Sign in to follow this  
justaquestion

Heavy petting question

Recommended Posts

I just recently was involved in some inappropriate touching and receiving the same (heavy petting)

Though it was very short lived as I knew it was wrong and have never been part of such thing.

I don't know what the consequence will be and my bishop is out of town for a monthish.

I want to know best guess as to what i shouldn't do. Sacrament, obviously i shouldn't take it, but for how long? Praying in Public, would your best guess be that i shouldn't? Can i still teach my lesson this week?

Im in need of specifics, please.

Again, i know this is wrong, but i am not sure of the gravity of the situation.

I feel terrible and will not be spending time with that girl again where such things could come up, now knowing that we are both weak in such matters.

thanks

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Here's what my Bishop told me once. Never, EVER take it upon yourself to not take the Sacrament. Only stop taking it if he tells me not to. But do see him soon as possible. It seems you are truely penitent and it was a one time thing. Not trying to make light, but all that does help. It's really a case by case scenario, we can't tell you exactly what you Bishop will recommend. My opinion (sadly from past experience) is it shouldn't be too "severe". Don't take my word on that. As I understand a lot of how this goes depends on the attitude of the person going in there. And whatever the Bishop does recommend, will be for the best.

In the meantime, try asking for a blessing?

Edited by yenni

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As a new member (since July 09), I have struggled with the law of Chastity and transgressed with my boyfriend who is a completely inactive member. Even though I love my boyfriend very much, it was heart breaking for me to break the law of chastity because after I had, I really felt the the absence of the Spirit and I did feel very very bad about it. I began to really struggle spiritually.

I physcially moved to another country to get some distance with the 'chastity issue'... however I maintain a loving relationship with my boyfriend.

I am not currently in my home country, on a working holiday in europe and it has difficult dealing with a new church where I don't know anyone, or the language, or the bishop.

I prayed a lot about it and I knew the only way to repent properly was to pray, fast and see the bishop.

It took a lot of courage to talk to him about it. But I received very strong answers to my prayers, I talked the bishop and I feel A LOT better. I know what to do for the repentance process. I know what I did was serious and I also know that God wants us to be obedient and follow the straight path he sets out.

The bishop said ".... some people interperate the gospel the way they want and they take a road which zig zags. We are given a straight path to follow and we must to stick it and stay close to God"

I encourage you to pray and fast before you see the bishop. But talk to him soon. Because the longer you leave it (like I did), it gives you justification to yourself (excuses) to be "less spiritual" and transgress in other areas.

And when you repent , in both your prayers and talk to the bishop, do it from your heart, not just with words.

I also agree asking for a blessing to make you stronger in keeping your covenants. I asked for a blessing for something else the same day I spoke to the bishop and it was so beautiful to feel the spirit again after many months of it's absence. When you have the spirit with you, it's so beautiful you will do what you can to keep it there. That is my inspiration to keeping my covenants. And also I want to be worthy to go to the temple.

Having these reasons wanting to live a pure and clean life can help you keep the law of chastity.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

talk to a member of the bishopric, they also have those keys especially when the bishop is out of town.

as for the sacrament, i might agree that one should not do a long term hold on taking it without talking to the bishop, but if you do not feel worthy for any reason do not take it. i have abstained from taking the sacrament for far smaller issues than the law of chastity. sometimes i just don't feel like i have the spirit with me, i've done nothing "wrong" but i've also done little "right". those sins of omission can drive the spirit away. sometimes i'll abstain for a sunday while i get myself in a better place. i've also declined to teach lessons due to lack of the spirit. it's not easy to admit but we are told not to teach without the spirit. it's hard to ask someone at the last min "i can't teach today, i'm sorry for no notice but can you do it?" has hard as that is i've never been criticized for it. that's my experience anyway.

welcome to the site

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You have some very good council here. First, though your Bishop is out of town and you have to wait, start your repentance now. Don’t talk to a member of the Bishopric; the counselors were NOT given the keys of discernment nor set apart as Judges in Israel.

I would suggest you find someone else to teach for you this week and perhaps the following week as well. Fast and pray, and get a copy of “The Miracle of Forgiveness” and start reading it. Don’t stop taking the sacrament unless the bishop asked you to. If you don’t feel worthy to pray or speak in church, don’t. If asked just kindly ask if someone else could as you are working through something. A sister in church was asked once to give the closing prayer in Sunday School. She said, “I’m sorry but could you ask someone else?” And that was all that was said of it. No one asked anything or made a big deal of it.

When your Bishop gets back make an appointment. Tell him what happened and what you’ve done while waiting for his return.

You’ve got a great heart and a strong spirit. You’ll be just fine!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I just recently was involved in some inappropriate touching and receiving the same (heavy petting)

Though it was very short lived as I knew it was wrong and have never been part of such thing.

I don't know what the consequence will be and my bishop is out of town for a monthish.

I want to know best guess as to what i shouldn't do. Sacrament, obviously i shouldn't take it, but for how long? Praying in Public, would your best guess be that i shouldn't? Can i still teach my lesson this week?

Im in need of specifics, please.

Again, i know this is wrong, but i am not sure of the gravity of the situation.

I feel terrible and will not be spending time with that girl again where such things could come up, now knowing that we are both weak in such matters.

thanks

Stop posting and make an appointment to see your Bishop.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Here's what my Bishop told me once. Never, EVER take it upon yourself to not take the Sacrament. Only stop taking it if he tells me not to.

Yep.

Don’t talk to a member of the Bishopric; the counselors were NOT given the keys of discernment nor set apart as Judges in Israel.

...

Don’t stop taking the sacrament unless the bishop asked you to. If you don’t feel worthy to pray or speak in church, don’t. If asked just kindly ask if someone else could as you are working through something.

Absolutely agreed.

Stop posting and make an appointment to see your Bishop.

The bishop is out of town for a month -- the OP is looking for advice on what to do in the meantime.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The counselors are supposed to tell you to wait for the Bishop. Repentence is a wonderful process.

The gravity depends on many factors. These are some of what the Bishop will take into account. How old you are, what priesthood you hold, what position you are currently holding, what covenants you have made.

When you meet with the Bishop be completely 100% honest, complete confession is a sign of true repentance. Be willing to do what ever it takes to be worthy.

The Atonement is real and through the process of repentance you will feel a greater love and respect for the savior, and also feel a greater love from our Father in Heaven.

Keep your chin up.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You should take it upon yourself not to partake of the sacrament, since it is you who will be held accountable for partaking of it unworthily. I would advise against eating or drinking damnation to your soul. Of course, your bishop should not knowingly allow you to partake of the sacrament unworthily either. (1 Cor. 11:29, 3 Ne. 18:29)

In fact that is true for anyone who has unresolved sins that they have not properly repented of. You should prepare for sacrament like you would for your own baptism, by exercising faith in Christ by completely repenting of your sins. You will know when you have repented, because you have both confessed (to the bishop in this case) and forsaken your sins.

By this ye may know if a man repenteth of his sins—behold, he will confess them and forsake them. (D&C 58:43)

Sincerely,

Vanhin

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Firstly, I thank you all for your responses and care.

I Posted this because i do have an understanding of the importance of doing things right as to not offend my God any further. However, my knowledge of what i should do was limited due to me not knowing the gravity of the situation.

The other individual involved said sorry, but at the same time said they couldn't say they didn't enjoy. With this comment in mind, Im sure to them it wasn't as big a deal as it was to me who is endowed and has been required to to much more in church.

The repentance has started. I will be talking to the bishop when he gets back. His counselors are great men but I do recognize they would just tell me some general things and say to wait till the bishop gets back.

Unfortunately, some of the reason for me posting on this was fear of a long term discipline that i feel would weaken other peoples testimony as they observe me not participating as a worthy member, as well as be embarrassing to me. Though if counseled by Bishop i will gladly do this.

But it seems that despite how damnable i feel i am at this moment, after talking to bishop it will not require extended abstinence from full church participation, thankfully.

I look forward to being done with this, and know that despite how intriguing and enjoyable the ways of man may be, that the ways of God and His Son are the only way to have true happiness. He lives.

Thanks again for your helps

Oh and i will not be taking sacrament this week, or teaching.

Edited by justaquestion

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The advice given is sufficient. On a personal note, however, I would encourage you to NOT allow Satan to completely demoralize you and convince you that you're less than you are. Self worth is crucial to being successfully obedient and faithful.

So recognize that you goofed up, take it serious... but don't let it tear you down.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wouldn't worry about weakening the testimony of others by following through with proper repentance. In fact, some may respect you more for attending the meeting and refusing to take the sacrament unworthily, instead of simply showing up late to miss it. To me, this is an integral part of confession. You are admitting you made a mistake and, depending on where your heart's intent is placed, it can be a sincere manifestation of Godly sorrow. More to the point, if someone bases (or relies any part of) their testimony on the actions or worthiness of another they need to build their testimony on a firmer foundation.

My next words may come across harsh, but I know the following snare is easy enough to fall into. I have myself in years past. I certainly was not stripped of pride at that time, or making much of an effort. This may not be the case, but if you don't want extended Church discipline because of what others may think or do, that sounds like tailoring the discipline to suit your needs. Which would not be a repentant attitude.

You are working through this, and that takes courage. I commend you for that. God be with you. =)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Stop posting and make an appointment to see your Bishop.

Absolutely agreed...even if your bishop is out of town at least you will have that appointment.

Be encouraged about being able to repent. Sometimes we feel like we've lost our way through such actions and can't return and are forever tainted. Absolutely not true. Heavenly Father wants us to return back to him. Stay on the repentant path. Be truly repentant. "Though your sins are as scarlet...they shall be as white as snow." We all have to repent every day for things. It is better if we choose not to do the things that require repentance through a priesthood leader. However...when we do things that require such we should rejoice that there is a way to become clean...entirely clean.

Beware. You think you will never do such things again. I thought the same. I was wrong. I made the mistake of continuing my relationship with this person while trying to repent (for the exact same thing you were involved in). Not wise. Make fireproof plans for when such feelings of temptation come.

I think you know you can repent. Good for you for identifying what you did was wrong.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Firstly, I thank you all for your responses and care.

I Posted this because i do have an understanding of the importance of doing things right as to not offend my God any further. However, my knowledge of what i should do was limited due to me not knowing the gravity of the situation.

The other individual involved said sorry, but at the same time said they couldn't say they didn't enjoy. With this comment in mind, Im sure to them it wasn't as big a deal as it was to me who is endowed and has been required to to much more in church.

The repentance has started. I will be talking to the bishop when he gets back. His counselors are great men but I do recognize they would just tell me some general things and say to wait till the bishop gets back.

Unfortunately, some of the reason for me posting on this was fear of a long term discipline that i feel would weaken other peoples testimony as they observe me not participating as a worthy member, as well as be embarrassing to me. Though if counseled by Bishop i will gladly do this.

But it seems that despite how damnable i feel i am at this moment, after talking to bishop it will not require extended abstinence from full church participation, thankfully.

I look forward to being done with this, and know that despite how intriguing and enjoyable the ways of man may be, that the ways of God and His Son are the only way to have true happiness. He lives.

Thanks again for your helps

Oh and i will not be taking sacrament this week, or teaching.

Justaquestion...

My situation was almost identical. I didn't realize the gravity of what I had done until talking to the Bishop. What will happen is dependent on your Bishop. For me, it meant I had an informal probationary time of a few months where I was told to not partake of the sacrament, participate in prayers/talks/callings at church, and unable to attend the temple. I was told to commit never to do it again, continue to attend church, study and pray, say sorry to the other person, and let the atonement take affect. I did not expect that it would take several months but have to say that it has taught me that what I did was serious and that repentance is a process. Again...each circumstance is different. Whatever it is that you have to do, do it. Be encouraged. There is repentance.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The bishop is out of town for a month -- the OP is looking for advice on what to do in the meantime.

The point here, is not to talk to much details at all. The OP can still make an appointment. As an Elder, see the Stake President.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this