Onother Funny Joke

[moroni]

once i was in a dream. soon i saw a ladder. it lead to heaven. so i climbed it but the trick was you had to wright a sin you have commited inbetween every bar with chalk. soon while i was climbing i saw the devil coming down. i said were are you going. he said i need a few more sticks of chalk. he had ran out.

[Christos]

Good post.

[ldsgurl_2002]

ROFL

once i dreamed i ate a big marshmallow and when i woke up my pillow was gone!!

[Shonne_C]

I knew someone that wasn't LDS but went up to girl's camp awhile back. The theme was "No man is an Island". So at one of the dinner's they were cooking up this big meal that we were going to eat and the stake leaders were to come up that night too. The girl who wasn't LDS was confused, she wondered why we were going to have this big dinner then have steaks after it too. What really was going on was that we were going to eat while the Stake leaders put on a little skit.

I'm sure there are alot of funny stories like that tho.

[Aristotle]

When I was dating, I asked this guy what stake he was from...he replied, "grub stake".

- Mrs. A

[ctrkohl]

i don't think that was very funny because you got it from me and the devil wouldn't be going to heaven.

[Guest funkyfool416]

That was a truely terrible joke. I don't know that it could really even be considered a joke because it was so terrible. Next time you have a joke comparable to that one...just keep it to yourself please because it is just wasting space on the boards. Thank you much.

[Setheus]

There was this old man who was putting new tile in his kitchen. He was very detailed and careful...he knew that he needed EXACTLEY 99 tiles. So he went to Home Depot and asked for 99 tiles. The store clerk said they only sold in bundles of 10 so he'd have to buy 100 tiles.

The old man argued that he only needed 99 so buying the 100th tile was a waste of his money. The clerk assured him there was no way to sell only 99 tiles. ..This went on for several minutes and at last the old man gave in and with much anger agreed to buy all 100 stupid tiles.

So the old man gets home and gets to work laying tile..and sure enough just like a puzzle he finishes flawliessly with using only 99 tiles. The old man looked at the 100th tile sitting there, useless and un-needed. The old man became angrier and angerier the more that he thought about having waisted the extra $1.20 for that extra tile he KNEW he wouldnt need. So the old man picked up the tile and started to pace back and forth out on the porch trying to think of what he could use the extra tile for. He couldnt think of a single use for it and just got angrier and angrier until he just lost his temper and threw the tile as hard as he could into the air...

[Setheus]

there was a big fat lady on a plane who had a yappy poodle. There was also on the same plane next to her a business man smoking a cigar. The woman turned to the man and ask if he could please put out the cigar because the smoke was choking her. The business man replied that he needed the cigar to calm his nerves due to her stupid poodle yapping non stop. This argument went on for a few minutes when the man made an offer, "If I put out this cigar will you please throw that yappy dog out the window?" The fat woman agreed and he put out the smoke and she tossed the dog out the airplane window.

A few minutes later the flight attendant walks by and sees something bizarr out the window. "Oh my gosh there's a poodle out on the wing!!.....and it appears to have a kitchen tile in its mouth."

[Setheus]

Now, FunkyFool416, THAT was the stupidest joke in the world...not Moroni's joke.

[prisonchaplain]

Originally posted by funkyfool416@Jan 8 2006, 04:42 PM

That was a truely terrible joke. I don't know that it could really even be considered a joke because it was so terrible. Next time you have a joke comparable to that one...just keep it to yourself please because it is just wasting space on the boards. Thank you much.

←

This from the same woman who responded to my riddle, "What is funnier than a clown?" (correct answer = two clowns) with, "Your face!"

[prisonchaplain]

Originally posted by Setheus@Jan 8 2006, 06:28 PM

Now, FunkyFool416, THAT was the stupidest joke in the world...not Moroni's joke.

←

Yeah, but it was too long. Here's the stupidest brief joke in the world:

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

...He was...

DEAD!

[LionHeart]

While we're telling stupid jokes, what is the first thing an orange does when you set it on the table?

It looks round.

[Guest funkyfool416]

Originally posted by prisonchaplain+Jan 8 2006, 09:16 PM-->

<!--QuoteBegin-funkyfool416@Jan 8 2006, 04:42 PM

That was a truely terrible joke. I don't know that it could really even be considered a joke because it was so terrible. Next time you have a joke comparable to that one...just keep it to yourself please because it is just wasting space on the boards. Thank you much.

←

This from the same woman who responded to my riddle, "What is funnier than a clown?" (correct answer = two clowns) with, "Your face!"

←

well....that was a pretty funny joke i thought....lol that had me cracking up for 10 minutes straight.

seth's joke is dumb too though

[Seraphim Moonshadow]

Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?

Because he didn't have any body to go with.

What does a ghost call its parents?

Transparents.

And for those people who like SW....

http://gallery.pokemonpalace.net/displayimage.php?pos=-3520

The Mommy Test

I was out walking with my then 4 year old daughter. She picked up something

off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I asked her not to do

that.

"Why?"

"Because it's been laying outside and it is dirty and probably has germs."

At this point, she looked at me with total admiration and asked,

"Wow! How do you know all this stuff!?"

"Uh," I was thinking quickly, "...all moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy

Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently

pondering this new information.

"OH...I get it!" she beamed. "So if you flunk, you have to be the Daddy."

Military Survival Rules

"Aim towards the enemy." - Instruction printed on U.S. Army rocket launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." - U.S. Army training

notice

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. From 30,000 feet, every

single bomb always hits the ground." - U.S. Air Force ammunition memo.

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least

expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." -

Army preventive maintenance publication

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal

"Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance Corps memo.

"Five-second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - Col. David H.

Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're probably walking into an ambush." -

Infantry Journal

"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." - Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper - once." - Anonymous

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Army

recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your buddies

"If you see a bomb disposal technician running, try to keep up with him." -

U.S. Army ordnance manual

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed"

- U.S. Air Force flight training manual

Enjoy your English while you can..... The European

Commission has just

announced an agreement whereby English will be the

official language

of the European Union rather than German, which

was the other

possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's

Government conceded that

English spelling had some room for improvement and

has accepted a

5-year phase-in plan that would become known as

"Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".

Sertainly, this will

make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k".

This should klear up

konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the

sekond year when the

troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This

will make words like

fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new

spelling kan be expekted

to reach the stage where more komplikated changes

are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double

letters which have

always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the

silent "e" in the languag

is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such

as replasing "th"

with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd

from vords kontaining

"ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil

sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun

vil find it ezi tu

understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil

finali kum tru.

[begood2]

SM,

I'm glad that you joined LDS Talk...your adding some real amusing post to liven up this area of the message board. Thanks. :)

[Seraphim Moonshadow]

*Blush* Why, thank-you, lol.

GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"

Keep Scrolling

"Don't what?" Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.

Keep Scrolling

"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!!!!!"

"No Way!"

Keep scrolling

"Yes way!"

"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.

"Why"

"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was angry! "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?" said the Father.

"I don't know," said Eve.

"She started it!" Adam said

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"DID NOT!"

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY! If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.

AND FINALLY:

IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:

TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!

[Guest Crazy Horse]

SM, this is going to be fun!

B)

[Seraphim Moonshadow]

Going to be? Hah, it is!

[Guest Crazy Horse]

A client told me a joke this morning:

A skeleton walks into a bar and says. "Gimme a beer. And a mop."

Should I have said "root beer"?

[Seraphim Moonshadow]

Root beer or milk. I've heard some..unique jokes from people.

[Seraphim Moonshadow]

E-Mail Errors..

It's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can

be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.

Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled

streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a

business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a

quicke-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had

written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from

memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed

instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed

away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her

e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing

scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note

on the screen:

Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival

tomorrow.

PS. Sure is hot down here.

[Guest Crazy Horse]

Now THAT is funny!

[moroni]

i don't think that was very funny because you got it from me and the devil wouldn't be going to heaven.

shut up

That was a truely terrible joke. I don't know that it could really even be considered a joke because it was so terrible. Next time you have a joke comparable to that one...just keep it to yourself please because it is just wasting space on the boards. Thank you much.

[/quojust replace the word devil with funkyfool and will all be happy

[Guest Monica]

Who is still laughing?