Were you bullied in school?

[bcguy]

I just read this on cnn and it seems increadably sad how a nice teenager that came from Ireland was bullied to the point where she hanged her self.

Prosecutor: Nine teens charged in bullying that led to girl's suicide - CNN.com

My wife has told me she loved Ireland. She loves the people there because they are so friendly. Is it possible this friendliness and the fact she had dated a high-school athlete led to her death? The article pretty much points it out but, this article goes well bond your typical bulling experience.

I was bullied in high school and never defended my self. I just swayed away from most people and kept to my self in the library. I had few if any friends because I was shy.

Thankfully, our school had almost no fights and generally, people got along. Few if any involved in any kind of drugs except the occational joint smoker off property lines.

[daenvgiell]

That's really sad when it comes to that, if only things like that could be stopped or most importantly, avoided. I'm shocked that there was physical abuse to a female, I know it does happen, but not usually.

I was bullied in school, but it wasn't the physical kind, I only had 3 friends, and no one else would talk to me or wanted nothing to do with me because I was a "goody-two-shoes" or a "teachers pet" To get out of the situation I was fortunate enough to change schools. Now it's just a memory, but it holds no pain.

[Dravin]

I was bullied, the worst of it was in 7th grade and lead to me doing 8th grade as Home School. Twas the emotional/verbal kind, never got into any fights.

[Wingnut]

I only had 3 friends

I had one. It was a different friend each grade, too.

[Bini]

I read about this on AOL I think it was. It reminds me of the girl that committed suicide after constant bullying on Myspace or Facebook. Very sad. But I was never bullied like that. Sure I've been picked on but I think most everyone experiences that sort of thing growing up with other kids.

[Just_A_Guy]

The really sad part is that (connecting the dots with the criminal charges) one of the bullies was someone with whom she had formerly been romantically involved.

Incidentally, Massachusetts apparently has no Romeo/Juliet legislation. If a fifteen-year-old has intercourse, it's statutory rape regardless of the age of her (or his) partner.

[Wisc]

I read about this on AOL I think it was. It reminds me of the girl that committed suicide after constant bullying on Myspace or Facebook. Very sad. But I was never bullied like that. Sure I've been picked on but I think most everyone experiences that sort of thing growing up with other kids.

Whats REALLY sad is that girls like the one "bullied to death online" didnt have the gumption or basic self esteem to simply log off the computer, walk over to the living room and sit down and zone out with real life people watching some silly movie for a while. I mean we all know that I pick on HG a little but Im sure that I do not even cross his mind when he's not directly reading one of my posts. Why? Because he has a life!

[daenvgiell]

I had one. It was a different friend each grade, too.

That's sad and disheartening, should I mention that it was my 3 "friends" that were bullying me?

[pam]

Whats REALLY sad is that girls like the one "bullied to death online" didnt have the gumption or basic self esteem to simply log off the computer, walk over to the living room and sit down and zone out with real life people watching some silly movie for a while. I mean we all know that I pick on HG a little but Im sure that I do not even cross his mind when he's not directly reading one of my posts. Why? Because he has a life!

I'm sorry. What's really sad is the fact that many will find fault with the person being bullied and tell them to get a life.

The thing is..a lot of this bullying didn't happen just online. A lot of it happened in real life as well. To say the girl should have just walked away from the computer is putting the blame on the girl and not on the people doing the bullying which I think is a bit unfair. It's not tackling the issues that are really at hand. Come on!! These kids were hurt and bothered enough that they took their own life. Some of the bullying is the fact that people post lies and innuendos about people that just exacerbate the things that happen to the girls or boys in real life.

Telling kids to walk away from the computer and chill out on the couch doesn't stop the bullying. Computers have just added a new dimension to bullying that has increased with the younger generation. If there were no computer the bullying would continue in other ways.

Life during the teen years are so difficult for many. Kids at that age or so influenced by what others around them think about them. Wisc you are probably right..the girls may not have had enough self esteem? How many teen girls do you know that are so comfortable in their own skin that mean, rude, bullying kinds of antics just roll off their back? Kind of hard to have self esteem when you are ridiculed, have lies told about you not only online but in real life too. You're talking apples and oranges when you compare ridiculing HoosierGuy and talking about young teen girls. HoosierGuy is an adult. Even with that said...doing it on lds.net is just not cool. Is that not a small degree of bullying?

Edited March 30, 2010 by pam

[prisonchaplain]

I was an usual teenager. Very square. I had the black-rimmed glasses, crooked teeth, acne, and a reasonable love for learning, all combined with a certain clumsiness that comes with growing physically at a very young age. My one advantage--well two? That growth meant that the would-be bullies stuck to verbal taunts, because at 13 I was over 6'2". I probably couldn't have done much of a job of defending myself, but in middle school, that amount of size can protect. Second, I honestly, thoroughly, and sincerely did not care what strangers thought of me. When someone would yell, "Hey bean pole!" The self-talk in my head was, "I don't even know that guy...so what on earth?"

Even then, I knew my attitude was unusual. Just something God granted me as a personality defense. The downside is that I have to be careful to be sensitive to others' feelings. Just because I'm thick-skinned does not mean others are. So, humor must needs be tempered with a caution against inadvertent ridicule.

A key point--I don't really know that the "not caring what others think" approach can be taught. The best we can do is suggest it to victims as a strategy, and try to model it. But, I agree with Pam--never blame the victim.

[JudoMinja]

Were you bullied in school?

To a small extent, yes. Pretty much only in sixth grade though, and it was all emotional bullying. For the most part, I was very seperated from the social aspect of school- a natural loner. Like prisonchaplain, I just did not care what others thought about me. I did not care about socializing with others my own age. I was more concerned with other matters.

My older brother was bullied severely, though. Especially in seventh grade. There was a whole group of boys that would constantly pick on him and beat up on him, and sometimes it got bad enough that the cops were called. He wanted to take karate, but the ringleader of the bullies was in the class he would have been signed up for, so he decided against it.

My sister was never bullied (as far as I know), but she was naturally popular- didn't even have to try.

I also have two younger brothers still in school. One is special needs, and I'm almost certain he gets bullied, he just doesn't understand it. The other I'm not so sure. He just started middle school and he's gotten in trouble for a couple "fights"- standing up for another kid getting bullied, but he likes to keep to himself and doesn't talk about what goes on at school, so I don't know.

If my family is any indication of the average bullying ratio around the world, there are a LOT of kids who put up with bullying. Some minimally, and they handle it just fine. Some don't even notice- it rolls right off their back. And others get hit really hard.

To some degree, the victim does have control over the bullying. It is the victim's choice how they respond to bullying. However, that certainly doesn't mean bullying is the fault of the victim. Bullying is not okay, to any extent. To tell someone they should just let it go or ignore it shows a complete lack of sympathy and understanding for their feelings. Sure it is a good coping tactic, but no one should have to cope with bullying. Many who are deeply bothered by bullying do have a lack of self-esteem, but self-esteem isn't something you just put on like a pair of shoes. It takes a lot of conscious work and effort to build self-esteem, and frequent cut-downs or even light-hearted not-so-nice comments can be detrimental to one trying to rebuild a sense of self-worth.

I am a firm believer that no harsh or demeaning comments should ever be spoken toward another, even in jest. Everything we say should be said with an effort to lift one another up. Everything we do should be done in kindness. Bullying would be non-existant if everyone had sufficient sympathy and empathy for their fellow man.

[LocalFarms]

Let's see... I wet my pants till fourth grade, I played with the girls at recess and sat with a group of girls at lunch, am kinda effeminate, and STILL twist my hair (recently found out that it is a psycological condition called trichtotillomania.. I keep my hair short now). So yeah I was teased to say the least. I'm so over it now but if I ever have kids they'll be homeschooled and put in martial arts training

[Jamie123]

Trouble is that under the sacred cow of "Zero Tolerance" the plucky kid who stands up to the bully is condidered as bad as the bully himself. Both get expelled, which is no punishment at all to the bully (he's been thrown out of more schools than he's had hot dinners) but a major disaster to the plucky kid.

[miztrniceguy]

Bullied? no...beat up? yes.

I lived in "the barrio" about 40 miles east of LA. The in the tract housing we lived in there were only 3 families of my race. I had to run home many times because I would be cornered by a group of teens (other 7-8 graders)who would make a circle and tell me I was going to let X kid (wearing a white t-shirt with a pendleton over it with just the top button buttoned and chino pants) beat me up. If I didn't let him without fighting back then they would all do it. Many times I ran into someones yard seeking asylum, but most times it was to no avail.

[Blackmarch]

I just read this on cnn and it seems increadably sad how a nice teenager that came from Ireland was bullied to the point where she hanged her self.

Prosecutor: Nine teens charged in bullying that led to girl's suicide - CNN.com

My wife has told me she loved Ireland. She loves the people there because they are so friendly. Is it possible this friendliness and the fact she had dated a high-school athlete led to her death? The article pretty much points it out but, this article goes well bond your typical bulling experience.

I was bullied in high school and never defended my self. I just swayed away from most people and kept to my self in the library. I had few if any friends because I was shy.

Thankfully, our school had almost no fights and generally, people got along. Few if any involved in any kind of drugs except the occational joint smoker off property lines.

Yes I was.

[NeuroTypical]

Whats REALLY sad is that girls like the one "bullied to death online" didnt have the gumption or basic self esteem to simply log off the computer, walk over to the living room and sit down and zone out with real life people watching some silly movie for a while.

Yeah. All those gumption lacking people are probably better off killing themselves, right? Lemme guess - all the cripples and 'tards should just stay away from us normal people too?

I don't usually get offended at posts, but yours sure comes close Wisc.

LM

[Blackmarch]

Whats REALLY sad is that girls like the one "bullied to death online" didnt have the gumption or basic self esteem to simply log off the computer, walk over to the living room and sit down and zone out with real life people watching some silly movie for a while. I mean we all know that I pick on HG a little but Im sure that I do not even cross his mind when he's not directly reading one of my posts. Why? Because he has a life!

1000 to 1 it was more than just "online". It's not just a case of you reading what someone else is writing about you- it's what happens when your peers read it and then start treating you that way.

What is sad is that other people treated and continued to treat her in such a way that she felt that suicide was a better option. And I very much doubt it was the little jokes we have with each other.... Things like this tend to be real @#$% that's done behind their back.

Edited March 31, 2010 by Blackmarch

[personne]

hi all..

I was the victim of physical harassment at the elementary school(absx) ..,and then in college they made fun of me

[Blackmarch]

hi all..

I was the victim of physical harassment at the elementary school(absx) ..,and then in college they made fun of me

I"m really sorry that's what happened to you.

[personne]

You do not have to be sorry, it's done, then that's life we must learn to defend ourselves ..

[Tarnished]

Let's see, I was bullied from Kindergarten to 12th grade. The worst of it happened in junior high where I was physically, emotionally, mentally and sexually abused by my fellow classmates. It got to a point where the principal gave me permission to make a list of all the boys who had sexually abused me at some point or another be it verbally or physically, the list contained almost every boy in my class.

Through all of this I had one friend that stuck with me through it all, she was bullied and teased to a greater extent than I was so we stuck together like glue. Eventually as I got into high school things got a bit better and I got a few more friends. Then in my senior year my best friend (the one mentioned above) graduated early and went to college so that she could escape the bullying. With her gone I found some sort of inner strength and started standing up to me. I made more friends among the lower classmen and ended up getting to a point where people left me alone.

Looking back on it all I can honestly say that all the bullying caused me to become stronger and taught me to ignore it when someone is being a jerk like that. However, I can honestly say that those years were the worst of my life, and if I had been given the choice I would have rather been homeschooled.

[personne]

oh i'm really sorry... i'm sad...

[tefor]

Yes--All through grade school (physically and emotionally), and on into middle school. I wouldn't necessarily say that I was bullied in high school, but the teasing was pretty intense to the point that it amounted to borderline bullying. It didn't help that even at home I was told that I brought it on myself by being so "weird". (This was before anybody had heard of Asperger's Syndrome.) It's been some 25 years now, and I'm getting over it more and more, but the effects still linger somewhat. On the upside, I think it's helped me develop greater empathy for other people than I might have had otherwise, and I try especially hard to make our home a place where our children can come to feel valued and loved when it seems like the whole world is against them.

[Bini]

I'm sorry to hear some of your personal experiences.

I find it interesting how bullying molds people into their adulthood. I knew a girl in Junior High that was constantly teased for being awkward. She was very introverted and kept to herself. Most people didn't know she even existed but there was a group of boys that were just cruel to her. I remember one of the boys spitting on her and degrading her in front of the class. I had talked with her a few times but it was very hard to get her to carry on a conversation. This was about 12 years ago. Now, she's on my Facebook and is a complete bombshell! You'd never know that she was that same person so many years ago. I actually chatted with her a couple times on the phone and there's nothing introverted about this girl anymore. I was so shocked in how assertive and confident she was. But I still sensed that after all this time, she carried a chip on her shoulder and had created this "hard" facade to protect herself. So it would seem that the bullying she endured as a youth, definitely caused some long-term damage to her self-esteem and self-image, regardless of how fabulous she appears to be on the outside.

[RachelleDrew]

I got picked on a little early on in Junior High....then something in me just snapped and I flipped out on the girl who was responsible for most of it. Decided I was never going to allow anyone to treat me that way again.

Sad to say when high school came around, I was the queen bee and the bully. I think it was a defense mechanism to try and keep other people down before they did something hurtful to me. That isn't to excuse it, at 14-18 years old I was well old enough to know better. When I got to college I tried to make amends with everyone I was hateful to, some forgave me and some didn't. I can totally understand why someone wouldn't so I wasn't offended.

I feel really bad for this girl and her family.