How do i grow up as a LDS in a non-LDS family and have the "full" experience

[jonathan909817]

I'm in a lot of emotional struggle right now. i am 15 and am converting, but mom isnt too happy about me switching religions, but at least she is allowing me to be baptized before im 18 =]. Anyway, i feel so left out because the church focuses on Family so much and i feel very left out. I dont know what to do; my friends make fun of me, my whole family doesnt understand or really approve, and it is hard to feel the spirit and have faith if i am constantly being put down. I really need all of your help, thank you and God Bless.

[mrmarklin]

Don't worry, you will grow up and have your own family. Spouse, kids, the whole 9 yards.:-)

My wife converted at eight years old as the only member in her family, and she's had the total experience, including sending sons on missions.

[SeattleTruthSeeker]

I'm in a lot of emotional struggle right now. i am 15 and am converting, but mom isnt too happy about me switching religions, but at least she is allowing me to be baptized before im 18 =]. Anyway, i feel so left out because the church focuses on Family so much and i feel very left out. I dont know what to do; my friends make fun of me, my whole family doesnt understand or really approve, and it is hard to feel the spirit and have faith if i am constantly being put down. I really need all of your help, thank you and God Bless.

Sign up with the Scouting program. Ask for the pamphlet For the Strength of Youth: Fulfilling our duty to God.

And also the True to the Faith pamphlet.

I forgot to add these two as well:

Our Duty to God: Deacon

Our Duty to God: Teacher

Edited January 5, 2010 by SeattleTruthSeeker
adding more material.

[yenni]

I was where you are now. When I was 13 and joining the church, my mother was dead set against it. 13 years later she is now taking missionary discussions and has been attending church with me. It will be tough, and it may be hard to see how it will be worth it in the long run. If your friends laugh at you, find new ones. It may not seem like it at times but there are many accepting people outside the church. Get as involved in church activities as possible. And do the primary answers much as possible, pray, pray, pray, and read your scriptures.

[phatbac]

growing up at 15 is hard for anyone. It is hard to feel the spirit as an adult sometimes too. but you gotta hang in there and endure. you have made a great decision in your life to get baptised remember that. you will have the Aaronic priesthood, more authority than any king or president on earth. learn to listen to the spirit and these difficult times will pass and you will become a better man for them.

[Misshalfway]

I'm in a lot of emotional struggle right now. i am 15 and am converting, but mom isnt too happy about me switching religions, but at least she is allowing me to be baptized before im 18 =]. Anyway, i feel so left out because the church focuses on Family so much and i feel very left out. I dont know what to do; my friends make fun of me, my whole family doesnt understand or really approve, and it is hard to feel the spirit and have faith if i am constantly being put down. I really need all of your help, thank you and God Bless.

It takes a lot of courage to go against ones family and culture and join the church. It takes even more courage to pass through the adversity that comes to many afterwards. And being at such a tender age, I would think it would be harder to see your way through it all.

If I am understanding you correctly, you are sad because the church focuses on happy families and yours doesn't feel like that right now. It might help to remember that none of us has the perfect family. If you read the scriptures you will see that those families had struggles too. Look at Lehi and Sariah's family in the early pages of the BofM. Dysfunctional is an understatement. So see? We are all in the same boat. Our struggles or circumstances might be different. Our seasons of trial may come at different times. But we all have struggles with family. Start out your journey in the mormon church knowing that the perfect family doesn't exist and then know that its all ok. That will be a great gift you give yourself and help you with the temptation to compare your trials with somebodies outter image.

Love your family and friends anyway. Let them struggle and understand their struggle in patience and compassion. Be patient with them as they try to reorient themselves to your new choices. These things need time. And when some days get hard, take your feelings to the Lord and cast your burdens at his feet and then get back to doing your best. The gospel of Jesus, at the end of the day, is all about loving each other in the middle of incredible imperfections.

Welcome to the church, btw. And keep your head up and count your blessings. It sounds like they are many.

[spamlds]

I joined the Church when I was 18 and it was still a tough transition for me and my parents. Here are some suggestions:

1. Honor your parents. Be obedient. That means be a faithful son or daughter. Do the things that will show maturity and respect. Honor curfews. Don't tie up the phone all day or night. Clean your room. Do your chores. Chapters 17-19 of the Book of Alma tell of a great missionary, Ammon. He impressed the Lamanite king by being a faithful servant and by his humility and obedience. The converted many people because of his example.

2. Don't be judgmental. Your parents haven't received a testimony of the gospel yet. You will feel some tension from time to time as they get used to you living gospel standards. If they smoke, drink coffee or alcohol, etc., don't nag them or act like they're doing something terrible. If your dad plays golf on Sunday or watches sports all day on the sabbath, recognize that he simply doesn't believe yet. Be understanding and show your love for them.

3. Be submissive to God's will. The Lord will help you, but you will be tested. Keep the commandments of God. No parent will object to their child practicing honesty, morality, tolerance, moderation, etc. Don't withdraw from your family. Show them that they mean more to you now than ever before. You can appreciate the value of family like never before.

4. Don't be pushy or defensive. They'll ask questions when they're ready. You may get a "well-intentioned" anti-Mormon neighbor or relative that sticks their nose into your business. The best thing that defeats anti-Mormon arguments is living a Christ-like life. It's hard to argue that Mormonism is bad when they see that it leads you to do good.

Good luck. Hang in there. Your Heavenly Father loves you and your parents. Things will get better. My family all joined the Church after me in the two years after my own baptism. Today I'm an "old man" of 50. I've had five kids of my own and the three of them who are old enough to get married have been married in the temple. Two of my sons served missions for the Church. There have been trying times, but we have overcome them by faith. There are great blessings in store for you if you will be patient and faithful.

Greg

[Elgama]

I was 15 when I was baptised - honestly its easier for you than some Youth raised in the church you know what you are there. My advice is write your baptism experience in your journal, go for your patriachal blessing as soon as you can. Get permission and go to the temple for baptisms when you can. You can have single FHE, read your scriptures etc

You may not have the full experience but you will have the right experience for you

[Zechariah]

I'm in a lot of emotional struggle right now. i am 15 and am converting, but mom isnt too happy about me switching religions, but at least she is allowing me to be baptized before im 18 =]. Anyway, i feel so left out because the church focuses on Family so much and i feel very left out. I dont know what to do; my friends make fun of me, my whole family doesnt understand or really approve, and it is hard to feel the spirit and have faith if i am constantly being put down. I really need all of your help, thank you and God Bless.

First, I am always impressed when someone in their youth is spiritually attuned enough, that he seeks the things of God, and pursues them for himself, in spite of opposition or disapproval from family or friends. That shows great spiritual maturity. Most young people, and even many in the Church, have more worldly interests at 15, so I commend you.

Some of the strongest men of scripture were very much on their own in some similar ways, but the Lord strengthened them in their difficulties, and they grew to become great instruments in His hands. As you study the scriptures, you will gain strength from their experiences. Trust in the Lord. Learn patience and humility in your youth. You can be a great example and help to your family and friends.

Since the Church is very family oriented, it can be hard when you aren't part of a traditional LDS family unit, especially when taking part in family related activities at Church. Invite your family, even if you're sure they won't ever come or participate, as family members tend not to like feeling that they're being left out, and they don't want to feel as if they're loosing you to your new found religious faith. Be sensitive to their needs and concerns. At the same time, though, as long as they allow your activity at Church, don't let being the lone LDS member in your family, keep you from enjoying family Church activities. There are other families there that will be happy to include you with their own.

God Bless. :)

[Hemidakota]

I'm in a lot of emotional struggle right now. i am 15 and am converting, but mom isnt too happy about me switching religions, but at least she is allowing me to be baptized before im 18 =]. Anyway, i feel so left out because the church focuses on Family so much and i feel very left out. I dont know what to do; my friends make fun of me, my whole family doesnt understand or really approve, and it is hard to feel the spirit and have faith if i am constantly being put down. I really need all of your help, thank you and God Bless.

Welcome to the LDS Pioneer Club. The Savior will come to your aid in this emotional hour brother.

[jonathan909817]

Thank you, everyone. All of your words have helped a lot.

[ryanh]

I joined at 16. My family was not anti-LDS, but there wasn’t any support either. It was not an easy path, but it was well worth it.

Ask the missionaries about help finding a ‘mentor’ at church. Were you joining my ward, I’d be more than happy to have you over for Sunday dinners, etc to be able to feel a greater part of the ward. That is what happened to me, and it really did help.

Nothing I have found in my life in the church is so much about enjoying the experience of ideal circumstances, as it is about doing what is right in the face of opposition.

No one’s circumstances are ideal. If it isn’t a non-member family, then it might be weakness for a particular sin, or divorce, or mental illness, or physical handicaps, death of a family member, etc. If it was all easy, it probably wouldn’t be worth much.

Following the Savior means forgetting one’s self and troubles and getting busy serving others and easing their troubles. The “full” experience is found in serving, not in receiving.

[MichaelCraig]

Jonathan, this is an awesome forum. Why? Because it openly invites any and everyone to come and share thier feelings and advice as long as it's done in a positive way and I think that is something mighty special. It appears that so far you have heard from LDS members, now I will share with you my feelings from the non-LDS view. My 19 yr old son is LDS. Joined the church about 1 1/2 years ago, was Baptized and is now about halfway through his 2yr mission in Suva Fiji. Myself and the rest of our family are non-LDS. At first we were scared to death. OH MY! Our son has been kipnapped by a cult!!! Then I go to the enternet for info..MISTAKE!!! Made it worse. What I then did was go visit our stake when my son invited me and I kept going back many times. What I found were a group of folks just like me. Some with issues like all of us, some that were the nicest folks I've ever met. What it taught me is that LDS members are humans just like me. They love thier God, the same God I love. They are very family oriented. They took my son and me in and treated us like thier very own family. I've had dinner at our Bishops house. They never once tied me up, duct taped my mouth and shaved my head like some of the crazy stories people have posted on the web. What they did is loved me for what I am. And they still do. Please don't give up or turn your back on your family. The reactions they may be showing are natural. It is fear of the unknown. They fear they will loose you forever. Assure them that won't happen. Love them like the others here suggested. Try to understand by putting yourself in thier shoes. How would you act or feel if you did not know the truth about LDS and your 15 yr old daughter or son took off with a van full of "those people". Try not to create and feed that "us and them" mentality. We are all God's children. You need your family and they need you very much and you also need your church. I am your proof that it is possible for one person in a family to be LDS and the rest not and everything be ok. I have many close friends now that are LDS. They to this day do not treat me bad because I'm not and they never will. The love they show and how they are "real", never trying to put on a fake face of any type attracts me and is why I consider myself an investigator. (Picked the right avatar pic-Jack Webb, LAPD) HA! But seriously keep moving forward with your faith. Talk to your family in a open comfortable way. If they refuse to talk about it at first hold back for a little while and wait till another time, just don't ever give up. Not in your faith or on your family. I would suggest praying before you try to talk to them for help with the right words and feelings. Who knows what Heavenly Father has in store for us all in the future??? God bless you.

[MurphyGal]

Hi, Jonathan

I am the only member in my family. My family are/were all Irish Catholic. First of all, I don't think there really is something called the "Full Experience." Except at Disneyland, maybe!

Each member of the church, whether a part of a big family, small family or an individual who is the only member in their family, is responsible for their own salvation. I often looked at big families, with the husband and all the kids and envied the closeness and "belonging" that they seemed to share. But my envy came from looking inward, to what was lacking, rather than what was there. I find when that sort of feeling rises, it is best to turn outward and serve someone.

As a lone member in my family, I soon learned that Heavenly Father had a great work for me to do! To search for and find my Irish family, starting with my grandparents. That it was up to me alone to find and get the temple work done for my family. In Sacrament, I found that I was the only one responsible for my progression in the gospel. No family, large or small, could do it for me. Each of us is alone in our progress toward Heavenly Father. In Sunday School, I found that I had a lot to study and learn. In Relief Society, opportunities to serve others and to learn essential things for my family and myself. then with all of the activities, dinners, choir, etc. I realized that no matter what....it is a FULL experience!! I haven't even mentioned how I grew to love my brothers and sisters in the gospel and how they became another family to me, who love me and care for me and understand my spiritual beliefs.

Anyway, too much said probably, but I'm Irish, so I can't help it!

Murph

[ignaciagirl]

I would have to agree with Greg's (spamolds) advice. My son converted at eighteen and I think one thing that put us off was that we felt we were being judged or that we were inadequate. He was very much "full of the fire" and to be honest, very overzealous.

He has since toned down and leads his life by example. I see the good it has done for him and am going to church with him most sundays now.

When I ask him questions, I make sure he knows I'm not attacking him. His answers have gone from being argumentative, to kind, reflective and understanding of our lack of knowlege and understanding of his world.