Why I'm Wary Of Facebook by JeaNette Goates Smith

[Dravin]

But it's most certainly true that some people use FB as a means to parade their personal life online. I have friends that love to post photos of their glamorous nights out clubbing, their new car, their sparkling engagement ring, etc etc.

Yep, before FB they used this new fangled technology called speech. Braggarts will brag, the medium may change, but the nature of their communication doesn't.

[Guest]

Gee wasn't I just talking about this today? Yes in fact I was! When I tried to recall how many friends I had I thought I had above 50... no I was wrong I have 30.

I don't think any of us here can disagree that Facebook is a neat idea. There are many who use Facebook to connect with family and friends who they want to share updates, pictures and videos without to much effort. It's there for their viewing and you can reach the masses without having to contact/email each one seperately. I myself use Facebook for this reason. To share what's new like pictures, videos, and articles with family and friends. To keep up with them without having to call or email.

BUT there are even more who are finding themselves being wooed by some old "friend" that just so happened to search you on Facebook rekindling feelings from long long long ago. Intentional or not it does happen!

I can tell you that a number of my friends have ex's on their facebook. These are people who are happily married and are causing undue stress to their relationship. They dare to imagine that this someone special is going to be that same person which they have locked in their memories only to find in the end that they are not what they once were. It will only cause problems in your marriage.

Yes it happened to me with my ex. It's happen to some of my friends as well. See this is how it happens. Someone from long long ago searches your name. They request to be "friends" with you on Facebook. You think nothing of it at the time as you think it's wild that this person even remembers you and that they took the time to even look you up. It starts out innocent and as you start to communicate more and more you start to rehash memories from many years ago. Feeling those same feeling from back then but unaware of the reality that it is all just a fantasy... there is nothing REAL about it. Next you've got each others cell phone numbers... next you are meeting for coffee to talk about old times.

Yes, this all happened with my ex. His ex-girlfriend tracked him down on Facebook. They would send messages back and forth, then they were IMing on Facebook, then back around in July they started texting each other (average 50+ texts a day!) and since we have separated they have met I'm sure of it as he has been out to Calif. a number of times over the weekends where she lives. Funny thing is that she's also married! On top of that he played poker for HOURS on Facebook.

I can tell you at least 5 more similar stories regarding places like Facebook.

Now like I said NOT everyone using facebook for this reason! I said NOT everyone. But many do and possibly will find themselves in this very situation. When I was with my ex he had access to everything and knew who all my friend were on Facebook (I guess it was a good thing I didn't have 500+ friends good grief how do you all know that many people!!!???). I had all my passwords written out so that there could not be even a slim chance of misunderstanding. Yes the security setting is something I immediately changed with my facebook. I made it as secure as I could. I use to be on it daily and in the past few months have been going maybe once a week or so for 10-15 minutes.

You have to control the time you are on it because it is time consuming and if you are neglecting your relationship with your spouse because you'd rather be "hanging out" with your Facebook friends that's not a good thing.

I think much of these social network sites (Facebook, blogs etc.) are just replacing having human connection. Sure it's fun and yes it's useful but if you are spending hours a day on it well you need to find a hobby maybe outside the home... go take a walk or go hiking with a friend. Actually do something with your spouse or friend who have that real human connection rather than updating your profile every 20 min. or so.

Spend valuable time with someone and talk. Those are times that you can't replace, or save in your hard drive, or even replay. Instead those are times that will spark wonderful happy memories which will last a lifetime.

Piece of advice for the next time - get acquainted with privacy settings before you put your name on the internet.

Also, just because you use facebook doesn't mean you don't spend quality time with family and friends.

Also, just because your ex rekindled a fling using facebook doesn't mean that facebook is bad - your ex is bad. I have my ex bf on my facebook friends. We are still close friends. My husband's ex gf is on his facebook friends. She's in his "high school class" list. Obviously, it's not causing one iota of undue stress to our marriage. Because, neither my husband nor I are that type of people. Facebook or not - if you are a morally corruptible individual your marriage will not survive. There are 10 million other ways you can rekindle or create a new kindle outside of facebook. The divorce rate in America is not caused by facebook, nor is it increased by facebook.

Granted - there are those who are internet addict they tweet every 20 seconds... but that's how they want to live their lives. Who am I to judge? If it's not facebook/tweeter it will be Doom or Halo.

What I'm trying to say is - facebook doesn't destroy marriages. People destroy marriages.

[ADoyle90815]

Piece of advice for the next time - get acquainted with privacy settings before you put your name on the internet.

Also, just because you use facebook doesn't mean you don't spend quality time with family and friends.

Also, just because your ex rekindled a fling using facebook doesn't mean that facebook is bad - your ex is bad. I have my ex bf on my facebook friends. We are still close friends. My husband's ex gf is on his facebook friends. She's in his "high school class" list. Obviously, it's not causing one iota of undue stress to our marriage. Because, neither my husband nor I are that type of people. Facebook or not - if you are a morally corruptible individual your marriage will not survive. There are 10 million other ways you can rekindle or create a new kindle outside of facebook. The divorce rate in America is not caused by facebook, nor is it increased by facebook.

Granted - there are those who are internet addict they tweet every 20 seconds... but that's how they want to live their lives. Who am I to judge? If it's not facebook/tweeter it will be Doom or Halo.

What I'm trying to say is - facebook doesn't destroy marriages. People destroy marriages.

That's true, the divorce rate had been going up long before the internet, nor has it really increased all that much since facebook started. People have found ways to commit adultery and other sins before the internet as well. Porn isn't a new problem either, it's been around since humans figured out how to do artwork.

[hordak]

I get your point, and I also realize that you're playing a little bit of Devil's Advocate, but allow me to point out one thing. There's no year in the 3rd quote, but the first two are 10 and 11 years old each. The world wide web world has changed so much since then, admittedly both in good and bad ways.

How could i be playing devils advocate, by quoting church leaders:).

Yep my point is NOT that the internet is bad, without it i would have no "social life"

, but that there are real concerns, (though it seems the articles author hasn't done much to avoid them) as pointed out by our leaders.

[Blackmarch]

Sorry, the writer of that article is guilty of "getting into something without understanding it".

It's like somebody buying a gun without knowing how to fire one and not knowing what it is supposed to be for.

Just like everything in life you can pretty much use anything for bad IF YOU are bad. Back to the gun analogy - Guns don't kill people. PEOPLE kill people. FB don't shun people, PEOPLE shun people.

I have waaaaay more than 400 people in my facebook friends list. And no, it's not because I want to be popular. It is because I have THAT MANY friends and family.

And here's the lesson: Don't go doing something just because everybody else is doing it. Learn about it first - figure out what impact it will have on your life. That goes for EVERYTHING - not just facebook.

quite possibly, however the internet has not had the impact, time and etc that guns have had to make people as cautious, or as concerned as much. Quite too often people will not be as cautious with the internet as with a gun, so i think this is a very good article... and like most advice it needs to be taken in context and understanding for it to be of worth.

[pyxiwulf]

I have seriously considered deleting my account just because I don't use it or update it ever but someone told me that even if I delete my account, that all my photos uploaded onto the site will remain.. I'm not happy about this. Mahone is this true?

They won't remain visible, but the way FBs Terms of Service is written (unless they've changed it under all the protest) is that unless your content is set to private (your eyes only) is that they own the rights to your content. Now, if they actually keep the content once you delete is another issue entirely.

My sister announced on facebook when she delivered a baby. The world knew before I did because I had not been on facebook that day. Interestingly, I was babysitting her other kids and running them to school etc instead of on facebook. So needless to say I was a bit perturbed over that.

See, that's just a jerk move. People like that are insensitive in real life too.

BUT there are even more who are finding themselves being wooed by some old "friend" that just so happened to search you on Facebook rekindling feelings from long long long ago. Intentional or not it does happen!

Cheaters will be cheaters, will be cheaters. Would you blame the Church if he hooked up with a lady in your ward?

My husband and I both have almost all of our exes on our FBs and we're good friends with them all. We have a healthy, secure marriage and no concerns about the other being in contact with exes. We're honest people, and all our exes were friends first and friends after, no biggie.

(I guess it was a good thing I didn't have 500+ friends good grief how do you all know that many people!!!???).

Army brat growing up and wanderlust in adult life (we move more than I did as an army brat) leads to a lot of friends

[Gwen]

i haven't been following this completely but just wanted to point out, using the more good foundation fan list on facebook i was able to pick out at least 7 of the members that are also on this site. some because the real name is too similar to the forum name here, they used the same avatar/profile pic, information i've learned here over the last few yrs, etc. so now i know those ppl's real names....

from there i was able to look at friends lists (all i'm using is friends lists and my very very poor memory, not investing a lot of time) and identify 8 more ppl from this site. i will admit some are because i am also friends with them. but i know them because of personal information given out in chat or forums. i have included me in the list as if someone else were doing it, anyone who has been on this site long enough would know who i was or at least pick me out as a possible due to repeat friends, etc. i also picked up on 6 possibles due to seeing repeat profiles that have more good foundation and ppl from this site in common.

granted now all i have is a first name (in some cases location). but that's all one would need to start stalking someone. yes it would take a lot of time to get a lot of info but that's what a stalker is. they glean all they can from details here, find other details in various places and put the puzzle together. even those of us here that are being "safe" have exposed ourselves more than we realize sometimes.

now i don't like living in fear and it doesn't "scare me". it is important to remember how much we put out there though. i don't think everyone is a stalker and i believe most ppl are basically good. on the other hand, reality is, it only takes one to ruin our lives.

[Wingnut]

There are many who use Facebook to connect with family and friends who they want to share updates, pictures and videos without to much effort.

BUT there are even more who are finding themselves being wooed by some old "friend" that just so happened to search you on Facebook rekindling feelings from long long long ago.

I'm curious as to how you seem to so unequivocally know that there are more people who use Facebook to woo or be wooed than just to connect with old friends.

I can tell you that a number of my friends have ex's on their facebook. These are people who are happily married and are causing undue stress to their relationship. They dare to imagine that this someone special is going to be that same person which they have locked in their memories only to find in the end that they are not what they once were. It will only cause problems in your marriage.

Yes it happened to me with my ex. It's happen to some of my friends as well. See this is how it happens. Someone from long long ago searches your name. They request to be "friends" with you on Facebook. You think nothing of it at the time as you think it's wild that this person even remembers you and that they took the time to even look you up. It starts out innocent and as you start to communicate more and more you start to rehash memories from many years ago. Feeling those same feeling from back then but unaware of the reality that it is all just a fantasy... there is nothing REAL about it. Next you've got each others cell phone numbers... next you are meeting for coffee to talk about old times.

Yes, this all happened with my ex. His ex-girlfriend tracked him down on Facebook. They would send messages back and forth, then they were IMing on Facebook, then back around in July they started texting each other (average 50+ texts a day!) and since we have separated they have met I'm sure of it as he has been out to Calif. a number of times over the weekends where she lives. Funny thing is that she's also married! On top of that he played poker for HOURS on Facebook.

You know what? It sucks that you had this experience, and I'm truly sorry for the pain that you've gone through, but it's neither fair nor realistic to blame Facebook for it. I, too, have two of my exes on my friends list. I'm really great friends with their wives. My husband has at least one of his exes on his list two (at least he did until last night when he did a friend purge because he really just doesn't care about Facebook). As others have said, cheaters will cheat with or without Facebook. Facebook just makes it easier sometimes. A scumbag by any other name is still a scumbag.

I can tell you at least 5 more similar stories regarding places like Facebook.

Really? Five? Out of over 400 million active users? (Source)

(I guess it was a good thing I didn't have 500+ friends good grief how do you all know that many people!!!???)

I've lived in 6 different states, served a mission, went away to school, have extneded family all over the country, and I am generally an outgoing person. I did a friend purge a month ago, and I am now down to 339 friends. I was around 450 before the purge. Of the 339 left, there are two that I have never met in real life, but maintain healthy friendly relationships with still. They are the wives of each of the two ex-boyfriends previously mentioned.

[ryanh]

Warning: [blunt Opinion]

Those who cannot see the problems and evils of FB are either ignorant, in denial, out of touch with the Spirit, or some combo of the three. As most tools of technology, it can be used for good purposes. But the creation of FB was not for the purposes of serving God and the salvation of man. I honestly believe that anyone with reasonable discernment can easily understand why FB was created.

JeaNette Goates Smith is not the only LMFT seeing FB permeate and destroy marriage that might otherwise have a chance of becoming successful and celestial. I’ll bet that not one of you that is emotionally entrenched already, and defending FB as if it were family, honestly read JeaNett’s article with an open mind, or listed to the link I provided above where another LMFT recounted his experiences of how FB destroys marriage.

This isn’t just opinions of rogue LMFT’s. A recent study of divorces in the UK found that at least 20% of divorce filings cited FB as a cause!!!

I’m sorry, but anyone that can’t see how FB serves the purposes of the adversary from self-serving ego-building to weakening of the family needs to take a serious look at their own feelings towards FB. [/blunt Opinion]

[Guest]

Warning: [blunt Opinion]

Those who cannot see the problems and evils of FB are either ignorant, in denial, out of touch with the Spirit, or some combo of the three. As most tools of technology, it can be used for good purposes. But the creation of FB was not for the purposes of serving God and the salvation of man. I honestly believe that anyone with reasonable discernment can easily understand why FB was created.

JeaNette Goates Smith is not the only LMFT seeing FB permeate and destroy marriage that might otherwise have a chance of becoming successful and celestial. I’ll bet that not one of you that is emotionally entrenched already, and defending FB as if it were family, honestly read JeaNett’s article with an open mind, or listed to the link I provided above where another LMFT recounted his experiences of how FB destroys marriage.

This isn’t just opinions of rogue LMFT’s. A recent study of divorces in the UK found that at least 20% of divorce filings cited FB as a cause!!!

I’m sorry, but anyone that can’t see how FB serves the purposes of the adversary from self-serving ego-building to weakening of the family needs to take a serious look at their own feelings towards FB. [/blunt Opinion]

Replace FB with knife and replace marriage with life replace divorce with murder. Now re-read.

Yep, we need to seriously look at our feelings towards knives. Coz, you know, we're ignorant, in denial, or out of touch with the Spirit.

[Dravin]

I’m sorry, but anyone that can’t see how FB serves the purposes of the adversary from self-serving ego-building to weakening of the family needs to take a serious look at their own feelings towards FB.

Has anyone here been saying they can't see it? Just it isn't a personal concern.

The United States Postal Service can be used to facilitate adultery, or ego building or the weakening of the family. It can also be used to deliver the Ensign to my door. That said, I'm not overly worried about the evils of the USPS. I'm not worried about my cell phone either even though it can be used for those same purposes. It allows my ward leadership to keep in easy contact with me. I'm also no worried about the evils of Facebook as it allows me to keep in contact with most of my Mission Buddies.

I honestly believe that anyone with reasonable discernment can easily understand why FB was created.

To make money. Same reason Buck makes knives, Smith & Wesson makes guns or Deseret Book sells books, music and art (amongst other things).

Edited February 24, 2010 by Dravin

[Blackmarch]

Replace FB with knife and replace marriage with life replace divorce with murder. Now re-read.

still good advice. However humanity has a much more intimate and longer experience with said Knives and divorce, than with the internet. Yet how much advice is still out there for both knives and divorce?

Yep, we need to seriously look at our feelings towards knives.

You'd be surprised at the amount of people who should. ALtho i'd have to say that the fascination has drifted more towards guns than knives now.

Coz, you know, we're ignorant, in denial, or out of touch with the Spirit.

that would explain a few things.

[candyprpl]

As far as teenagers using it to be "popular" and a part of the "in crowd" and dissing friends, etc. They do that anyway and yes fb can be another mean way to do that. Again, just another thing in a parent's life they have to monitor. *sigh*

[cassiebea]

I moved away from my family 7 years ago. Everyone I knew and loved lived in Utah! Every aunt, uncle, cousin and friend. And I found myself 750 miles away. For 7 years I was completely disconnected to all the people who I loved and who I had grown up with. Until I found Facebook.

Now I speak to my cousins on a regular basis. I found out a cousin got married this week. I found out days later. But if it weren't for Facebook I may have found out years later. Now that would have been embarrassing. Am I mad at my cousin for not calling me? No, I am sure she was wrapped up in all the excitement. But I was glad that I was able to congratulate her personally and to wish her well.

I am grateful for Facebook because now I stay in constant contact with my parents, my siblings and all my extended family members. I know what is going on in their lives and I don't feel like I am in exile from my family anymore. When I go back for the yearly Christmas dinner I will feel like I am in the loop.

Are the warnings worth considering? Absolutely! But I don't want to throw out the baby with the bath water.

[Just_A_Guy]

But the creation of FB was not for the purposes of serving God and the salvation of man. I honestly believe that anyone with reasonable discernment can easily understand why FB was created.

OK, but moderation in all things. Remember, the Church does maintain an official presence on Facebook.

[Mahone]

I got rid of MySpace eons ago. I've pretty much abandoned FB with the exception of checking my inbox twice a month. I have seriously considered deleting my account just because I don't use it or update it ever but someone told me that even if I delete my account, that all my photos uploaded onto the site will remain.. I'm not happy about this. Mahone is this true?

From the little I actually bothered to read in the media about this when a fuss was made about it some months ago, they will keep content you may have posted onto the site if it was posted onto someone elses profile. In order to stop other peoples profiles being affected if you delete your account, some content may have been kept. To stop people suing them over this, they added a clause saying they effectively owned your pictures and anything else you posted.

Either way though, facebook will still most likely have copies of the pictures you have ever uploaded to the site. Most companies I know of have backups of all the data on their servers dating back at least four or five years - we certainly do at work. So my guess would be facebook have your pictures on a disc somewhere, even if you thought you'd gotten rid of it years ago.

[Guest]

still good advice. However humanity has a much more intimate and longer experience with said Knives and divorce, than with the internet. Yet how much advice is still out there for both knives and divorce?

You'd be surprised at the amount of people who should. ALtho i'd have to say that the fascination has drifted more towards guns than knives now.

that would explain a few things.

You're missing the point.

But, I don't want to sound like a broken record. So, whatever floats your boat.

[CornMuffinsMama]

Warning: [blunt Opinion]

Those who cannot see the problems and evils of FB are either ignorant, in denial, out of touch with the Spirit, or some combo of the three. As most tools of technology, it can be used for good purposes. But the creation of FB was not for the purposes of serving God and the salvation of man. I honestly believe that anyone with reasonable discernment can easily understand why FB was created.

JeaNette Goates Smith is not the only LMFT seeing FB permeate and destroy marriage that might otherwise have a chance of becoming successful and celestial. I’ll bet that not one of you that is emotionally entrenched already, and defending FB as if it were family, honestly read JeaNett’s article with an open mind, or listed to the link I provided above where another LMFT recounted his experiences of how FB destroys marriage.

This isn’t just opinions of rogue LMFT’s. A recent study of divorces in the UK found that at least 20% of divorce filings cited FB as a cause!!!

I’m sorry, but anyone that can’t see how FB serves the purposes of the adversary from self-serving ego-building to weakening of the family needs to take a serious look at their own feelings towards FB. [/blunt Opinion]

[blunt Opinion] I think that anyone who makes sweeping judgments of the spiritual state of others based solely on whether or not they think FB is responsible for divorces needs to remove the log from their own eye before worrying about the specks in the eyes of others. I highly doubt that you read the article with an open mind either as your bias is quite evident in your post.

I look at FB as something that, like everything else in life, can be used for good purposes or for evil. It's all about the choices that INDIVIDUAL PEOPLE make. Citing FB as a reason for a divorce is nothing more than an excuse and an attempt to avoid facing the real issues in a marriage such as infidelity, lack of trust, etc. As my Drill Sergeants used to say, "The maximum effective range for an excuse is zero." Trying to blame FB for the problems in a marriage that existed outside of FB is a great way to try to avoid taking responsibility for one's own actions and choices. By your own reasoning, I could say that you are obviously out of touch with the spirit, in denial, ignorant, or some combination of the three for being on the internet at all as the internet is a great way for people to find porn, cheat, stalk, harass, buy things they need to commit crimes, etc. and the internet was certainly not invented for the purpose of preaching the gospel. Beyond that, you probably own a car. Car's are the tool used to transport people to crimes, affairs, drinking, immorality in general, and are also part of why wrecks happen that take lives and cars weren't invented to advance the kingdom of God or preach the Gospel so obviously, since you own a car, you're ignorant, in denial, out of touch with the spirit, or some combination of the three. Do you own a phone? Phones are used to make plans to cheat and commit crimes. Do you sleep on a bed? Beds are what people use often to have sex outside of marriage. If I were to divorce my husband and cite Facebook, a bed, a phone, or the internet as the reason, I would be the one in denial, ignorant, out of touch with the spirit, or probably all three.

People make choices. People act on those choices. People need to take responsibility for those choices and those actions. Anyone who can't see how the Devil uses this reasoning as a way to keep people blinded to the fact that the world needs to be responsible for their own sins and issues instead of trying to hide behind blaming it on a non-human entity needs a reality check.[/blunt opinion]

[Guest mirancs8]

[blunt Opinion] I think that anyone who makes sweeping judgments of the spiritual state of others based solely on whether or not they think FB is responsible for divorces needs to remove the log from their own eye before worrying about the specks in the eyes of others. I highly doubt that you read the article with an open mind either as your bias is quite evident in your post.

I look at FB as something that, like everything else in life, can be used for good purposes or for evil. It's all about the choices that INDIVIDUAL PEOPLE make. Citing FB as a reason for a divorce is nothing more than an excuse and an attempt to avoid facing the real issues in a marriage such as infidelity, lack of trust, etc. As my Drill Sergeants used to say, "The maximum effective range for an excuse is zero." Trying to blame FB for the problems in a marriage that existed outside of FB is a great way to try to avoid taking responsibility for one's own actions and choices. By your own reasoning, I could say that you are obviously out of touch with the spirit, in denial, ignorant, or some combination of the three for being on the internet at all as the internet is a great way for people to find porn, cheat, stalk, harass, buy things they need to commit crimes, etc. and the internet was certainly not invented for the purpose of preaching the gospel. Beyond that, you probably own a car. Car's are the tool used to transport people to crimes, affairs, drinking, immorality in general, and are also part of why wrecks happen that take lives and cars weren't invented to advance the kingdom of God or preach the Gospel so obviously, since you own a car, you're ignorant, in denial, out of touch with the spirit, or some combination of the three. Do you own a phone? Phones are used to make plans to cheat and commit crimes. Do you sleep on a bed? Beds are what people use often to have sex outside of marriage. If I were to divorce my husband and cite Facebook, a bed, a phone, or the internet as the reason, I would be the one in denial, ignorant, out of touch with the spirit, or probably all three.

People make choices. People act on those choices. People need to take responsibility for those choices and those actions. Anyone who can't see how the Devil uses this reasoning as a way to keep people blinded to the fact that the world needs to be responsible for their own sins and issues instead of trying to hide behind blaming it on a non-human entity needs a reality check.[/blunt opinion]

But really I don't think that anyone here said that they are "blaming" Facebook. More importantly the stats are there so it's not made up. For some it can be the breaking point for the marriage. If you are having little issues facebook and such can cause it to become bigger (avoidance of issues, neglect of relationship, etc.)

You are missing the point being made. Ask yourself why are these temptations put out there? It's tempting for some old fling to reach out right... no need to call... no need to be face to face... just simply typing innocent messages to each other. Do you think it's appropriate to be married and have your ex's on there? If you do or if you don't well that's between you and God but there is something morally wrong about that. Where is the accountability? If we didn't have internet it would be like your ex giving you a ring once a month just to say high. Seem innocent enough but is it?

Makes me wonder when people have their panties in a bunch defending facebook and such.

Keep in mind as well that some will use Facebook and such as an escape or a way to avoid the reality of their relationship and/or issues. It's very easy to get consumed with this types of sites. See I have to disagree with what you are saying regarding being on the internet is the same as Facebook... it's not. The internet you pick where you are going. On Facebook people seek you out to be "friends." Sure you have a choice to decline but that temptation arrives in your inbox. On the internet you are looking for something... on facebook someone is most likely looking for you. Sure the internet can cause issues for those who seek it but facebook bring it right to your inbox. They made this site so that you can find whoever you want whenever you want (as long as they are on facebook) whether for good or for bad.

Edited February 25, 2010 by mirancs8

[CornMuffinsMama]

But really I don't think that anyone here said that they are "blaming" Facebook. More importantly the stats are there so it's not made up. For some it can be the breaking point for the marriage. If you are having little issues facebook and such can cause it to become bigger (avoidance of issues, neglect of relationship, etc.)

You are missing the point being made. Ask yourself why are these temptations put out there? It's tempting for some old fling to reach out right... no need to call... no need to be face to face... just simply typing innocent messages to each other. Do you think it's appropriate to be married and have your ex's on there? If you do or if you don't well that's between you and God but there is something morally wrong about that. Where is the accountability? If we didn't have internet it would be like your ex giving you a ring once a month just to say high. Seem innocent enough but is it?

Makes we wonder when people have their panties in a bunch defending facebook and such.

Keep in mind as well that some will use Facebook and such as an escape or a way to avoid the reality of their relationship and/or issues. It's very easy to get consumed with this types of sites. See I have to disagree with what you are saying regarding being on the internet is the same as Facebook... it's not. The internet you pick where you are going. On Facebook people seek you out to be "friends." Sure you have a choice to decline but that temptation arrives in your inbox. On the internet you are looking for something... on facebook someone is most likely looking for you. Sure the internet can cause issues for those who seek it but facebook bring it right to your inbox. They made this site so that you can find whoever you want whenever you want (as long as they are on facebook) whether for good or for bad.

There are also stats that say that abortion is a good thing. Does that make it so? Just because stats exist does not mean that the stats are true, or that an issue is not true. Citing FB as a reason for a divorce on a divorce paper is in fact blaming FB for the dissolution of a marriage. It is my opinion that people have in fact posted here essentially saying that Facebook is to blame for cheating, etc. As I said, the choice is a person's to make. There will always be things that can be used for good or for bad and Facebook is one of those. Those marriages that fail that would have had a chance had Facebook not been there would have quite probably failed in some other way through something else. I think that instead of saying "People shouldn't use Facebook!" it should be "Well, perhaps we should identify the issues in our marriage"... And if someone's marriage is on the rocks they probably need to reevaluate ALL areas of their lives and see what they are both involved in taht could weaken the bond, mot only Facebook, because if a marriage is in so much trouble that Facebook alone will bring it down I can almost guarantee there are other things that need to be weeded out and that FB alone can not be blamed.

In addition, you say that the internet is different because it's broader spectrum. Facebook is also very broad spectrum. There are many things that are done on Facebook besides hunting down exes with whom to have torrid affairs Facebook is a tool. Use it for good or bad, it's up to each individual person.

I do not only object to the viewpoint that Facebook is to blame for marriages failing, I also object to "If you don't see the evils you're blah" that the person I quoted was putting out there.

People may defend Facebook like it's family because it IS family. Aunts, uncles, parents, siblings, nieces and nephews, children, In-laws, friends... It's a wonderful tool for when someone is deployed and a way for them to stay in touch with loved ones back home and communicate much faster than the rather iffy postal system where you never know when/if packages and letters will be delivered. For those posted overseas it can be a wonderful way of keeping in touch. In general, there are many good uses. If you look at it with an eye only for the negative and potential for evil, that's what you'll see.

[ryanh]

It is my opinion that people have in fact posted here essentially saying that Facebook is to blame for cheating, etc.

If that is what you got out of my post, then you are clearly misunderstanding what I was trying to convey. Not sure how you came to the conclusion that people are in essence desperately looking for a scape goat.

[ryanh]

Muffins, you have made some inferences and assumptions that are out of line, and wildly inaccurate. Assume whatever you would like, I suppose it doesn't really matter what misconceptions of my thoughts and purposes you have in mind.

Nor do I understand how you, Muffins and Anatess, could so completely misunderstand the purpose of what I wrote. Did I ever once say that FB doesn’t have some potential for good? Or, upon really reading what I said, can you see that I was talking about individuals that “cannot see” and are blind to problems. I can only assume that the hyper defensiveness is either because you flatly cannot see the potential for evil, or are so emotionally vested that you can’t read my post correctly.

To attempt absurd analogies such as knives, beds, or the internet as a whole is just ludacris and without sound logic. Divest yourself of the unreasonable emotional attachment before trying to discuss something in a civil manner. Do knives really stir up deep seated emotions from hormone-heavy days of youth like private chats with an old fling does? Does FB have the same capabilities of facilitating family history like FamilySearch.org does? Or provide for resources and gospel dissemination akin to LDS.org? What critical life-necessary function does FB play that is analogous to the function that beds are used for? Utter silliness.

I have no doubt at all that the concepts and functions of MySpace, FB, and other such sites were inspirations and promptings of the adversary. I don’t disagree that they can be used for good, but the purpose of it's development was to serve his, and mankind’s selfish desires. And I’m saddened that isn’t more obvious to people.

If FB were primarily for the good purposes of keeping in contact with family, then why wasn't some ‘family-keeping-in-touch' website the one that became the craze instead of MySpace and FB? Because, such a site wouldn't be serving the self-aggrandization and hook-up purposes that have made MS and FB such successes.

If FB's dark underbelly has not yet touched your family or friends, that's good. But, maintaining an "all is well in Zion" attitude about it is sure to make it more likely to creep into your lives. I'm sorry if that ever does happen. It is enough of a problem among the saints that it has been addressed by apostles. That says enough to me right there.

[pam]

If FB were primarily for the good purposes of keeping in contact with family, then why wasn't some ‘family-keeping-in-touch' website the one that became the craze instead of MySpace and FB? Because, such a site wouldn't be serving the self-aggrandization and hook-up purposes that have made MS and FB such successes.

In some ways I disagree with this. While I agree that FB wasn't created primarily as a site for family to connect it is used for other purposes as well. You can make FB what you would like it to be used for for your own purposes. I created a FB page that Descendents of my grandparents could join. It gives us a chance to post pictures of family members, help with geneology and basically keep in touch as an extended family while being closed to the general public.

FB can be as evil or as good as a person wants it to be. Catching up with old high school friends can be innocent or you can use it to rekindle a flame that could be inappropriate. It's not facebook that is the problem, it's the person participating that is the problem.

Many of us post LDS related themes, quotes, videos etc etc. I've had many of my non lds friends ask me about them and it gives me a chance to explain some of our beliefs.

[Guest]

Nor do I understand how you, Muffins and Anatess, could so completely misunderstand the purpose of what I wrote. Did I ever once say that FB doesn’t have some potential for good? Or, upon really reading what I said, can you see that I was talking about individuals that “cannot see” and are blind to problems. I can only assume that the hyper defensiveness is either because you flatly cannot see the potential for evil, or are so emotionally vested that you can’t read my post correctly.

What was offensive about your post is this part:

But the creation of FB was not for the purposes of serving God and the salvation of man. I honestly believe that anyone with reasonable discernment can easily understand why FB was created.

It is offensive to somebody like me who makes websites for a living.

The analogy to knives/guns/newspaper/post office etc. etc. is there to show you that A THING is not in itself evil. A THING has no capacity to be evil. THE PERSON using the thing or creating a thing for a purpose is who can be evil. That's why I have to speak up against your post. Because it is very misguided for you to think that the coders of Facebook are evil. It's basically the same as you saying a TV is specifically created to promote evil because somebody uses it to watch porn or a post office is specifically created to promote evil because somebody uses it to deliver a subscription to Playboy. Let's not stop there... by the same token youtube/google/heck, the entire desktop computer is specifically created to promote evil. You basically just called Farnsworth, Steve Jobs, etc. evil.

There's another thread going on out there where the Italian government charged the chief officers of Google with internet crimes because somebody uploaded a brutal video. That thread and this thread is the same. It stems from shirking responsbility out of the individual and dumping it to the available media.

I am not here to defend facebook. I am here to defend my industry, my chosen career, that is of value to me.

Edited February 25, 2010 by anatess

[Wingnut]

You are missing the point being made. Ask yourself why are these temptations put out there? It's tempting for some old fling to reach out right... no need to call... no need to be face to face... just simply typing innocent messages to each other. Do you think it's appropriate to be married and have your ex's on there? If you do or if you don't well that's between you and God but there is something morally wrong about that. Where is the accountability? If we didn't have internet it would be like your ex giving you a ring once a month just to say high. Seem innocent enough but is it?

Here's the problem with your argument: it's an emotional one. You are anti-Facebook because you ex left you after reconnecting with an old flame through Facebook. That takes all objectivity on your part out of the equation.

Additionally, the red sentence is entirely out of line an inappropriate an accusation for you to make, not to mention contradictory.

Keep in mind as well that some will use Facebook and such as an escape or a way to avoid the reality of their relationship and/or issues.

Well, at least you acknowledge that it's "some" and not all. You cannot make broad sweeping statements about the behavior of a few. Additionally, no one who has defended Facebook in this thread has at all denied that there are people who use it to screw up their lives. We're just establishing that those people would screw up their lives anyway.

See I have to disagree with what you are saying regarding being on the internet is the same as Facebook... it's not. The internet you pick where you are going. On Facebook people seek you out to be "friends." Sure you have a choice to decline but that temptation arrives in your inbox. On the internet you are looking for something... on facebook someone is most likely looking for you. Sure the internet can cause issues for those who seek it but facebook bring it right to your inbox. They made this site so that you can find whoever you want whenever you want (as long as they are on facebook) whether for good or for bad.

Please

. You'll only need to listen for 5 seconds.

I have no doubt at all that the concepts and functions of MySpace, FB, and other such sites were inspirations and promptings of the adversary. I don’t disagree that they can be used for good, but the purpose of it's development was to serve his, and mankind’s selfish desires. And I’m saddened that isn’t more obvious to people.

If FB were primarily for the good purposes of keeping in contact with family, then why wasn't some ‘family-keeping-in-touch' website the one that became the craze instead of MySpace and FB? Because, such a site wouldn't be serving the self-aggrandization and hook-up purposes that have made MS and FB such successes.

Do you know anything about the history of Facebook? Mark Zuckerburg and a bunch of other nerdy computer-oriented Harvard students made it up one day as a joke. It was a face matching thing, like Hot or Not. Eventually it was expanded a yearbook-style site, and became available to all Ivy League schools, then to all college students in the USA, then to high school students, and then eventually to everyone 13 and older. It was first a joke, then a yearbook. It wasn't intended as anything more.

I refer you to the link above. Skip ahead to 2:27 and listen for 5 seconds.