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sleepless3977

sanctioned for stupidity

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I have a situation with which I'm not proud of. I've done something extremely stupid whereby i know that i will be disfellowshipped and put on probation. This i am aware of already and I know that it is the right course of action for the things I've done. I am preapred already for this to happen.

The thing that saddens me at the moment is that I may potentially loose my wife and kids. The things that may have led to my marriage being over are as follows:

- I committed a sin. Howver it was not of a physical nature, yet has been implied and assumed to have happened over the course of our entire marriage. The fact is it has occured over the past year and several things led up to it. Again not physically committed.

- The assumptions potentially have been fuelled by my wife's brother and sister-in-law who appear to have already passed judgement without allowing me to give an account of what happened.

- my wife's brother is a Bishop in another stake. being that he is a Bishop, and her brother I understand that she would take his advice pretty strongly.

- My wife moved me out of home to my parents place and has told me she won't talk to me without Bishop present. This I can deal with but it is killing me as her conversations with my family have pointed that it is over already without hearing the other side of the story.

I went and talked to my Bishop and laid myself mentally, spiritually and even physically out there with a confession of all that I have done. My Bishop's reaction was suprise to say the least as he had expected far worse from the informaiton that my brother in law had given him. I'm willing to do what it takes to get myself right and have another chance, but I'm not sure i'll be given it by my wife. (I won't share the extent of what I've done, but it is bad enough for a disciplinary council. For those that need to know as to give any advice please pm me)

I feel as though i'm lost and that there is no coming back from this but i know there is somewhere. I'm surrounded by family who i love to bits, but have consumed themselves with this and keep asking me questions about "what if" it is over. I love them but they are dragging me down i feel.

I've been reading the scriptures and praying more than ever for the past week and i spend the majority of the day beating myself up.

i'm not sure what advie or what I'm asking for but I needed to share my state of mind and my suffering with someone other than my family and a few close friends.

If anything I just ask that if you could keep me in your prayers I would appreciate it. this site is the one place I can come to for solace and comfort from the real world.

If i could give anyone advice at all from my predicament, it would be listen to the words of the prophets.

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I have a situation with which I'm not proud of. I've done something extremely stupid whereby i know that i will be disfellowshipped and put on probation. This i am aware of already and I know that it is the right course of action for the things I've done. I am preapred already for this to happen.

The thing that saddens me at the moment is that I may potentially loose my wife and kids. The things that may have led to my marriage being over are as follows:

- I committed a sin. Howver it was not of a physical nature, yet has been implied and assumed to have happened over the course of our entire marriage. The fact is it has occured over the past year and several things led up to it. Again not physically committed.

- The assumptions potentially have been fuelled by my wife's brother and sister-in-law who appear to have already passed judgement without allowing me to give an account of what happened.

- my wife's brother is a Bishop in another stake. being that he is a Bishop, and her brother I understand that she would take his advice pretty strongly.

- My wife moved me out of home to my parents place and has told me she won't talk to me without Bishop present. This I can deal with but it is killing me as her conversations with my family have pointed that it is over already without hearing the other side of the story.

I went and talked to my Bishop and laid myself mentally, spiritually and even physically out there with a confession of all that I have done. My Bishop's reaction was suprise to say the least as he had expected far worse from the informaiton that my brother in law had given him. I'm willing to do what it takes to get myself right and have another chance, but I'm not sure i'll be given it by my wife. (I won't share the extent of what I've done, but it is bad enough for a disciplinary council. For those that need to know as to give any advice please pm me)

I feel as though i'm lost and that there is no coming back from this but i know there is somewhere. I'm surrounded by family who i love to bits, but have consumed themselves with this and keep asking me questions about "what if" it is over. I love them but they are dragging me down i feel.

I've been reading the scriptures and praying more than ever for the past week and i spend the majority of the day beating myself up.

i'm not sure what advie or what I'm asking for but I needed to share my state of mind and my suffering with someone other than my family and a few close friends.

If anything I just ask that if you could keep me in your prayers I would appreciate it. this site is the one place I can come to for solace and comfort from the real world.

If i could give anyone advice at all from my predicament, it would be listen to the words of the prophets.

How did you arrive at your assessment of doing the act and figuring there is no forgiveness of the repentant in this matter? Not so my brother. Even those who are considered members of the Church of the First-born can obtain forgiveness from the Godhead of the same act. If the Lord can show mercy unto them who have the sure word, would not the Master give mercy to you if you repent? Yea!

Even if your brother in-law is a Bishop, he will still seek the council of the Spirit in determining his own sister fate. I can attest, if you have a repentant heart and a change of demeanor of the soul, you will eventually be forgiven by your beloved companion and be accepted back into the fold.

You will have to face your biggest challenge yet – explaining your acts before the Lord. That is far greater than reporting before the Stake Presidency of your acts. The Stake Presidency can remove the burden when the Spirit tells them to do it. Nevertheless, the Lord removes the sin. Only a handful of mortal Saints that I am aware, have the ability to remove the sin through the atonement of Christ.

Remember my brother, the Lord did fear and tremble over His own salvation daily. It would be wise for all us, to heed this and give accountancy to the Master by the same method.

There is no lost soul but one who fails to repent or get up again after being knocked down by a sinful act, repenting and seeking the face of GOD for forgiveness. If you do this, you life will be blessed. If not, your life will end up like Cain of old. It is all about agency and choosing the right path for our mortal journey. God bless….

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even if your sister's brother is a bishop from what you said it sounds like he does not have stewardship over the situation, he is not your bishop. he is to close to the situation and needs to back off and let your bishop handle things.

i would talk to your bishop. it sounds like he sees already the family is running with assumptions. see if he will set up a chance for you to meet with him and your wife so you have a chance to share with her the facts. if she is reluctant maybe she will meet with just the bishop to talk about it. he can share what you have told him if you give your consent. it may not convince her to stay and i can't comment on that not knowing what the offense was (nor do i want or need to know that part) but you will at least know she knows the truth.

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Thanx Hemi. I know that there is forgiveness for the repentant in nearly all cases except a few unforgiveable sins.

I'm prepared to explain my acts before the Lord as I know that we must do this. I have a fear of God rather than man and know that it is only through Him that we can be saved.

Thanx Gwen. My wife has asked that this already take place, that the Bishop, my wife and I meet to talk about things. I've spoken to my Bishop about my brother in law and he said he would discuss it with my wife as well.

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If he is Elder or higher and a temple sealed, he will need to see the Stake President.

unless the Stake President refers it to the Bishop to handle due to the nature of the transgression

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- The assumptions potentially have been fuelled by my wife's brother and sister-in-law who appear to have already passed judgement without allowing me to give an account of what happened.

...

her conversations with my family have pointed that it is over already without hearing the other side of the story.

...

My Bishop's reaction was suprise to say the least as he had expected far worse from the informaiton that my brother in law had given him.

This one should be acted upon. If your marriage is going to end, it at least ought to be for stuff you've actually done, and not stuff that everyone assumes you did. Your wife will only see you with the Bishop? Ok - schedule a meeting, and present your side of the story.

And then let it drop. You can only tell the truth - you will never, ever, ever be able to make people accept it. Many people with troubled or destroyed marriages waste years of their lives trying to make the other side "get it". It consumes them. It devours them. If you can avoid wasting so much energy on something you can't control, you'll be doing yourself and your loved ones a favor.

I'm surrounded by family who i love to bits, but have consumed themselves with this and keep asking me questions about "what if" it is over. I love them but they are dragging me down i feel.

Well, this one you'll probably just have to buck up and endure. For the next umpteen months, years, or decades. When you hurt someone, you don't get to control how fast they heal, or how quickly trust comes back (if it ever does). All you can do is be the sort of man God wants you to be, and your wife deserves - and leave the 'getting over it' to your loved ones.

Your job is repentence, their jobs are forgiveness. The two jobs are very different and do not follow the same paths.

Good luck - come here and post often.

LM

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I've been reading the scriptures and praying more than ever for the past week and i spend the majority of the day beating myself up.

Reading and praying is good, i went through a situation recently and was put on probation for a few months. but you must not beat yourself up you must forgive yourself as well. my bishop told me that once you confess and heavenly father forgives you, you must also forgive yourself. i hope things get better and you are in my prayers

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How did you arrive at your assessment of doing the act and figuring there is no forgiveness of the repentant in this matter? Not so my brother. Even those who are considered members of the Church of the First-born can obtain forgiveness from the Godhead of the same act. If the Lord can show mercy unto them who have the sure word, would not the Master give mercy to you if you repent? Yea!

Even if your brother in-law is a Bishop, he will still seek the council of the Spirit in determining his own sister fate. I can attest, if you have a repentant heart and a change of demeanor of the soul, you will eventually be forgiven by your beloved companion and be accepted back into the fold.

You will have to face your biggest challenge yet – explaining your acts before the Lord. That is far greater than reporting before the Stake Presidency of your acts. The Stake Presidency can remove the burden when the Spirit tells them to do it. Nevertheless, the Lord removes the sin. Only a handful of mortal Saints that I am aware, have the ability to remove the sin through the atonement of Christ.

Remember my brother, the Lord did fear and tremble over His own salvation daily. It would be wise for all us, to heed this and give accountancy to the Master by the same method.

There is no lost soul but one who fails to repent or get up again after being knocked down by a sinful act, repenting and seeking the face of GOD for forgiveness. If you do this, you life will be blessed. If not, your life will end up like Cain of old. It is all about agency and choosing the right path for our mortal journey. God bless….

I'm very sorry to hear and I will pray for ya.

I don't know what to say other than be careful, have faith, be humble, and be forgiving as well, even if others are not.

You may have to bite a bullet or two, if you've done all you can to lay your soul bare to those who you need to, you may have to accept that they choose something that is not easy for you.

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It sounds like you are doing all the right things in seeking repentance. Keep up the good work.

It sounds, also, like your wife is being judgmental, but maybe she is just overwhelmed and being cautious. Remember, when you are seeking to let her hear your side of the story that she has her own side as well. Her own thoughts and feelings will influence how she handles this and how she chooses to act.

Your family may be fixable, and it may not be. It depends fully on both of you and your willingness to work things out. You cannot fix things on your own. She has to put in her half. If she is not willing to do that, and/or you are not willing to work with the half she is presenting, then it is better to let things go and move on. But don't give up! There is so much to be done right now. You are in a very tough spot, emotionally and spiritually. This is going to be hard on both of you. You need to commit yourself fully to the repentance process and she must commit herself fully to forgiveness. Its going to take work and healing on both ends, but it can be done.

I wish you the best of luck.

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Hi all. thank you for your support and words of advice. small update.....

We went and spoke with the Bishop together, finally whereby I was told by my wife that i had lied about things to the Bishop and hadn't confessed it all. We went through the discussion whereby I related to my wife what had happened yet she refused to listen to it and insisted that i was lying.

I understand that she is hurting and that she is angry and upset which is why it was a heated conversation between us and the Bishop.

We have agreed to some things although she has indicated that if it is ever going to work again that it is going to take years to repair and she doesn't even know then if she will take me back.

I have a good support network and i'm doing what i need to do in terms of repentence. I just pray that I can do what it takes to reconcile with my family.

Cheers all

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Sleepless,

When we do something that loses the trust of a loved one, it can be a long journey to restore it. Be humble, pray, and accept the consequences of your actions in the past. Demonstrate by your actions now and in the future that you understand the severity of the situation and tend to grow from it and become a better man. Even if the marriage ends, you'll come out with stronger faith and less likely to repeat the same sin. Hopefully, your wife wants to save the relationship just as you do and will work with a counselor and/or the bishop to build a stronger relationship and allow trust to slowly return.

You fell down a mountain. It will take time and effort to climb back up to the top.

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HI all, thought i would post an update as to where I am with this one. Well Bishop has advised that he will hold a disciplinary council but is not comfortable with holding it just yet. I can deal with this and know that whatever the spirit guides the Bishopric to do will be the will of the Lord.

I've been attending an addiction recovery program which is run by LDS Family Services as well as seeing a councelor from LDS Family Services as well. A lot of things have happened over the past few weeks and my wife has flat out said she wants a divorce. In Australia there is a year period after seperation before you can apply for a divorce. So I have a year to try and change my ways and show that i do love her. Her sister says that she may be acting on emotions at the moment and i can understand that and wouldn't expect anything different and that there looks like there is still hope, however very small.

I've been praying and reading the scriptures harder and more dillegently than I have since i returned from my mission. I carry a prayer in my heart as much as possible and last night was a rough night for me. I had 3 hours sleep, however in saying that I found peace from within. I know that I need to submit to the will of the Lord in all I do. That i need to trust in him. If i have faith and do this then if it be His will that we get back together and work on our marriage and relationship, then after all I can do he will provide a way for it to happen.

I have small stepping stone goals at the moment with regards to my gospel development and my relationship with the Lord with the ultimate goal of returning to the temple. I just pray that i can be a better person and overcome this and in the end the will of the Lord will be done.

Cheers for letting me share

sleep

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well i thought i would give another update. I've been waiting for a disciplinary council to be held and fully expected one. I got a call from Bishop about a week ago and after consulting with the Stake President they have decided that there will be no council held as the nature of what i did did not warrant one.

i miss the temple dearly and have been going to institute to fill in my nights and due to it being held at the Stake Centre where the temple is, i see it every week and I miss not being able to go inside. Thanx for all the support and well wishes from all. I'm thankful for the Atonement and its power to heal the sick, both physically and spiritually.

Cheers

sleep

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Thank you lost. One thing more than anything in the world I want is the opportunity to inherit God's Kingdom and I can't do that without the Atonement. I'm prepared to make changes in my life to allow for the Spirit to be with me again.

I'm having a hard time with other people accepting that they need to change as well but it's something I'm working on as I can't make people change and want to apply the Atonement in their lives. I will be able to find peace soon I feel.

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Thank you for the update sleepless. I am glad that your "sin" did not warrant a disciplinary action. That means you can go back to the temple as soon as the bishop sees it fit. Just focus on the changes you are making in your life. When other people see that you are genuine in what you are doing, they will change their attitude towards you and what you are doing. Your peace will soon come. God bless.

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I'm having a hard time with other people accepting that they need to change as well but it's something I'm working on as I can't make people change and want to apply the Atonement in their lives. I will be able to find peace soon I feel.

I've been very impressed at how willing you are to take responsibility for your part in what has resulted in an obviously agonizing experience for both you and your wife. I don't think that happens often, not necessarily because people aren't willing to take that responsibility, but more because they don't fully recognize the consequences of their actions yet.

You haven't talked much of your children. How are they handling all of this?

Good luck to all of you.

Elphaba

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I've been very impressed at how willing you are to take responsibility for your part in what has resulted in an obviously agonizing experience for both you and your wife. I don't think that happens often, not necessarily because people aren't willing to take that responsibility, but more because they don't fully recognize the consequences of their actions yet.

You haven't talked much of your children. How are they handling all of this?

Good luck to all of you.

Elphaba

well my oldest is 4 years old today. My wife said i could come to the birthday party she is having with her family but i declined and took my son out for lunch. I don't feel comfortable around her brother and his wife and her mother. I can't sit in a room with people who have made a wrong judgment and will sit there and continue judging me and making me feel uncomfortable. And i'm certain they will just go to town and won't be able to control themselves.

my oldest is also mildly autistic and i know he is suffering and i can feel he knows that things aren't right. my daughter who is 2.5 cries everytime i drop her off home on a Sunday.

they know its not right and that hurts me more than anything but i'm dealing with the pain and hurt by studying the scriptures and being the best me i can.

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I am still troubled by this brother-in-law thing and what appears to be some abuse of his ecclesiastical authority by speaking to your Bishop.

Well i've been going to institute every week recently and the teacher is my brother-in-law's Stake President. He pulled me aside after last week and talked to me about things. Some of the activity that my brother in law was doing was highly illegal and the Stake President said that they were going to come down pretty hard on him for what he has done illegally and for his part in my marriage. He was too emotionally involved and let his emotions override what he should have done.

So he is handling that at the moment. i can forgive him for it because i can see why he acted how he did but and i'll leave it at that.

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