I need help to what my future holds

[dedgel]

I was born and raised LDS and I still affiliate myself with the church although I am inactive. I have written this forum seeking help as my boyfriend and I have differing beliefs. Our relationship is becoming very serious and marriage and children are definitely in the future. However, with that being said I have some concerns with brining children into this world with him. I know my duty as a parent on this earth is to be an example to my children and teaching them about the gospel. My boyfriend and I have had very long discussions about religion and where each of us stands and he has more of an agnostic view to the creation of the world. He views God as not a being but as the universe in whole. This sparks concern to me because I do not want our children hearing mommy teach about the gospel and daddy teaching about scientific facts, “the power of a belief”, and “not to take the bible literally”.

My boyfriend keeps a very open mind and I know if I had the right things to say, he would listen and take them into consideration. He understands the teachings of Jesus Christ and has read the bible but does not take it literally due to the fact that it was written by man. If any of you have ever been in a similar situation with a family member, a friend, or a significant other and would be willing to give me some advice I would so greatly appreciate it.

I would take anything right now-recommended scriptures to read to him, a book, a website, or even your own personal words you feel I should tell him to make him see the importance of my belief I would be so grateful. He is the man of my dreams and I do not want to let him go because of this. I would rather have the opportunity to make him see the light.

[hordak]

I was born and raised LDS and I still affiliate myself with the church although I am inactive. I have written this forum seeking help as my boyfriend and I have differing beliefs. Our relationship is becoming very serious and marriage and children are definitely in the future. However, with that being said I have some concerns with brining children into this world with him. I know my duty as a parent on this earth is to be an example to my children and teaching them about the gospel. My boyfriend and I have had very long discussions about religion and where each of us stands and he has more of an agnostic view to the creation of the world. He views God as not a being but as the universe in whole. This sparks concern to me because I do not want our children hearing mommy teach about the gospel and daddy teaching about scientific facts, “the power of a belief”, and “not to take the bible literally”.

My boyfriend keeps a very open mind and I know if I had the right things to say, he would listen and take them into consideration. He understands the teachings of Jesus Christ and has read the bible but does not take it literally due to the fact that it was written by man. If any of you have ever been in a similar situation with a family member, a friend, or a significant other and would be willing to give me some advice I would so greatly appreciate it.

I would take anything right now-recommended scriptures to read to him, a book, a website, or even your own personal words you feel I should tell him to make him see the importance of my belief I would be so grateful. He is the man of my dreams and I do not want to let him go because of this. I would rather have the opportunity to make him see the light.

Scientific facts and the gospel don't have to clash. If you spend more time here you will see that many are scientifically minded.

We have posters who take most the bible literally and some who don't but we are all working towards the same thing regardless. Plus our own doctrine allows us to not take the bible literally. If you werer a hard core Evangelist this might be a problem, but not being LDS.

Nothing your wrote seems to indicate he doesn't see the importance of your beliefs. (which is important in a marriage) It just seems he doesn't share them which isn't the same. the importance of shared beliefs will vary by couple. One of the happiest couples i know is an Atheist and Wiccan. They are even interracial to boot. Can't get more different then that.

You can't make him do anything. This is one of the most important things to know before marriage.

Sounds to me like your more interested in him converting, then just respecting, which if that is your standard there is nothing wrong with it, and i have no advice on how.

If you just want him to respect it that is easy if you discuss it ahead of time and know that mixed faith marriages can work

Can Interfaith Marriages and Relationships Work?: Have a Successful Mixed-faith, Mixed-religion Relationship, Marriage

[mrmarklin]

Differences about religion are a leading cause of divorce.

You are wise to think about how this will affect your children, many people don't. Over the long run, you are probably better off seeking someone of your own belief system.

[dedgel]

Scientific facts and the gospel don't have to clash. If you spend more time here you will see that many are scientifically minded.

We have posters who take most the bible literally and some who don't but we are all working towards the same thing regardless. Plus our own doctrine allows us to not take the bible literally. If you werer a hard core Evangelist this might be a problem, but not being LDS.

Nothing your wrote seems to indicate he doesn't see the importance of your beliefs. (which is important in a marriage) It just seems he doesn't share them which isn't the same. the importance of shared beliefs will vary by couple. One of the happiest couples i know is an Atheist and Wiccan. They are even interracial to boot. Can't get more different then that.

You can't make him do anything. This is one of the most important things to know before marriage.

Sounds to me like your more interested in him converting, then just respecting, which if that is your standard there is nothing wrong with it, and i have no advice on how.

If you just want him to respect it that is easy if you discuss it ahead of time and know that mixed faith marriages can work

Can Interfaith Marriages and Relationships Work?: Have a Successful Mixed-faith, Mixed-religion Relationship, Marriage

Thank you for the response and advice, I do appreciate it. First off I must say I am not interested in him converting as I am inactive in the church but still believe the teachings. I am also very aware that science and the gospel do not have to clash. I am a science guru and when I teach individuals about the gospel I also involve science as well. God is a scientist; it is obvious in many ways. My reasoning for posting my thread was to seek advice if a marriage and bringing children into my situation could work. You have helped me see that it can, it just takes both partners respecting and understanding each other’s beliefs. I respect his beliefs as I keep a very open mind about anyone’s beliefs. However, I do want my children to know the teachings of Jesus Christ which is why I have discussed this with him now. Our future with marriage and children is years down the road but our relationship is so strong, it is bound to happen eventually. I never want a divorce and I was just taking the necessary steps to avoid such an unfortunate event from happening. Thank you again…

[Wingnut]

Something to think about: if you're not active in the Church, he may think that you don't take your beliefs seriously, and won't understand why you want to instill them in your children. On the surface, the fact that you don't attend church makes you less committed to your specific beliefs than he is to his general non-church-affiliated ones.

[dedgel]

Something to think about: if you're not active in the Church, he may think that you don't take your beliefs seriously, and won't understand why you want to instill them in your children. On the surface, the fact that you don't attend church makes you less committed to your specific beliefs than he is to his general non-church-affiliated ones.

No, he has never questioned my beliefs because I am inactive in the church. He and I both understand you can still be a very spiritual and religious person and not go to church. For example, he considers himself to be a spiritual person even though he does not believe in God as an actual being. I am not going to go in depth with my children about the teachings of the church. What is important to me is my children having a general understanding of the teachings of Jesus Christ, the creation, and the afterlife. After having grow up in such a strict household where my only choice was to go to church until I was older really confined my life. I do not regret it or have any hostility towards it because I believe the teachings of the LDS church. I still consider myself LDS and always will. I believe it is the true church but I do not believe I have to go to church to spiritual.

My children will have the choice to believe what they want. I will teach them general gospel principles and share my personal spiritual encounters. Then I will leave it up to them to decide what they want to believe.

[Prodigal_Son]

...My reasoning for posting my thread was to seek advice if a marriage and bringing children into my situation could work...

Ultimately, this can only be determined by defining how you perceive things as 'working'. What is your ultimate goal? Is it: have my children grounded in the Gospel of Jesus Christ? Is it: successfully balance multiple beliefs in our home so there's always peace and love? Etc.

Without knowing what your goal really is, it's extremely difficult to predict your chances for success.

I will say with complete conviction, however, that the more differing the beliefs and goals are in a marriage, the more difficult it is to grow, develop, and progress in harmony.

[Elgama]

Ok I have not been in your position but have seen many who have married men who were not LDS and you know what they have some of the best marriages - and most have become LDS we are still waiting on one, but others have takens between 12 and 30 years lol It may even take until eternity

If he will make a great Dad and husband you will find away to love him for himself and see the changes happen slowly.

[somuchtogive]

Some of the best advice I heard someone give was:

Don't marry expecting the person will change.

I have also observed that people become more and more like each other in a marriage (over the years together).

Tough one. I would have to say that I wouldn't trade the blessings of the temple and the priesthood in my home for anything.

[bmy-]

If he will make a great Dad and husband you will find away to love him for himself and see the changes happen slowly.

That's the bottom line.

[JudoMinja]

As far as making sure things work, I think you are taking all the right steps. It sounds like you are being cautious, taking things slowly, and discussing all the important things before making the actual commitment.

My advice is much as others have already stated- mixed religion marriages can work as long as there is respect on both ends and no expectations to change the other. I think the reason many mixed religion marriages fall apart is because they are entered with the expectation that your spouse will eventually convert. If this is how you feel beware.

Remember, you are considering spending the rest of your life with this man, raising children with him, and giving your all to working together. Marry him for the man he IS, not for the man you expect him to become. If you have this mindset, you'll be able to work anything out.

[dedgel]

Thank you everyone for all of your advice. Currently, my boyfriend and I only get to see each other on the weekends because we live in two different cities. We are both ready to take our relationship to the next level and the plan was for me to move to him next month.

This is why I brought up the discussion of religion and raising children because I know if I move there he will be mine forever. I am definitely trying to take the right steps. It would be a lot easier to realize a marriage wouldn’t work because of this before I moved rather than after.

Due to the great advice you all have given me and much pondering, I have decided I am going to move for sure. I have no intentions of trying to change him. He is an amazing man and why let him go because we have differing views? I see this now and I know we will make it work. Thank you again!