Is there any support system in repenting?


lost123
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I want to repent but I am so discouraged by it all. I can't seem to get it together on my own. My boyfriend and I were much too heavily involved. I've discontinued our relationship for the time being. I've spoken to my Bishop who told me what I need to do to repent. I know what I need to do but in trying to do that I don't feel anything. I don't feel any sense of hope, any sense of encouragement, any sense of an end in sight. What I do feel is that I failed and that perhaps I am not cut out for this gospel. I feel isolated and alone. I can't partake of the sacrament. I can't attend the temple. I can't serve in the church. I can't do anything that helps increase my testimony. I don't feel encouraged when I read my scriptures and I feel as though prayers can be quite empty. I've considered going back to my boyfriend. That way I don't feel so alone. I am starting to resent repentance. Ugh. Is there any support system in repenting?

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I think you resent repentance because you are misunderstanding what it is. Maybe you think its punishment of some sort. Or maybe you are punishing yourself and hoping that will turn things around. In any case, I think your biggest stumbling block is how you are looking at things.

The Lord wants us to change. And as we move forward, one step at a time, His grace and power helps to cleanse us and refine our natures. But don't forget that its a process and you aren't expected to turn from sinner to saint on a dime. Think about how the Lord does things. He took millennia to make the earth. Think about all the processes and patience it took to make the earth look like it does today. He does the same for us and its ok that the process is slow and steady. There is hope and grace and love woven into all of it.

You, my friend, need to learn more about who God is and what He is doing with you. You need to become aquainted personally with his grace and tender mercies. And then you need to start evaluating yourself, your mistakes and your life more like the way He sees it.

Go easy, my friend, and go forward with patience and love for yourself as you practice self discipline. Remember discouragement is the way of the adversary. If you feeling or thinking inside that headspace, you know without question that it is Satan you are listening too.

So, head up. Be of good cheer. You are exactly where you need to be today. Don't worry so much about yesterday or tomorrow.

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yes their is a support out their, your heavenly father its important to him that you want to come clean from the things of the world. hes with you every step. also in those footsteps are all the other sisters and brothers who have traveled that same road your traveling, i being one of them. i know how hard it is but in the end its worth all youve had to indure. keep up the good work.

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I will just reiterate what halfway touched on, and stress the difference between healing and destructive guilt. Healing guilt comes from God and leads us to repentance through humility. What you are describing, what you are feeling, is destructive guilt, and that comes from Satan.

You need to rethink your perspective. Repentance is not a punishment, it is a healing, changing, growing process that can make us stronger and bring us closer to the Lord. When You can see it this way, your destructive guilt will dissipate and you will find yourself feeling humbled.

The Lord does not want you to feel alone. He wants you to recognize that you CAN'T do this alone, that you need His help. That is what repentance is all about. You have messed up beyond your ability to correct on your own. You need the atonement to wash away your sins.

Satan wants you to feel alone. Satan wants you to feel miserable, incapable, hopeless, discouraged. Satan wants you to feel as though you have failed and can never succeed. He is the one filling you with these depressing feelings, trying to bring you down and turn you away from the path of repentance. If you listen to him, you will never be able to shake these feelings.

Remember that it is only when we give up that we have truly failed. When we fall, we pick ourselves back up and keep on trying. It doesn't matter how many times you fall. As long as you keep picking yourself back up, as long as you keep pushing yourself forward, your life is a success. Don't give up on repentance because you feel hurt by it. Keep pushing forward, and before long you will feel the healing touch of the Savior's love.

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I agree with Judo and the others. You are listening to Satan right now. Everything you said in your post are a bunch of depressing, discouraging thoughts that Satan uses to keep you from understanding the atonement. He loves to kick people when they are down.

When you go to church next week, take a look at everyone in the congregation, and remember that a good number of them have had to confess things to the bishop - people you would never guess from the outside. Everyone in the chapel has done things that they are ashamed of.

I know someone personally that was excommunicated for cheating on his wife (and 6 kids). He was truly, truly sorry, had to go through the church court. Somehow his wife saw his sincerity and forgave him and stayed, but he was miserable and embarrassed. Fast forward a few years and he was re-baptized, got a temple recommend again, and became a bishop.

Everyone falls. That is why I love our Savior sooooo much! We are all nothing without the atonement, from President Monson to your Relief Society president to you. We all need the atonement equally. You are just a normal human being like the rest of us - there is nothing worse about you, you just don't know everyone else's dirty laundry. You'll be fine!

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Thank you for your posts. I guess what is troubling me is that I am finding no strength of spirit which affects my resolve to do the right thing. I can't seem to find the Lord's help in this. I need to talk about repentance with someone so I can start to feel something and start to sort this out BUT as I have only told the bishop I can't seem to do this with anyone. I can't reason anything out spiritually to look deeper or feel deeper. I just feel alone...and tempted to find comfort from the boyfriend ... but am afraid we'd end back where we were. Perhaps I am not ready for repentance yet.

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What is wrong with being alone? Perhaps this is a beautiful opportunity staring you in the face. Maybe the Lord is absolutely with you and pointing you too it but you are expecting lights and whistles instead. This is a huge turning point for you and YOU are the captain of your own destiny. God can love you and guide you and help you when it is wise to do so, but YOU are the one who must own your course. So why not stop all the excuses? Why not take the reigns of your life and stop allowing emotions or empty feelings dictate how you will live?

And I want to challenge your first statement as well. You are finding no strength of spirit? What spirit exactly do you need? Do you think God is in the business of constantly picking up his children when they fall? Do you think He will do your work for you? Stop all this victimhood. Pick yourself up. Dust yourself off and make a choice on your own. The spirit will meet you on the other side of that courage. And when it does, thank God He didn't come and save you the experience of gaining the strength on your own.

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Lost,

Fasting and prayer together really work. This action increases your capacity to feel the Spirit. If you chose not to confess and go to the bishop, and think that everything is too hard, you will continue to not have the Holy Ghost help you. I have noticed that when I have a lack of faith and entertain discouraging thoughts, the Holy Ghost will not come and pick me up until after I pick myself up.

But you can pray for someone to come into your life to help you, like a friend for moral support. Maybe someone could go with you to the bishop's office, like your best girlfriend? Even to sit outside the door or she could come in the room with you. There is nothing wrong with leaning on a friend for a while. And have you noticed that everyone on this forum has their own sins and issues? It should show you that we understand more where you are coming from. We are not a bunch of squeaky clean Mormons.

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Repentance can seem difficult, and it is, repenting is not an easy thing where you can just say, "I'm sorry" and then have it be over immediately. However, though it is difficult it is worth it. Feeling forgiven is a wonderful thing. And yes I know how hard it is to go to church and not be able to take the sacrament, not pray in class, not have a calling. I did it for a year, and half of that year I was not able to speak in class either. So I went to church silent, without taking the sacrament, without praying, and yes it was hard, but now that I have been forgiven I can say that it was so worth it.

And at first I can honestly say that I did not feel the Spirit, in fact I often felt little or nothing, even when I was at church. This made it difficult to keep on, but I did and now it is a wonderful thing to feel the Spirit again. Satan wants you to give up, he wants you to say, "This is too hard, I must not be ready for this." Because once you give up you will go back to what you were doing before, and it will not get better from there, instead it will get worse. Don't give up, don't turn back, keep on going. Heavenly Father wants you to return to him, he has blessings waiting for you, you just need to keep on going.

My best advice, try to live as if you were a fully active member. Go to church, go to activities, do service if you can, and don't think about what you can't do, instead focus on what you can. And think about how sweet it will be once you are clean and pure again to take the sacrament and return to the temple. Be strong and keep on the path back to Heavenly Father and Christ.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Thanks everyone. That talk by the Wilcox's came at just the right time. I think the initial hump of repentance was the most difficult. I still have a long way to go. Temptations still presents itself and I must be very careful. But...I don't feel like I am paddling against the current so much. That was a very difficult stage. Thank you. For all you bishops out there...when one confesses...it helps that when you apply disciplinary measures...to do so with a measure of hope...and not necessarily leave us to the wiles of the adversary who would discourage us further. Remind us of who we are. That helps give the strength to break through the barrier that keeps us locked in. When we need help....we REALLY need help.

Edited by lost123
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Guest WhoShotJS
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lost,

quit. there is a whole world outside the LDS church. A world where sex is a beautiful manifestation of the feelings two people share. A world where people aren't singled out, or cut down for human nature. save yourself before you get too far - before you realized you've wasted your life following these silly rules that keep you from really experiencing life! Please, please, please!

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