To go or Not to go???????????

[confuzzled]

I have been inactive for over 4 years. I am in the process of getting active again simply because I know it is what I am supposed to do. One huge hang up I have is at this point I have absolutely no desire to go to Relief Society. None! I have gone and I don't feel that I belong. I feel like an outsider looking in. I don't know the majority of the women and to be honest I don't have a desire to know them. I know I know that sounds horrible, but its the truth. I even had to request to take my name off of VT because my lady's wouldn't compy to my simple wishes. (my dh and I do not have 9-5 jobs)

So, any suggestions???

[miztrniceguy]

volunteer for nursery or primary!

[confuzzled]

having a calling any either primary or the nursery isn't the best place for me to be right now

[annamaureen]

I somewhat understand. I have a difficult time making friends; I sit alone in Relief Society with all these women chatting and laughing around me, and just gaze silently ahead waiting for the lesson to start.

And that's what we need to remember. We're there for the lesson, to learn more about the gospel.

[Tamiele]

Well, talking from my own experience and having been in the very same situation you are in. I did what I felt I could do....and accepted it. I made it clear to my Relief Society President and the Bishop that I understood my progress better than anyone else...and I would do what I was able to do and nothing more. We are all on a different place on the road. When I got real with what I could do versus what I thought everyone expected me to do, I felt the pressure off and could focus on me. Eventually I found myself accepting VT's and being one, as well I have a small calling. I am still not doing all that has been asked of me....but it is MY journey and I will take it on my own terms. Don't feel bad....just be in the moment and keep it simple, the Gospel is meant to be that way.

[Roseslipper]

Just go back, if u cant go to relief society right now, ok then just go to scarament and sunday school when u feel ready to go to relief society then go. I know what you mean about feeling like u dont fit in . Ive felt that way too at one time, but I know it was all in my mind. I do fit in and I love releif society now..Just take it one step at a time. The most important thing is to go back. Love from your sister.

[MisterT]

I can only tell you about my story of re-conversion.

A little more than 10 years ago my ex-wife and I had a child who was born with an extremely rare birth defect that left her missing most of her small intestine (necrotizing entrocolitis and strictures - she has only 90 centimeters left - normal is around 1200) causing an equally rare disease known as "Short gut syndrome."

She spent her first 2 years in the ICU; sedated most of the time. She endured nearly 30 major surgeries where bowel was removed and resected. She had an illiostomy (similar to a colostomy, but at the illius instead of the colon), a Broviac IV (a 'central line' IV that is inserted, under flouroscopy, into the ventrical of the heart), a GJ "Mickey Button" feeding tube (surgically inserted through the abdomen into the bowel), and was connected to IV's and feeding tubes 24/7.

After 2 years of her being in the ICU we had to leave Arizona and move to Nebraska, where the Intestinal Research and Transplant Hospital was located (The Lied Center). We had to short-sell our home, leave my business, and uproot our eldest daughter from her school.

We were welcomed into our new ward with open arms... Well, at least my wife was. I had to commute to Los Angeles so that I could make the kind of money I needed to sustain the medical treatments that were keeping my daughter alive.

I was resentful of the neglect I was receiving from the Elders when I was home; or I should say, the lack of anything other than a cursory 'hello.' I began to hate to go to church because I didn't fit in.

6 years ago I stopped going altogether.

2 years ago my wife left me with nothing more than a few dollars and a pillow.

I heard nothing from anyone in my ward; nor did I expect to.

In December, 2 years after my now ex-wife left me I attempted suicide and spent a month in the hospital. I was sick of living; tired of feeling worthless and unloved.

I was reading my e-mail when I left the hospital and there was a link to the LDS website, so for whatever reason I clicked on it.

I decided to find out who the Bishop was in the area I was now living, and I called him. I left a message just stating that I was new to the area and wanted to find out about the ward.

He returned my call shortly thereafter, and within 5 minutes I had the information I had half-heartedly wanted.

Before we hung up, he asked if I'd be at church on Sunday. I gave him my best non-commital "if I'm able," and we ended the call.

I went to church that Sunday and briefly shook hands. Nothing more.

The next week I couldn't make myself get out of bed, I was so depressed.

The third week I went back and the Bishop came over to me and simply asked "how are things with you?"

I told him "not too good."

He left.

In Elders Quorum the Bishop interrupted and asked me to come to his office to meet. He said that he had been impressed by the Spirit to pull me aside immediately; that he was afraid for my life. I began to tell him what had been happening in my life the last 10 years, and he wept.

He's my Home Teacher, my friend. He calls me several times a week to ask after my health and welfare. He cares for me the way Christ cared.

I can't imagine being without him and the love that my ward unconditionally offers me.

I'm repenting for the things I did while I was inactive, and I feel the blessings of Heaven pouring out on my every day.

My advise to you is just go back and sit through Sacrament meeting. Talk to the Bishop and tell him about yourself. Cast your worries on him, and he will help you bear their weight.

[normaje]

Going to sacrament meeting is a huge step...don't feel guilty about not attending R.S.

[Nikkie85]

When I was first baptized I was the youngest woman in RS by about twenty five years (probably more). When I stopped complaining about not having any friends or being surrounded by a bunch of old ladies I learned so much! Those old ladies are now my dear friends...

If you have the attitude of not wanting to get to know these ladies I doubt they are going to go out of their way to be friendly with you. Maybe you could make friends with a female recent convert and you guys could go to RS together. That would maybe make you feel more included and fellowship a new member.

[confuzzled]

Age isn't the reason why I don't feel that I fit it. Being the only woman w/out children is just one reason why I don't fit in. I can't name all the reasons I just don't fit in and in all honesty I'm ok w/ that. Being the odd one out is okay w/ me but its so much more then that. I just honestly cringe at the thought of having to go.:eek:

[Roseslipper]

I know the feelings of not having children, I know the feelings of not ever being married, and your dreams for these righteous desires some might not happen in this life. And the reality of it hurts, its painful and yes and times you might cry, specially when Relief Society teaches u to be a good wife, a good mother, but it also teachers you to be a good person....a stronger woman...to stand up for truth and to bare your trails. And most important is the main goal for Relief SOciety is to help each sister grow closer to Heavenly Father. But its ok, if u cant push yourself to go right now. Take one step at a time....

[Bini]

Ugh. I'm inactive as well and it's hard enough trying to get myself (and hubby) to even step foot into a church building, let alone, sit for an hour in RS or Priesthood. I would just say to take your time and don't put so much pressure onto yourself that you get anxiety. I see no reason why you can't attend RS and just listen to the lessons without having to socialise with everyone. The times that I had attended church, I was never one to sit and just chit chat with the ladies. It's not a sin to keep to yourself in RS.

[Truegrits]

I do not know if I would like RS or not...I have never experienced it.

I go from Primary teacher to Nursery to YW to Primary presidency to YW pres. to Nursery...over and over...

[FairChild]

I can understand how hard it is to fit in. I miscarried a baby I desperatly wanted and made the mistake of going back the first time after it happened on Mother's Day. I was so hurt already and doing that made the pain even worse. I wish you well. Remember sometimes the best thing to do is take baby steps. You will still get there, just may take a little longer, that's all. FC

[mormonwifey]

I was inactive in the church for a long time,until I finally listened to my conscience and all.I have been back in the church actively for awhile now and was just baptized on May.01,2010.I was supposed to be in Relief Society last Sunday,but was hurting very badly (due to having Intersistial Cystitis- Bladder disease),so I came home.I am actually very,very nervous about Relief Society this coming Sunday,but I feel I need to be there.I want to really connect with the women of my congregation,they are wonderful,especially Sister Winters (missionary),Sister Wright (another missionary) and Sister White who over sees the Relief Society.These three ladies put me at ease so much. All we can do is what we feel is right for us,not what's right for everybody else.Ask our Lord what you should do and he will guide you

[clarissa]

Hey, I know how you feel! I was inactive for over three years at one point because I'd simply lost interest in the lessons and did not feel comfortable in Relief Society or Sunday School. I didn't mind Sacrament Meeting (although I sometimes felt like it was too long) but I hated showing up and then having people who never otherwise talked to me, coming up with smiles and asking why they hadn't seen me around. I hated feeling like I was the "project" in the ward to be showered with what I perceived as "fake love" when I came to meetings. so I just didn't go!

But looking back on it, I think I used my excuses as a crutch to avoid going so I didn't feel so guilty about it. I realized after three years that I was not as happy in life as I wanted to be, that I felt like I lacked purpose, and I just felt a void in my life. I wanted to regain the happiness I'd had back when I attended meetings faithfully and build my testimony back. I finally started doing morning and evening prayer again, reading my scriptures every day (DON'T let yourself get away with not doing it!), and asking Heavenly Father in my prayers to help me experience a change of heart so I could enjoy Church again.

And now, I love being at Church! It is such a blessing in my life and I love being there. I feel so much happier and I also feel like I get a lot more out of the lessons, too. :)

Another thing I would recommend is buying President Uchtdorf's book, "The Remarkable Soul of a Woman". It really helps your self-esteem, love of the Gospel, and makes you feel united with the other women of the Church.

[MiriamA]

I am new to the forum and I wish I would have been around here in April to comment. I Completely understand where you are coming from! I have always struggled in RS and I am not sure why "exactly." I even taught a few times in RS, but I have never felt a part of RS, or that I fit in or even welcomed there. I did the going for the lessons, but I guess there are just things that get under my skin. We bought a house in a different city about 4 years ago and I thought it would be good to get back into RS. I went and was involved with VTing and everything. But I tell you what, I guess my previous RS pres talked to my new RS pres and told her stuff about me I guess and pretty soon the RS sisters are being jerky to me and everything. I know how we are just supposed to go and blah blah blah... sorry but that is how I feel. I also refuse to have VTs but for now I accept the card that the sister over sending cards to whomever is sending.

I don't know if the person who started this thread is still here, but I want you to know I do REALLY understand.

On a side note I have had a few miscarriages and was never able to have children and we did not adopt. And yes, sometimes the looks and comments are more than I can take.

[laydeebugg]

I'm the RS pres in our ward and even I dont particulary love going. (Yes, I just admitted that!) I agree that being in Primary is a perfect solution. Anyone care to convince my bishop? ;-)

[Sunshine_Lily]

I can completely understand how you feel because I dread going to relief society. I'm slowly going back to church inactivity due to illness. I can handle sacrament meeting and sunday school - but nothing more. I'm young (24yrs) and have no children, so I constantly feel out of place in a room with women who constantly relate to each other, no matter what topic. I always feel like a weed among roses in relief society and have stopped going to relief society all together. Even when I get the bravery to go, I soon regreat going after 10 minutes in relief society. Just know, you aren't alone in your feelings. Even though relief society is a wonderful thing, all that's "really" important is you attend sacrament meeting.