things that made me start doubting. After that I started questioning various things I read in church history and statements made by general authorities. This has been hard for me to hear myself think thoughts like what Elder X is saying doesn't make sense or what Joseph Smith said if told to me now days I would think he is a scam artist.

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I don't mean to be flippant, but your concerns in #1 would be manageable with an understanding of non-linear time. But I do see your point.

As for 2, I'm so sorry you're not receiving answers to your prayers. :( I have had a long-standing "crisis of church" (rather than a crisis of faith), and it has been hard for me to maintain my faith in a number of things. That said, I am able to find peace in truth, which is often revealed as an answer to prayer. Have you tried meditation as a form of prayer?

I, too, wonder how people can have conflicting answers to prayer - I just figure that one of 'em is wrong. ;)

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Nano: I don’t know if I’ll be much help, but I have to respond a bit.

First, I think you are right about God’s omniscience. I think he knows which ones of us will make it and which ones won’t. I think the point of this life isn’t to prove to God who we are or what we are capable of, but to prove it to ourselves. WE don’t know the choices we will make, and how fair of it would it have been for God to say to us, “Wait, you won’t make it. You would rather live in this kingdom or that one, rather than be a celestial being.” I know I would have wined and complained that He was wrong, and that I COULD make it.

We need the experience, so that we know where we fit in the eternities. Maybe I’m not MEANT to marry a woman and have children and be a god. Maybe my talents are better suited to being an angel (just an example) - single in the eternities (because all those Gods are going to need SOMEONE to go down and destroy cities and turn people into pillars of salt, haha). But God couldn’t tell me that before I got a body. I needed to develop my talents myself, and discover myself where I fit.

As to answers to prayers – I actually just wrote a scripture study dialog/talk that is posted in the scripture study forum. Maybe that will help. Maybe you’re just asking the wrong questions? :)

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Re omniscience: My opinion is that God doesn't deal in hypotheticals. He exists in "one eternal now". He hasn't determined anything; He just sees it happening. His knowledge of what's going to happen to me doesn't make me do anything, any more than my seeing a post you put up on LDS.net retroactively forced you to write that post.

I hear this line about "we need to prove ourselves to ourselves" a lot, but I don't agree with it. I didn't get a law degree because I needed to know I could get one; I got it because I needed my law degree in order to go on with my professional life. Similarly, I believe we don't live because we needed to know how we would live--we live because we needed to live.

(Does that even make an ounce of sense?)

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In response to the first main concern, I think we should define agency. Agency isn't the ability to act without anyone knowing what we are going to do. It is the ability to act without being forced to do something. I think we can all agree that even if God does know everything we are all going to do, he does not force us to do anything. This is proven by the number of us who do things we shouldn't.

In response to the second main concern, I can only think of three reasons you may feel that you aren't receiving an answer. 1. You are receiving it, you just don't recognize it. 2. You don't want the answer that would be given. 3. God is testing your patience.

Now to explain.

1. I know that in D&C it talks about Oliver Cowdery's experience with the translation and it covers confusion vs. increased understanding. Fact is, there are so many ways the spirit can answer prayers that we can't rely only on this or on angelic visitations as options. I will list a few, more can be found on pgs. 96 and 97 of Preach my Gospel. The spirit can: Give increased love, joy, peace, etc. It can give ideas to our minds. It can enlighten our minds. It glorifies God. It can guide what we pray for. I would encourage you to look at more examples in the given reference.

2. Often many of us find ourselves in a position where we want an answer to a prayer but one of 2 things is present in our attitude. First is a passing interest that doesn't include a desire to act on the answer. Second is a full interest but we have already decided on what answer we want (even if we know that we wouldn't get it) and refuse to accept another answer. Either of these attitudes would serve to block our reception of answers even if God were inclined to answer. Lets say your son (hypothetical situation) asks you if you want him to answer the dishwasher. Of course you do. Unless the dishes are dirty of course. However lets say he was just asking for the sake of asking and wasn't actually intending on doing it. Why would you answer him if you knew this was the case? (You don't but in a prayer setting God would) In the other situation, lets suppose he wanted ice cream. He has already decided what answer he wants. Even if he wont get it. I have prayed on a number of things and have been guilty of one of these situations. I can tell you that I received no answer then and only received it when I opened myself to Gods will.

3. This option is that God may be testing your patience. I can't really say much about that except to be patient.

Something we have to remember about prayer is that it is not simply communication with God. It is the process of aligning our will with his via our agency.

In closing I can only advise that you study (not read) your scriptures every day. Pray night and day. Attend church meetings. Avoid any activity that would dull the spirit (antimormon lit., any negative media, and yes, coffee). If you truly want to believe, then do these and consider the improvement in your life as a possible answer to your prayer. Don't live the gospel for show. Live the gospel cause thats what is in your heart.

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In discussions I do but when I pray secretly I don't. That has been one of my toughest things. When I pray I feel like I'm talking to myself. I alluded to but didn't end up stating in my original post, the one other time in my life I questioned (but only for a moment) was in the MTC. The teacher asked if everyone had prayed to know if the book of Mormon was true. I told him I had prayed but I didn't have the answer to prayer. He told me to take a day or two to pray about it. I did and when he followed up I started to say I didn't have an answer but saw the look on his face and I quickly changed the wording to say yes and I moved on not thinking too much about it after that. I guess it has stuck with me all these years and that may have got me doubting later in life.

The main thing is that I feel the spirit at church or when someone is telling me or a group around me spiritual experiences. That includes when other people who talk about spiritual experiences they have but that are not LDS.

Thank you for answering. I think this is an important factor in your challenge.

What do you think accounts for the way you feel when you are at Church or you hear someone else explaining their spiritual experiences?

I think you have rightly identified the influence that most would call the Spirit. When else do you or have you felt like that? For example, I remember feeling, what I identify as the influence of the Holy Ghost, at times in my past whenever I helped someone out, or did something else good - even as a child. I once purchased some flowers for my grandma, instead of using my money on candy (or whatever) when I visited her. It brought so much joy to her, and to me. I remember feeling the Spirit almost all day after that, even when I was by myself, confirming that what I had done was the right thing. And really countless other times, when I made good choices on my own, or helped someone out. Have you ever had those kinds of experiences?

Sincerely,

Vanhin

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I think the main reasons for non belief in god are two:

1. Personal agency and God's omniscience. If God knows everything that has happened, is happening, and will happen with 100% certainty then there is no choice for us for it has already been decided. Not necessarily that God decided it but since he knows with 100% certainty what will happen, then I or anybody else cannot change it. It is set. I know people will say (like I have answered to myself in the past) It is not that you don't have a choice to do other things but that God knows you so well he knows what choice you will make. Like I know that my wife will not chose to eat a food she detests. But my mind is not seeing it that way now.

2. Answers to prayers. I don't feel like I get answers to prayers. And it doesn't make sense that people can get contrary answers to prayers.

These are the two main things that made me start doubting. After that I started questioning various things I read in church history and statements made by general authorities. This has been hard for me to hear myself think thoughts like what Elder X is saying doesn't make sense or what Joseph Smith said if told to me now days I would think he is a scam artist.

Thanks. I appreciate you answering the question about the logic that leads you to not believe in God. I promise, it's not my intention to debate this with you. I just thought that understanding this aspect of your struggle would be helpful.

So, if God already knows what is going to happen, then to you, agency seems pointless. Correct? Take Laman and Lemuel, for example - God would have already known what was going to happen with them, so why did Lehi and Nephi even bother preaching to them if it was a foregone conclusion. Is that part of the logic?

And then of course the other point we are already discussing about prayer, answers, and the Spirit.

Sincerely,

Vanhin

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i look at God knowing all as being this....He knows every possible choice and outcome there is....every different way that we could choose, and because He knows us He knows which choice we will make but that doesn't mean that we are forced to choose it. He is ok with us making whichever choice we want because He loved us enough to give us our agency. So just because He knows all the choices and outcomes doesn't mean the choice isn't still all yours.

There is a talk by Jeffrey R Holland called Remember How You Felt - it talks specifically about spiritual experiences and how the adversary attacks that feeling....i read it every so often to remind myself to always remember, when i feel disheartened, those times when I was full of the feeling that comes when we need it most.

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Nano: I don’t know if I’ll be much help, but I have to respond a bit.

First, I think you are right about God’s omniscience. I think he knows which ones of us will make it and which ones won’t. I think the point of this life isn’t to prove to God who we are or what we are capable of, but to prove it to ourselves. WE don’t know the choices we will make, and how fair of it would it have been for God to say to us, “Wait, you won’t make it. You would rather live in this kingdom or that one, rather than be a celestial being.” I know I would have wined and complained that He was wrong, and that I COULD make it.

We need the experience, so that we know where we fit in the eternities. Maybe I’m not MEANT to marry a woman and have children and be a god. Maybe my talents are better suited to being an angel (just an example) - single in the eternities (because all those Gods are going to need SOMEONE to go down and destroy cities and turn people into pillars of salt, haha). But God couldn’t tell me that before I got a body. I needed to develop my talents myself, and discover myself where I fit.

As to answers to prayers – I actually just wrote a scripture study dialog/talk that is posted in the scripture study forum. Maybe that will help. Maybe you’re just asking the wrong questions? :)

I really appreciated your post, and my heart goes out to you and many others who struggle with same gender attraction. It is particularly challenging, and I can only imagine the sacrifices one must make in denying themselves certain things in order to remain obedient and in good standing before the Lord. I think there is much hope in the following words of Elder Lance B. Wickman. This is from the interview you are probably familiar with that included Elder Wickman and Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Twelve.

The good news for somebody who is struggling with same-gender attraction is this: 1) It is that ‘I’m not stuck with it forever.’ It’s just now. Admittedly, for each one of us, it’s hard to look beyond the ‘now’ sometimes. But nonetheless, if you see mortality as now, it’s only during this season. 2) If I can keep myself worthy here, if I can be true to gospel commandments, if I can keep covenants that I have made, the blessings of exaltation and eternal life that Heavenly Father holds out to all of His children apply to me. Every blessing — including eternal marriage — is and will be mine in due course. (Same-Gender Attraction - LDS Newsroom)

There are many people who are born into this world, that will not have an opportunity for eternal marriage in this life, because of this or some other issue, who will merit all the blessings of eternity if they remain true to the covenants that they make. Like really ugly heterosexuals, for instance, who no one wanted to marry, or those with mental illness or children who died before they were old enough to marry. Many things like this will be made right during the Millennium.

I don't mean to derail the thread. I just thought I would share this with you.

Regards,

Vanhin

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Perhaps a little more information would be helpful as was suggested.

I, interestingly, can relate to your post almost in its entirety...except for that I didn't really tell anyone. I was afraid it would affect their testimony too. I tried reading the scriptures but couldn't without feeling like it was a lie. First it started with the Book of Mormon and then it seeped into the Bible and then it seeped into my belief in Christ. It was concerning to me as I, too, loved the gospel but what I thought was the "intellectual" side took over. What I came to realize, sadly after several years, is that I was deceived by "intellectualism/logic" whose logic really isn't logical at all. It is short-sighted. How had I become so shallow?

There are several questions I asked myself...and a few things I remembered that has helped me cling on...

Questions to self

1) Would it be that bad if it weren't all true to live the gospel anyway?

2) Why am I feeling this way? Did I read something that contradicted my beliefs that began to decay my faith? Why did I give heed to it?

3) Is this in response to being discouraged, disappointed, or despondent in some things?

4) What has made me distrust?

5) Why did I once have a strong testimony?

...and several more.

It came down to several things for me...

1) I had to REMEMBER.....times I'd prayed and received answers, the power I felt from receiving priesthood blessings, times I received knowledge by the Spirit that could come in no other way, the joy I felt as I trusted in God, the miracles that happened as I asked in true sincere faith, times when I felt the veil so thin, times when the Spirit made known things to me before they happened.

The point is I had to REMEMBER and acknowledge their source. I also needed to hear the testimonies of some of the older members of the church who had some of that sage wisdom that comes from living through times of war, the Great Depression, and the effect faith had etc. It was getting back to basics.

One such sage advice came when I was listening to an elderly member of my ward speak to his family in a Family Home Evening we were invited to. He said "My grandfather told me that there are two dogs to feed in life. It all depends which one you feed. Make sure you feed the right dog. That's the dog that is going to stick around". That may make no sense to you but it made perfect sense to me. If I didn't feed the doubtful side of me, then it would eventually go away seeking someone else to feed off of. On the other hand...if I continued to feed it, it would fatten and become my pet friend. And vice versa. It was a choice. I had to choose.

I guess what I am saying is that is what is life is about...choices. You get to choose. That is wonderful. What dog are you going to choose to feed?

May I suggest you choose your wife over your doubts of the gospel? In the end I think you will find your previous testimony will rekindle. I feel she is definitely the one that hurts the most from your choices. My recommendation: trust in her, lean on her testimony to start with. Be humble and teachable...and hopeful. When all is said and done, when you are at your life's end, you will not regret for one moment...choosing to feed the "correct" dog.

Now that I am feeding the "correct" dog, I can see that the one I once fed with all my doubts was a dog full of deceit...which promoted selfishness, pride, and lack of purpose and responsibility (or reason to be responsible)...all because of "logic". It justified becoming "gentile" in my way of thinking and way of acting. Beware. It is Satan.

It will take work and pushing through the barrier the doubts have created. It takes WORK and lots of it. You have to desire it. Reading your scriptures will feel empty for the time being and will continue to feel that way unless you truly desire it. You've got to want it. And when you do....it will eventually come but will take LOTS of work.

I was too tired to do the work it takes initially. Anything in life that we find most valuable are the things that take a lot of work, sweat, and tears. It is worth it.

Good for you for going to this advice board. Take courage and do the right thing.

Keep us posted.

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My husband went through what you went through when he was 16. He has always been a very strong-willed person. His journey was very rough. He ended up leaving the church completely and going to other churches looking for "truth". He worked as a model so alcohol and smokes and half-dressed girls was a normal part of his day. He got kicked out of his house even.

But you know the thing about it is - the farther he ran from it, the stronger his testimony became until one day, he realized he had the truth all along. Now, his testimony is as strong as a rock.

Sometimes, you have to go through it the hard way. As long as you keep on searching for truth in the most sincere manner, you can go as far as it takes you. This is the time when your wife needs to trust in the Lord. Because, God will not punish her for your transgressions. But, tying you to a life without testimony, pretending that you have one to keep the peace, is just going to make everything worse.

I feel terrible for you wife. But, this could be as much a test for her as for you. The problem is if you have kids... man.

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Perhaps I can suggest....it being New Year's eve that your New Year's resolution be specific in this regard.

Maybe it can look like this:

"This year I choose to...

a) believe

b) cast out doubt and fear

c) exercise hope and faith

d) read the scriptures with purpose

e) pray with intent and an open mind

f) feed the "correct" dog (just thought I'd add that in)

g) serve (wife, children, the needy)

h) recognize the hand of the Lord in your life daily

(just some suggestions).

May I suggest you also watch these few clips:

YouTube - MormonMessages's Channel

YouTube - MormonMessages's Channel

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Nano, Thanks for answering my quickly penned questions before. I was in a hurry and didn't get my thoughts out like I wanted too. I also appreciate the thoughts you have added. It helps to understand what your thought process is.

I have a few side comments that don't necessarily hit the heart of the concern but that might help the process.

Maybe its ok that you are radically examining your belief in God. I mean, why wouldn't it be? How else are we going to grow if we are constantly thinking and acting in the "good little boy and girl" box? This isn't the kind of spiritual maturity God seems to be developing in me and I don't know of a better way for God to come in and help "grow" us without some disruption to tradition or habit or even limiting notions about things. You see, I am not sure God needs us to believe in Him. I am becoming convinced that allowing me, for example, to not believe in him for a time was key to my growth. I guess I think sometimes we cling so tightly to our "beliefs" that it sometimes becomes a very limiting thing that keeps even God out. If he can divide us from those, perhaps he can then show us greater things. And after that, he can bring us back to the knowledge we once had before but in new more progressed ways.

So, I guess what I am saying is don't deal with this problem or challenge or opportunity (how ever you want to look at it) with fear or panic or religious shame. NONE of those are helpful and God himself doesn't deal in them even though many of his children do. I mean, would it really be so bad if you didn't go to the temple for a time? Would it really be so bad for you to take a badly needed break from the mormon program and all the to do lists? I took a break. It was so scary at first, but you know, it was God leading me to do it. It's ok to trust your inner voice and explore and lay it out down while you figure things out.

Just a word too, about answers to prayers. I know a lot about this as this is my experience too. I think we in the church make the mistake of preaching that 2+2 always equals 4. Like if you pray and pay your tithing, God will fill in all the blanks and blessings will fall from heaven in all the expected ways. My experience is that he does answer and bless but that it doesn't always look like the contrived picture that is often painted in Sunday School class.

BUT.....just because we don't get answers the way we are promised doesn't necessarily mean there isn't a God. God isn't just in the business of answering questions. He is growing amazing spiritual beings and he is using the fallen conditions of earth life to do it. Part of that is not getting all the lights turned on in our heads.

This is why understanding faith and exercizing faith is so important. This is why learning to take off the spiritual training wheels is important too. Maybe God needs to leave you so that you can learn to trust yourself outside the nice, pretty, safe mormon portrait. Once you can trust yourself, you can learn better ways to trust Him and better ways to live inside of obedience.

Well, that is the best I've got today. Hope there is something in this that is helpful.

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Nano: I don’t know if I’ll be much help, but I have to respond a bit.

First, I think you are right about God’s omniscience. I think he knows which ones of us will make it and which ones won’t. I think the point of this life isn’t to prove to God who we are or what we are capable of, but to prove it to ourselves. WE don’t know the choices we will make, and how fair of it would it have been for God to say to us, “Wait, you won’t make it. You would rather live in this kingdom or that one, rather than be a celestial being.” I know I would have wined and complained that He was wrong, and that I COULD make it.

We need the experience, so that we know where we fit in the eternities. Maybe I’m not MEANT to marry a woman and have children and be a god. Maybe my talents are better suited to being an angel (just an example) - single in the eternities (because all those Gods are going to need SOMEONE to go down and destroy cities and turn people into pillars of salt, haha). But God couldn’t tell me that before I got a body. I needed to develop my talents myself, and discover myself where I fit.

As to answers to prayers – I actually just wrote a scripture study dialog/talk that is posted in the scripture study forum. Maybe that will help. Maybe you’re just asking the wrong questions? :)

Here is something I ponder. How much of our experiences in this life did we know about before we came to Earth? Each of us have struggles and I have to wonder if we didn't have some sort of inkling as to the problems we would be facing and said - "bring it on, I know it is what I need."

Just something to think about.

:)

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Nano- I am sorrowful to hear of your crisis of faith. I think the devil has decieved you and things in your life are in disarry where you cannot hear the spirit when it speaks to you. I truely believe that depsite what you may think of God, He does believe in you and if you truely desire it in your heart you can move past this and have the spirit of the holy ghost be a part of your life. I will pray for you.

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