Asking A Woman to Wait for Me?


Recommended Posts

A young woman and I (she’s 18 & I’m 20) have been dating for several months. We have a very strong spiritual connection, I love her and know that she is my eternal companion. Whenever were together a large portion of our conversation is church related, and we share many of the same views / goals. Whenever we're together I can't feel anything but joy.

The only concern I have is that I'm leaving on a mission soon and am not sure if asking her to wait for me is the right / fair thing to do. She also wants to serve a mission and that is so impressive and important that I can’t help but support her decision to do so. The way things are right now, and I’ve prayed a great deal about this, I think we’ll get married / sealed after we both return from serving. What should I do? Any advice at all about anything is appreciated!

Edited by Call2Serves
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey, I say if she loves you as much as you love her, then go for it! If she is your eternal companion, then she will gladly wait. Or really, maybe you'll both be waiting for each other, if she goes on her mission close to the same time you go on yours.

And if she does go around the same time, then she won't really have to "wait" most of the time, because she will be quite occupied, and not dating anyone else due to her own mission. You'll both have peace of mind on that. I imagine it can be pretty distracting to a young man's mission, when he asks a girl he loves to wait for him, and then he worries "what if she finds someone else?" the whole time he's away... If you two can get around that, it would be great.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She'll have to be 21 before she goes on her mission right? So, this will be a - first she waits, then when you come home, you wait.

Which is cool. You can take the time away from each other to "grow". That's a trick to marital relationships - it's not 1/2 plus 1/2 = 1, it's 1 plus 1 = 1. She has to be an individual and so should you. So, use this time away to better yourself and for her to better herself independent of each other.

If you find that she moved on without you, then, that's just the way the wind blows. There will be other women.

Like Melissa said, the mission field is not the time to worry about who you left behind. It is the time where you are 100% in service to the Lord.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I feel like I need to give my own two cents on this matter. And I will be direct on this one. Don't ask her to wait for you. Waiting is a painful thing to do. At 18, she has her life to live as you have your mission to focus on. In order to do that, you need to forget her for a while. If when you come home and she remains unattached and you still feel as strongly for her as you do now then go ahead and work out your relationship.

Asking someone to wait for you will stress you out on your mission. You will always wonder if she is dating someone or if she's staying true to you. Dear John letters cause a lot of missionaries to lose focus on the missionary work they should be doing. I am just stating facts. And on her end, it is not fair to her. When you wait,your life is at a standstill. Yes, she may pursue other interests but she would not be as free as she ought to be because at the back of her head she will be thinking of her promise to wait for you.

I hope you don't find me being too forward having said this. But trust me. I know what I am talking about. During the course of your mission you will gain a lot of experiences that will change you. Allow her to grow up unhindered too and let her pursue her own path as well.

I feel the need to share to you my story.. I waited for a missionary. We dated 2 years before he left and we had plans of marriage when he returned (I was 21, he was 20 when he left for his mission). I wrote him -- but during the course of his mission I realized that I really did not know where to place myself in his life. When I wrote him, I had to make sure that I did not put anything that will detract him. and it was tough, when you're in love and you can't let him know. A missionary need not be bothered about romantic relationships because trust me it will distract you from what you are called to do. Anyway, when he went home we realized that we both had changed so much. We dated for a bit but it didn't work out. So we broke up. I have to tell you, my regret was that I held my life at a standstill. Sure I pursued further studies and did worthwhile things but there were a lot of things that I wasn't able to do (dating is one of them) because I was on "reserve" and I built my life on the plans we made before he left. If I could do my life over, I would have lived as freely as I could and pursued what I wanted to do. And by the way, his younger sister asked me for advice if she should wait for a missionary who was leaving soon -- and guess what, my ex and I are in agreement. We told her not to be bound in a promise to wait for a missionary.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with Utahgua and Mavreenrose on this one.

In two years YOU will change a lot on your mission and so will she back home. Postpone this relationship so you may fully focus in serving the Lord on your mission and that she may be able to have her own growth as well. The wonderful part about being a "young adult" like yourselves, is that you have plenty of time to find out who you are and what you want for yourselves. Allow yourself to serve a mission free of potential worries and distractions that come with remaining in a relationship with someone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I say dont ask. Asking is selfish. Go on your mission. Keep writing. Let her make her own decision without your influence.

If you are meant to be together then it will happen, you will stay connected through letters. I know you cant see this perspective now but you are so incredibly young. You will have PLENTY AND PLENTY of time to date when you get back. And believe me 2 years goes by so incredibly fast!!!! If your connection is genuine then she will feel the same way towards you and she will want you as well.

Take stock in that and stay strong. But I wouldnt ask her to wait. It is painful and it causes a lot of guilt when the time would perhaps surface when someone would ask her out (for example). She should be able to explore other options and KNOW FOR SURE that you are the best thing out there for her. She really cant do that unless you set her free and just let things happen. The Lord will make things right as long as you are faithful to your covenants and duties.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Asking is not the right thing to do, as many here have said.

I have known women who didn't wait, broke up with their men who are on a mission and devastated them.

Worse, I've known women who -did- wait and when the missionary came home, the growth they'd experienced made them decide that she wasn't the one. Someone waits for two years and then gets dumped?

Ouch.

Regardless, if she's meant to be, she'll wait for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Give each other the freedom to date others whilst the other is on their mission, then when you meet gain when she comes back off her mission, which will be after yours see how you feel about each other then. My daughter's boyfriend has just gone on his mission and before he left they both decided that she should be free to date whilst he is away and then see how they feel about each other when he comes back. They will keep in touch whilst he is away.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I understand you wanting her to wait. You don't want her to get snatched up by anyone else while you're gone. But... honestly, I don't think it's really fair. She's only 18, she needs to be able to have the freedom to date others if she wants or feels it's right. As much as you may not want to think about it, it's not fair for her to possibly miss out on meeting other people because she isn't allowed to date because she's waiting for you. If she feels the same as you, she's won't date other people, and she WILL wait for you. But don't ask her. She will do what she feels is right. She shouldn't have to be asked.

My boyfriend said he would never have asked a girl to wait for him, because he felt it was a selfish thing to do. I never really thought much about it until he told me that. & I agree. Not saying that YOU are selfish. I'm just saying how the situation wouldn't really be the most fair thing to do for someone who you care so much about.

Do whatever you feel is right though. That's just my personal opinion.

:)

ps - either way I think it's wonderful you're going on a mission and I respect guys a lot for deticating 2 years to the Lord. Good luck, everything will work out in the end the way it's supposed to :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A young woman and I (she’s 18 & I’m 20) have been dating for several months. We have a very strong spiritual connection, I love her and know that she is my eternal companion. Whenever were together a large portion of our conversation is church related, and we share many of the same views / goals. Whenever we're together I can't feel anything but joy.

The only concern I have is that I'm leaving on a mission soon and am not sure if asking her to wait for me is the right / fair thing to do. She also wants to serve a mission and that is so impressive and important that I can’t help but support her decision to do so. The way things are right now, and I’ve prayed a great deal about this, I think we’ll get married / sealed after we both return from serving. What should I do? Any advice at all about

is appreciated!

I remember on my mission that the first year the guys were afraid that their girl woulcn't wait for them. The second year they were afraid they would.

At your age, and after only a few months aquaintanceship you have no idea if she's the one.

At your age your maturity level you will change a lot on you mission, and you will perhaps develop an idea of the woman wyou will want to marry......but not now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A young woman and I (she’s 18 & I’m 20) have been dating for several months. We have a very strong spiritual connection, I love her and know that she is my eternal companion. Whenever were together a large portion of our conversation is church related, and we share many of the same views / goals. Whenever we're together I can't feel anything but joy.

You may love her but you do not know that she is your eternal companion. You are not destined to be with her. You may end up being with her one day with luck (and lots of it). There are thousands of people in this world you are compatible with.. and I'm sorry to sound cold.. but do not count on it. It'll save you some heart ache to not get your hopes up.

The only thing more cruel than a male asking a female to wait for him.. is a female telling a male that she will. Because she won't.

Edited by Intrigued
Link to comment
Share on other sites

A young woman and I (she’s 18 & I’m 20) have been dating for several months. We have a very strong spiritual connection, I love her and know that she is my eternal companion. Whenever were together a large portion of our conversation is church related, and we share many of the same views / goals. Whenever we're together I can't feel anything but joy.

The only concern I have is that I'm leaving on a mission soon and am not sure if asking her to wait for me is the right / fair thing to do. She also wants to serve a mission and that is so impressive and important that I can’t help but support her decision to do so. The way things are right now, and I’ve prayed a great deal about this, I think we’ll get married / sealed after we both return from serving. What should I do? Any advice at all about anything is appreciated!

Unless Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother told you in personally, then no.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share