Depression keeping from being active in calling

[harleylds]

I know this was posted earlier I believe, but I think my situation is a little different. Hopefully if it's a repeat you can just bypass this post. Well, I have struggled with depression since childhood and have gotten help on and off along the way. Lately, my depression has gotten significantly worse, and it's causing me to miss my church meetings! I am a nursery assistant in my ward, and this will be the third time I haven't shown up in three months. I also have extremely bad anxiety when I feel I am trapped in a building with no real way to "escape". I have been on my knees all morning praying and listening to hymns but still don't feel 100%. What am I doing wrong? I feel awful about not attending church and my mother makes me feel even worse since she truly doesn't understand. On a side note: I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder last July but never felt it was correct...maybe I am wrong. Currently I am not on any medications.

Just looking for some advice and guidance and love at this time.

Thank you all and god bless!

[Roseslipper]

how old r u?

[cullenh]

harley you mentioned that you are currently not on any medication ..... is there a reason for that ????

[Bini]

I'm Bipolar too. You need to make an appointment with your pdoc and let him know what you're going through. Bipolar anxiety and depression doesn't just go away nor will it ever completely as it's a lifelong disorder. Often times with Bipolar, you won't experience a better quality of life without (a) some form of counseling/therapy and or (b) medication. While you may feel periods of highs where you can function and keep on top of responsibilities, it'll only be a matter of time until you hit your lows where racing thoughts and irrational behaviour may occur. It sounds like you're headed for a low. Get help and address it now.

[harleylds]

Roseslipper: I am 24 years old ( Why do you ask)

cullenh: I currently am not on any medication, because I decided to wean myself of the lithium I was taking. It was a complete nightmare! I can't even explain to you how out of it and zombie like I was. I also gained a horrendous amount of weight from all depression medication I was on. Which made my depression worse.

Bini: thank you for your post. Would you mind if I PM you sometime about your personal situation? I currently don't know any LDS members in my ward that are going through this, and it always helps to have the support of those who understand. I do worry that I am headed for a low.

I currently have been seeing a lovely LDS counselor since December and she helps a lot.

[WindRiver]

Lithium is a "safe" but very old medication. It works well for some but many often complain of feeling like a "zombie".

There are some newer meds that you might investigate that have worked really well for others:

Depakote and, Lamictal for bipolar.

For anxiety and bipolar management check out - The Health Cards - from Julie Fast.

Straight Talk on Managing Bipolar Disorder

[harleylds]

Thanks WindRiver for your input! I truly appreciate it!

[mightynancy]

I agree that there are better meds out there. Please do see your regular physician and a psychiatrist to find out what will work for you. Unfortunately, it's often trial-and-error that finds the right medicine, which can be really hard. If you have a good psychiatrist, stick with her/him until you hit on the right thing, though it's difficult when the meds you've tried aren't working.

You're so totally on track in other ways, though! You're praying, you're seeing a counselor, and it sounds like you're being realistic about your situation.

[harleylds]

Thanks MightyNancy! Luckily I am wanting for my insurance card in the mail so I get start figuring out what med combination would be the best for me. I haven't had insurance for three years, and so it's been a financial strain to get consistent help! You are all so sweet and helpful! Thank you!

[NeuroTypical]

What am I doing wrong?

...

On a side note: I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder last July but never felt it was correct...maybe I am wrong. Currently I am not on any medications.

I think you might have answered your own question.

This link might help you quite a lot: Oct 2005 Ensign: Elder Alexander B. Morrison - Myths about Mental Illness

[Guest mirancs8]

There are so many medications out there. Why suffer? You might have to try different things and see which one works the best. Remember to give the meds enough time because they don't all work immediately of course. Good luck to you.

[WillowTheWhisp]

I feel awful about not attending church and my mother makes me feel even worse since she truly doesn't understand.

Don't let anyone make you feel guilty about not attending church because you are ill. This will only make you worse. I know some well-meaning people simply cannot understand an illness they cannot see and don't understand why you can't just "pull yourself together" and get on with it. I have asked such people would they expect someone with a broken leg to even attempt to run a marathon. Of course the answer is no, the idea would be preposterous. It is equally preposterous to expect someone who is mentally suffering to be able to function the same way as someone who isn't. If you cannot even cope with being in such situations as a church environment then to have a responsibility like nursery is completely out of the question.

It's good that you have counselling. I hope you can get your health insurance and medication sorted out. I have to take medication for the rest of my life, without it I would go blind, yet no-one condemn me for having this disability. Neither should they criticise you if you need permanent medication for any reason.

[harleylds]

Awesome post WillowTheWisp! You said it all so beautifully, and I appreciate you taking the time to comment on mine! I am really contemplating talking to my bishop about needing some time away from the calling (to be released) until I can get on a medication plan that will work. I would hate to leave the head leaders hanging. It's nice to know that there is support on lds.net! Big Thanks!

[RadioactiveWolfboy]

Bipolar or not, depression sucks. I have had times that I have not been able to function and go to church or do a calling. I have ultra rapid cycling bipolar. The depression seems to suck the life out of you. I would definitely see your doctor and talk it out. I made the choice tyo take meds as I no longer wanted to live my life out of control and depressed. I knew I would gain weight, and I did some, but my life is so much better now. I have been stable for 12 years now and life is good. I'm even losing the weight I gained and that's just with a career change and increased activity..biking, walking. I take zyprexa and lexapro. Heavenly Father loves us, even though wwe have this / these problem(s). Don't worry about churchgoers opinions, but do talk to your Bishop and let him know your struggling. Get a blessing from your home teacher or some preisthood holder. I am never affraid to ask for one and it has helped me many times with depression or anxiety. I'm mostly stable, but not perfect. The gospel helps me greatly. I ask my Heavenly father for help EVERY day. He has not let me down yet. Depressive periods are not uncommon with bp and feels like they will last forever. If the lithium makes you sluggesh, try something else. I was on tegretol, and it made me feel like a zombie, like I was in a heavy fog. Zyprexa and Lexapro do not. Many or most people in church know I have this illness, so I get alot of support. And a few who do not talk to me because I am vocal for support of those with mental illness. I hope you are able to get the help you need. Start with prayer and a blessing, or blessings as you need them. You are not alone!

Rich

[crazypotato]

Have you tried seeing an acupuncturist? I really like Chinese medicine because they look at your diet and your entire bodily systems and how they relate to each other, but they also work with Western medicine. Chinese medicine is great for helping balance out your hormones and systems in your body.

Also, Qi Gong is great for depression. It is deep, slow breathing exercises along with self-hypnosis, concentration exercises that really work. I have tried them and they are very relaxing and really can reduce anxiety and depression. There are no side effects or harmful drugs in your system.

Try Matthew Cohen's Fire and Water DVD. It is QiGong for anxiety or depression. It is probably in your library or you could be a used DVD if you don't have much money.

Also, a lady in my ward has bipolar disorder. She has struggled with trying many different medications over the years and finally found that weight lifting greatly eases her symptoms. Other forms of exercise did not help nearly as much.

[Wisc]

You pass me on the street and our eyes briefly meet.

You hold the door open for me as I enter behind you.

I say thanks, but you have no idea that my mind is blank.

In the elevator you crack a joke, I flash a smile,

you have no idea that my heart is broke.

You ask me how my day was and I say fine.

You have no idea that my brain and I are arguing to if I should cross the line.

My happiness is gone as I walk in this world.

The thoughts in my head have me wishing I was laying in a cold dark hole.

Once you lose your soul there is no turning back.

Everything you once dreamed of no longer has even the smallest impact.

You don't want to love nor do you want to have fun.

Your days are so long the problems in your mind make you question if you should even carry on.

You smile so that's what people see on your face,

they think that you are happy but deep down inside you feel like a worthless disgrace.

Each day the performance you put on for people is Emmy award winning,

But you question yourself and wonder if your act is just a way for you to hold off your own internal sinnings.

When you wake up from a night's sleep you wonder to yourself if today is the day your heart will be back to it's old self or will it still be skipping every other beat.

You wonder if things that once made you happy to be alive will make a comeback.

or if the little things in life that made you who you are will have you once again dreaming to the stars.

You wonder if you will feel less empty hearted.

and question to yourself who holds the match to start that fire.

Are you also tired of running and losing your breath.

Do you want to hold tight to something that will help you once again enjoy the journey into lives amazing treks.

We all want to feel that every day can be better than the last.

Perhaps one day even turn your lost soul feeling into a thing of your past.....

Edited April 13, 2010 by Wisc