Gatsby

Do LDS ever talk about sex?

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For me and my now-husband, it wasn't that detailed; it was more like, "What are we expecting? What kind of attitudes do we have about this? How did our parents raise us to think about intimacy?"

That is acceptable. Beyond that, is not.

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Guest mirancs8

QUOTE: Actually, I think it is a good idea for a couple who is serious or engaged to have discussions like this (including other important topics--children (current or future), finances (VITAL!), working, etc.).

I completely agree! You have to be able to discuss these topics. Sex especially is something that is going to play an important roll in your marriage and you have to discuss it before hand (maybe before you get engaged so you know what you are committing to). It might be viewed differently for people who have been previously married since they know from experience what they want and don't want out of a relationship. It does give you that advantage. If you are someone who has never gotten married you still have to reach down and get the nerve to discuss it. But if you have never had any kind of sexual relationship you may not even know what your sex drive will be.

This is the area that is shady. How do you know what type of a sex drive you will have in a year into your marriage when you have never been in a long term relationship and never had sex? Because I have been married I know what my sex drive is from experience. But if you never have you might end up married to someone who after a year or maybe after having the first child suddenly decides they really aren't into the act.

I was raised that you NEVER discussed it so I learned from school and friends. Not the best way to learn trust me. Now that I learned my lesson after being married to someone 12 years who never wanted to make love to the tune of 4+ times a week well yes you bet I'll be talking about it. If I have a strong interest/relationship with someone which will go to the next level it is a mandatory discussion!:D

You probably will not hear people talk about it but the discussions do happen but in a more private most likely one on one type of situation.

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QUOTE: Actually, I think it is a good idea for a couple who is serious or engaged to have discussions like this (including other important topics--children (current or future), finances (VITAL!), working, etc.).

I completely agree! You have to be able to discuss these topics. Sex especially is something that is going to play an important roll in your marriage and you have to discuss it before hand (maybe before you get engaged so you know what you are committing to). It might be viewed differently for people who have been previously married since they know from experience what they want and don't want out of a relationship. It does give you that advantage. If you are someone who has never gotten married you still have to reach down and get the nerve to discuss it. But if you have never had any kind of sexual relationship you may not even know what your sex drive will be.

This is the area that is shady. How do you know what type of a sex drive you will have in a year into your marriage when you have never been in a long term relationship and never had sex? Because I have been married I know what my sex drive is from experience. But if you never have you might end up married to someone who after a year or maybe after having the first child suddenly decides they really aren't into the act.

I was raised that you NEVER discussed it so I learned from school and friends. Not the best way to learn trust me. Now that I learned my lesson after being married to someone 12 years who never wanted to make love to the tune of 4+ times a week well yes you bet I'll be talking about it. If I have a strong interest/relationship with someone which will go to the next level it is a mandatory discussion!:D

You probably will not hear people talk about it but the discussions do happen but in a more private most likely one on one type of situation.

I agree with everything here! lol. It is sooooo difficult to find out what your mate is all about, without living together, or being intimate, or at the very least discussing it for a while. I'm not condoning sex before marriage, I'm just saying, you have to figure out safe ways to get to know each other on a very deep level.

Some people say "Well, after marriage, you can talk abotu all that, and you will learn together"....

Yeah, you learn alright! But unless you are extremely lucky, what you're going to learn is just how different two people can really be, and on how many microscopic and complex, yet fundamental levels. One of you will have a higher libido, and the other won't be too interested in sex. And they claim to have all these pills and such, but you really don't know what that does to your body int he long run. Besides, its more about the mind, anyway. And I find that if you keep pushing the matter with someone who has a lower libido than you, they're going to come to the conclusion that you are WAY too obsessed, and they will just push you away even more.

And the other thing is-- illusion. When you first get married, you may BOTH be very interested in sex, because its something new. But it won't be long before your true natures begin to show... One of you might say, "Ok, my curiosity is satisfied" and then move on to other subjects of interest. While the other might see sex as a way to reach a deeper personal level and get closer; they might want to try new things and bond even more. Some people think its impossible to bond too much.

If you don't find this out before you get married, you're going to have some major problems later on. If you're gonna talk about it, I suggest you stick to the church's dating rules: "Lots of lights, lots of people, early hours". Maybe you can sit out of ear shot from others, and whisper. Or at night before you go to bed, write your partner in an email with all your personal thoughts and feelings. Or just talk on the phone! There are ways to discuss these personal details that don't involve being alone together, and risking going too far physically.

Edited by Melissa569

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I think that a clear sign of maturity is the ability to discuss delicate and even difficult subjects. Perhaps sex is one of those. I am not sure since it has never been difficult for me to call things by its proper name. But beyond that, there are many ways to have a frank and honest conversation about sex once the relationship has reached the point where marriage may be a good prospect.

For women, sex (to really get the hang of it) takes some time. For men is straight forward and quite simple in most cases. An appropriate conversation about sex prior to marriage should include issues relating to history of physical/hormonal problems, disease, abuse, fears/phobias, concerns. Remember, the topic is normal and universal. There is nothing shocking or off planet that will be revealed in the conversation. If we remember that by then you suppose to be best friends, there should be no concerns about having such conversation. After all, you can tell your best friend everything.

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"Unity between husband and wife takes place when you experience with your partner a union of both spirit and body, and you feel it

at the supreme moment of making love. When you are in love with the person you're making love to, great love making takes place and unity

and joy become the outcome."

It is very sacred and special when there is unity and joy.

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To Islander: I agree with your comment that you should be able to tell your best friend "everything". If you can be comfortable talking to your best friend prior to marriage about "sex" - in a very sensitive and delicate conversation - keeping the spirit of love and maturity present - it can draw you closer and bring a spiritual experience to your relationship while still staying within the bounds of the LDS standards of morality. Thank you.

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YES! and often.

I have alot of converts and members ask me questions about it, but not in the dirty way, it's more a curiousity i feel.

Basically it's present everywhere, sex is in music, clothing, media, games etc etc

It's a healthy curiosity, as long as they ask questions but don't do it and continue to live the Gospel it's fine.

I personally don't think it's any sort of issue. Just a natural curiousity :)

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if people think of sex as a dirty thing....then that is their problem....and perhaps a serious one..

if its a topic only for husbands and wives.....or close friends of opposite sex....or any other excuse to discuss it between young people or what others would consider adult talks....... as if its some sort of forbidden topic or something that is nonexistent in certain societies...........

GET A LIFE....

welcome to the world and to life

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if people think of sex as a dirty thing....then that is their problem....and perhaps a serious one..

if its a topic only for husbands and wives.....or close friends of opposite sex....or any other excuse to discuss it between young people or what others would consider adult talks....... as if its some sort of forbidden topic or something that is nonexistent in certain societies...........

GET A LIFE....

welcome to the world and to life

AMEN!!!!!! :P

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Guest Byufan
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There is going to be a blog about sex in the Lds culture and how to improve intimate relationships as well as therapeutic assistance for individuals needing help. The site will be operational soon but it's ldssextherapy.com

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There is a group of members who discuss at a website called Mormon Missionary Position. frank discussions. For obvious reasons I will not post a link. Also I believe it to have been discussed at the recent Sunstone Symposium in Utah by a group of writers. My wife was on a panel.

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Guest mormonmusic

Yeah, MM, unfortunately, we can't really discuss the joys of sex here. I mean, we can say that in general terms, but anything more is TMI. But, wouldn't it be funny to see pam and jd frantically deleting our posts of joy for too many details? :D

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Yeah, MM, unfortunately, we can't really discuss the joys of sex here. I mean, we can say that in general terms, but anything more is TMI. But, wouldn't it be funny to see pam and jd frantically deleting our posts of joy for too many details? :D

Remember I've been divorced for 12 years. I might enjoy them. :lol: Did I just post that?

On a serious note, anything that gets too graphic, etc gets moved to the adult forums.

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Guest mormonmusic
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Yeah, MM, unfortunately, we can't really discuss the joys of sex here. I mean, we can say that in general terms, but anything more is TMI. But, wouldn't it be funny to see pam and jd frantically deleting our posts of joy for too many details? :D

Yes, I can see that happening -- but I think they would probably make sure they read them three times just to make sure they were clear on their meaning....:)

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Guest mormonmusic

Those titles remeind me of a book that was once in circulation called "Sex without Guilt".

For Mormons, it was re-written, and retitled:

"Guilt Without Sex".

That typified my young adult years. Even thinking about it was cause for self-loathing at the time.

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Yeah, MM, unfortunately, we can't really discuss the joys of sex here. I mean, we can say that in general terms, but anything more is TMI.

But wouldn't that be a useful discussion to have? Wouldn't it be a useful skill to be able to talk about the joys of sex without TMI?

It just seems, as MM kind of showed, that most of our public discourse on sex focuses on sin, evil, dirty, sadness, repentance, guilt, etc. Our public discourse, IMO, doesn't include enough positive messages about sex. It seems like we are so afraid of TMI that we don't even say that sex is good, joyful, bonding.

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Yes, you can talk about it in general terms, but getting explicit won't be tolerated. So, feel free to discuss the wonderfulness of sex--but keep it general and without explict details.

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