Hi new member facing a lot of turmoil


bmwm5racer00
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Hi everyone my name is colton and I had been an inactive member of the church the last 5 years and am just getting back in recently. I am posting in the hopes that I will get some encouragement and advice. I hope nobody I know in real life will see this as it will really make me look bad. But any ways here is my dilemma.....

I started out as a dumb teen partying and breaking rules etc. etc. Well it led me into a hell hole of heroin addiction over the last year and a half. I was 15 thousand dollars in credit card debt at 21 yrs old and seriously contemplating suicide with no friends, no money and living on the street. One night I managed to get my hands on a shotgun and loaded it and put it in my mouth ready to fire. Before I was going to pull the trigger I prayed to god and begged him for help if he was there. He answered my prayer and I felt the spirit come over me. Over the next few weeks I quit cold turkey and was in extreme pain and sickness until I wound up finding a job in Houston, Texas ( I am from Denver, Colorado). I moved to Houston after 2 months of being clean and began my new job and withdrew for a total of 7 months. It was the worst thing that happened to me ever but it shattered my reality and any premonitions I previously had. I am now a god fearing man. Well I broke my hand doing something dumb, swinging from a tree into a lake in Texas and had to leave my job and move back in with my parents which brings me to now 6 months later. Well the pain pills I took reignited my addictive nature and before I knew it I found myself back out on the streets looking to score. I went to my bishop and asked for help and he has recommended me go to 12 step and counseling. The way I asked for help is I told him I want to go on a mission to change my life I really do. I saw my younger brother go and it was amazing to see how happy he was. I disclosed everything I had done to my bishop, even robbing houses to support my habit and he gave me a time frame of 5 more months until I can go on my mission. I have made reconciliation with all the people I robbed and most of the things I have done. I just recently have been falling back into this awful addiction. So we come down to today, over the last few weeks I had realized I am too screwed up to serve a mission and went to enlist in the army. Well my bishop and stake president and parents have been really pressuring me and trying to help me so that I will be able to go in 5 months. I feel so torn by this I want to go but I absolutely cannot stick around here another 5 months doing nothing. I will fall completely back into my awful addictions, I have been giving it my best effort to clean up enough to get on some sort of a job whether it be mission or the army, whatever then I can improve from there and be away from any temptations. Well I was going over to the army office to get sworn in today when the bishop randomly called me in and asked me to go to his work place. I went in and he asked me not to make any big decisions and said we were going to work hard on getting me on a mission. Well I really felt like this might be a sign from god so I canceled my enlistment to wait it out and I guess go on a mission. I am just looking for advice, sorry for the long read I just feel torn up inside. I have been praying for help a lot but have not gotten any peace or direction. I dont know what to do.:confused: Even talking to the bishop and stake president I dont feel like they understand me, what I have been through and the extreme amount of pain that life is for me right now falling backwards again with absolutely no friends, no job, no money and my parents driving me nuts. I wake up every morning wishing I hadnt.

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After the trial come the blessings. Kind of cliche'...but very true. Serving a mission might be a great thing for you to do....awesome opportunity for Spiritual growth. But, you need to really be committed or it will just be two years of torture.

Remember that you do not have to serve a mission in order to attain Celestial Glory. Maybe some prayer and fasting or asking for a blessing to figure out what the Lord desires for you. Do you have a Patriarcial Blessing? If so, what does it say....mission?

Hang in there and above all else stay clean....stay away from that poison. If that means Army over mission...then join the Army. There are many ways to serve the Lord and a lifetime in which to do it. Good luck and God bless!

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I would say follow counsel of our Bishop. It is his calling to be there to give counsel. It is not his job to tell you what you should do. A mission is not a place to go to get a testimony or to get clean. A mission can help to build on a testimony. Not all are called to serve a full time 2 year mission.

Ask you Bishop what he understood of the requirement to "Raise the Bar" in sending out missionaries. Perhaps you have never heard of it.

Stay faithful, serve where you can and consider all options. You make the final decision then seek confirmation in prayer of your decision. Do not ask God what you should do. You decide and then ask God to confirm your decision.

Ben Raines

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Guest mirancs8

Not much I can say except stay clean and speak about this more with your Bishop. I think it's great to go into the Army nothing wrong with that at all. You know what you need to do. It's up to you to do it.

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I don't know much about enlisting into the military but I'm not sure if that's a good pathway to take at this time. I understand, from friends that have served, there are a lot of temptations and addictions to be found that route. Of course, there is temptation and addiction in near everything around us but if you're currently in the healing/repenting process, it might be wiser to stay clear of enlisting.

Edited by Bini
typo.
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The next time you are feeling weak and have that impulse to find something to make you feel better, try looking on your knees in prayer. As you get ready to serve, the one who would destroy you, will work hard to break you. Pick now who you will serve, pick now what will get your high. You have to be stronger than the drug, your faith has to be stronger than the drug, your love for your Father in Heaven must be stronger that you love for the drug.

I worked to long with people in your situation to not say something here. This you CAN do, but YOU must want it, you must love your Father in Heaven and You must know how much He loves you.

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A mission is not a place to go to get a testimony or to get clean.

This

I don't know much about enlisting into the military but I'm not sure if that's a good pathway to take at this time. I understand, from friends that have served, there are a lot of temptations and addictions to be found that route.

This. Military is not a place to avoid an addictive nature.

To be honest i'm a bit confused that you would be allowed in. Were you honest with the recruiter? Is he being honest or going for numbers. I don't know the Army regs (where is Godless when you need him) but when i enlisted in the Airforce (2001) use of marijuana more then 10x total, or any other drug was an instant disqualification.

But in either event if the stress of no money, no friends, your parents are "driving you nuts", you have been suicidal (pretty sure that's another disqualifier) do NOT. I reppeat. Do NOT.

Take the one of the most stressful, addiction encouraging (alcohol) jobs with access to firearms.

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there are temptations all around no matter where u go in life no matter what path you take. I never had a drug problem but my cousin did and he needed to stay away from his friends or people who did take drugs. YOu need to make new friends who dont do drugs or drink. A good place to find good friends is in the church. It is good that you have gone to talk with your Bishop, keep talking to him, I know that he wants the best for you. A mission or the military...well thats your choice, but I rather see you on a mission but u should go for the right reasons...and thats to spread the gospel, and its hard work. and remember not everyone in the church is perfect, most of us have some weakness or another. Jesus said I never promised you this life would be easy only worth it....And I personnaly know that this journey called life, with all its ups and downs, and blessings is a much harder life then I ever thought it would be....We need to try to be the best we can. And understand the wonderful gift we all have the atonement. Our Heavenly Father loves us soo much and so does Jesus our Saviour, Lord, King, brother, and our best friend. Remember when times get ruff and they will hold on, pray ask for help,sing a uplifting song..call a friend. your bishop ur brother your home teacher etc. And getting a blessing is a great idea. Your never alone, even if u feel like u are..YOUr not. YOur a son a child of GOd, He will send help, sometimes angels...and angels come in many forms....God Bless you Brother, GOd bless us all.....:)

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oh ps. I think the 12 step program would be a great program for u to join. I know the church has this program available in certain areas...and of course counseling is a very good idea as well...good luck brother...I know you can do it...YOu can do anything with the help of GOd.

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Hi there,

going to the military or serving a mission both is a big commitment. And both possibilities are quite tough. Make sure you're doing really good before you take a step like this.

And I think you should go and find new friends. Get to know people and try to build up relationships so that you have someone to stand by your side and lift you up. Everybody needs that. Especially in a time when you feel depressed or fight hard against addiction.

Take good care.

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bmwm5racer00: I just want to let you know that I am praying for you, and I am THRILLED to know that you are alive! It sounds like you have had a long road of sorrow in your short years, but really looking for help! It sounds like you have an amazing Bishop! Always listen to him, and the Lord's counsel like you are now. I really believe that you will be a missionary with so much insight and testimony to share, and worry that the Army would not be a positive thing for you at this time. Maybe there is a temporary job that the LDS employment center can help find for you to keep you busy, and then you would have some extra money towards mission expenses. Do you have a temple nearby? If ever you feel your mind racing with those impeding thoughts; go walk and read at the temple grounds if you can. Make sure to attend any LDS single's functions throughout the week to have a support system at this time. Please update us on how your doing, ok? God bless....

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hey so I guess il update. I hate coming back and reading what I typed. It makes me feel weak. I am doing a lot better now but still having a hard time. I managed to stay clean the last 4 days and even went to the gym today and worked out for 2 hours. It felt ok I am out of shape again. The reason I want to do the army is because I have dreamed since age 13 of just kicking major ass in the military. I will do it whether I go on a mission or not. The reason I thought about doing a mission is because I know god helped me stop the first time and I was an idiot for forgetting and going back to my old friends later even though I was depressed with my broken hand. So I know god is helping me again now as I have been asking a lot for it. I made a new friend yesterday. We hung out all day and had a pretty good time. I also got a call for a job that I applied for so I am hoping I will get hired. Its still really hard but I am pretty confident this second time around. I havent slipped near as far as I did the first time and I think the lesson will stick. I noticed today after working out that I started to get excited about making money again and actually going after goals which has been something I have not experienced in a while. Anyways I think that I was introduced to this for a reason because it broke me down and made me humble. It has tested me to the core and opened up my mind to god. I refuse to let this ruin my life, its an awful existence and I have a list of things I want to achieve.

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I am probably the least qualified to give an opinion about your situation. I have spent nine years in the army. I am married with children and I am being baptised in two weeks. I would also suggest not going in the military. The military in a world unto itself. It does not have feelings or cares about your personal well being. The only focus is accomplishing a mission of some type. You personally are secondary. I do not know much about the requirements for going on a mission.But I would suggest not using a mission as a form of therapy for your personal problems. If you are looking for a change and want to improve yorself at the same time there are other alternatives. Below are a few ideas for you to consider. Take them and speak with your bishop.

Southern California Teen Challenge - Southern California Teen Challenge

Welcome to Job Corps

Peace Corps

http://www.salvationarmyusa.org

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Guest mysticmorini

DO NOT JOIN THE ARMY!!!!!! this is coming from an officer in the US Army, if you don't think you can stay clean waiting 5 months to go on a mission you will not be able to stay clean in the army. you will have more free time than you realize and a lot of extra money. not a good combination. plus, if you get a dishonorable discharge from the army it will make it next to impossible to find a job. your first priority needs to be getting yourself in a place where you can keep yourself clean. the church has a great addiction recovery program IF you are dedicated and stick to it. once you are confident you have beaten your drug addiction a mission or the military would be a great choice.

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Hey! Hooah! My husband is an officer in the Army National Guard, so that is always an option - one weekend a month plus 2 weeks in the summer, plus basic training. Then you could still work and the army allows you to take two years off to serve a mission.

Army guys are big into chewing tobacco. They do avoid drugs mostly because they get kicked out for it and have drug tests all the time, but they also do a lot of drinking.

That being said, I love the Army. The men in there may be a bit wild but they are intense and they do achieve their goals and work together as a team. There is a lot of brotherhood and male bonding in the army.

Also, let me give you a big hug. Everyone of us Mormons on here are totally messed up in different ways. We all need the gospel and the atonement to fix us. We are no better than you and Jesus doesn't love us more than heroin addicts. What about gettting some friends at an institute class and going to institute activities?

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Even though you have been clean I think that you should take the time to go to rehab. I wasn't sure if you have already done this but I think it would be a good idea if you went to a ninety day program away from you current environment. I grew you with a alcoholic mother who constantly quit drinking found Jesus and then started the process over with a glass of wine. My mom has been sober for a year now but she still doesn't think she needs a ninety day program. I know that she will eventually have a drink at dinner and the process will start all over. If you go to a ninety day program you will learn the tools to keep you clean. After you have been clean for at least a year then you can start thinking about your future. It seems to me like you are putting a band aid on a gaping wound.

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Guest mirancs8

I have to agree with the rehab. Not everyone has the strength or ability to stop by themselves. There is nothing wrong with getting help to get you where you need to be in your life. You need to clean up your act and get to the core of WHY you are doing what you are doing. There are reasons we get "hooked" to these drugs and alcohol.

From the age of around 14 I drank and smoked A LOT!! By my early 20s a vodka and orange juice was breakfast with a whiskey and ginger ale for lunch was everyday, so I'm sure you get the picture. I smoked a pack of cigs in a day or 2 and in my early 20s started to smoke pot (helped me sleep go figure :rolleyes:). In total I smoked pot maybe 5 times in my entire life but the drinking and cigs were over the top. When I got married and realized the reality of getting pregnant I stopped cold turkey. Never touched it again until after my 2nd child was about a year old (so say 6 years clean). Then as my marriage started to really fall in the cracks I started to drink and smoke cigs again. Once I knew I was going to leave my ex I stopped again cold turkey and never turned back. I'm an all or nothing person. You either do it or you don't. You either believe it or you don't. Most choices in my life are very black and white as to why the answer comes easy to me.

See I identified my trigger and that was to numb my mental pain. As a child I was abused which lead to my behavior at a young age into my 20s. As a married women in a toxic marriage it numbed the reality of my ever disappointing life. Not everyone can identify and address their triggers. That is where rehab really comes in handy. You may need that help to get you on the right path so that you can actually serve the mission.

You must address your issues before you think about serving a mission which is a huge thing to commit to.

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my bs meters are going off, first of all your 12 step sponsor would be advising you to not make any major changes for 1 year, which he wold be telling you to not sign up for the army. second, your addiction will follow you into the army.

now, are you going to 90 meetings in 90 days and working the steps? because if you were we would not be having this conversation.

by the way the churches addiction recovery program sucks, poor success rate, i would avoid it and go straight to AA. they know what they are doing.

recovering addict of 18 years kicks you in the butt, hard.

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as a messed up aussie can i just say this

you're messed up alright. but guess what, we're ALLLLL messed up

that said, no, i dont think you are going to be going on a mission. as in , a proselyting mission. but that doesnt mean the lord won't call YOU on a mission

a proselyter saves souls, who knows, maybe you can save bodies, and someone else can come behind and save those souls

get better mate. EVERYONE can rehabilitate. and welcome positve suggestions from those who have dealt with a compulsive behavioural problem (ie an addiction)

also, be prepared to flush the well meaning advice of the occasional idiot who has no idea what dealing with a craving means.

day. by day. by day

good luck. you can come through it. might make for a good read for an LDS youth in 20 years. to hell and back kind of thing

remember we're all sinners too, just to different degrees.

overcome this, you will be able to overcome anything (oh, painkillers, come on mate, they are brutal- avoid at ALL costs)

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